Disclaimers in Part One.
"Scully, " said Mulder when he saw her entering the office. "I'm glad you could come so fast."
She took her time placing her briefcase on top of his desk. He had called her just as she was about to meet Alex for lunch. Hungry and irritated, she had had to cancel, and she hoped for Mulder's sake that this was important.
"What was so important that it couldn't wait?"
She watched him pick up the thick file next to her briefcase.
I don't believe this.
Unwillingly, she took the file and started flipping through the pages, not really stopping to look at its content.
"Mulder, don't you think this could have waited until after lunch?"
"No, the sooner, the better."
"I don't think an hour would have made much difference."
"Well, since we're going to be on a six o'clock flight for Oregon, it does."
"Six o'clock? In the evening?"
He nodded.
"You're joking." Waiting for the slightest sign of a confirmation. "You're not?"
This is just great.
She sighed out loud. "Don't you think you could have at least told me about this sooner?"
"There's plenty of time for you to pack and get acquainted with the case."
Meeting his eyes, she saw how much he actually believed that himself. "Oregon, huh?"
"Yeah."
*************************
She opened the case file for the second time on the plane to Oregon, this time putting in some more effort in reading it.
"David Koan," she said out loud, turning to Mulder. "I saw him on the news last week."
Mulder removed his headphones. "What?"
"I said, I saw this man on the news last week."
"I'm not surprised. He escaped from the Bellview sanitarium up in Oregon where he's spent the last eight years. One of the attending male nurses went missing only a day after Koan's escape."
"Could he have been an accomplice in Koan's escape?" Scully suggested.
"I don't think so, " Mulder mused. "The nurse, Jason Wolker, only moved to Oregon from Quebec two days before Koan's disappearance. He had no contact whatsoever with Koan. He didn't even work on the same floor."
Scully had only been half-listening to her partner, finding something interesting in the file. "Mulder, this man was never convicted for anything."
"I know."
"Why has he spent the last eight years of his life locked up?"
"One day Koan walked into the local police station and claimed to have abducted five people. He told the police in detail the description of the missing victims so accurate that he could describe one of the women down to the tiniest scar on the inside of her thigh, something only her husband had knowledge of."
"Did they rule out the possibilities that they were having an affair?" She arched an eyebrow, wondering if Mulder wasn't going around it a little too much.
"With thirty women?" He smiled and eyed her dangerously. "However, no bodies where found, not even a single piece of evidence that could pin Koan to the crime. During several interrogations, the interrogating officers saw what they would describe as clear signs of schizophrenia, which later was proven to be the case. That also had its effects on his credibility."
"But you believe him?" Scully prompted.
"Well, let's just say he's a strong suspect."
*************************
Scully placed the overnight bag on the bed and surveyed the motel room. She had to admit she hadn't been ecstatic about this last-minute trip to Oregon, especially when there weren't any strong facts or hard evidence to back up her partner's theory or even make "his" suspect a suspect.
Glancing at her watch, Scully wondered what kept Mulder for so long. He had stayed behind at the local police station to talk to the sheriff, and had asked her to get two motel rooms nearby.
"I might as well give Alex a call," she told herself and started searching her bed for her cellphone.
Not able to find it, she took a moment to try to recall where she could have placed it, only to remember that she had left it next to the note she had written to Alex in which she had promised to call later on.
Drat.
A knock on the door brought her back to focus.
"C'mon in!"
As the door opened she saw Mulder step inside. "I see you got the rooms," he said with an appreciative smile.
Scully nodded. "How did it go with the sheriff?"
"Fairly smooth." Mulder grimaced.
"That good, huh?"
"Let's just say that the two of you share the same theory on this case." He leaned against the wall. "Plus, he's interrupted the deliveries of those information packs I requested yesterday, making it impossible for us to start an investigation until the day after tomorrow."
"What the hell are we supposed to do until Wednesday?"
"Well, I saw this restaurant on my way back here. And I don't know about you, but I'm starving."
She sighed and glared at him, asking herself once more why she had agreed to come with him.
It was a cozy restaurant, what you could call a typical small-town joint, with homey decorations and nice relaxing love songs filling the room.
They discussed the case throughout dinner, and by the time dessert was served together with a bottle of wine, Scully had forgiven him -- mostly for all the inconvenience this case had taken them through.
"So the killer leaves a wax candle by every victim he takes, usually a couple of feet away from the actual spot of the crime," Scully mused and took a sip of her wine. "Do you have any thoughts about that?"
"I'd go with the profile." Mulder leaned in closer, pouring some more wine into her glass. "He thinks he's taking these people because he has to, but still knows that it isn't right. So he lights a candle for the life he's about to take."
"A killer with a conscience?" Arching a brow in disbelief. "Either way, that isn't much help to the investigation."
They drank the bottle and ordered a new one, for the first time in months feeling absolutely relaxed around each other. After having argued over all the possible ideas on the case, their conversation took a more friendly turn and they slipped further and further away from work.
*************************
They stumbled inside still lost in a fierce kiss, tearing at each other's coats. Mulder swiftly closed the door with his foot, following her as she walked backward further into the room.
Her coat came off along with her suit jacket and he let his hands travel up her chest, cupping her breast. As he gently teased her nipples through the cotton material of her blouse, he could hear a moan escape her. Rubbing herself against him, she tried to still the aching desire that burned between her legs.
When they suddenly hit the wall in their passionate embrace, she could feel her blouse suddenly ripped apart. The cold air hardened her nipples even more, and soon, Mulder's mouth replaced his hands. With her fingers raking through his hair, he pressed against her thigh, his arousal evident.
Abandoning her nipple, he moved up to claim her swollen lips again, running his tongue along her lower lip.
Her hands coursed their way down to the hard bulge in his pants and with her fingers lingering on the zipper, he whimpered quietly, moving his hips in slow rhythm. Undoing the zipper as slowly as she possibly could, she felt him stop moving. As he leaned back she saw his face mirroring her own, swollen lips, flushed cheeks and expecting eyes.
He had to brace himself against the wall to avoid falling into a heap on the floor.
Just as her fingers were about to slip under the hem of his boxers, the sharp sound of a cell phone cut through the silence. Mulder's head fell forward in disappointment, as did hers.
Pulling away, Mulder staggered over to where the coats had been thrown. She saw his hands tremble when he grabbed his coat and pulled out the cellphone. Answering, he zipped up and she followed his example, straightening her clothes.
"Scully?" She heard him say and looked up from underneath a string of hair. "It's for you, it's Al… It's Krycek."
Clearing her throat, she briskly walked over to take the phone.
"Alex?" she said, seeing how Mulder's face had lost that softness it had had only minutes ago.
She found it hard to concentrate on what Krycek was saying on the other end. Especially when her partner slipped into his coat as if to leave.
Excusing herself to Krycek. "Mulder?"
He turned. "You can return the phone in the morning Scully." Ignoring the obvious question. "Your fiance is waiting." He nodded at the phone in her hand, then left her standing there.
*************************
She hadn't told Krycek. What could she tell him? Nothing had happened, because nothing had changed. Maybe some extra tension had been added, but that was all. Mulder didn't say a word to her about it the next morning when she returned the phone, painfully noticing that he was not able to look her in the eyes.
He did his best to concentrate on the case and spend less time alone with her. It upset her to see how their relationship, both professional and private, had changed. She wished that he at least could be honest about the way he felt. If he could look her straight in the eyes and say that everything that had happened between them had been a mistake and that he no longer felt the same way for her, she would accept it. As long as he couldn't, she refused to believe it.
They flew back a couple of days later with enough evidence to keep the case open for further investigation.
*************************
Ben wasn't at all pleased at being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night for a meeting. The fact that it was raining didn't help to improve his mood any further, and he glanced at his watch impatiently for the tenth time, realizing he'd been waiting in his car outside the abandoned warehouse for over half an hour. Except for the pack of Marlboros that he'd nearly gone through, the only company he had was the irritating noise from the vent system.
Just when he was about to give up on his informer, the door to the passenger seat opened. The man entering the car didn't bother to shake the raindrops of his coat before stepping inside.
"You're late," Ben pointed out and lit another cigarette.
"Those are bad for your health," the Hispanic man said with a slight grin.
"Since when did you start to care?"
"You're right, Ben," Cardinal agreed and pulled a brown envelope from his inner pocket.
Ben took the envelope and browsed though its contents.
"It contains everything you need. They want it done smoothly, make sure no one suspects anything."
Ben nodded.
"See you at the office tomorrow." He opened the car to step out.
*************************
Mulder was going through the many shelves of books at the Bureau's library labeled "History of Crimes." He had been at it for over twenty minutes without any luck finding the book he wanted that contained old crime methods. He remembered having thumbed through it at one point, but hadn't read it, and he suspected that there was something in there that would help him in his current investigation. He had even made the librarian go through the old archives two stores below. Since she hadn't returned, he figured she was still down there looking. As he was about to give up, a conversation between two agents on the other side of the shelf caught his attention.
"Did you hear that Agent Julien is getting another bump up the ladder?" one of the agents spoke, unaware that someone was listening.
"You're kidding," the other agent replied.
"No, it's true. I wonder what he had to do this time. It's amazing how he pulls it off with a clear conscience."
"What do you mean?"
"Listen, the guy misplaced an important piece of evidence… take the Rivera case, for an example. I worked at the New York field office then --"
"I heard about that case, the event of the year," the other agent interjected.
"Something like that. Anyway, Julien misplaced an important piece of evidence; I think it was a part of a protocol pinning Rivera to at least two of the murders. Julien was brought up in front of a board, who found no substantial evidence that could hold him personally responsible for the sudden change in the case and the release of Rivera. Rumor has it that Julien knows people in high -- and maybe low -- places."
"Who knows, maybe it pays off."
"Yeah, who knows?"
Mulder leaned against the shelf, trying to sort out his thoughts. Even if he wasn't much for rumors, he couldn't help to think that maybe there could be some veracity to the story. Maybe he should… his thought was interrupted by the voice of the librarian.
"Agent Mulder."
Mulder turned to her.
"The book, Agent Mulder, I found it."
"Oh, great, thanks."
He accepted the book more or less absent-mindedly. For a few seconds, he remained standing, trying to figure out what to believe, and when he left the library, he knew he needed to read the Rivera file himself.
Before going home that day, he called in a favor to get hold of the file. It took him most of the night to go through it. The file confirmed everything the two agents had been discussing, except for the part of Ben being on a payroll other than the Bureau's. Not that he'd expected it to be in there.
The file didn't provide enough strong evidence for Mulder to not give Ben the benefit of a doubt. Everyone was entitled to make a mistake, so before he jumped to any hasty conclusions, he needed more proof that could confirm the two agents' accusations.
*************************
Stepping out of the shower, Krycek grabbed a towel from the rack on the wall and wrapped it around his waist. Warm steams covered the bathroom mirror above the sink, and with a swift motion, he wiped it clean with his hand, seeing his nervous reflection.
There was less than an hour before Ethan and Oliver showed up. He hadn't seen his friend since the party, but had exchanged pleasantries over the phone a few times. Even if Ethan hadn't said anything about his behavior with Mulder at his party, Krycek knew the question was bound to come sooner or later, and tonight was too great an opportunity for Ethan to let it pass.
Since they were running a little late, Krycek and Scully took turns getting dressed so one of them could keep an eye on dinner, which was still cooking. When the doorbell rang, Krycek had just managed to squeeze himself into a pair of tight-fitting jeans and a black body-shaped shirt.
As he passed Scully on his way out to open the door, he asked, "Is everything all right in the kitchen?"
"Five more minutes," she answered, distracted, while trying to wipe some flour from her black vest. "Great," she mumbled not getting it off. "Now I have to change again."
"What was that, sweetie?" he called from the hallway.
"Nothing!" she exclaimed, hurrying into the bedroom to change.
In the meantime, Krycek was about to open the door when the bell rang again.
"Patience is a virtue, Ethan," he said to himself, swinging the door open.
"Alex!" Ethan exclaimed joyful pulling his old friend into a warm, friendly embrace.
"I'm glad you could make it." Krycek held him tight.
"How could I not?"
"You look great, Ethan," Krycek pointed out, brushing his hand over his friend's arm.
"I know," Ethan grinned, receiving an appreciative gaze from his lover.
Turning to Oliver, Krycek accepted the outstretched hand. "Nice to see you again, Oliver."
Meeting Oliver's sexy gaze, he had no problem understanding what it was that had gotten Ethan interested. His eyes had that special bedroom look, much like Ben's.
"Come on, let me show you the rest of the apartment."
On their way through the combined kitchen and living area, they ran into Scully.
"Hey, beautiful," Ethan said, giving her what could easily have been misinterpreted as a little too friendly embrace. "For the hostess," he said with a smile as he held out an expensive bottle of wine.
"Oh, you shouldn't have," Scully protested.
"Nonsense, consider it a delayed engagement present."
Through dinner, it occurred to Scully that she had probably never met anyone quite like Ethan before. The fact that she was a woman seemed to bother him, even if he left it unsaid. After what she had learned at the party, the fact that Krycek was straight had shocked them a lot, so she didn't blame Ethan for "quietly" commenting about her being a woman. Born with a curious mind, she took every opportunity she could to ask about "the old Krycek" and Ethan was very helpful, providing her with information even though Krycek was squirming in his seat.
"For Christ's sake, Alex, you need to change hairdressers!" Ethan proclaimed after minutes of studying his hair.
"Why?" Krycek wanted to know, carefully touching his recently cut hair.
"Because there is nothing left. Nothing for me to ruffle."
"Think about that for a while." Krycek grinned.
"I think it's sexy," Oliver said, looking over at his lover with a touch of danger in his eyes.
"Don't get any ideas, Oliver, I'm not cutting my hair more than necessary."
The memory of the time when Ethan had allowed Ben to cut his hair, for some weird reason Alex never quite figured out, brought a smile to his lips. The poor guy hadn't left the house for a month.
When Scully insisted on doing the dishes, Oliver and Ethan offered to help, and Krycek went out to get some fresh air on the balcony. While lighting a cigarette, his thoughts wandered to Mulder. He couldn't help but wonder whether he was at Ben's or at home. Even if the thought of Mulder at Ben's place hurt, it hurt him even more knowing he was alone in that depressing apartment of his. That place wasn't good for anyone's mental health.
"What are you doing out here?" Ethan's friendly voice startled him at first.
"I needed some fresh air."
Ethan walked up to stand next to him.
"You came out here to get some fresh air, and you're smoking," he said. "Gee, that is so you, Alex."
Krycek looked at the cigarette in his hand.
"I forgot about that," he said making Ethan smile.
"Forget that part where I told you that something had changed."
Krycek laughed shortly. Taking a final blow on the cigarette, put it out in the ash trey and turned to stand with his back against it.
Ethan tried, carefully. "Have you talked to Ben lately?"
"No." His answer was short and it was obvious that he didn't want to talk about it.
"Alex, how serious are you and Dana?"
He knew where Ethan was heading. "We're engaged."
"That wasn't really the question."
Krycek sighed. "I love her."
"I don't doubt that you do and it's not my place to give any moral lectures, but I lived with you for a long time, and I, of all people, should know that you cannot stay 'straight' forever. No matter how much you love her." Ethan paused, and Krycek's expression gave away the effect his words had on him. "I saw how you came on to that Mulder or whatever his name is, and if you did it to piss Ben off, you succeeded. He is still in love with you."
"Don't go there," Alex mumbled. "There's a lot you don't know. Things I should have told you earlier that might explain why I did what I did."
Raising his gaze he met Ethan's friendly eyes and told him every single detail, starting from the very beginning. He had to say that Ethan took it rather well, and it felt great telling someone about it other then Scully. Even though they where both in the same boat, so to speak, he had never once heard her say -- if he hadn't brought it up first -- that she missed him too. So he had started to follow her example and dealt with it the silent way that had slowly started to eat him up from the inside.
Ethan crossed his arms over his chest and took his time to reply to what Alex had told him.
"I'm speechless, Alex; this is… uhm…" he said, trying to find the right words.
"Unusual, maybe," Krycek filled in, letting a faint smile curve his lips.
"This certainly puts Dana in a whole new perspective." Ethan chuckled. "I had a feeling she had more to offer behind that innocent smile of hers."
"Just do me a favor, don't tell her that I told you."
"Sure, if you don't want me to."
Krycek nodded relieved, lighting another cigarette. "Enough with my problems, tell me all about Oliver."
*************************
Ben was reading through his files, finishing a bottle of vodka as he was trying to get it all together. Things weren't working according to plan -- at least not his.
The doorbell rang and he looked up from the piles of papers in his hands. He emptied his glass, then hid the papers and rose to open the door.
"Ethan." He closed his eyes and tried to feel less drunk.
"Can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure. Come on in." He stepped aside to let him enter.
Ethan looked at his friend, realizing he was not sober; the breath alone was a given sign. He looked like hell, unshaven and tired.
"Hey, what's this?" Ben complained and closed the door with his back. "I don't get a hug?"
With a smile, Ethan went up and wrapped his arms around his friend. Ben nuzzled his neck and held on tight as if he was afraid he'd go again.
"Are you okay, Ben?"
"Yeah." He nodded and buried his face in the curve of his neck. "I'm fine."
Ethan kissed his cheek and pulled away.
"Ben, we need to talk."
Sighing, Ben winced and gave Ethan a look of disagreement. "Talk." He shook his head. "That is so overrated."
"Come on." Ethan put his arm around him. "Let's sit down."
Having made sure Ben was sitting up straight in the couch, Ethan spotted the bottle of vodka. This wasn't exactly the best condition to be talking to Ben, but he had to confront him sooner or later. He picked up the bottle and pulled on the cork.
"Pour me a glass, Ethan," Ben nodded at the bottle. "You know what, take the glass, I can drink from the bottle."
"Ben." He pulled away the bottle as Ben reached for it. "I think you've had enough." Patting Ben's lap, Ethan got up. "I'm making you some coffee."
"No," Ben objected, grabbing a hold of Ethan's arm. "Screw the coffee, just sit down… sit down."
Obeying, Ethan placed the bottle as far away from Ben as he could, realizing that he'd lost interest in it.
"Ethan, you're good." Ben patted his thigh. "You're good."
Ethan smiled and raised his hand to caress Ben's hair. Even if he had acted like a pig toward Krycek lately, he was still Ben.
"What's going on, Ben?" he asked softly, cupping his face with one hand. "Why all this?"
"Why do you think?" Ben looked as if someone had placed a blow in his gut. "Why don't you just take a wild guess."
It wasn't exactly a hard quiz.
"Ben," Ethan sighed and looked at him with pleading eyes. "Don't do this to yourself."
Removing Ethan's hand from his face, Ben moved his own hand to his forehead, rubbing frustratedly.
"You'll only end up hurt, Ben," Ethan tried, his voice calm and friendly.
"Hurt?" Ben looked up at him. "What the hell do you think I'm feeling right now? Huh? Don't you think that it hurts?" He raised his voice without being aware of it. "This hurts!"
"Ben --"
"No, Ethan. No! I'm not letting it go. I'm not giving up on him!"
Ethan nodded at his friend. There was no use in arguing about it, not when he was like this.
"Ben, I've talked to Alex," he said. "I know that he and Mulder were seeing each other before you came along."
Ben looked down in his lap, drew a hand through his hair and sighed. "Yeah, well, shit happens."
"No, Ben." Ethan dropped his friendly act, seeing how it made Ben squirm. "I don't think that shit just happened. I think it had a little help. As a matter a fact, I think it had more help than it should have had."
"Oh, c'mon, Ethan," Ben objected, loudly. "You don't even know what happened. Aside from what Alex might have told you, you don't have any idea, do you?"
"Jesus, Ben, could you give me some credit?" Ethan was getting really upset. "Don't you think I know you well enough to see what you're up to?"
Finding himself pushed up against the wall, Ben found no way of defending himself against Ethan's accusations. After all, he was right. Instead of objecting to him, Ben reached for the bottle of vodka.
"Ben, come on," Ethan tried to take it from him but was pushed away by Ben's strong arm. "Ben…"
Ignoring Ethan's request, Ben removed the cork and took a swig, swallowing hard.
"I can't believe you're doing this, Ethan," He shook his head and looked down the bottle. "I thought you would understand."
Ethan watched him take another mouthful without even trying to stop him.
"I don't understand why, that's all," he said, studying his hands. "Where do you want to go with this?"
"I know what I'm doing." He took another sip.
"I don't think you do." Ethan shook his head. "What makes you think that Alex wants you back after stealing Mulder from him? It only adds to his hatred toward you. Listen to yourself. You've taken the man he loves and you expect --"
"No! He doesn't love Mulder. He just thinks that he does. When he realizes what he's been doing, when he's been away from him some more, he'll forget what he ever saw in him."
"And he'll come back to you? Is that the plan? Is that what you think will happen?"
Ben sighed, frustrated, and had another go at the bottle.
"You might not want to hear this, Ben, but you'd better. Alex is in love with Mulder… and even if he weren't, he still wouldn't come back to you after all that happened. He did that once; he's not doing it again." Speaking a little softer now, he leaned in and took the bottle away. "No matter how much you want him to, that's not going to happen."
Aware of the truth in Ethan's words, Ben leaned against his friend and closed his eyes. Ethan placed the bottle on the table and put his arm around his friend.
"Please help me, Ethan," he whispered. "Please help me get him back."
"I can't do that, Ben." Ethan kissed his temple. "It's not fair to Alex. That has to be his own choice."
"Then at least promise me that you'll make sure I'll get a moment to explain to him, explain how much I love him, make him understand that."
Ethan held him tighter, smoothing his hand over Ben's arm. He doubted it would do much good but couldn't deny Ben the chance to make it all right; he'd already deprived him of that once.
"I promise, Ben, I'll try."
He could feel the relieved sigh from the man in his arms, feeling guilty as he thought it wouldn't help.
"So, are you going to let me make you some coffee already?" he nuzzled Ben's neck. "Or are you just going to sit here and feel sorry for yourself?"
Ben laughed softly and pulled away.
"Could you spend the night?" he pleaded. "I really don't feel like being alone."
"Of course," Ethan leaned in and gave him a friendly kiss. "I'll stay with you."
Getting up from the couch, Ethan squeezed Ben's hand lightly before going out to the kitchen.
*************************
Scully brought out her pack of cigarettes as she walked down the street, the frustration building inside her. She placed a cigarette between her lips and stopped to light it, and then continued to walk, not knowing where she was going, really.
They'd gotten into a fight, and she hadn't been able to deal with it. As much as she still loved Mulder and wanted nothing anything more than to get him back, she had started to realize that it wasn't going to happen and she'd adjusted herself to that. Krycek's endless whining about how much he missed him was driving her out of her mind. She didn't like being reminded of how things were.
So she'd decided to go for a walk, clear her mind. She already regretted the things she'd said to him when her mind had snapped and her patience had run out. It was just wearing her down and she had been suppressing her own feelings for too long, something had to cave.
Alex when will you realize that you only have yourself to blame for this? If you hadn't lied to Mulder, if you just had told him the truth from the beginning, he wouldn't have left us!
Remembering the look on his face, she cursed herself for hurting him. It wasn't fair to lay the blame solely on him; she hadn't done much to stop it.
After a couple of minutes' walk, she realized that she had returned to the apartment building, but she didn't feel like facing him yet. She decided to drive over to Mulder's first and give him those files she had left in the car after work. Maybe that would calm her down some, and then when she returned, they could sit down and be rational about what was happening with their lives.
She pulled up at the parking lot outside Mulder's apartment and parked her car close to the front door. Making sure she looked all right, she stepped out of the car and leaned in to grab the files. She hadn't even noticed someone walking up from behind her, and when she turned around, she didn't have time to react before the man standing in front of her lifted his baseball bat and then darkness surrounded her.
*************************
It was the only place he could think of that she would go to after the argument they'd had. After five hours, he couldn't find the patience to just sit down and wait for her to come back, and he really felt that they should work things through.
Her car was parked outside the building, and his relief was mixed with worry as he made his way in. They hadn't been together on neutral ground, just the three of them, since the breakup, and he didn't know how he would feel or how Mulder would act toward him. They hadn't spoken at all since Ethan's party, and if his memory served, that hadn't gone well at all.
"Who is it?"
Good old paranoid Mulder. Krycek thought and sighed.
"It's me."
Silence.
"Could I just talk to Dana? I promise not to bother you, just let me talk to her."
"Scully's not here."
Krycek could hear him walk away from the door and felt utterly confused. Why would he lie about that? He'd seen her car outside. Mulder wouldn't lie about something like that; he would have no reason to. Unless she'd told him to.
"Mulder!" He knocked on the door again. "Open the damn door, I want to speak to her."
"I told you, she's not here." Mulder sounded really irritated. "Now would you please leave before you disturb my neighbors?"
Not giving in, Krycek knocked again, this time with force. "Dana!"
He wasn't prepared for the door to open and almost fell inside as Mulder swung it open.
"I need to talk to her." He tried to peek in to the dark apartment, swiftly looking at the man before him.
"What's wrong?" Mulder met his eyes. "Did you lie to her?"
The words hit home and Krycek swallowed hard to keep control over his emotions. He didn't want to go there.
"Well, I assume she's told you already. Stop pretending you don't know."
Mulder sighed and rubbed his eyes.
"You know Alex, I don't know what is going on, but if you're having trouble working on your relationship, I would appreciate it if you kept me out of it. It doesn't interest me."
"Fine." Alex tried to pretend that hadn't hurt. "I just want to talk to her."
"Then I'd suggest you go and do that." Mulder said flatly and prepared to close the door.
"Wait." He prevented him from closing the door. "How the hell am I going to be able to talk to her if you close the door again?"
"Alex, she's not here." Mulder sighed once more. "Go home."
"But her car is parked…" Krycek trailed off as horrible ideas flooded through her mind. "I saw her car right outside."
Suddenly, he had Mulder's attention and as their eyes met, the same idea went through their minds. In less than two seconds, Mulder was out in the hall with him, heading for the elevator. Krycek followed close behind him.
They went down to the parking lot and spotted the car immediately. Mulder was the first to reach it, finding blood on the ground and the car door unlocked. He looked around the place for a while, the darkness preventing him from seeing much.
Krycek leaned beside him, terrified as he saw the stains of blood on the ground and car. "Oh, God, no," he breathed and felt his emotions flooding him. "This is all my fault."
Mulder looked at him and saw the guilt. He knew it couldn't be his fault; he didn't think it would be right for him to feel that way. He stroked his arm.
"It's not your fault, Alex," he whispered. "We don't know what happened yet."
Mulder stood up, scanning the area, but it wasn't until he turned that he noticed it. A couple of feet from the car, under a tree, stood a single wax candle, burning bright. He felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach.
"Oh my God, it's Koan."
*************************
Skinner had told them both to stay away from the case when they woke him up in the middle of the night, but as usual, Mulder didn't listen. He had studied Koan's case too closely not to have some kind of idea where he would take her.
He argued with Krycek about cooperating, but soon learned that the younger man wouldn't give in, and unwillingly accepted him. He could understand that Alex wanted to help, but he wasn't really up for dealing with Krycek in the middle of this mess. It was bad enough as it was.
They took the flight up to Quebec, rented a car at the airport and headed for the location Mulder suspected Koan had taken her. He didn't even stop driving as the snowstorm hit them. Krycek didn't object, just as eager to get there to her rescue as Mulder was.
In the middle of nowhere, the car shuddered to a halt, and they were stuck in the car, seeing only snow in both directions. Mulder tried to call out with his cell phone but the connection would not hold. He didn't know how much they'd heard, hoping for both their sakes that they'd been able to get their location.
"What did they say?" Krycek wanted to know as Mulder hung up the phone from the rescue team.
Mulder sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I gave them the location… then the connection broke." Looking out the window. "Hopefully they heard me and will be coming out here as soon as they can."
"Hopefully?" Krycek realized that was raising his voice. "And what if they didn't hear you? We could freeze to death out here."
With another deep sigh, Mulder leaned back in his seat and covered his face with his hands. This wasn't happening, was it? He was trapped in a car with Krycek in the middle of a snow-covered nowhere.
"We'll have to stay in the car, otherwise they won't find us at all," he informed the younger man. "I'd suggest we move back to the back seat where the space is more confined. We'll be able to keep warm more easily there."
Krycek looked at him, a little surprised. "You first," he offered after a while and motioned to the back seat.
Mulder pressed himself into the back of the car, sitting on the right. When he had made himself as comfortable as one could get under the circumstances, he couldn't help but to catch a glimpse, almost in closeup, of Krycek's well-shaped ass as he made his way back to sit next to him.
Oh God, just help me through this and I might start believing in You.
They sat silently for a while. A thought went through their minds on how they easily could keep warm, but neither one of them took it into action of words.
"Mulder."
Raising his gaze, he met those beautiful green eyes and felt his heart ache at the look of pain in them. "Yeah?"
"Do you think we will die?"
He saw the sincere worry in his old lover's eyes and wished that he would be able to tell him that they would be all right, that nothing could possibly happen to have it go that far. But he couldn't sit there and lie to him. "I don't know, Alex," he said softly. "Let's hope not."
Krycek turned to look out the window. Even in all this misery, it was soothing to hear him talk like that to him, like he didn't hate him, and as if everything were back to normal.
After a couple of hours, Krycek was so cold that his body was shaking. Mulder had noticed how he tried to hide it, understanding that he didn't want to seem weak.
"Alex." Mulder sounded a little worried.
"Mhm."
"How's it going? Are you cold?"
"I… I… I'm fine."
It worried Mulder that Krycek was shaking as much as he did, and although his feelings would be strongly affected by the choice he had to make, he couldn't watch him any longer.
"Alex." He looked at him again.
Krycek met his eyes.
"Maybe we should get a little closer," Mulder suggested, turning his eyes away from Krycek's. "We need to stay warm."
"Yeah," Krycek answered a little too quickly, the thought of getting close to Mulder very appealing.
They moved closer to each other, both feeling their hearts starting to beat faster. Mulder reached out his arms and pulled Krycek into his embrace. He felt the other man's cold face brush pass his neck, frozen lips brushing by so lightly it made him lightheaded.
Making themselves comfortable, they ended up gently pressed against each other. Krycek buried his face in Mulder's neck. He was breathing rather rapidly because of the cold. Mulder moved his hands over his body, trying to build up some warmth between them.
"I'm tired." Krycek spoke into Mulder's neck, causing the small hairs to rise in pleasure.
"You need to stay awake, Alex." Mulder rubbed his body more rapidly. "Don't fall asleep on me now."
Krycek's head dropped to lie on Mulder's shoulder and Mulder shook his body a little to keep him awake.
"C'mon, Alex, talk to me. Tell me about those statistics again," he tried to joke.
Krycek chuckled. "I thought you hated my statistics."
"I did, I mean, I still do," Mulder confessed. "But there must be something more interesting you can tell me."
"Like what?"
"I don't know."
He was glad to keep the conversation in motion, knowing how important it was that they stayed awake.
"Tell me about Russia."
Krycek chuckled again, thinking that Mulder must be losing it.
"You don't want to know about Russia, Mulder, trust me. Besides, I only lived there as a kid; I don't know if there would be much I could tell you."
Okay, so that had been a little lame, he had to agree. He thought about something they could talk about, something safe. Automatically, he came to think of the one person in both their lives that they couldn't get uncomfortable about, the one person they could both agree that they loved.
"You know that thing Scully does when she wakes up in the morning." Mulder smiled at the memory. "You know, that routine she had going on."
"Yeah," Krycek joined in, smiling. "She still does it. I don't think that she is aware of it."
Mulder laughed. "Still denying it, is she?"
Krycek grinned. "I've stopped commenting on it; she's got quite a morning temper, you know."
Mulder smiled. "She's so beautiful," he said quietly, not knowing why he had brought that up.
Krycek's arms tightened around Mulder and he brought his face closer to his neck, feeling the fragile thread that held his feelings together snap. The tears that he had withheld for so long started to seep out like a stream. His body started to shake for a completely different reason and he tried to hold the other man closer to his body, in need of comfort.
Mulder had no idea how to react.
"I miss you so much," Krycek whispered into his neck. "And I don't want to lose her too."
Those words found their place in Mulder's heart and it hurt like hell. It was hard for him to react in any sane way when he didn't know what to think of their relationship; he didn't have all the pieces yet. He felt as if he was standing at some kind of a crossroad, not knowing which way to choose, the lies crumbling him from inside. There was no chance he could make that choice, and even if he found out that it was Alex who had been true after all, he didn't feel worthy. He couldn't go back to them after all that had happened.
"We'll find her" was all he could say, trying to sound emotionless.
He still hates me, Krycek thought.
It had always been hard for him to forget about people who had been important to him, people who had slipped away from him. Usually, though, he had learned to live with the idea of it, the absence.
With Mulder it was different.
He pressed his face closer to Mulder's neck, wishing the tears would dry off, but finding no end to their source.
"Alex," Mulder tried, running his hands soothingly against his back.
Krycek heard the softness in his voice and felt the familiar sensation of his hands touching his back. Probably without even being aware of it, Mulder moved his hands all the way down to Krycek's spine, sending small electric jolts up to his midsection. He felt his arousal grow.
It had never been Mulder's intentions to arouse such feelings when he tried to comfort Krycek. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he could feel Krycek's lips, now a little warmer, against his neck, trailing a row of featherlike kisses up his jaw.
"Alex," he whispered, and swallowed hard.
This was not good. He had to stop.
Their scents mixed and the air around them got warmer as Mulder too felt his body come alive under the lips of his former lover.
God, this feels so great.
Krycek let his tongue swirl into Mulder's ear, then sucked gently on the lobe as he heard him groan. It drove him further.
Slowly, almost not notably, Krycek started to rock against Mulder, making him feel the hard bulge in his pants. He became aware of the same condition with the other man, meeting his own hardness against Mulder's.
The air was growing more and more heavy between them and the cold seemed to be miles away.
"Alex." That came out as a moan.
He had to make this stop before it got out of hand.
With the boldness of a man who had nothing to lose, Krycek moved his lips on top of Mulder's and started nudging gently. The warm breath hit his face and when the taste reached his senses, he felt a new set of tears behind his eyelashes.
Mulder couldn't move.
Tasting the sweet taste that was Mulder, he deepened the kiss and probed his tongue into the warmth that made his head spin. Sucking gently on the lower lip, he felt the slightest response from the other man. He dared to press his lips fully against the other's and take in all he could.
Mulder's tongue darted into Krycek's mouth and met its match. Without thinking of his actions, the moment totally lost on him, Mulder thrust his erection against Krycek's body. Krycek rewarded the action by slipping his hand down between them and undoing the first button in Mulder's jeans. He didn't dare to speak as he undid the others, feeling how the man in his arms only answered by kissing him more deeply.
Their bodies became warm again, the passion of their action heating the air between them. It was wonderful, warm, and the excitement started to rise inside Krycek.
"I've missed you, Fox," he breathed into his mouth, caressing the hard bulge in his pants. "God, I've missed feeling you like this."
Mulder moaned and pressed himself against the hand that was now working its way inside his boxers, taking his hardness in its grip. It felt wonderful, the touch, the taste he knew so well, and couldn't deny that he loved.
I want you," Krycek managed and rolled his thumb over the sensitive tip, feeling the pre-cum wetting his finger.
Unable to speak, Mulder thrust into the fist that held him and heard Krycek working his own pants with his one free hand.
I shouldn't be doing this.
Krycek leaned forward to taste the head of his cock, lapping at the fluid leaking from the slit.
But he feels so good.
"Alex," he panted, trying to grab his hair to pull him up. "Alex, we shouldn't…"
Moving up to face the man he loved, Krycek smiled sadly and placed his hand on the side of his face. "I don't care if you're just taking advantage of me, if you just need the sex. I just want to feel you."
He couldn't respond to that as he heard the sad tone in Alex's voice. What if he told him how much he still loved him, that it wasn't just sex to him either? What if he let him know all that he tried so hard to keep from him?
"Alex, I --"
The sound of a car getting closer, lights shining up the back seat and hearing an engine being shut off, made them jerk away from each other. They rapidly buttoned up their pants. Mulder studied Krycek's flustered face as he looked at him, seeing how disappointed he was.
"I guess the rescue team heard me," Mulder commented, trying to loosen up his mood.
"Mulder --"
"Alex, don't." Shaking his head. "Forget about this. It never happened."
"But --"
"Are you okay in there?" a man shouted into the car.
"Yeah, we're okay," Mulder answered and opened the door. "We're okay."
*************************
To their surprise, A.D. Skinner met them at the Quebec hospital they were taken to. He didn't look too happy as he approached them, and Mulder could hear the lecture coming on.
"Agents, you've gone against my direct orders," he began, seeing Mulder squirm. "I hope there's a good explanation."
"I had a idea where Koan might be taking her," Mulder replied, trying to keep calm. "I was just doing my best to find her."
"And Agent Krycek?" He turned to the younger man.
Krycek turned momentarily paralyzed, not used to being put on the spot for disobedience.
"Agent Krycek was just helping me," Mulder answered for him.
Skinner eyed them oddly. He couldn't quite figure out where they stood in each other's lives, and this last event had only confused him further.
"Have you heard anything else about Agent Scully's whereabouts?" Mulder dared, not feeling the need to stand around and waste time.
"Agent Scully got away from Koan a couple of hours ago," Skinner said flatly. "She knew his profile well enough to know what he was planning and was able to get away from him with some minor injuries but nothing really serious. She seems to be fine"
"Where is she?" Krycek inquired, relieved she was safe.
"She's on her way here," Skinner answered, letting them know that it wasn't appreciated. "She insisted as soon as she heard you two were lost."
Mulder and Krycek shared a glance.
"I want a report from the two of you on my desk Monday morning, is that clear?"
"Yes sir." Krycek nodded.
After watching Skinner leave, they both looked at each other, thinking of the one thing they wouldn't put into the report.
*************************
Krycek and Scully had been invited to New York for a night out with Krycek's old friends and were walking up to the nightclub when Scully spotted the name across the top of the building.
"Studio Alexander?" she grinned. "Ethan named his nightclub after you?"
"Yeah," Krycek smiled proudly. "But it's mostly known as 'Studio A' since the 'lexander' is so tiny."
Scully leaned over and kissed his cheek, squeezing his hand, hoping that a night out with the guys would do some good for both of them.
"Alex, baby, you're looking fine." Ethan met them in the doorway, pulling Alex into a hug. "And it's about time you dropped by the club, I might add."
Krycek smiled shyly and reached for Scully's hand. "Yeah, I'll try and make an appearance a little more often."
"Yeah, right." Ethan smiled doubtfully and turned to Scully. "Dana." He leaned forward to kiss her cheek. "Thank you for getting him here."
"Didn't take much convincing." She smiled and glanced at her fiance.
Ethan led them into a table in the back of the bar, where the other guys had already arrived. They both noticed that Ben was among them, eyeing them as they approached.
"Alex," Tisha said with a smile and pulled him into his arms. "Two times in so short a time; I hope you keep it up." He gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek.
"Pretty good for a little brat like you," Paris commented and ruffled his hair.
Krycek smiled, embarrassed, and continued to go through the group, deliberately ignoring Ben. To be honest, he was a little upset with Ethan for inviting him there.
"Do you want anything to drink?" Ethan asked and took a seat beside Ben, putting his arm around him. "Just call on a waiter and order anything you want; it's on the house." He looked around for a nearby waiter. "Hey, Mickey!"
He took their order and hurried away, leaving silence among the group of men. The fact that Ben was sitting there left the tension thick.
"Where's Oliver?" Krycek wondered, not pleased about the fact that he had to look in Ben's direction while speaking to Ethan.
"He had to work," Ethan said. "So lucky for me, Ben was kind enough to step in and pose as my boyfriend, didn't you, baby?" He leaned in for a quick kiss.
"You wish," Ben grinned but didn't object to the kiss he was given.
Krycek shifted in his seat. The way they acted made him think too much of how it was back then and about the feelings he'd had.
The hours went by and after a couple of drinks, Krycek thought less of Ben's presence and more of having a good time with the rest of the guys. Scully was getting along really well with the group of men and it felt as if they were accepting her more as his girlfriend this time. Even if Krycek wouldn't say it, it was obvious that it was important to him that they approved of their relationship.
"So, have you set a date yet?" Kyle wanted to know, casting a glance on the engagement rings. "I'm assuming we're invited."
"Of course." Scully smiled. "I thought Alex had told you that already."
Ben squirmed in his seat. It was obvious he wasn't included.
"Yeah, he did." Tisha blinked at Krycek. "We just wanted to hear it from the bride as well."
"That's a relief to hear." Scully turned to Krycek. "Because if it was up to Alex, we'd elope and let everyone know it once it was over."
Laughter spread through the group.
Daniel arched a brow and looked at Scully. "Don't worry, Dana, we'll make sure he won't get away that easy."
Krycek noticed how quiet Ethan had been next to Ben. His arm was still wrapped around Ben's shoulder and Krycek could read Ethan's lips as he leaned in to ask Ben how he was feeling. Ben nodded and forced a smile and Ethan smiled weakly back, pressing his lips briefly against Ben's temple.
"I'll be right back, Dana, I'm just going to the men's room." Krycek leaned over to kiss his fiancée before heading for the bathrooms, uncomfortable by the small action he'd just witnessed.
When he was done, he was just about to get back to the party when he caught sight of a mark on the wall. He took a few steps toward the wall and the memories once again washed over him as he saw the scratched-in symbol of love still clear on the repainted wall. He smiled and let himself go back in time for a short moment as he touched the names.
"Do you remember that day?"
He closed his eyes at the sound of that voice.
"You were so scared we would get caught, I thought you were about to pass out," Ben remembered as he walked up to him.
"Well, the former owner wasn't as nice as Ethan," Krycek commented. "I'm a little surprised it's still there; the rest of the place seems to be repaired."
"I asked Ethan to keep it there."
Krycek nodded and remembered that Ben was half-owner of the club. He'd helped Ethan buy the place but it was written on Ethan solo, since Ben had no actual interest in owning it; he had just been helping out his best friend.
"I figured that way we'd be even with the club and all," Ben continued. "Not that Ethan would accept that. You know how he is."
Krycek nodded. "Yeah. Ethan's good."
"So are you, Alex," Ben mumbled. "I guess that makes me the bad guy."
Krycek turned to face him, noting the sad look in his eyes. "Ben --"
"No, Alex, don't say that I'm not, 'cause I know that you think that I am. I can't really blame you, can I?"
Dropping his gaze to the ground, Krycek didn't know how to respond. Deep down, he knew that Ben's soul wasn't evil or bad, he just did what he thought was right and it had consequences.
"I'd better go back out," he said, afraid to face Ben like this.
"Wait." Ben took hold of his arm. "I want to talk to you."
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"I'm not going to do anything, I just want to talk to you," Ben pleaded. "I need to talk to you."
Krycek took a deep sigh and recognized the desperate tone in Ben's voice.
"Please."
Meeting those eyes, he didn't know what took over him. "Okay." Leaning against the sink. "Talk."
A man walked in to the room and went into a cubicle. Ben looked from the man to Krycek, having hoped for a little more privacy than this.
"Can we go up to Ethan's office?" he suggested, seeing Krycek grow suspicious. "Just for a while."
Sighing heavily, Krycek nodded and kept a stiff posture as they made their way to the room in the back. Ben closed the door behind them and Krycek kept his distance as Ben turned around to face him.
"You look uncomfortable," Ben said, wanting to loosen up the atmosphere.
Krycek kept his distance. "Can't say that I'm not."
Taking his time, Ben walked closer to Krycek, feeling the tension thicken at every step he took.
"What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?" Krycek confronted, moving away from Ben's closeness. "I'm not really up for playing games."
"God, do you have to be so tense around me? What are you afraid I'll do?"
"I don't trust you."
Ben's gaze dropped to his hands and he could hear his own heart breaking within.
"What did you expect?" Krycek wondered when he noted Ben's reaction. "You come back into my life and started screwing things up. You steal my boyfriend, the man I love… and you're surprised that I don't trust you?"
"Alex, I --"
"Why? Why do you do these things to me? Why do you mess up my life and then keep hanging around to pour salt in the wounds? Do you get some kind of kick out of it? Is that it?"
Watching Krycek speak, Ben couldn't find the words to defend himself as the pain built up inside him. What the hell had he been expecting? A warm welcome back?
"Answer my question, damnit, you're the one who wanted to talk! Now I'm asking you a question! Why do you do this to me?"
"Because I love you!" Ben snapped. "Because every day I wake up and think of you, wish that you were lying next to me, holding me. And the thought that you aren't… the thought of you doing that with someone else…" He couldn't finish the sentence.
Surprised over the little outburst, Krycek didn't know what to say. He could see the tears threatening to break free behind those beautiful brown eyes as the thread of Ben's temper was about to snap.
"I made a mistake sleeping with Rick, but it meant nothing." He breathed heavily to keep the tears from falling. "I would undo it if I could, but I can't." He leaned against the desk, rubbing his hands in his face. "I can't."
Krycek took a few steps up to him.
"I can't," Ben repeated and hid his face in his hands as he started crying.
"Ben," Krycek whispered and reached out to him.
"I'm sorry," Ben managed, clinging to Krycek with his face buried in his neck. "I'm so sorry Alex."
"I know." Krycek nodded and stroked Ben's hair. "I know you are."
"I love you," Ben whispered as the tears settled. "Can't we just go back to how it was before? Before I started screwing things up?"
"No." Krycek shook his head. "We can't do that."
Ben buried his face closer to Krycek's neck. "But just for a while, assume you'll say yes. We could sneak out and go back to my apartment, the way we used to. I'd make love to you, just like before, anywhere you'd want me to. Then when you woke up the next morning, I'd love you all over again."
There was a moment of silence.
"But you won't say yes, will you?"
"No," Krycek spoke softly. "I won't." He loosened his grip, ready to let Ben go.
"Don't," Ben managed and held on tighter. "Don't let go yet." He took in the breath of the man he so loved. "I just want to feel you for a while longer. "
"Ben --"
"Shh… Don't talk." He placed a kiss on the base of his neck. "Just stay here."
"I have to go, Ben…"
Ben felt the panic rise within. He wasn't ready to give him up this easily and desperation was starting to show its ugly face.
"Wait, Alex," he pleaded as Krycek tried to break free from his embrace once more. "Just hear me out here."
"Ben, I don't think this is such a good idea." Despite all that had happened these last couple of months, he didn't like hurting Ben.
"I can't." Ben took a deep breath, collecting his feelings. "I can't give you up without knowing that I've tried every possible way."
"Ben… we --"
"No, Alex, I need to give this a try, even if you think you've made up your mind." He took Krycek's hands between his own. "Please just listen to what I have to say."
It was hard to tell what would hurt Ben the most, denying him this or turning him down once more.
"Thank you," Ben nodded, as Krycek didn't object. "I just need to know," he swallowed hard making sure he had his attention. "I need to know if there is anything I could do, anything at all… that would make you want me again --"
"Ben --"
"Don't say anything." His voice trembled. "I don't want you to answer that without thinking about it, it's too important to me."
Krycek lowered his gaze, sighing aloud.
"Don't you think that if you search deep within yourself, that there is some love left for me, some part that I didn't manage to kill?" Ben tried. "I mean, there's got to be."
"Of course there is." Krycek met his eyes again. "I can't deny that, but --"
"No, no buts." Ben smiled and shook his head. "If there is something there, we could work from that, we could --"
"Ben, you will always be a part of me," Krycek interrupted. "You were my first love, I know what we had was very special and that I loved you more than anything back then --"
"And I still love you like that." Ben broke in, the tears fresh in his voice. "I still want you as much as I did back then."
"Then give me what I want," Krycek tried, seeing his chance. "Tell Mulder how it really is because if you really love me as much as you say, you would want for me to be happy."
"I can't do that, Alex," Ben was growing frustrated. "I'm sorry, but I'm too damned egoistical to do that."
Feeling Ben's hands on each side of his head, Krycek didn't dare to break away, afraid of how Ben would react. He lifted his gaze, seeing the tears wallowing in Ben's eyes.
"How can you expect me to give you away like that?" he spoke softly.
"Because." Krycek lingered on the word. "Because I'm in love with Mulder, Ben."
Ben looked at him and then closed his eyes. He didn't know what to do next. The power was completely in his hands but he couldn't use it to get what he wanted, and conscience had never been one of his better qualities. It wasn't in him to do the right thing, and he didn't think that he would be able to when it hurt this much.
"I need some time to think about this, Alex," he said, still not sure of his plans. "If you promise you will, too."
That was the best deal he could make.
End Part Two
Continued in Part Three.
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