Disclaimers in Part One.
"Hey, Mulder, do you want a beer or something?" Ben shouted from the kitchen as he opened the fridge.
"Yeah, sure." Mulder was engrossed in the file he was reading.
Ben emerged from the kitchen with the beers and glasses, admiring the man sitting on his couch. He really had to control his feelings around him. It was hard to act after a 'script' that was easy to follow, but he figured it would pay off in the end.
"So what do you think?" he poured Mulder's glass and handed it to him. "Think it could be something there?"
"Maybe -- uh, thanks." He put the file back on the table to take the glass to take a sip. "It's interesting."
"It sure is," Ben agreed and took a sip of his own.
The two men grew silent for a moment. It was comfortable sitting in Ben's apartment like this, drinking beer, talking about the case. They worked well together and Mulder was enjoying his company. Strangely enough, being with Ben made him think less about Scully and Krycek.
"Ben, I need to ask you something," Mulder started cautiously.
When he'd been over at Ben's place for the first time, he had grown a little suspicious to how he could have such an expensive apartment on an FBI salary. Naturally, he'd done a little background check on him to see if there was something to worry about. What he'd found out was that his parents had died when he was rather young, leaving him with a great deal of money. A couple of days afterward, Ben himself had told Mulder about this, obviously used to people wondering about it. This had given Mulder a reason to trust Ben to a certain point.
Lately, he'd found out about some other things that had awakened his suspicion again. Some of the agents had been talking about how Ben had misplaced information in a case that they'd worked on a year ago. He had tried to find out more about it but failed. It troubled him that he didn't know the entire story and he knew that it would affect their working relationship on this case if he didn't find out.
"Shoot." Ben smiled, looking charming.
"Well," Mulder said, smiling back, feeling a little foolish to be snooping around. "I heard something about that Metcalf case you were working on last year here in Washington. Something about you misplacing evidence. I just wondered what that was about."
Ben looked down in his beer. Of course he would find out. He'd prepared this one.
"Yeah, well, whatever they say, right?"
Mulder didn't really follow.
"I take it it's not true."
"No, it's not." Ben shook his head with a more serious expression. "They just wanted to get rid of me, so --"
"Get rid of you?" Mulder was surprised. "Why would they want that?"
Ben rubbed his forehead. Here it came.
"Well, I guess there is no need to be beating around the bush with this. I figure Alex already told you," he said, noting Mulder's reaction as he referred to Krycek. "I wasn't really hiding the fact that I was gay and they weren't exactly accepting it. So they did what they could to transfer me."
Mulder didn't know what to say. They'd never brought any of that up. Neither the fact that they were gay or their relationship toward Krycek. Not that he'd said that, but they both knew how it was; it would be ridiculous to ignore that they didn't.
"I was actually a little negative about coming back -- you know how things like that sticks to you," he continued, knowing that Mulder could adjust just fine to that. "Not that I care. I'm not ashamed of what I am."
Mulder was surprised over how alike they were. It wasn't something he'd expected. There was something about Ben that made it easy to trust him. He never seemed as if he was hiding anything, always had a direct answer to everything. When he thought about it, there wasn't anything he suspected about the guy and if there was, he wasn't afraid to ask about it.
"How about you?" Ben asked.
"Well, 'Spooky' is getting a little old," he said with a grin. "But I guess I'm getting used to it."
Ben nodded and looked down in his glass. Either Mulder was avoiding the real question or he didn't understand what he was getting at.
"It doesn't bother me," he told him truthfully. "I think it's unimportant what people think about you when it comes to the things we believe in. I know what it means coming forward with something they don't accept and I know that you lose a lot of support and a lot of friends. But the friends who stay and the people who do accept you are worth more."
Their eyes met, understanding.
"Now there is a truth." Mulder smiled.
"Well, it's my truth," Ben smiled back. "It's just too bad it isn't everybody's truth."
They were silent for a while. Mulder let it all sink in. Ben was not at all the person Krycek had made him up to be.
"Mulder, I need to tell you something," Ben said after a while. "There is something I don't feel comfortable about here."
Mulder looked at him, confused.
"Alex told me that you two were seeing each other," Ben said and looked guilty. "I just thought you should know -- that I know and --" he rubbed his forehead. "This is a hard one."
He met Mulder's eyes for what seemed to be the hundredth time that evening and saw the hurt in there. It wasn't very hard to see that he knew what was coming.
"I'm sorry, Mulder, I just didn't know at the time." He shook his head. "I wouldn't have if I knew. I mean, I shouldn't have anyway. I knew where I would end up."
Mulder kept looking at him, not saying anything.
"I understand if you can't forgive me." Ben looked away before he decided to meet his eyes again. "And if you want to stop working on this case now, I'll understand. I'll just tell Skinner that --" he looked at the files at the table. "That I'll do it alone."
Mulder took a deep breath. Some part of him felt a relief to have it out in the open. Not that he felt good about it; it still hurt, but Ben was at least being honest.
"I don't know what else to say." Ben was getting a little at unease as Mulder didn't speak. "I should have known."
He should have known? Mulder looked at him.
"Known what?"
Ben looked uncomfortable.
"I take it Alex told you about us," Ben said, seeing Mulder nod. "Well, it didn't end in a pretty sight."
"He told me."
"He did?" Ben sounded surprised.
"Yeah, he did."
Ben smiled and shook his head.
"What?" Mulder didn't see anything amusing in the subject.
"I bet our stories are somewhat different," he explained. "What did Alex say?"
"That you were fooling around."
"I figured he would have said something like that."
"So what is your story?" Mulder didn't see any reason to pull this out any further.
Ben sighed again. He wanted to make it obvious that he was still in some kind of pain.
"Alex is the sweetest, nicest guy you'd ever know. He knows just what to say, or what to do to make you think that he's that innocent." Ben looked at Mulder with a pained smile. "But I don't have to tell you that, do I?"
Mulder swallowed. He didn't know if he was ready for this.
"I'm sure you're also aware of the fact that things aren't always as they seem." Ben was playing by Mulder's rules and he knew it. "He had me fooled. Big time."
Mulder waited.
"You see, Alex has a problem sticking to the truth." Ben managed to sound uncomfortable. "And he also has some trouble staying faithful. So I should have known."
Mulder didn't know what to reply what to think of this or even if to believe in it.
"I don't expect you to take this in all at once and believe everything I've told you know. I can only tell you what I know and what I've learned. The rest you have to find out for yourself."
For a while, he just looked at the other man. There wasn't much he could say. At least there was a connection to the story Ben was telling. The pieces fell in to place in this perspective and he didn't see any reason to why he should believe Krycek's words over Ben's. Ben had been truthful to him all along as far as he was concerned. Krycek hadn't. The choice wasn't very hard.
*************************
She shivered as his hands were touching her body. Their kiss was hot and she felt her own desire rise.
"Maybe we should wait until we get home," she whispered between the kisses when she got the chance to breathe.
"Mhm," he mumbled with a smile and continued to kiss her with the same passion.
Mulder doubted all the way up to the door. This was his office, but he was no longer comfortable going inside. He hadn't been here much lately, and certainly not when he knew she was in there. But he owed her this, to warn her from what could happen to her. He had to tell her about the real Alex Krycek.
He swung the door open, not prepared for what he saw in there. He hadn't thought of the fact that Krycek could be there with her and he was not ready to see them together like that yet. A stab went through his chest as he watched them jolt apart, their faces flushed.
"Mulder," Scully choked, managing to look first at Mulder and then at Krycek. "You scared us."
"Well, I'm sorry then," he said coldly. "I just needed to get something down here."
There was an awkward silence in the room. Scully noticed how Krycek tried to gain just the least bit of attention from Mulder, trying to make him look at him. Mulder didn't budge an inch.
She reached for Krycek's hand and moved closer to him. Mulder noticed, pretending that he hadn't. It hurt.
"How's the case getting along?" Scully asked, just to break the silence.
"Fine," Mulder said and opened a drawer to his desk.
Krycek was afraid to say anything, as he was afraid not to. He had a strong feeling he would be ignored.
"What kind of case is it that you're working on?" he asked friendly.
Mulder pretended not to have heard him, pulled out a file from a drawer and then looked at Scully.
"Do you have a minute, Scully?"
She stared at him. Krycek felt the tension grow; he figured Mulder wanted him out of there. He didn't exactly feel like he was welcomed.
"I need to get back to work," he said, turning to Scully. "I see you later."
"Yeah," she said, tiptoeing to give him a reassuring kiss. "I'll try and hurry."
He held her hand until he had to let it go and made a last attempt to make eye contact with Mulder. As soon as he was out of the room, Mulder looked up.
"Mulder, can I ask you what the hell you're doing?" Scully snapped as soon as the door closed behind Krycek. "What is with you?"
"Oh, I'm fine," he said, sarcastic. "I don't think that you should worry about me."
"And what is that suppose to mean?"
He held her gaze for a while.
"I just think you should watch out where you have him Scully. He's not who you think he is."
"Says who?" She was getting really upset. "Ben?"
His jaws clenched.
"If you trust him over Alex, I think you need to think things through."
"How can you say that? You don't even know Ben."
"No, but I know Alex." Her eyes grew softer. "And you should too."
Mulder shook his head and smiled out of irony. Of course, Krycek had managed to fool her too. Just as he had with Ben and himself.
"I came down here to tell you this, as a friend, because I owe you this," he said as he continued to look at her. "I shouldn't have bothered."
She felt that he really believed what he was saying and it scared her. Not because she doubted Krycek but because she was afraid what Mulder really thought of him. What Ben had made him believe. She watched him leave.
*************************
"Agent Mulder, have a seat," the assistant director nodded toward the chair in front of him.
Mulder looked over the desk at his supervisor, sensing why he had been called in. It wasn't like him to be away from his X-files voluntarily, especially not this long.
"I take it you know why I asked you to come," Skinner started, seeing the younger man nod slowly. "You've done an excellent job with Agent Julien, but I am reassigning you back to work with the X-files and agent Scully."
He squirmed in his seat. He wasn't ready for this yet.
Skinner looked through his papers, pondering if to ask his next question or not. He didn't like interfering in his agents' personal lives, but when he felt that it had an effect on their work, it felt more like an obligation.
"Agent Mulder, I want to ask you something off the record," he said, eyeing the younger man. "Is everything okay?"
Always discreet. Of course, Skinner had to wonder like everybody else.
"Yes," Mulder said, acting as if it really was. "Everything is just fine."
Skinner looked doubtful. Not that he had thought that Mulder would confide in him, but he could tell when he wasn't being honest.
"I trust you'll finish up with Agent Julien and then return to your regular position," he said, quickly going back to the subject.
"I'll be back in the basement on Monday, sir."
*************************
Mulder had sworn to himself that their relationship wasn't going to interfere with the X-files. In the beginning it hadn't, but he couldn't help feeling uncomfortable sitting there with her the way things were.
The mere thought of leaving Scully alone felt too unsettling. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep away from her, and he needed to keep his distance. Neither did he want her to appeal to him, a fact that was almost too ridiculous to ignore.
Seeing out of the corner of his eyes how she was gathering herself to talk to him, he thanked his lucky stars that his phone rang just in time.
"Mulder."
"Hi, it's me." Ben sounded cheerful. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."
"No, not at all. What's on your mind?"
"I'm alone on an interesting case and I thought, hey, this is just up Mulder's alley. Would you mind taking a look at it?"
"Sure, Scully and I just closed a case, so I don't have anything right now. Do you want me to come up?"
"I was thinking more of --" Ben paused before continuing. "I mean, maybe we could discuss it over dinner?"
"Dinner?" Mulder asked, surprised.
"Yeah, if you're interested."
After a short silence, Mulder answered.
"Yes, I'm interested."
"Great -- by the way, do you need a lift?"
Mulder looked at Scully briefly, considering Ben's offer.
"Yeah, I could use a lift. Around six?"
"Meet me at the parking lot."
*************************
After a short tour to the lab, Scully lunched with Krycek in the Bureau cafeteria. Krycek was in a good mood since he and Cardinal had just closed a case that two other agents from the VCS had failed to solve.
"When do you get off tonight?" she asked, swallowing a bite of her sandwich.
"I don't know -- it depends on how much paperwork there is."
"I was hoping we could spend some time together. It haven't been that much this week."
"I know, but I can promise you my full attention this weekend," he said, giving her an affectionate smile. "Can't you spend the night anyway?" he continued, then lowering his voice. "I'd love to have you next to me tonight."
Scully replied in the same low tone of voice.
"You might just have that."
Krycek raised his coffee mug, noting a couple of agents two tables away paying them some attention. He cleared his throat, returning his gaze to her.
"How's Mulder?"
Scully shifted in her seat. She didn't want to tell him what she'd overheard while Mulder had been on the phone with Ben.
"He seems to be doing fine."
Krycek nodded, knowing she was holding back. He didn't want to pressure her; he just needed to know if he was okay.
*************************
The cab driver, a man in his late forties, tossed his passenger a quick glance in the rearview mirror before shifting his attention back to the road.
"Some weather we got, huh?" he muttered, referring to the pouring rain.
"Yeah," replied Mulder, his eyes on the dark night, thinking about his earlier indecision about what to wear.
After the shower, he hadn't been able to find anything proper to wear. A pair of old jeans seemed so dull. But he didn't want to overdo it either. It took him quite some time to sort through the amazingly deep pile of laundry he'd been stacking on his couch, just to find a pair of fairly new jeans to go with a not-so-wrinkled black T-shirt.
As the cab driver took a left turn, Mulder recognized the neighborhood of expensive brownstones and townhouses.
"It's a fancy neighborhood you live in, mister," the cab driver spoke, pulling over.
"I don't live here." Mulder paid the man. "Keep the change."
He hurried inside to avoid getting too wet. Once inside, he shook off the raindrops that had managed to land on him and headed for the elevator. The butterflies in his stomach came to his attention as he waited for the elevator to arrive. Ever since the invitation earlier that day, Mulder had argued with himself whether to call it a date. It wasn't the first time he'd been at Ben's place, but it was their first dinner together there. He sighed impatiently and pushed the elevator button once more.
Ben had just finished setting the table and took a step back to scrutinize his work. With an approving smile, he felt satisfied and tossed off the towel he'd been using as an apron. He had decided that as soon as he got a chance, he would make his first move. He felt that he'd been waiting far too long.
When the doorbell rang, the watch on his arm got a moment of his attention before he went to open the door.
"Mulder, c'mon in."
"Thanks." He wriggled out of his leather jacket. "I hope I'm not too late?"
"You're not late at all. Here, let me take that for you." He took the jacket and hung it up.
Mulder followed him into the kitchen. The room was dimly lit by two small wall lamps, but he found it comfortable.
"Would you like to take a look at the case before we eat?" Ben asked.
"It can wait."
"Well, I gotta uncork the wine bottle anyway, so go ahead and glance through it."
Ben handed Mulder the file that had been lying on the counter. He watched him flip through the pages for a little while, then attended to the bottle of wine. It amazed him how the guy could by just flipping through the pages to absorb all the information.
Hearing Ben win the fight with the bottle, Mulder closed the map and put it back onto the counter.
"Did it appeal to you?" Ben asked, pouring the liquid into two glasses.
"Yes, it did, but I think you could have handled it by yourself."
"Well, I just thought it would be wise to let someone with a little more expertise in the area take a look at it."
He gestured for him to sit down and then seated himself opposite. They began eating under a quiet conversation about the case, discussing ways to go about it.
Rinsing down some of the pasta with the wine, Mulder commended Ben for his cooking skills.
"You're a better cook than I'd hoped for."
Ben's eyes widened and he tried to sound a bit hurt; "You actually doubted my skills in the kitchen?"
Laughing at his choice of expression, Mulder continued, "Thinking about my own skills in my 'hell hole' of a kitchen, I kind of assumed the same of you."
"I guess with Alex in the kitchen, you get spoiled easily."
"Yeah, you do." Mulder swallowed some more of the red wine.
After dinner, they cleared the table and doing the dishes. Ben could feel Mulder's curious eyes watching him every time he turned his back. He enjoyed it. That meant he would have a fairly good chance of getting somewhere that evening. Resting comfortably on the couch together with their wineglasses, Ben brought the case up again.
"I found the murders a little peculiar -- why does the guy change his act every time he kills? Every serial killer has his or her special style. Could it be a copycat." He continued, "I know the answer is right there in front of me -- I just have to open my eyes and look for it."
He was resting his head in his hand, and with his head tilted he could capture Mulder's gaze without a problem. Recklessly, he could stare for however long he needed and there was no chance for Mulder to pull away. Having such power over him, knowing he could imprison him whenever it pleased him, aroused him just as much as it did to stare back into those eyes that for some reason always seemed to be so sad.
Mulder wanted so badly to leave at this point. He felt himself paralyzed beyond control and it scared him. He was such an easy target when he was out of control. He knew that by experience. But Ben's eyes kept luring him into the same trap over and over, and he never seemed to learn from his mistakes. Ben's eyes had something special about them that he couldn't argue about. He was relieved when he was released from his prison, and after another sip of wine, he exhaled quietly.
"How're things at the office?" Ben asked calmly.
"It's, uhm -- it's fine."
Ben nodded, putting his glass away. "You know, Mulder --" inhaling, he moved a little closer. "Would you take offense if I told you I find you really interesting in a lot of ways?"
Mulder swallowed hard, noting the change in Ben's voice. Just as dangerous as his eyes.
"No, I wouldn't take offense."
"Good." He let a short embarrassed laugh escape him.
"I should tell you that I used the case as a pretext to get you here tonight. I'm telling you this because I know how much trust means to you, and I wouldn't want to betray your trust."
Mulder felt his gaze being drawn into that same paralyzing state once more. Everything around him started to fade. He wasn't aware of Ben's hand moving in his direction until he felt it resting gently on his own arm.
"I find you to be a very attractive man, but what I haven't figured out yet is if it's your dedication and total devotion to your job or if it is your confidence in trust. Because it can't be just your appearance, even though as I said before, you're very attractive."
Ben's words traveled like poison in Mulder's veins, cluttering his mind, leaving him totally exposed. Ben had moved closer again and he could feel his hot breath against his skin. It was a familiar feeling, a feeling he had missed. Another man's body heat, something he'd been feeling empty without.
I wish he could touch me again, just once, please God, I need a man's touch. What am I thinking? I don't know what I want more or less what I need.
Mulder tried to sort out his thoughts, but Ben's moving hand made it difficult. His hand had passed his shoulder and he could feel it brush past his neck, causing the hair back there to rise. It stopped next to his cheek, and the touch was gentle yet powerful, sending a warm sensation through him. Mulder wet his lips. His heart pounded and his breathing quickened when Ben leaned in closer, capturing his gaze once more. He couldn't budge, just sat there, feeling Ben's hand on his cheek.
Their lips came together slowly. Mulder felt himself being drawn into the kiss, and he parted his lips slightly, waiting for Ben to make the next move.
Ben had waited for a resistance that didn't come. Instead, he took it as an affirmative to go further. Letting his tongue carefully slip through the parted lips, he deepened the kiss, exploring new grounds. Ben lingered his tongue against Mulder's, tasting him, then drew away, surprised, as Mulder clung to him, sucking on his lips with greed before allowing Ben to pull away.
Mulder gaze dropped to his lap, interpreting the silence as a comfortable one. In a way, the kiss had done him good; he was feeling more secure about himself, even though he still didn't know what he wanted.
They both cleared their throats.
"Yeah --" Mulder said, a little embarrassed.
"What about that case, huh?" Ben reached out for the file.
*************************
After sitting 20 minutes in the car, Krycek had finally decided to go in. Most of that time had been used to ponder about whether to go in. Now, when he stood outside Mulder's door, he realized he had nothing to say to him.
Knocking on the door, his confidence faltered, remembering all the doors that Mulder had slammed in his face. They were starting to feel like bad reruns on TV.
He knocked on the door once more, wondering why Mulder didn't open. There was no way he could know it was him; he'd blocked the peephole. Krycek took a step closer to the door, listening for any noise from the other side that would let him know Mulder was in there.
Where could he be? Krycek asked himself, glancing at his watch that showed 9:30.
The thought of using his key and going inside was a tempting one. He knew he had no right doing so but managed to convince himself.
"Maybe he's hurt," he said, even realizing just how ridiculous that sounded.
He took out his keys and started to fumble with the lock. There was no turning back now. He swung the door open.
The apartment was dark, but he could see that Mulder wasn't in there. Stepping aside, he let his gaze wander around the living area, noting how everything was how it used to be. His eyes caught sight of a shirt tossed on the couch. Grabbing it, he felt the scent of Mulder lingering around him. He brought it closer to his face to feel it stronger.
For a few long seconds, he stood there, inhaling Mulder's scent as if it were a drug, a habit he couldn't kick. The mere thought of parting from it didn't make it to his conscience. It was just a shirt, nothing Mulder would miss. Placing it under his jacket, he felt a little ridiculous as he realized that this was probably the first time he'd ever stolen anything in his life.
This is more like a loan, he assured himself.
Under his jacket, the scent of Mulder could be preserved without being threatened by the rain.
It wasn't until he was sitting in his car that he picked up the shirt again and placed it on the passenger seat. Just as he was about to start the car, he noticed that a car was parked on the other side of the street. Thanks to the street light, he could see the shadow of two men inside. The one by the driver seat leaned in to kiss the other, not letting him leave the car at once. When he did let him go and the man opened the door, the lights inside the car lit up.
Krycek swallowed his tears and once again brought the shirt to his face.
*************************
Mulder let Ben into the mess that was his apartment and smiled in excuse to that he wasn't completely ready yet.
"Just wait here. I'll be ready in two seconds," he promised, rushing back into the apartment for his jacket.
Ben smiled and let his eyes wander over as much as he could take in before Mulder disappeared again. The man sure looked great in a tuxedo.
"I see you found a tux after all," Ben shouted into the apartment.
"Yeah." Mulder nodded inside the bathroom, still not really sure where he'd put his jacket. "I guess I had a stroke of luck."
He looked around the small area and then headed out to search for the jacket around the couch. It had to be there somewhere, he was sure of it. Going through the piles, he found it tossed over his desk chair.
"Ready?" Ben asked as Mulder came back, pulling on the jacket in the process.
Mulder nodded and straightened his sleeves.
"Do I pass?" Mulder gave him a charming smile.
Ben reached out to grab the collar of Mulder's jacket, pulling him closer. He leaned in for a kiss, amazed at what soft lips Mulder always seemed to have.
"You look wonderful," he told him and gave him another kiss.
Mulder looked into Ben's eyes and it stoked him like thunder. He found himself wishing that it were Krycek standing there instead of Ben. The hands against his chest would have felt so much better if they'd belonged to him; the lips would have felt so much sweeter. But no. He felt guilty for wishing this after all that had happened. How could he possibly long for Krycek?
"Are you all right?" Ben sounded worried.
"Yeah." Mulder felt as if he was lying, which he was.
"If you don't want to go, I'll understand," Ben said, forcing him to meet his gaze again. "I know that there will be a lot of talk. Especially now since they've gone public with the fact that they are seeing each other."
Mulder sighed; hoping that Ben couldn't read the thoughts behind his eyes.
"It's okay," Mulder assured him. "I'll be fine."
He wasn't buying it.
"Besides, I wouldn't miss celebrate Johnson's retirement any day of the year," he added.
Ben swallowed, not sure if he should ask.
"Aren't you afraid they'll start talking if we show up together?"
Mulder looked at him and smiled amused. He leaned in for a kiss and shook his head.
"Come on." He moved away to get his trench coat. "If we're late, they'll notice fore sure."
Ben smiled and turned to open the door. This should be quite interesting.
*************************
Krycek helped her with her coat, trying to make it less obvious that he was scanning the room for Mulder. The fact that they had gone out with this as a public announcement kept their thoughts off Mulder's appearance.
"Let's go in, Alex." Scully put her hand on his shoulder.
He offered her his arm. They were definitely going to be the center of attention -- Scully, at least, in that tight black evening gown. He had a hard time keeping his eyes off her himself.
They entered the dining room, seeing out of the corner of their eyes at how people turned to look at them as they looked for their table. It felt as if they were back in high school again. Of course, they'd expected it.
"We don't have to stay too late, do we?" Scully leaned into whisper, trying to ignore the fact that people actually were staring.
Krycek smiled at her and gave her arm a little squeeze. He didn't want to make it too obvious, but he was still looking around for Mulder.
"Alex," a friendly voice said.
They turned around to see Cardinal smiling at them. He didn't look too comfortable in a tuxedo. Scully failed to see anything appealing about the man even dressed up.
"Luis." Krycek smiled. "Are you here alone?"
"Yes." He looked at Scully. "But you're not."
Scully forced a smile. Be polite, Dana.
"I guess I should have told you, huh?" Krycek felt a little guilty for not having said anything to his partner.
"It's okay," Cardinal assured him. "It's no problem."
Scully looked around the room as Krycek and Cardinal were talking. She didn't want to be a part of the conversation, but she didn't want Krycek to understand that she was avoiding talking to his partner. As she scanned the room, she noted that Mulder had just passed through the front door. Her breath caught in her throat as she caught sight of him.
He turned to wait for whoever he was arriving with and she was careful not to stare; she tried to make it look as if she was looking at something else, following his movements out of the corner of her eye.
Please tell me he's not waiting for anyone. He could've come alone.
In the flick of a second, she saw Ben coming up from behind, smiling at Mulder and then very discreetly smoothing his hand over Mulder's. She blinked and forced herself to look away.
She didn't know why she was so surprised. Krycek had told her what he had seen that night in the car, but somehow, she didn't want to believe it. It was too unreal, too unlike Mulder.
"Alex." She pulled a little at his arm. "Maybe we should find our table."
When they started walking, he noticed how tense she'd become. Probably because of all the attention they were getting. It would ease once they'd been there a while.
"Here it is." He nodded at the table in front of them.
Once seated, she fought with how to break it to him. She knew she had to; it would be much worse if he found out otherwise.
"Alex." She leaned in close.
He looked at her.
"Mulder's here," she told him, noting at once the change in his expression.
"Where?" he wanted to know, feeling his heart beat faster.
"I don't know." She swallowed hard. "I saw him as he came."
He looked at her, hopeful.
"I'm going to talk to him tonight," he told her with excitement. "I want to sort this out."
"Alex --"
"No, I know what you're going to say, but I need to give it another try, I --"
"Alex, he's not here alone." She could hardly look at him. "He came with Ben."
He went silent, staring at her in shock.
"Scully and Alex are here," Ben leaned in to inform Mulder.
Mulder nodded. He had picked that up himself but appreciated that Ben tried to give him a little warning. This would be one long night.
"At least we didn't have to sit at the same table," Mulder commented, trying to sound as if it didn't bother him that much.
Actually, it was almost the first thing he'd seen as he'd entered the room. They'd been talking to Cardinal, and Scully had been standing quietly by Krycek's side, her arm tucked under his. She was so beautiful tonight. That dress she was wearing emphasized her soft body, those feminine curves he knew so well. As if he needed to be reminded. Just looking at her aroused him.
Then Krycek, in that tux. His heart jolted as he'd seen him. You need to stay as long away from him as possible tonight. From both of them.
The night proceeded like that. They ignored each other, still secretly keeping an eye on what was going on. Mulder tried to talk to Ben as much as he could, knowing that he needed something to keep him from staring.
"Still staring, huh?"
Krycek nodded and held her closer as they moved slowly over the dance floor. People tried to be discreet but weren't doing such a good job with it. Probably the only excitement they had all night.
"I was thinking," he whispered against her hair and made an effort to keep his voice low. "I think I should talk to him anyway. When Ben isn't around."
She tilted her head to look at him. "Don't," she breathed. He'd only end up hurt again.
"I'll see how the night turns out," he decided, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "If the time is right, I'll might give it a try."
Searching for his hand, she gave it a squeeze. She wanted him to know that he had her support. It just broke her in two to see him hurt again.
"I'll go ask him to dance later," she told him and placed her head back against his chest. "Maybe I can get something through."
He hugged her gently and nuzzled her hair. It gave him some hope.
"Scully's coming this way," Ben leaned in to whisper, spotting the red-headed woman head toward them.
Mulder felt the panic rise within. He didn't want to talk to her.
He'd seen them out on the dance floor together earlier. They'd looked beautiful together. They always looked beautiful together.
"Mulder."
Turning to face her, he had to fight hard not to show her how stunned he was. She was wearing just a little bit more makeup than usual, and with her hair up, she really did look amazing.
"Scully."
"Would you like to dance?" she went right to the subject, not even gracing Ben with a hello.
He looked at her, surprised. He hadn't expected this. This was dangerous. But he couldn't turn her down in front of all these people. After all, he did still love her.
Her heart started racing as his eyes met hers. He held her gaze for a while then stood.
Holding her that close against him gave him a painful memory of how good her body felt. The fabric of her dress didn't cover her back and he could feel goosebumps break out on her skin at his touch. All of a sudden, he was very aware of her familiar scent and wondered if she realized what she did to him.
She tightened her hold on him and buried her face against his chest. He had to feel something. Anything. He was holding his breath, she could tell.
When her body tried to get closer to him, he felt himself reacting to it. The feel of her soft curves in his arms, together with the scent of her perfume, was a dangerous match. If he hadn't loved her as much as he did, he would have left her there on the floor. Now he tried his best not to have her notice his growing arousal.
As soon as she shifted, she could feel his erection against her. She took a sharp breath and felt her knees buckle. This was too much.
She looked up to meet his gaze, the desire in them too evident.
"Mulder," she heard herself whisper, her voice thick.
"No," he knew what she was getting at. "Just go, Scully. Leave me standing."
"What do you mean?"
He scanned the room. People were paying attention.
"I don't want to make it look as if I'm leaving you standing here, Scully." He saw the pain in her eyes. "Just push me away and go."
"And make it look as if I'm leaving you standing here?"
Their eyes locked and they grew silent.
"I don't want to do that," Scully whispered with the tears in her throat. "I don't want to leave you."
"Scully --"
"No, Mulder." She tried her best to hold it together. "I love you so much, I can't even --" she tried to swallow the tears in the back of her throat. "Even if he did do anything -- this is not right."
"Well, it's how it is," he told her, not able to meet her gaze again. "And I can't change it."
"Yes, you can." She sensed a hope. "You can change all of it."
He shook his head.
"I can't."
Placing his hand on her right cheek, he leaned in to kiss her forehead, giving her hair a last caress before he left her on the dance floor.
*************************
Next Morning
"Would you mind getting that?" Ben shouted as his eggs were about to burn in the frying pan.
"Sure." Mulder grinned and smoothed Ben's arm as he walked past.
He unchained the door, not even taking the time to look at who was standing outside as he opened it.
They stared at each other, surprised. Krycek had lost the ability to speak.
Mulder was wearing a pair of sweatpants, no shirt, and his hair still damp from the shower.
"Who is it?" Ben shouted from the kitchen, trying to save the last of the eggs that survived.
Krycek met Mulder's eyes, feeling his heart stuck in his throat. He felt the tears brim under his eyelashes as he turned to walk out of there.
To be continued…
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