World Without End Book Three: Chapter One

by Rachel Anton

The world is a lot smaller than it used to be.

That's how it seems, anyway.  Looking at our diminished population, all gathered in one space, it feels like half the universe has disappeared.

Alex decided, wisely it seems to me, to hold this meeting in a different lecture hall than the one we usually use.  A smaller one.  There aren't a lot of empty seats, but still, when I look around and think that this is it, we're all that's left, it's a little scary.

I've tried not to let my identity become too tangled up in this place.  I was part of a group once before, with the other ones they made like me, the other clones.  When I lost them I felt displaced and directionless.  I don't want to feel that again.  But when you live with people for as long as I've lived here, it becomes difficult to separate oneself.  It's difficult to remain indifferent when things are going badly.

Things are going very badly.  It's hard to say exactly how bad it's going to get because it's only been a few weeks since the unfortunate incidents, but things don't look particularly promising.

It's not just that we lost so many people.  It's not even that we've lost our allies, perhaps made new enemies of them.  Those are bad signs, surely, but I sense that the true threat is not from the outside, but rather from within.

I have a friend, Laurie.  Laurie is a former slave, diagnosed with the cancer about six months ago.  She had a lover named Jordan.  Jordan died in the raid on the rebel headquarters.  We have a cure for Laurie but she doesn't want to use it.  She told me a few days ago that she'd rather die than carry on in this shit world without Jordan.  She said that the only thing keeping her from killing herself is the hope that she can make Alex pay for what he's done.

There are a lot of Lauries.  And, unfortunately for Alex, there aren't a lot of Danas or Bryans-people loyal not only to the cause, but to him.

The dichotomy is more obvious than usual today.  Alex is sitting at the center of a large, rectangular table in the front of the room, Dana at his right and Bryan at his left.  There are a few others at the table; Alex's advisors, the heads of the farming, goods distribution, and housing committees, but the rest of us are sitting on the other side of the table.  I don't feel like I belong here.  Everyone on this side seems very angry.

The meeting hasn't officially started yet but people are already talking amongst themselves.  Bitter, nasty words are bouncing around the room and gaining strength from each other.  I hope Alex knows how dangerous it is to underestimate the idiocy potential inherent in large groups.  Once mob mentality firmly sets in, our problems are really going to begin.

I try to make eye contact with Dana, to give her a reassuring smile, but she's not looking up from her notepad.  She looks pale, almost sickly.  Alex looks as cool as ever.  Sometimes I think he enjoys being an object of hatred.

"Excuse me, Miss.  I received an invitation to a lynching this morning.  Am I in the right place?"

Mulder.  I smile up at him half-heartedly and hold out a hand, offering him the empty seat next to me.

"Actually no, this is a circus.  But why don't you stay anyway?"

"Do you think Bryan's gonna do his lion taming act?"

"Maybe if you ask nice."

He sits down with a sigh and runs his fingers through his hair.  He seems a little nervous himself.  I'm glad he's sensible enough to be worried and that he's not jumping on the bandwagon because of his personal issues.  Glad and not surprised.

"How do you think this is gonna go, Roseanne?"

"Not well."

"People are really angry, aren't they?"

"Seems that way."

He shifts around in his chair and glances over his shoulder.  Then he looks back at me and leans in close, speaking quietly.  I can't help it.  It gives me a cheap little thrill.

"I can't help but feel a little responsible for all this," he murmurs in such a sexy voice that I almost miss what he's said completely.

"Responsible?  Responsible how?"

"A few months ago, I told Krycek that it would probably be a good idea to break his alliance with the rebels.  I know he didn't do this because of me but I did put the idea into his head."

I don't know what surprises me more.  That those two managed to have a civil conversation, ever, or that Alex might have actually listened to something Mulder said.

"It wasn't a bad idea, Mulder.  And there were other factors at work."

Before I can list those factors, Alex clears his throat and stands up to speak.  I don't think I've ever felt so much sympathy for him in my life.  I hope no one decides to shoot him.

"All right, I guess we should start, here," he says and the conversation quiets to a few hushed whispers.  "I want to thank you all for coming, first of all.  We've got a lot of things to discuss.  A lot of challenges to meet, and I think that the best way to handle things is if we all work together."

Some strange demonic part of me takes hold of my pencil and writes, "How much do you wanna bet she wrote this speech?" in my notebook.  The same demon shoves the book in Mulder's general direction, only realizing after she's done so that he might not find it particularly funny.  Luckily for her, and for me, he smiles.

"We've all suffered some great losses recently, and I'm afraid we're bound to suffer some more.  The coming months are not going to be easy.  We're going to start running out of some supplies, probably when we need them most; during the winter.  Which means we're going to need to start rationing now."

"Rationing what?" someone calls out from the peanut gallery.

"Rationing…well, everything.  Food, water, electricity, medical supplies…  I have, I've been talking to people at the farm and we've got some ideas about how to better utilize our agricultural development and we're hoping to have plenty of food for everyone by wintertime.  But right now, we're going to need to be a bit more frugal.  We're all going to have to give up some of the comforts we've grown accustomed to."

"Comforts?  Like what?  The comfort of knowing the people you love aren't going to be brutally murdered?  Is that one of the "comforts" we're going to have to sacrifice to the cause, Alex?"

Uh-oh.  It's Laurie.  She's already flipping.  And I can just tell that Alex is not going to handle this well.  He's giving her that look.  The creepy, icy glare that puts the fear of God into every man, woman, and child it falls upon.  It's an effective tool in some situations.  But this is absolutely not one of them.  It's a good thing he's got a human half now.

"Laurie, we're all sorry about what happened to Jordan," Dana offers from her seat.  She's got her hand on Alex's arm, probably hoping it will restrain him from strangling this poor woman.

"About what happened to all the people we lost.  It's a terrible tragedy for all of us.  What we're trying to do is ensure that they didn't die in vain.  We've lost so much, but we've also won something very important.  We're free now.  Free to make our own choices and our own progress.  We're not working for the rebels anymore, only for ourselves.  We have a chance to become truly self-sufficient.  Don't you think Jordan would have wanted that?"

"You can put whatever spin you want on it, Dana.  The fact is, he died for nothing.  NOTHING!  And you KNOW that!"

She starts shaking and collapsing into a fit of blubbering and luckily, there's someone else next to her to offer some comfort.  Frankly, I don't think I'm capable at this point.  I don't deal well with hysteria.

Neither does Dana.  But she's keeping her cool.

"Laurie, it doesn't have to be that way.  If we all work together, maybe we can give this terrible loss some meaning.  We have some tentative plans if you'll all listen for a…"

"There is no meaning, Doctor Scully," a voice from behind me sounds quietly.  It's Thomas, one of the men who made it back from this failed mission.

"I was there.  I saw those men, saw them burned alive.  For absolutely nothing.  I'm sure there's not much time before we all meet the same fate.  And I think we all know who we have to thank for that."

His angry gaze falls directly on Alex, who is now positively fuming.  If there's anything he needs, it's control.  And this meeting is spiraling way out of control after only five or ten minutes.  He opens his mouth to speak, but Dana raises out of her seat and cuts him off.

"Now wait just a minute.  I seem to recall hearing a different tune from you before all of this happened.  In fact, if I remember correctly, you were pretty damn gung-ho about this whole plan.  So were a lot of you.  I don't remember anyone here raising any sort of objection to the plan Alex laid out.  We all thought it was a good idea.  We all went along with it."

Her passionate defense is touching if somewhat ironic.  If I remember correctly, Dana was the only person who thought the whole thing was a mistake.

"So, what, it didn't work out the way we thought it would.  We lost.  So now you decide it was a bad idea all along and turn against the person who…the man that…"

She places her palm on the table top and seems to wobble a bit.  Her eyes shut and she takes a deep breath.  Alex's face looses all trace of fury as he turns to her, totally alarmed.  I feel Mulder inhale sharply next to me.  The whole room goes deathly quiet and seems to be holding its breath.

Finally she opens her eyes again, places her hand over her mouth, and mutters, "Excuse me," into her fingers.  She turns away from the crowd and flees out the back entrance of the room.

Anther flurry of conversation follows her departure.  Words like cancer, relapse, and "Now what the hell are we gonna do?" seem to come from every direction.  But I know that's not what it is.  I saw those tests she was running this afternoon.  I figured they were just precautionary, part of an overall physical exam she was giving herself.  Looks like it's more than that.

Mulder rustles next to me, seeming anxious to get up and follow her.  And Alex, poor Alex just stands there with his mouth open, looking like someone just tossed a brick at his gut.

Neither of them are gonna be able to help her right now.

I get out of my seat and start for the door, stopping on my way out to talk to Alex.

"I'll go.  You stay," I tell him.

"I can't…I…"

"Yes, Alex.  Just stay.  I'm sure she's fine.  And I know she needs you to stay here and finish this."

He nods and I run out the door, hoping against hope that he can manage to handle this situation without her.

It only takes me a minute to find her.  I just follow the wretching sounds.  She didn't quite make it to the restroom.  She's hunched over in the doorway, puking onto the white linoleum floor.

I step over her and gather a couple of rolls of toilet paper to clean up the mess.  I guess that does it for the weeks TP ration.

I carry the pile, along with a cup of water, back to the doorway, sit down on the floor next to her and watch her vomit her little heart out for a few minutes.  When she's done she sits back on her knees and I hand her the water and a wad of paper to wipe her mouth with.  I start cleaning up even though she tells me I don't have to.

I manage to get most of the gunk off the floor and flush it down the toilet.  It still stinks though.  Nothing smells as bad as stale puke.

"Feel better?" I ask, settling next to her on the floor again.

"Little bit.  Thanks."

"Have you told Alex?"

"Told Alex what?"

"I saw the tests you've been running on yourself, Dana."

"Roseanne, just…don't."

"Don't what?"

"I don't want to talk about this right now."

"Why not?"

"Because I…I don't know what I'm going to do yet."

Do?  What the hell can she do?  She's pregnant.  It's not like she's going to be able to keep it a secret for very long.  Unless…

"Dana, you're not-not thinking about getting rid of it are you?"

Her lack of an answer is answer enough.  I'm not sure what to say about that.  It's her decision certainly, and we do have the technology for her to do it safely.  But something about it just screams "wrong" to me.  And not because of any moral misgivings.  It just seems like a wasted opportunity.  An opportunity that I'll never have.  An opportunity she herself thought she'd never have.

"Dana, this is, it's a miracle.  It's unbelievable.  You've been given a wonderful chance here."

"Wonderful chance?  Roseanne, look around.  How can I justify bringing a child into this world right now?  How can I have a-a baby and not even know if there will be anyone alive in five years to take care of it?"

That's a tough one.  She's right, of course.  Still, it feels like she'd be making a mistake.  It feels like this baby might be the glimmer of hope we all need so desperately.  But how fair would it be to put that kind of expectation on her shoulders?  She's just one woman trying to live.

I'm at a loss.

"You…you should tell him, either way."

She wipes her mouth again and looks me in the eyes.  Sadness.  So much sadness in her as she asks me, "Which him?"

End Chapter One
Continued in Chapter Two

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