TITLE: World Without End, chapter 12
AUTHOR: Rachel Anton
E-MAIL: RAnton1013@aol.com

xxxxxx

It's New Year's Eve. The fifth New Year's I've spent 
here. The first I spent alone in my room, crying when 
I heard the tower bell ringing at midnight, thinking 
what a pointless celebration it was, thinking that 
all I had to look forward to was another year without 
Mulder. The second I ventured out to a party, had a 
few drinks, danced a few dances with Bryan and 
staggered back to my room, in tears. The third passed 
in a similar fashion. The fourth I spent with Alex. 
We didn't do much, just sat in his room sharing a 
bottle of wine, but I remember having the strangest 
feeling that night. I felt like something was going 
to change. Something huge. I fell asleep crying that 
night. Two weeks later, Alex and I made love for the 
first time. I have that same kind of feeling tonight.

Alex is making me dinner. He cooks for me almost 
every single night. It's definitely one of the fringe 
benefits of our relationship that I don't have to eat 
every meal in the cafeteria anymore. He's got a 
little kitchenette in his room. Our room. It's our 
room now. I keep forgetting that. It's only been 
official for a week. Of course I've been spending 
almost every night here for the past year anyway so 
official doesn't mean much more than finally bringing 
the last of my clothes over here. My clothes and, of 
course, Ret and all of his dog paraphenalia. Maybe 
that's where this weird feeling is coming from 
though. Maybe "shacking up" is making me more nervous 
than I thought it would. I don't think so though.

I wonder what mom would have said about me finally 
living with a man.  She probably would have done a 
jig. Then she'd have found out who that man was and 
she probably would have cried. She wouldn't 
understand. She wouldn't be able to take the past and 
put it in a padlocked vault in the back of her heart, 
never to be seen or heard from again.

Ahab might have liked Alex. Maybe. Alex is a survivor 
and I think Ahab would have appreciated that. And he 
takes care of me. Even when I don't want him to, even 
when I tell him to leave me the hell alone already, 
he insists on taking care of me and I know my father 
would have been happy about that.

As for my brothers, I can't even imagine what they 
would have to say. I shudder to even think about it. 
It's so strange to wonder, to try and reconcile my 
past and my present. To imagine a world in which they 
could possibly co-exist is almost impossible. Maybe 
it's better this way. If there were even a single 
remnant of my life before left on this Earth things 
would be a hell of a lot more confusing. I just miss 
them so much sometimes. Especially this time of year.

"Devotchka?"

I jump a little bit and then relax into Alex's 
embrace. He's standing behind me with his arm around 
my waist, his head on my shoulder. I suppose he's 
been watching me stare out the window like a zombie. 
I notice Ret, sitting happily at my feet for the 
first time and smile to myself. What a scene of 
domestic bliss we make. So why do I feel so...

"You okay?"

Am I? I think I am. I can't shake this feeling 
though. It's so odd.

"I'm fine."

"No you're not. What'cha thinkin' about?"

I sigh and lean back against him, wondering if I 
should even tell him. We hardly ever talk about the 
time before, about our families, our past. He hardly 
seems to think of it at all. I know he didn't really 
have anyone that he cared about anyway so he doesn't 
have these bouts of nostalgia the way that I do. And 
frankly, the subject of my family is riddled with 
potentially awkward and painful issues between the 
two of us. Issues I've made a conscious decision to 
leave buried.

"Mulder?" he asks and I sigh again. I wasn't thinking 
about him but now that he's mentioned it, I am.

"No, I was actually thinking about my mother. 
Just...wondering."

He doesn't say anything, just squeezes me tighter and 
starts kissing my neck. I'm glad. I don't think I 
could stand hearing any inane reassurances right now. 
He knows I've looked. I've looked for them all. And 
we both know that the chances of any of them still 
being alive are slim to none.

"And I was thinking about my brothers. What they 
would have thought of you."

He laughs against my ear softly.

"They would have hated me."

"Yes they would have. Bill thought *Mulder* was 
dangerous. I can't even imagine what he would have 
thought of you."

"And what would Mulder think?"

"What...what do you mean?"

"If he were here. What would he think?"

I don't know what to say to that. The truth is, if 
Mulder were here Alex and I would never have gotten 
into this situation to begin with. I can't say that 
to him though. How can I? I'm sure he knows it but to 
say it would be a kick in the face.

The fact is, Mulder isn't here. The fact is, it 
doesn't matter what he would have thought. The 
question isn't valid.

"I don't know, Alex," is all I can say.

"I know what he'd want to do..."

"Alex, let's not talk about Mulder anymore."

"Kay."

He gives me another kiss behind my ear and starts to 
walk back to the stove.

"Come and sit down. Dinner's almost ready."

I nod absently and continue to stare out the window. 
It's snowing again. That's not an unusual thing 
certainly but for some reason, tonight, just looking 
at it is making me feel cold. Something about this 
snow is just...different.

"Devotchka? What's wrong?"

"What?" I turn around and see that he's brought all 
the food to the table and is standing there waiting 
for me. I wonder how long I've been ignoring him.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Alex. I...I don't know..."

"What is it, Dana?"

"I don't know. I just feel so...so odd."

"Are you getting sick?"

"Oh, no, nothing like that."

"Is it me? Is it something I did?"

"No, no, Alex. You didn't do anything. I just...it's 
not even a bad feeling really. Just a weird one. Like 
something...something's just different. Or it's going 
to be, or...God, I don't even know what I'm talking 
about. Forget about it."

He smiles and shrugs and looks at me in this way that 
he has. I can't even describe it but it makes 
everything okay.

"Come and eat, devotchka. It's New Year's. We should 
be celebrating."

My legs still don't seem to want to carry me over 
there for some reason. For some reason all I seem to 
be able to do right now is look at him. Alex. My 
beautiful, dirty, little animal. Sometimes I find 
myself just looking at him. And when I do I'm almost 
always knocked flat on my ass by what happens to me. 
The tremors usually start somewhere in my chest but 
they always end up running up and down my entire body 
like bolts of electricity. To feel such desire, such 
primal, gut level hunger, is always a surprise to me.

Times like this I wonder if it's possible to have two 
soulmates. I always figured if it was, the feeling 
would be the same. That if I were to feel a love so 
strong, as strong as my love for Mulder, that love 
would manifest itself in exactly the same way. I 
think I was wrong. I think it would be impossible for 
me to fall in love with someone who affected me in 
the same ways that Mulder did. He would never be able 
to measure up. But Alex, Alex brings out feelings, 
urges, tendencies, that I didn't even know could 
exist in me.

I think it is possible. I think Mulder was my 
soulmate for the time that we were together. He was 
my spiritual brother, sharing a love with me that was 
almost religious in its sanctity. We connected on a 
higher plane in a way that I will never experience 
again. Our physical attraction was strong, intense, 
but it was secondary to our other connections.

And Alex, Alex is my soulmate in the world we live in 
today. My physical soulmate, my carnal connection, my 
link to the world of the visceral, the bloody, the 
deep and the dark. Mulder made me ache. Alex makes me 
burn.

God, I want to touch him so badly. It's so strong, so 
feral. He turns me into an animal too.

"How..." I start, my voice cracking with the force of 
my sudden and random lust. "How do you say animal?"

He closes his eyes once, for a long few seconds, and 
I want to crawl inside his brain and see what's going 
on in there. After all the time we've spent, the 
things we've done, he's still a mystery so much of 
the time.

When his eyes finally open they find mine immediately 
and I think he understands.

"Zhivotnoye," he murmurs and the sound of the word 
coming from his gorgeous mouth sends a particularly 
strong quake through my body, starting and ending 
between my legs.

"Zhivotnoye. Zhivotnoye." I roll the word around on 
my tongue a few times. I think my pronunciation has 
improved a bit over the past year. He's taught me 
quite a few words and when I say them he doesn't 
laugh or cringe anymore. I think I said it right.

"Zhivotnoye. Can I call you that?"

He swallows heavily and I watch the motion of his 
Adam's apple bobbing up and down and then he wraps 
his fingers around the back of my empty chair.

"Yes," he says and I notice that this time his voice 
cracks a bit.

"I want you so much, Alex. Sometimes it's...I can't 
even stand it."

I'm not sure why I feel the need to tell him this 
right now but for some reason it seems very 
important. Despite the fact that it's utterly 
unnecessary.

"I know you want me, devotchka. I've never doubted 
that."

Of course.

"No, I...I suppose you wouldn't. Everybody wants you, 
right?"

"Yeah but, hey, what can I say about that. I can't 
help being this sexy. It's just the way I was made."

He's walking now, closing the distance between us. 
We're both breathing heavily already. I have a 
feeling dinner is going to have to wait.

"It must be so tough, being lusted after by so 
many..."

"It's a challenge every day. The benefits outweigh 
the drawbacks though."

"Oh really? And what exactly are the benefits?"

"Well, the most important one is that I get to decide 
who I want in my bed every night."

"Really?"

"Yep. And when I choose the most beautiful woman this 
Earth has ever seen, she can't help but fall into my 
arms...." he pauses and shrugs, "or, arm at 
least...and my pants."

He's standing right in front of me now, only a few 
inches away. I want to just grab him, to just jump on 
top of him and fuck him senseless, but dragging it 
out a bit always makes it that much better.

"Just Earth? What about the rest of the universe?"

"Well, ya know, there's lots of planets I ain't seen 
yet so I don't wanna be biased."

"Ah, I see. So does this mean you might end up 
leaving me for some blue chick somewhere down the 
road?"

"I'm just saying I can't be absolute about it. 
Unless..."

"Unless?"

"Unless said gorgeous Earth woman were to try and 
lobby for absolute exclusivity."

"Lobby?"

"Yeah, you know, what's the term...." 

He reaches down and starts pulling at his belt buckle 
and I swear to God, I have to struggle not to 
whimper.

"Grease me."

"Grease you? I think I've greased you plenty, Mister 
Universe."

"Yeah well, it's always a good idea to keep the 
customers satisfied," he sneers, undoing his belt 
completely and starting to work on the top buttons of 
his jeans.

"Customers. Is that what you are now? My my, what 
does that make me then?"

"Hey whatever. If you don't think you can prove 
yourself to me, maybe I better start looking into the 
blue chicks."

"You think the blue chicks can suck your cock as good 
as me, you're in for a big disappointment," I whisper 
and his whole body jerks towards me. "Huge," I add 
and he sneers again. What is it about seeing him 
sneer? God, what is it about any of the things he 
does. I swear, if he were anyone else...

"Oh come on, Dana. How hard could that be. I mean 
really, I think I put much more effort into it than 
you do."

"Effort? Please. You have no idea how much effort I 
put into that...that club in your pants."

He laughs and pulls open the last button on his fly.

"No, I suppose you're right. I really don't. Maybe 
you better remind me, Dana."

Oh God. He's pulling it out. I should really be 
offended. I should really be disgusted. Or at least 
laughing. But all I can do is stare at it.

"Come on Dana. Think of it as an appetizer."

He's hard as a rock, holding himself in his hand, 
actually waving the damn thing around. I'm about a 
half a second away from drooling. My mouth is 
literally filled with saliva. I swallow it down and 
try to look away.

"You really are a piece of work, Alex."

"Yeah, it is ain't it. Like art almost," he says, 
looking down at himself gleefully. "I oughtta have it 
casted or something. They could put it in the library 
with all the other art."

"Pathetic," I sniff and he grabs my head and pulls it 
roughly to his own. He kisses me hard and good...so, 
so good and my knees start to shake.

"That pathetic too?" 

"Mmmm, slightly less so."

"Good. Now, back to the greasing," he tells me, 
pushing my head down in the general direction of his 
crotch.

"Not so fast, cowboy."

"Oh yeah, as fast as you can, baby. I might be called 
off to battle at any moment. There's not much time."

"Alex, you...I don't know how you do it. You make the 
most offensive things seem almost...cute."

He shrugs innocently and rakes his eyes up and down 
my body covetously. His hand is still tangled up in 
my hair and his exposed erection is pressing against 
my stomach. The wetness is starting to pool in my 
underwear.

"If you were anyone else I'd probably be spitting on 
you right now. You realize that don't you?"

"Ya know, for a woman who's supposed to be proving 
her love, you sure are doing a lot of talking. Now 
would you suck my fucking cock already?"

"Well, I was just waiting for you to ask sweetness. 
All this subtlety was going right over my head."

He laughs through his nose amidst our near panting 
and shoves my head down until I'm on my knees in 
front of him, until his admittedly magnificent cock 
is between my lips. He starts moaning immediately and 
I have to hold my hands in fists to keep from 
reaching down into my own pants and playing with 
myself. Not that he would mind that. It just might 
distract me from the task at hand: breaking him.

I use every weapon in my arsenal, tongue, teeth, 
hands and especially lips and within a couple minutes 
he's jerking into me and holding my shoulder for 
support. His knees are starting to bend and shake. I 
reach around and slide my hands into his jeans, over 
his ass, and clutch him, digging my nails into the 
flesh and pulling him further into my mouth.

He looks down and I look up. A meeting of the minds.

"Krasavitsa," he grunts and I smile around him. 
That's one of the first words he taught me. It means 
beautiful.

"God...oh God," he moans and his knees finally give 
out completely. He collapses back onto his haunches 
on the floor and I grin in his face.

"So, greased yet?"

"Oh God, you win, you win. You fucking win."

"Don't I always?"

"Just...just finish. Dana, please. God."

"You're not gonna run off with some blue chick when 
I'm done are you?"

"Nnoooo. Just do it. Do it. God. Fuck! Please."

I consider it for a moment, mostly because he seems 
so desperate bouncing up and down like that, his 
swollen cock sticking straight up in the air. But 
it's just not gonna be enough right now. I'm too far 
gone to wait even two minutes more.

I shake my head no and his eyes widen in horror, 
thinking I'm just going to leave him sitting on the 
floor frustrated perhaps. Then I crawl to him and 
kiss him again, fill his mouth with my tongue, and 
push him down onto his back. I climb on top of him 
and straddle him frantically and grind my crotch down 
on his. He groans and laughs into my mouth and I bite 
his lips.

"I can't...I need, God Alex, just fuck me. Fuck 
me...zhivotnoye."

He starts rocking against me and I start to feel like 
the friction might be enough in itself to make me 
come right now. I'd just enjoy it if I wasn't so 
fucking desperate to have him in me.

"Is that what you think I am? An animal?"

"Mmhmm, as a matter of fact, I do. Is that all right 
with you?"

He starts pulling frantically at my clothes with a 
deep, guttural moan that vibrates through me.

"All right? God... makes me so hot I can't even 
believe it," he half whispers, half pants and I'm 
starting to wonder if it's possible to pass out from 
excessive arousal.

I lean down to kiss him again and our tongues lap at 
each other madly. Finally he manages to get my 
sweatpants down and off and I'm lying naked on top of 
him. He's still fully clothed except for his 
protruding cock but I don't really care.

I position myself over him and take just the tip of 
him inside me.

"Ya tebya lublu," he mumbles quickly and then thrusts 
upwards, filling me completely. I moan around a smile 
and wonder if he'll ever say it in English. He says 
those words almost every day, almost every time we 
make love. He would have to think me a total idiot to 
think I didn't know what it means. I know and he 
knows I know but I suppose we both like to pretend 
it's a big old secret.

And I can't complain really because I've never even 
said it to him in Russian, never mind English. I want 
to. I never said it to Mulder either despite the fact 
that he told me more than once and I regret it to 
this day. I don't want that to happen with Alex. But 
still, every time I think of saying it, I get a frog 
in my throat.

He says it again and I sigh. I kiss him. I tighten 
around him.

"God, Alex, feel so good. Mmmmmgod."

"Yeah, baby. Yeah," he huffs and I feel him throbbing 
inside me, filling me. I haven't even started moving 
yet and we're both so close to orgasm it's not even 
funny. We are so...God, what in the world are we. I 
feel like I'm going to cry. It's so good I'm going to 
cry.

And then, just when I think my brain might explode, 
Ret starts barking and I hear something. Something 
awful. Something that absolutely cannot be real. I 
hear the door opening.

"Boss?" a voice I recognize immediately calls out. 
It's Bryan. It's fucking Bryan. And we're fucking on 
the floor. We're partially shielded by the couch but 
when I look up, our eyes meet and he immediately 
turns his back.

I pull off of Alex and scramble around frantically on 
the floor for my clothes. As I redress Alex just lies 
on the floor, panting and staring at the ceiling for 
a minute. Then he buttons up his pants and stands up.

"Um...sorry Sir. I didn't mean to interrupt," poor 
Bryan mutters as he turns back to us.

"WHAT IS IT?!"

I bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud. Despite 
my frustration with a capital F it really is kind of 
funny. Alex is beet red and sweating, panting and 
heaving, running his fingers through his hair over 
and over, erection still pressing against his jeans. 
Bryan looks absolutely terrified.

"Sorry. There, uh, there've been some intruders."

This is suddenly not so funny anymore. I stand up 
now, fully dressed finally, and Alex and I glance 
nervously at each other.

"Intruders? How many intruders?" he asks.

"Two. A man and a woman. We thought you'd want to 
know, to decide what to do with them."

Alex nods slowly and rubs his hand over his face, 
realizing we're going to have to leave our 
celebration till later.

"Fuck," he grumbles under his breath. Then he looks 
at me again hungrily and I don't really know what 
swooning is but I think I do it. "FUCK!"

"What do they want Bryan?" I ask.

"Um, actually, they seem to want you."

"What?" Alex and I say simultaneously.

"Well, one of them does anyway. He just keeps 
yelling. He says he wants to see Scully."

xxxxxx

End Chapter Twelve
End Book One