TITLE: World Without End
(6/?)
AUTHOR: Rachel Anton
NOTE: this part is sort of
NC-17ish
I don't think I've actually ever been to the pool. I go to the gym to work out when I can but I've only seen the pool from above. There's a track that kind of winds around a surrounding balcony where I run sometimes. The water has always looked inviting.
The whole thing was Scully's idea. When she got here it was just a dried up, old, cement hole. But in one of the most surreal scenes I've ever witnessed, she managed to charm and negotiate with the ambassador from faceless land and sure enough he was bringing some chlorine in his next supply load and she turned it back into a first rate swimming pool.
I used to love swimming. It's not really my thing anymore for obvious reasons. It's a nice pool though. Especially now at night with the water glowing from the light at the end.
When I get there Scully's already swimming. She doesn't notice me as she laps back and forth at a leisurely pace and I don't say anything.
I had to do some serious digging to even find a fucking bathing suit. I found a pair of black, knee length shorts that I figured would suffice and threw them on along with a long sleeved shirt and my sneakers and came down here not knowing what to expect. Did she really think I was gonna dive in and start doing laps with her?
I kick off my shoes and sit on the side of the pool, dunking my feet in the surprisingly warm water. It feels almost like a bath. The wall on the other side is almost all glass and I can make out the bleachers outside where I guess people used to watch football games once upon a time. Scully's much more interesting.
She swims really well. She's in a black one piece and her hair fans out behind her as she moves in the water. She looks like some kind of mermaid or something. Totally gorgeous.
I just sit there watching her go back and forth about five times until she finally stops by the steps and stands up. She jumps when she sees me sitting there.
"Did you think I wouldn't show?"
"No, I just…I didn't hear you."
"It's probably not the best idea to swim when you're drunk. Not to be bossy or overbearing or anything."
"I'm not drunk. I was just a little tipsy. Roseanne drank almost the whole bottle herself."
Well, that figures.
Her bathing suit has a really high neck. It's one of those athletic type things with a white racing stripe down the side and a zipper from the middle of her cleavage up to her neck. For some reason it's even sexier than actually seeing her breasts like before. Just one flick of the wrist is all it would take…
"So, are you just gonna sit there or are you going to join me?"
"I'm fine here, Scully. I don't…I don't really swim."
"How come?"
She looks at me curiously for a minute and then sudden realization dawns and she looks terribly guilty.
"Oh, God, of course. I'm such an idiot…"
No, Scully. Please don't feel guilty. Please don't feel bad for me. Please, please don't regret asking me to do this.
"Sometimes I forget. I mean it's…it's just that you've done so much more than…oh God. I'm *such* a moron. Please tell me to shut up."
She sits down on the stairs and puts her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands.
"No, what were you going to say?"
She laughs through her nose and shakes her head.
"I remember one time, Mulder told me he wished he had a peg leg. Or hooks for hands."
"Excuse me?"
That does sound like something the idiot would have said actually.
"He said if you had those things that maybe people wouldn't expect so much. That it would be enough, impressive even, just to survive."
She laughs again at the memory and I can tell it's a fond one for some bizarre reason.
"He was just being silly but it's just, you've done so much more than survive, Krycek. I just forget sometimes."
I feel my head and my heart swell to about three times their normal size like the Grinch in that stupid movie and I smile back at her. I guess by Mulder's twisted standards I'm a fucking super hero. Of course, she's wrong. I haven't done much more than survive. That's all this is really, desperately clawing for survival.
"Well, anyway, you don't have to swim to get in the pool, Krycek. Just come in and get wet."
"I really can't, Scully," I tell her, lifting the prosthetic for emphasis. "This thing is electrical and it's not a good idea to submerge it in water. Especially since I don't see as how I'll be able to replace it anytime soon. I'm trying to treat it as well as I can."
"So take it off," she suggests. As if this were the easiest thing in the world.
"Um…Scully, I don't really…"
"Come on, it's just us here."
Yeah, and that's exactly the problem you crazy little girl. Oops, sorry. Not a little girl. Woman. Womyn. Whatever the hell she wants to be called. Anyway Scully is about the last person in the world I want to show any weakness to. And this is the biggest weakness I've got.
Besides the fact that it's just plain ugly. I can't bear the thought of her thinking any part of me is physically ugly. Emotionally, fine. I'm used to that. But I guess I'm just vain when it comes to my appearance. Maybe someday, if I live long enough, I'll be a crazy old man, deriving glee out of frightening small children with my freakish stump but right now, I'm just not there yet. Especially not with her. I want her to think I'm as beautiful as I think she is.
"Come on, Krycek. Don't be a big baby. Just take it off and get in here. It feels really good."
"A what? A baby??"
Okay, she knows what buttons to push. God, the fact that she managed to get me down here is something in itself. I guess I might look even stupider if I just sit here watching her all night.
She shrugs and smirks and I start unbuttoning my shirt.
"You smile now. You're gonna be sorry. This thing ain't pretty," I warn her, trying to prepare her for the worst. She starts swimming around again and it makes me a little more comfortable to think she's not just gonna sit there staring while I do this.
"Can't be worse than yer face," she jokes, splashing water on me with her foot as she swims by.
"You're a riot."
I get the shirt off and start the always irritating process of removing the prosthesis. At least I won't have to bother with it when I'm ready to go to sleep tonight. Scully starts doing laps again which is just as well.
When I finally get the stupid thing off I slide down into the water and she's right. It does feel really good. Just like a bath. Except better cause Scully's here. She swims up to me and stands up a few feet in front of me. The water comes up to the top of her breasts but it only covers me from the stomach down.
"Nice, huh?"
"Yeah. Yeah it is."
"Do you ever feel it?"
I just look at her for a second before I realize what she's talking about.
"Um, sometimes I guess. Not as much as when it first happened but yeah, once in awhile I feel like it's still there."
She nods and runs her hand back and forth through the water, watching the trails under the surface.
"I think I know what you mean. Sometimes I still feel him there. I think it's kind of similar."
Mulder. I never really thought about it that way. I guess he was kind of like an arm to her. Something that's just…just there, intrinsically a part of you and when it's gone you're never quite the same. It always feels like something vital is missing.
"Oh, wait. I've gotta show you something."
She swims to the steps and gets out of the pool and for a brief, bizarre moment I'm sure she's gonna take off her suit. Yeah, show me your stump and I'll show you my tits. Doesn't seem like a fair trade but what the hell.
Then she goes to the wall and flicks a switch that makes all the lights in the place except the one in the pool go off. It makes it much easier to see out the window and it almost feels like we're outside. But it's not really anything great. I wonder if she turned them off so she wouldn't have to look too closely at me.
Then she comes back to the pool and points up. I look towards the ceiling and realize for the first time that it's made of glass too. I must have known that but I never actually looked. The way it's set up when you look up you can't see anything but the stars. It's somewhat breathtaking. If you're into stars.
I look back at her, still convinced that she's the most impressive sight to be seen in this place. She's looking at the sky with a sense of wonder that I just don't understand even though it's quite beautiful on her.
"Pretty. Hard to believe such evil could come from the stars," I say, rather stupidly. Way to prove the woman's point. Maybe I am a drag.
"It's not the stars' fault Alex," she murmurs and I swallow heavily at her use of my first name. It's rare for her to call me that. It's usually "Krycek," harsh syllables uttered in a way that almost unavoidably sounds disgusted no matter who is saying it. I've always hated that stupid name. But Alex, Alex isn't so bad. Alex isn't necessarily a bastard.
"I know. It's just hard to look up with any kind of wonder or curiosity at this point. All I feel is disgust and a nauseating fear of what could be coming next."
"Don't you see any hope in them?" she asks, looking back at me again. "I mean, the universe is so big. They're not all that there is. This is all so insignificant really. There's so much more that's out there, so much more potential…"
This from our former skeptic in residence. I guess there's no denying it anymore. Things really have changed.
"I see more hope in what's right in front of me. In the fact that we're still here. You and me. I think that's a little more impressive."
She laughs lightly and looks at me in disbelief.
"You would think that wouldn't you?"
"It's not an ego thing."
"No, I know. It's just, you're so…I dunno, Earth-bound. So…I don't know. I mean there are things in life that aren't as tangible as all that. I mean, there's more to life than just eating, breathing, sleeping, surviving."
"Yeah there is. You left out the most important one, Scully."
She rolls her eyes. Miss philosopher. I suppose I'm some kind of philistine because I don't sit around pondering this crap like Mulder used to.
"Even with that," she says, "there's an element of it that goes beyond the physical, the biological."
"Oh really? What's that?
"Well, hopefully the mutual respect, love and affection you share with the other person."
"Mmm, hopefully. How often is it really about that though?"
And how the hell did we start talking about sex anyway?
"Well, probably not often enough. But it's always more than physical. No matter what. Ninety percent of sex is mental."
"Oh, ninety percent huh? Where'd you get that factoid, Doc?"
"God, you are such a little fucker. Don't you see any truth in what I'm saying? Can't you relate to any of it?"
"I dunno, Scully. I guess we just have had different experiences. I mean you've actually been…"
Been what? God, I don't even know if she and Mulder ever really got around to having sex. It doesn't really matter though. They were lovers. There's no question about that.
"Been?"
"Well, you've been in love, Scully. You've had that mutual respect, affection crap."
"Crap??"
"Stuff. Whatever."
"Boy, you're a real piece of work, Alex Krycek."
Me? I'm not the one getting all mooney eyed from looking at the stupid stars.
"All I'm saying is I guess I don't really know what you're talking about."
"You do. I really think you do. You just don't want to. What are you so afraid of, Alex?" she asks, moving a little closer to me. Oh God. What is happening here. My heart is racing and I'm actually starting to sweat even though I'm submerged in lukewarm water.
"Afraid? I'm not afraid. I just think it's better this way. I…I can't afford those kinds of feelings."
"God, Alex, those feelings are the *only* thing worth living for. I know how you feel because I was there. And I threw away the chance of a lifetime. It's not worth it. You should always take the chance. Take the chance, Alex."
She's even closer now. Does she want me to kiss her?? Is that what she's saying to me right now? It really feels like one of those moments but it's just…am I scared? I don't even know anymore. She confuses the fuck out of me.
"I've never really known anybody who I thought was worth it before, Dana."
"Well, maybe the love of your life is right around the corner. Could be someone you'd never suspect. Hey, it could be Bryan."
"That is so not funny."
"Oh, it's very funny. In fact the image is so hilarious I can't even stand it."
She starts giggling and my almost psychotic urge to kiss her goes away a little bit so I grab her head and dunk her instead. When she comes up she's spitting and splashing and miraculously, still laughing. We have a little bit of a water fight, splashing and dunking and laughing like a couple of 8 year olds and I think I finally understand what she means by doing something just for the sake of doing it. Is this what fun feels like? It's been so fucking long.
Unfortunately all this horsing around with a half naked, wet Dana has left me in an embarrassingly aroused state. When we finally calm down she tells me she's leaving.
"It's not that late, Dana."
"Well, we've got a meeting at 6:30 am sharp."
"Oh, right. Whose idiot idea was that anyway?"
"Your call, Captain."
"Well, next time I come up with a moronic notion like that, smack me upside the head."
"Done and done."
She starts walking up the stairs and turns back to me.
"Do you uh…do you need any help?"
Help? Yeah I need some help. I need some help jerking off tonight, Dana.
"No, I'm fine. I'm actually gonna stay a little while."
"Oh, okay. I'll get one of the guards to walk me back. I'll meet you at 6 for coffee and we can walk down together."
"Right. Be careful."
She starts toweling herself off and putting her clothes back on and I feel like I should really thank her but I don't even know how to begin.
"Uh, Dana…"
"Hmm?"
"Thanks. For tonight. This was…this was really nice."
There ya go. Wasn't so hard. And she's smiling again all sweet and sugary.
"Yeah it was. We should do it again. It could be um, our thing."
Our thing? We have a thing. I like that.
"I'd love that."
"Okay, I'll see you in the morning. Sweet dreams."
Man, she doesn't know the half of it.
*************************
When I make it back to my room I'm still fucking hard. It's a miracle of modern science. I don't know what the hell she just did to me or what the fuck they're putting in that water but I've never been so horny in my entire life.
I shed my clothes quickly and collapse into my large and suddenly very empty feeling bed in the dark. I don't even really feel like jerking off. I'm so fucking sick and tired of it. But it's gotta be done. It's like having to pee. If I don't do it, I'm gonna be awake all night having to do it and I'm going to get more and more tired and unwilling to do it and 5:30 will roll around and I'll still be sitting here hard as a rock and probably having to pee by then as well.
I don't usually have fantasies. I guess that's kind of strange for a guy. From what I've gathered most men have an elaborate collection of scenarios they like to play out in their mind as they touch themselves. Maybe I just have no imagination. I usually just think about things I've actually done. Sometimes I don't think anything sexual at all. Sometimes I plan meetings while I do it. Sometimes I think about being in battle. Sometimes I think about arguing with Scully. Sometimes I don't think about anything at all, just the way my dick feels in my hand. I just concentrate on the sensations and use the moments to clear my head entirely. Fantasy has always seemed like a waste of precious time.
Tonight is different. Tonight I went swimming for no reason at all and looked at the stars and talked about love, of all things, with Dana Scully. Tonight I give myself a fantasy.
As I take myself in my hand I go with the first image that pops into my head. Dana and Roseanne. Going down on each other on the floor of the lab. Maybe I was supposed to have a preamble or something but that works pretty well for me. I close my eyes and I can almost see it. God, it would be a beautiful sight.
I can't see Dana's face though so I put her on her back with Roseanne going down on her and Dana just looking at me, wide eyed, biting her lip as she gets closer and closer to orgasm. Her hair falls over her breasts and on the floor and her hands tangle in Roseanne's curly brown locks between her legs.
Yeah, this is definitely working. I'm close already.
But as I let myself relax into the fantasy, my mind changes it, almost against my will. And suddenly it's me going down on her. Here. In this bed.
I've never had sex with a woman in this bed. Not once. Women are like cats. Once you let them in the window and give them milk, they never go away. I never wanted a woman to stay here, to spend the night. But I don't have the heart to kick them out into the cold either. So I fuck where I can and leave when it's over. If it's their bed, it's my choice. Usually I don't even take that risk though.
But tonight, in my head, I bring Dana Scully to my bed, and I lick her senseless and make her come. She cries my name and then she falls asleep. She falls asleep in my bed, in my embrace.
The force and sheer pleasure of my sudden, unexpected orgasm makes me actually jerk into my hand and moan. I never moan when I masturbate. And I didn't even grab a tissue so now my stomach is covered with my own semen. And I don't even care.
"Dana…" I whisper into the dark. Not surprisingly, no one answers me.
End Chapter Six
Continued in Chapter Seven
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