Self Discovery

by Mel X Lady

The sounds of her keys at the front door sent a chill down his spine.  A chill of both anger and excitement, of fear and giddiness swept throughout his body and forced him to crack a smile; He was going to Dana Scully again.  Unfortunately, Alex Krycek would have preferred to see her under different circumstances.  The focus of his eyes moved across the room for a brief second as he noticed Luis Cardinal looking at the door, gun cocked.  His lips were moving but no sound came out as Krycek listened to the keys fall from the door and hit the ground.  A muffled curse shot through the door as he realized that this was the only chance he had.

Krycek kept low to the ground as he stepped away from his hiding spot against the back wall and slid next to Luis Cardinal.

"Krycek?  What the fu-"

"Shut up and get out of here," Krycek demanded into Cardinal's ear as he pushed his gun into his side.  A soft gasp escaped the Hispanic man's lips as Krycek watched the front door fall open.

"We have a job," Cardinal breathed as Krycek stood up and kicked Cardinal twice.  A low groan escaped him as he stood up and looked between Scully and Krycek.

"Get out," Krycek growled quietly as Cardinal shook his head and backed away from the man who had suddenly gone insane.

"I don't know what happened to you, but he will hear about this," He yelled before hiding his face from Scully and shutting the door behind himself.

"I don't know who you are or what you're doing here, but please-" Scully called out as she reached her hand to her holster.

"Scully, besides the incident from a few days ago and the fact that I've only been gone for eight months, I think I'm a little upset that you've already forgotten who I am," Krycek whispered as he stepped toward her.

"Incident from a week ago and eight months," She processed quietly as she stood in a dumb silence and allowed this mystery man to approach her and make eye contact.

Scully felt her hand release from her holster and reach toward his face.  She knew him, but she also didn't.  She hadn't been given a chance to say hello or good-bye and she was surprised at his appearance.  Her fingers slowly moved through the air and gently touched his forehead.  Only her index, middle and ring fingers briefly caressed him as they moved from his forehead and down the left side of his face.  She felt his dark eyebrows and watched him close his eyes gently as her fingers ran over the soft, but amazingly thick, eye lashes and down to his check bones.  She traced and memorized him as her middle finger ran over his upper lip and ring finger ran over his lower.  He stood in perfect attention and didn't even flinch as her fingers traced his cheek bones and found themselves at the corner of his right eye.  His soft skin caught her by surprise as her cool right hand contrasted heavily against his warm, almost devastatingly hot skin.  She felt her body sway for a moment as the movements pushed her hand into his hair.  It was so soft now that the styling gel was gone and only attracted her to touch more.  Before she knew what she was doing, she had taken another step toward him and both her hands were in his hair.  It was obvious that he had let it grown out and from the dim light that shone in through the window, it was also painfully obvious that he had red highlights.  Was he a red head?  Was it possible that this man who had taken Mulder away from her was as red haired as she was?

"I wanted to thank you," Krycek whispered as Scully felt the spell break and her hands fall out of her hair and back to her sides.  She still stood about a foot away from him, but her hands were hers and out of his hair now.

"I had to do what was best for-" She started but was interrupted by his hands as they covered her mouth gently.  She exhaled a small breath of air as he removed his right hand and gently stroked from her right temple down to the tip of her chin.  He did it so tenderly, so lovingly, that it sent a small chill down Scully's spine.  He must have felt it because a chill rocked down his spine too.

"It's been too long and I wanted to apologize for everything," Krycek whispered as he removed his left hand from her mouth and fell to his knees.  Scully continued to stand in her trance as she looked at him as he rested his head against her torso.  His hands looped together on the small of her back as his elbows draped against her thighs.

A deep sigh escaped Scully's lips as she pulled her right hand away from her body and gently played with Krycek's hair.  She stood as he knelt in silence for what felt like an eternity before she worked up enough courage to ask him what he was doing in her apartment.  Why he was at Mulder's building last week.  Where he went after Mulder discovered his relations to the elusive Smoking Man or why he decided to return now.  A thousand questions lingered on the tip of her tongue as she felt Krycek tug on her hips gently.  She followed her body's urges and fell to her knees as she realized her face was only an inch away from his.  Or more importantly, only an inch away from the only part of his face that she hadn't explored that night, his mouth.  He blinked as he moved his hands from her back and up to her head as the thumb on his right hand gently brushed her lower lip and forced it to quiver.  What on earth was this man doing to her?  Scully thought as she realized she couldn't stop her lip from quivering, or her body from trembling.  She stopped for a moment when she realized it wasn't her body that was trembling, but his.

Krycek tried to force his body to stop shaking as he realized how badly he wanted to feel her lips on his skin, or more importantly, himself in her body.  His goal for tonight was not to get into her pants, though.  No, tonight he was suppose to kill her with a bullet, but it felt like she was going to kill him with her beauty.  How could she not know that she was killing him by touching him that tenderly?  He looked up as he realized that Scully had been staring at him the whole time.  Did she know what he was thinking?  Did she have any idea how badly he was shaking or what he had been forced to do tonight?  Her mouth gaped as she felt her whole body lean in toward him.  Only a small distance rested between the two former acquittances as both waited for the other to tell how far they should go.  Scully wondered how he would react if she leaned forward and kissed him right now.  However, all of her thoughts and worries disappeared into oblivion as she felt Krycek press his lips against hers.

Scully gasped quietly as Krycek gently held her against his body for a moment before he pulled away.  He waited for a reaction from her as she shook her head but leaned forward again.  A mixed signal shot through her head as she mentally screamed at herself to stop this madness.  She was not suppose to be in this apartment right now when Mulder was under allegations of killing his father.  Not when her life was in danger from someone she trusted and not when she had watched this man do so many wrong things that he could never be forgiven.  Was he waiting for her to forgive him?  Was he waiting for forgiveness from her or just anyone who he could attract to himself and kill her after he got what he wanted?

"This isn't right," Scully whimpered into his mouth as she felt a slick wetness fall onto her nose and roll down her face.  She waited for a moment as she realized she wasn't crying yet, but Krycek was.

A soft sob ripped through the hot air as Scully felt tears run down her cheeks and mix with Krycek's.  What would Mulder say if he were to walk in and see his best friend and worst enemy kissing and crying together?  Nothing, she told herself.  Mulder would have already shot both of them and would kick Krycek's body away from hers and try to bring Scully back to life with his touch.

"Nothing's right," He breathed into her mouth as he slid her to the floor but stopped and tore away from the kiss.  A soft moan of loss escaped Scully's lips as she watched Krycek stand up and pull his gun into his holster.  She quickly sat up but remained silent as he looked at her but locked his holster instead.

"I am sorry for everything.  I wish I could stop time, but if I stay here another minute, we'll both be dead.  You don't have to forgive me, Scully.  I'm unforgivable," Krycek whispered as Scully pulled herself to her feet and stopped him before he turned to leave.

"You are an unforgivable, horrible man-no, you're not a man, you are a rat.  You're an unforgivable rat, Alex Krycek, but why can't I say that and mean it?"  Scully asked as another tear slipped down her cheek.  She rocked in silence as Krycek leaned forward and kissed the tear into his mouth and swallowed it.  He pulled away as she watched another tear slip down his cheek.  She leaned forward to kiss it but was stopped by Krycek's lips.  She felt her world turn upside down again as he pulled away gently and allowed her to kiss the disappearing tear.  The salt mixed in with his own brand of sweetness that highly contrasted with the other flavors of his skin and body.

Scully swallowed the tear and watched a small smile cross his stone lips.  It was the first time she had ever seen him smile, but it was also the first time she had ever seen anyone so tender toward her.

"I'm apart of you and you're apart of me now.  Welcome to the nightmare, Scully," Krycek whispered as he turned to leave.  This time, she didn't move toward him as the sound of her front door shutting gently rocked through her memory as a weak smile broke through her icy shell.

"You're forgiven."

The End

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