Prosthetic

by Hayley McBey

He's back.  He came waltzing into my apartment last night as though he'd never left.  As though he hadn't abandoned me for so many months, alone with my thoughts and my fears.  He came back, carefully only revealing one side to me.  I looked at him, trying so hard to feel anger that he could just come back like this, having not even contacted me while he had been away.  Relief to see him alive overrode the feeling of terminal rage that had threatened to consume me when he hadn't shown up night after night, so I ran to him, hugging him close, hearing the sharp little indrawn breath as I grasped his arm.  Something didn't feel right.  Looking down, I saw that it was the wrong colour, his flesh had never looked like that whilst I had known him.  Standing there unshaven, a navy tee-shirt his only barrier against the sharp winter wind, he looked achingly vulnerable and alone.  Raising my eyebrow, I looked at his arm and tried to think of a suitable way to bring it up.  He knew what I was thinking and offered help.

"An accident in Tunguska."  He said, glancing at the floor.

"Tunguska?"  I questioned, knowing full well where it was, but wanting to hear it from him.

"In Russia."

"You were in Russia?"

He was beginning to get slightly exasperated.

"Dana, I didn't come here to discuss my prosthetic limb."

"I'm sure you didn't, but that isn't going to prevent the discussion from taking place, Alex."

He sighed then.  Always when he thought I was trying to get too close, trying to work my way into his life, he pushed me away.  After all that we had promised to each other, he still did it.

"Mulder was there."  He announced into the silence.  Furrowing my brow, I glared at him before admitting, "I know."

"He told you that I was there?"  He asked, amazed.

"Of course he did."

He shrugged, an odd contortion in a one armed man.  Trying to keep my mind off that, I asked him why he had came to me.

"I needed to speak to you.  To tell you that I'm leaving the country and I don't think I'll be returning for a long time.  Dana, we can't continue with this.  Originally, I thought that what we felt for each other could hold us together no matter what happened."

I was astounded.

"What's happened to change your mind?"

A hopeless shrug.  A pleading look.

"We can't carry on like this.  Your life has already been endangered because of me, and I won't let that happen again."

"So this is it?  After all that we said to each other, after all we  promised?  You're going to end it like this?"  I could feel the tears  begin to well up, but I was damned if I was going to cry.

"Dana, please don't make this any harder than it already is."

"Harder for you?  Why the hell would I want to make it any easier for you to cast me aside like this?"

"I'm sorry."  He whispered, anguished.  I turned away, biting my lip to stop myself releasing the hot tears I could feel behind my eyelids.  I heard the door click and I knew he had left.  Only then did I allow myself the luxury of crying.  Hurling myself onto the couch, I began to think over the course of our "relationship".

It had all began when Mulder had called me to announce he had a body for me to perform an autopsy on.  The X-Files had officially been shut down, and I was teaching at Quantico.  When Mulder had turned up, I had noticed the attractive man at his side, and had been unable to tear my eyes away.  Not wanting to reveal this to my partner, and also unwilling to show this stranger how I felt, I had deliberately been frosty towards the man Mulder had introduced as "Krycek".  Trying to keep him out of the conversation as much as possible, I had noticed that Mulder had been only too willing to allow me to do this.  I knew that Mulder was paranoid, but I had thought this strange even for him.

After they had left, Alex had returned, and I knew that he knew.  I knew that he had sensed exactly what I had felt, a feeling that I had only previously felt for Mulder.  He had walked forward slowly, maintaining eye contact at all times.

"Agent Scully, come out with me tonight."

I had agreed, and so it all began.  He told me of his involvement with the Consortium, how he had been assigned to assess the threat of the X-Files.  I was initially shocked, not wanting to believe it.  He had assured me that he didn't want to harm either Mulder or myself, and I had believed him.

I knew I couldn't tell Mulder.  He didn't trust Alex in any capacity, angry that he had to work with him.  He suspected Alex's involvement with the Consortium, and so took every available opportunity to leave him behind.  It was driving us both mad, we couldn't seal our love in the normal way thanks to our jobs and our colleagues.

Help came from the most unexpected quarter.  Cancer Man offered to help us out, he told us that he could arrange for me to apparently "disappear", leaving us both free to continue our lives together somewhere else.  The conditions were that I was to have no further contact with Mulder, and that I did some work for them.  I could have no contact with my family, and that was the hardest decision I had ever had to make.  How could I leave them?  I looked at Alex and did the only thing I believed that would bring me happiness.  I agreed.

The Duane Barry incident was carefully orchestrated.  I had to phone Mulder at a time I knew he was out, and Duane would be allowed to escape, as they had implanted him with the urge to come for me.  The screams of pain that Mulder had heard were real, Duane had not been implanted with the urge to be gentle.

All was going well, and I was due to be reunited with Alex.  The cablecar incident was unfortunate; no one had expected Mulder to be quite so… eager to find me.  When he almost caught up with us, Alex had to act quickly, stopping the car with Mulder in it and leaving to inform the Consortium of the events.  Once I had been safely "abducted", we believed that Mulder would give up.

What we didn't count on, however, was his persistence.  He began again to be a threat to the Consortium, and I was informed that I would have to return to him to prevent this threat.  To make it appear more realistic, I was returned to Mulder in such a state that I had to be hospitalised.  That was very rough on me, wired up to drips and monitors.  I knew, however, that Alex and the Consortium would not allow me to die; that I was too valuable to them.  I was right.  A member had the antidote placed in my bloodstream, allowing me to "wake up" seemingly naturally.  Mulder believed that I was truly abducted, and life went on as normal.  He came to mean so much more to me; saving my life on several occasions and telling me how much he trusted and loved me.  How could I betray him a second time?  No, I would stay with Mulder, and continue my relationship with Alex as I had before.  I owed Mulder no less.

It was not until I contracted the cancer that I knew of my folly; I should never have intrusted my life to the Consortium.  This was their "guarantee" that I would return to them, as only they knew how to return the cancer into remission.  I made my peace with my family, and came close to telling Mulder everything.  Alex came to visit me late one night and cried by my bedside, blaming himself.  He knew that I could no longer leave my family and Mulder, my partner had grown to mean so much more to me.  He had sworn then to find out what he could about how to beat the deadly tumors, and he did so.  The pertinent information was conveniently left for Mulder to find, and Alex knew that he was intelligent enough to work it out for himself. Luckily for me, he was right.

The night I went to Martha's Vineyard was one I will never forget.  I had known Mulder had been acting irrationally, beating Skinner and being irritable.  I had feared that he would harm his father, and had driven as quickly as I could to reach him.  I had seen him with a gun levelled on  Alex, Alex who had just removed a threat to the Consortium.  I couldn't let Mulder kill him, and had tried to stop him by rationally stating that then there would be no way to prove he didn't kill his own father.  Mulder didn't listen, and I was forced to shoot one of the men I love to save the other.  It isn't something I relished doing.  Alex had escaped, and I hadn't heard from him until he turned up tonight.  Turned up to tell me that it was over.  He'd left me with a feeling of deep dissatisfaction, and I don't think I'll ever be able to wash away the bitter taste of my own deception.

Sitting up with a jerk, I hear the phone ring.  Wiping my eyes and quickly blowing my nose, I answer.

"Scully."  I state.

"Hey Scully!  Want to come over and share a pizza and a baseball game?"

Mulder.  Of course.  My saviour from the dark times.

I smile weakly.

"Are you paying?"

"What a horrible suggestion.  Like I would invite you for a pizza and then expect you to pay for it."

"Neatly sidestepped, bud.  You paying?"

"Well, I thought you could pick it up on your way over."

"I see.  Well, I'll be there soon, and I warn you, I'm having mushrooms."

"No fair!"

"Hey, cheapskate, you want something different, you pay!"

"Hmm.  See you soon, then."  He sounds like a petulant three year old.  I grin, he's lifted my mood yet again.

How could I ever have decided to leave him?

End

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