Disclaimers in Part One.
Mulder opened his eyes against the drill hammer pounding in his head. Where was he? He turned his head to the right, towards a window, and all he could see were trees. Trees and bars. Bars? Where the hell was he? He vaguely remembered sitting in a bar with Cooper and Koskie. It all came flooding back and he winced. He had been talking to Krycek. He mind had overloaded. He passed out.
Damn. He was back in the sullen, solitaire present. Where Scully was dead and he was alone. Could it suck anymore than it did? He wanted to go back to the memory he'd been dreaming about.
He tried to sit up, but couldn't. The thumping in his skull wouldn't allow it. He turned his head the other way and his gaze settled on Koskie. His partner was sleeping; head against the back of the chair he was slouched down in.
Mulder tried to whisper, to call Koskie without causing the damn elves to tap dance across his forehead. He squeezed his eyes shut and took slow, deep breaths for a few moments. Feeling slightly rejuvenated, he reached his hand over to the side table and searched until he found a piece of paper. Crumpling it up, he took careful aim and gently flicked his wrist. The makeshift ball sailed over and hit his partner in the face.
Koskie quickly stood up, fumbling his gun out of his holster and knocking his chair over. Mulder couldn't help but laugh softly at his partner's amazing display of no coordination. The chuckling only made the elves pound harder and he forced himself to stop.
Koskie relaxed and approached the side of the bed. 'I guess someone's feeling better.'
'Where am I?' Mulder asked in a whisper.
'Hospital.' Koskie said, leaning closer to Mulder so he could whisper as well. 'Psychiatric ward.'
'Loony bin?' Mulder asked, his eyes squeezed shut.
His partner smiled. 'I was trying to be politically correct.'
'I guess there's a first time for everything.' Mulder said, trying to clear his head of the pain. 'I should get frequent flyer miles or something every time I stop in one of these places. What happened?'
'You passed out.' Koskie said, pulling the chair closer to the bed. 'You put your hands over her face, you swayed, El Clunko.'
Mulder raised his eyebrows at Koskie. 'Clunko?'
'You smacked your head pretty hard.' Koskie said. 'We tried to catch you, but still, clunko.'
'Is that the medical term?'
'You have a concussion.' Koskie said. 'Other than that you're physically fine.'
'Good.' Mulder said. 'Then they don't need to hold me that long.'
'You're going to need to speak to Skinner.' Koskie said, not looking at him. 'He's around here somewhere.'
Mulder eyed his partner for a moment. 'Koskie?'
'You know, these hours you keep, Mulder.' He said, rubbing his hands over his face. 'They are going to age me. I need my beauty sleep. I think we need to set up a schedule that's a tad more conventional.'
'What aren't you telling me, Koskie?'
He only got silence in response. Koskie was staring at the floor, chewing on his bottom lip.
'Koskie, don't make me come across this hospital bed.'
'Always joking.' His partner met his eyes, gave him a small smile. 'Defense mechanism?'
Another flash invaded Mulder's memory without warning.
Krycek burst into laughter and Mulder joined him.
'Never thought you'd be such a smartass.' Mulder said.
'Defense mechanism.' Krycek said.
Mulder nodded. 'I have that installed myself.'
Mulder shook his head in the present, regardless of the pain. These memories that kept barging in on him were probably not a healthy indicator of what was happening to his mind. Not to mention they might be hazardous to his health and the well being of those around him. He nearly killed himself and Koskie on the drive back to New York because his past decided he needed a refresher course on the last year of his life.
He was going to have to do something about this.
'You okay, Mulder?' Koskie asked.
'You know, Koskie,' Mulder replied, 'I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not operating at full capacity.'
Mulder didn't know why it felt so good to tell someone his fear that maybe he was losing his mind. He normally didn't confide in anyone. Except Scully. A little. Sometimes.
'That's understandable after all you've been through, Mulder.' Koskie said softly. 'You haven't taken any time off to deal with losing your partner. You guys worked together for a long time. It's fairly obvious you two were close.'
He doesn't have any idea just how close Scully and I were, Mulder thought. Poor guy, he's been thrown right into the middle of this. Getting attacked by a chicken only two days after being assigned to the X-Files, a dead-end job that no one wants. Dealing with Dale Cooper, the NSA, and hearing horror stories about the impending destruction of the human race. Now he has to deal with me, slowly but surely losing my mind. And all he can do is stand there and be supportive.
'Maybe you need some time off.' Koskie suggested softly. 'Time to rest and think. Maybe take a vacation and go somewhere you've always wanted to.'
'Bad timing, for you, Koskie.' Mulder said. 'Sorry you have to deal with this.'
'With which part?' Koskie asked, smiling. 'The smelly underground tour of New York City? Or the disastrous rave you took me to? I mean, I know you were trying to impress me and I'm sorry it ended so horribly, but you start inviting bad elements and you never know what's bound to show up. Take the inter-stellar chicken, for example. He went through great lengths to be here for that little soiree and look at what happened to him? I'll bet he's really pissed, came through a couple of galaxies, made a trip across the Atlantic, wandered the nihilistic sewer system…But I digress.'
'I think I get the point, Koskie.'
'Climbing around in the heating ducts was definitely not something I'd choose to do again.' Koskie went on. 'And don't think you're going to get away with taking me out to Happy Jack's or whatever the name of that dirty, bug-infested, hole in the wall was. You call that a dinner date? I don't think so, Mulder. I'm talking Filet Mignon, Dom Perignon, if you want me to put out, it ain't gonna be cheap.'
Mulder stared at Koskie, really not sure of how to reply. He'd always been able to win the battle of words. There was only one person he could remember who had ever beat him into laughter before he could respond. Krycek.
'Well.' Krycek said, turning away from the beach and leaning against the railing. 'If you really want me to, I can put my feet up at the dinner table and chew with my mouth open.'
'That'd be a nice start,' Mulder had responded, 'but can you use three foul words in each sentence, maybe give Bill the finger every fifteen minutes.'
Krycek nodded. 'I could even try to work in an unflattering bodily function every now and then.'
'You'd really do that for me?' Mulder smiled at him.
Krycek nodded, winking and pointing at him. 'Gotcha back, bro.'
Mulder had laughed hard, unable to continue the banter.
'What are you thinking about?' Koskie asked him. 'You got that shit eating grin on your face again.'
'Well,' Mulder responded, sighing, 'That kinda thing happens when you're a taco short of a combination plate.'
It was Koskie's turn to mull that statement over in his mind. He finally cracked a grin. 'What the hell?' He asked, beginning to snicker. 'A taco short of a combination plate?'
Mulder joined his chuckling and the two careened off into laughter as Skinner walked into the room.
'Agents.' He greeted them, looking surprised at their light behavior. 'How are you feeling, Mulder?'
'My head hurts like hell.' He responded, his laughter trailing off. 'With the clunko and all.'
Skinner sighed, hating to bring this up and put a damper on Mulder's mood.
'You don't have to say anything, Sir.' Mulder said. 'Koskie and I talked and I think it'd be a good idea for me to take some time off. I need to use some of that vacation I've banked anyway.'
Skinner thought to himself that he couldn't have been more surprised if Cancer Man had entered the room dressed Kiss-style, silver platform boots included, dancing around like Paul Stanley and singing 'I Was Made For Loving You'.
'Take as much time as you need, Agent Mulder.' Skinner said, looking at Koskie in astonishment. How the hell did he manage to spin that one? Not even Scully had been able to penetrate Mulder's thick skull. 'Let's let him get some rest, Agent Koskie.'
'I'll be right behind you.' Koskie replied, watching him leave then turning back to Mulder. 'You know, my sister and I have a Saturday night ritual. We call it 'Pathetic, Law Enforcement Agents With No Time To Get A Real Life Night'.'
'Yeah?'
'Yeah.' Koskie nodded. 'We rent cheesy horror flicks or corny comedies, stuff ourselves with pasta and get wasted on Sangria. Marie makes the best Sangria. From scratch. Fruit marinating all day. The whole nine yards.'
Mulder nodded. 'Sounds perfect.'
'You should come check it out.'
Mulder hesitated. 'I wouldn't want to intrude on the whole brother-sister thing.'
Koskie laughed. 'No, no, Mulder. It's on open invitation every week for a lot of pathetic law enforcement agents. Sometimes there's just Marie and me other times it's a rager. I'm sure you'll run into some people you know from the Bureau. We all know how wildly popular you are around there. You'll have fun, promise. Take a break from hiding like a mole every now and then.'
'You know who you remind me of?' Krycek's face popped up in his mind again, standing on the deck and drinking a beer. 'Running around, never having time for anyone or anything else. Mindlessly dedicated on working for a cause that really has no meaning to anyone. You know who you'll turn into if you're not careful?'
Mulder stared back at Krycek, trying not to appear too concerned with what he was saying. 'Who's that?'
'Our father.'
Strange, Mulder thought. For once, he agreed with Krycek. Maybe the half-alien is as smart as everyone say's he is. Mulder smiled up at Koskie. 'You want me to bring anything?'
Koskie returned the grin. 'I think we got everything covered, but you can bring whatever you want. As long as its not an eight-foot rubber chicken with a manicure and an attitude problem. I mean, you know how much he loves to party.'
'I'll try to break it to him gently.' Mulder said. 'But he will be heartbroken.'
They were silent for a moment, and then Koskie put a hand on Mulder's arm. 'Get some rest. I'll check back in later. Need anything before I go?'
Yeah, Mulder thought, I need a lot of things. 'No, just something to get this stupid song out of my head. I don't know where it came from and it's driving me crazy.'
'Driving you crazy?' Koskie smiled at him. 'Mulder, I think wherever crazy was driving, you got dropped off a long time ago.'
'Agent Koskie, whatever are you trying to say?'
'Oh nothing, just that whole…' Koskie twirled a finger in circles next to his ear. 'You know…Until you find that taco…'
Mulder grinned at him. 'Get out of my room, you asshole.'
Koskie made kissing noises at him as he shut the door.
Mulder shook his head, smiling. The thought that Koskie reminded him of Krycek did not escape him. The sarcasm, the causal air that seemed to hover over him, the fact that he couldn't stay serious for any length of time. It was probably the reason he'd grown to like Koskie so quickly.
Liking Koskie was the easy way to like Krycek without actually having to like Krycek.
And he'd never found himself trusting someone so quickly. Not even Scully.
There he went again, over analyzing everything. Couldn't it be that Koskie was genuinely a nice guy who could make him laugh? Mulder smiled to himself. Koskie was one hell of an obnoxious guy who didn't take anyone's crap. He liked that about Koskie. He liked that about anybody.
Mulder put his pillow over his head, begging the annoying song in his head to go away. He hadn't heard that song in easily over fifteen years. Not to mention there were a lot better songs by the band then that poppy, disco rock song. He sang it softly into the pillow, hoping to hear it would make it would go away.
'I was made for loving you baby…You were made for loving me…And I can't get enough of you baby…Can you get enough of me…'
What the hell had made him think of Kiss?
*************************
Mulder stood at the front door of Koskie's townhouse, debating for the tenth time in the short walk up the cement path whether or not he really wanted to do this. He was no good in crowds, no good at small talk, no good at being, well, sociable. He had never fit in anywhere. Not in high school, not in college, and definitely not in the Bureau. It sounds awfully loud in there, Mulder thought. Maybe I should turn around and walk away. I could go home, drink some beer, watch my own damn movies…
You know who you'll turn into if you're not careful?
Who's that?
Our father.
Damn you, Krycek.
Mulder forced himself to knock on the door before he could think twice about it.
The level of the noise as soon as the door opened almost knocked him back a couple of steps.
'Agent Mulder?'
Mulder found himself face to face with someone who looked vaguely familiar. He put him in a suit, took off the baseball cap, took away the slight drunken buzz of the man…
'Danny?' Mulder asked.
'What are you doing here?' They both asked then laughed at each other.
'It's PLEA night, Agent Mulder.' Danny said, grinning lopsidedly at him.
'So I heard.' Mulder replied, thinking it was almost surreal to be standing here informally with a drunken Danny. 'You come here often?'
'Yes.' Danny nodded, then burst into a laugh. 'So I guess that would make me really pathetic.'
Mulder grinned at him. 'Don't feel bad, Danny. You can see where I ended up tonight.'
'Agent Mulder,' Danny suddenly became solemn, 'I never got to tell you how sorry I was to hear about Agent Scully.'
Mulder took a moment, swallowed the lump in his throat, and somehow managed to smile at Danny. 'Thank you, I appreciate it. And just call me Mulder. We're not at work right now.'
'Loser!' Koskie shouted, pointing at Mulder as he appeared behind Danny in the doorway.
Mulder grinned at his partner. 'The one and only.'
Koskie leaned out to look around and clucked a couple of times. 'No Big Bird?'
'I don't think Big Bird is a chicken.'
'You never can be too safe with any feathery fowl.' Koskie clapped Mulder on the shoulder and began to spew words in a Scottish accent. 'Whaddaya doin' standin' out in the freezin' cold, lad?'
Mulder looked at Koskie, feigning confusion as he entered the house. 'Maybe you should have done voiceovers for cartoons instead of writing cards for Hallmark.' Mulder took a sip of his drink and looked at it. 'Oh my god. Damn, that's good.'
'Didn't I tell you?'
'Don't get used to being right, Koskie. It isn't going to happen very often.' Mulder took another sip as they entered the living room where everyone was.
The room grew considerably quiet as half a dozen faces from the Bureau turned to see Agent Spooky Mulder not twenty feet away.
There were perhaps twenty people crowded around, Mulder new some of them from the Bureau. The rest, he could only assume were ATF, maybe some local PD.
Koskie slapped an arm around Mulder and grinned his charming smile. 'I think most of you here know Agent Mulder.'
Some raised their glasses in a toast to him, others smiled his way.
Mulder understood if they were leery of him. He was, after all, Spooky Mulder. The rebel of the FBI. The man who had more than his share of close encounters, both figuratively and literally. He was the man who had just lost his partner.
Mulder smiled back at the curious people turned his way and raised his own glass in a toast.
*************************
'Agent Mulder, it's nice to finally meet you.' A man Mulder didn't recognize was standing next to him. 'I've heard so much about you.'
'Don't hold that against me.' Mulder grinned.
He was surprised at how easy this way. He was mixing, he was talking, he was joking, and he was laughing. He didn't see what the big hold-up was before.
'Agent Mulder.'
Marie was intercepting him from yet another person and Mulder grinned down at her.
'Maria Tortilla!'
She knocked her glass against his. 'I'm glad you managed to drop in. Steven speaks very highly of you.'
Mulder choked on a drink he was taking and Marie grinned. 'You seem surprised, Agent Mulder.'
'Surprised doesn't begin to cover it.'
'Agent Koskie.'
Mulder turned to see his partner standing behind him, pitcher in hand.
'Yes, Agent Koskie?' Marie gave him a serious look.
'They're crying for more Sangria.' Koskie said, topping off Mulder's glass with the remains in the pitcher.
'Well, shit, Steven.' Marie said. 'This is the last one?'
Koskie nodded. 'Yes, Ma'am.'
She burst into laughter. 'That was like, ten gallons!'
Mulder nearly blew Sangria all over her, trying not to laugh.
Koskie's smile was huge. 'We've got one hell of an inebriated group here, Agent Koskie. What are you prepared to do about it?'
Marie took the empty pitcher from him and walked towards the kitchen. 'I'll improvise.'
'Improvise?' Koskie grinned. 'With Sangria?' She ignored him and he turned towards Mulder. 'You find that taco yet?'
'No taco.' Mulder shook his head.
There was suddenly a lot of noise in the crowd and Mulder turned around to look behind him.
'AD Skinner?'
'Mulder, what are you doing here?'
'Getting rip-roaring drunk, Sir.' Mulder said. 'What are you doing here?'
'About to join you in that.' Skinner pulled a bottle of tequila out of his pocket. 'I brought this because I'm assuming that as late as I am, Marie already ran out of Sangria.'
'And you'd be correct.' Koskie said, grabbing some shot glasses from a nearby cabinet. 'Even though we were always told in the academy that assuming make's an ass-'
'Out of you and me.' Skinner and Mulder both finished with him.
'Come here often, Sir?' Mulder asked as Skinner poured shots of Cuervo.
'Every other week or so.'
'Really?'
Skinner nodded. 'How long's it been Steve?'
Koskie shrugged. 'Hell, maybe a year, I don't really know.'
'You knew each other before being assigned to the X-Files?'
'I thought you knew.' Skinner said, holding out a shot of tequila to Mulder.
'Knew what?'
'Jimmy Koskie, Steven's dad, was my older brother's best friend.'
Mulder was silent.
'I've known him since I was born.' Koskie held his shot glass out to them.
'I didn't know you had a brother, Sir.' Mulder said, holding his glass out as well.
The three of them clinked glasses and took the shot. Mulder was reminded of the last time he'd toasted with Skinner. In a Japanese bar. He, Skinner and Scully had knocked together bottles of beer and gotten too drunk. They had been so hungover the next day; he'd fallen asleep in a meeting. The bruises on his legs from being kicked by the two of them, one on either side, trying to wake him up, had lasted for a week.
'I thought you were conceived immaculately.' Mulder said. 'I cannot imagine you having siblings and parents.'
Skinner cracked a grin. 'Are you trying to insult me, Agent Mulder?'
'No, sir.' Mulder shook his head.
Skinner poured another round of shots. 'Have you decided what you're going to do with your time off?'
Mulder nodded. 'I'm heading out to England next week. Going to visit my old stomping grounds. Try to ditch my nervous breakdown, maybe confuse it a little, if nothing else.'
'Walter!' Marie embraced the Assistant Director warmly, pitcher in hand. 'I'm so glad you made it out.'
'Do you need to pour your Sangria all down my back?' Skinner asked, grinning down at her.
'I'm sorry.' She grinned sheepishly at him before thrusting the pitcher into Koskie's hands. 'Whaddaya think?'
Koskie took a drink from the pitcher and raised his eyebrows at her. 'It's fine. Almost works. What is it?'
Marie smiled and took the pitcher. 'You don't want to know.' She walked away to refill everyone's glasses. All three men watched her walk away.
'Must be nerve-wracking to have a younger sister in ATF.' Mulder said.
'Are you kidding?' Skinner looked at Mulder in disbelief. 'She's one of the toughest kids I've ever known.'
'Besides,' Koskie said, 'she's not my younger sister.'
'No?' Mulder asked, raising his eyebrows at Koskie.
He shook his head in response. 'No. Marie is four years older than I am.'
'Well, damn, Koskie.' Mulder said. 'You look like shit. Maybe you do need that beauty sleep.'
'What are you guys talking about?' Marie was back in the circle.
'You.' Koskie said, nudging her.
'Figures.'
Skinner handed her a shot of tequila as well and she held it up. 'What are we toasting to?'
Koskie held his up. 'To friends.'
'To friends.' Marie smiled between Mulder and Skinner.
'Friends.' Skinner held his up as well.
Friends? Mulder thought. His only friend was Scully. And she was gone.
You know who you'll turn into if you're not careful?
Who's that?
Our father.
His old life was over. His whole family was gone. Scully was dead. He needed to start over. Try to continue on. Try to survive. It's what Scully would have wanted.
'Friends.' Mulder said.
The four of them knocked their glasses together.
*************************
'Well, you were right, Mulder.'
Mulder refilled their wineglasses, not realizing how many bottles they'd been through until he set the new one down and it clanked against a couple other empty bottles. He'd been completely lost in the telling of time past and was surprised to hear classical music. What happened to The Doors?
'Bach?' He asked, raising his eyebrow.
Scully smiled and shook her head. 'Pachabel Cannon in D.'
Mulder listened for a moment to the somewhat depressing melody. The ocean breeze blew softly against his face and the crashing of the surf hypnotized him. He could get used to this. The music ended and Mulder took a sip of wine in the silence as he waited for the next song to be selected. A song from his younger years came on; he couldn't quite place it.
'What was I right about, Scully?'
'I would want you to go on.' She smiled sadly and looked out over the ocean before taking a sip of her wine.
'…Girl of sixteen…Whole life ahead of her…Slashed her wrists…Bored with life…'
Mulder didn't know what to say.
'So, you went to England. How was that?'
'Really, really, really weird.' Mulder grinned. 'Met up with some old friends, wandered Oxford, hit all the cool places in Cambridge. It was weird, but I'm glad I did it.'
'And you stayed on the X-Files?'
'Yes.' Mulder nodded. 'But it wasn't the same. Not much conspiracy stuff. I think Skinner was orchestrating what I was doing a little more than before to protect me. He never knew that I'd been working with the Verein.'
'So you and Koskie were just investigating, what? Witches, Jason, Stephen King novels…'
Mulder laughed softly. 'You could say that.'
'And you made friends, Mulder, I'm so proud.' She teased.
'You're picking.' He said, grinning at her.
'Just a little.' She returned the smile. 'You and Alex finally bury the hatchet? I saw the Christmas pictures of the two of you at my Mom's. You guys spend a lot of time together?'
Mulder inwardly cringed. He had hoped that this wouldn't come up. 'You want the Mulder answer?'
Scully narrowed her eyes at him. 'I want the truth.'
'…She takes the blame…It's always the same…She goes down on her knees and prays…'
Mulder sighed. 'Christmas was the first time I'd seen Krycek since…your…funeral. Whatever, you want to call it.'
'Oh, Mulder.' Scully shook her head.
'It was the first time I'd seen your Mom. The first time I'd seen Cade. It was the first time I felt strong enough to face anyone from…From before.'
Admitting something like that was so unlike him. She knew it, and so she quickly pushed away any judgment she may have been about to unleash and put a hand over his. She waited for him to continue.
'Krycek asked me to go back to Seattle with him and Cade.' Mulder intertwined his fingers with hers. 'I don't know why, but I wanted to. It was weird.'
'I can imagine.' Scully said softly.
'No.' Mulder shook his head. 'Not weird like you think. Weird because, it wasn't weird. We got along, we laughed, we…' Mulder shook his head. 'I can't explain it. We were together for five days, and it seemed like we'd always been…'
'Brothers?'
Mulder considered this and dismissed it. He wasn't ready to call Krycek his brother. 'Like we'd always been friends.'
Scully smiled. 'Tell me about it. What did you guys do?'
Mulder thought for a moment. An evil grin broke out on his face.
'Oh no.' Scully said, releasing his hand to reach for her wine. 'Why don't I like the look of that smile.'
'…I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors…But I think that God's got a sick sense of humor…And when I die…I expect to find him laughing…'
Mulder shook his head. 'We were just being stupid. We hung out in downtown a lot. Went to Gameworks, rode the monorail, went to the Experience Music Project.'
'Gameworks?' Scully asked, grinning over at him. 'How much did you spend on the virtual shooting games?'
'Too much.' Mulder returned her grin. 'We rode the Ducks. We went to the aquarium, we went to the zoo.'
'I'll be Cade loved that.' Scully said, looking out over the ocean.
'He did.' Mulder nodded and looked over at her. 'Krycek has the whole thing on video. He never put the damn camera down. I had to take it from him a couple of times.' Mulder's voice trailed off as he remembered one of those times.
'What's wrong, Mulder?' Scully sensed his thoughts. 'What are you thinking about?'
'Krycek wanted me to talk about my…my favorite memory of you. For Cade.' Mulder hesitated and scratched his head.
'Please tell me it has nothing to do with Rob Zombie.'
Mulder laughed. 'No, it didn't. I told him about when we had gone to LA for the premiere of our stupid movie. When we went to Magic Mountain.'
Scully began to laugh. 'We went on that ride that spins around so fast that you stick to the walls when the bottom drops out.'
'And you tried to turn your body upside down,' Mulder said, chuckling, 'but got stuck halfway and kept yelling until they stopped it and you slowly slid to the ground.'
They were both laughing hard now and Scully pointed at him, barely able to speak. 'And we both puked in the bushes at the exit.'
They both took a moment to catch their breath.
'And that's your favorite memory of me?' Scully asked. 'Stuck sideways on a spinning wall and screaming?'
'We ate caramel apples, and got our picture taken on that horrid roller coaster.' Mulder smiled. 'The huge wave on the water ride drenched us. We ate in that stupid restaurant where all those clicking animals on the wall start to sing. It was a good day.'
They were both silent.
'…As she passed away…Birds were singing in the summer sky…Then came the rain…And once again…A tear fell from her Mother's eye…'
'I made Krycek tell me his favorite memory of you.' Mulder said softly.
'…I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors…But I think that God's got a sick sense of humor…And when I die…I expect to find him laughing…'
'Yeah?' Scully swallowed the uninvited lump in her throat.
'He said it was when you told him to have a seat.'
Scully didn't say anything.
'He said he came to your apartment the night after I'd been abducted. He said you were afraid of him, you hated him, that he disgusted you.'
'He did.' Scully whispered. 'I hated everything about him.'
'He said that you took one look in his eyes, and were able to look beyond all your emotions and find the good. That the only thing you wanted was for him to turn around and walk away, but instead you told him to have a seat.'
Scully was silent again.
'He said that by doing that, you saved his life.'
She fought the tears that were threatening to come forward.
'You know, Scully.' Mulder turned towards her. 'I believe that Krycek saved my life, figuratively speaking. I think that without the things that he had said to me, that I wouldn't have made it through your 'death'. Because of thing's he'd said, I chose to move on, almost just to spite him, to prove him wrong. He had told me that I reminded him of Cancer Man. That I was going to end up like him if I wasn't careful.'
Scully ran her hands through her hair as a new song came on. She didn't think she could say anything and was enjoying this new side of Mulder. He was very open these days.
'…There's a nail in the door and there's glass on the lawn…Tack's on the floor and the TV is on…But I always sleep with my guns…When you're gone…'
Mulder turned towards her.
'Hey Scully?'
Screaming interrupted them.
They both immediately jumped up and ran into the house.
'Cade?' Scully cried out to her son. 'Cade!'
The screaming was the most horrible thing Mulder had ever heard in his life. He drew his gun as they pounded down the stairs to the middle floor and ran down the hall.
'…There's a shark in the pool…And a witch in the tree…A crazy old neighbor is done watching me…And there's footsteps loud and strong coming down the hall…'
'Cade?' Scully dashed into the room ahead of him.
The little boy was sitting up in his bed, screaming, staring straight ahead.
'…Something's under the bed…Now it's out in the hedge…There's a big, black coat sitting on my window ledge…And I hear something scratching through the wall…'
Scully ran her hands over him to make sure he wasn't hurt as Mulder checked out the rest of the room. Finding no injury, Scully pulled Cade into her arms and held him.
'Cade, sweetheart, what's wrong?' Scully's eyes met Mulder's over the top of Cade's head.
Cade was not to be consoled. He just kept screaming.
'Cade…' Scully's own eyes welled up in tears.
Feeling's sudden poured over Mulder like cold water. Pain. Total, and inexplicable pain. He had a sudden sense of Krycek and really hoped to god that Cade wasn't able to feel what his father was feeling.
Cade screamed again and Mulder pressed his hands over his mouth in a childish gesture as his eyes welled up in tears. He couldn't take much more of this. This pain that was tearing through him, feeling almost as his heart was about to explode.
'Scully.' He whispered.
The little boy's scream trailed off into heartbreaking sobs and Mulder began to shake.
'…Well you're up so high…How can you save me when the dark comes here tonight to take me… Out of my mind for a walk…And into bed…Where it kisses my face…And eats my head…'
Mulder wanted to leave, to exit the room and get away from this feeling that his insides were on fire, but Cade's eyes caught his and he was trapped. Rooted to the spot he stood in by the eyes of the little boy.
'…What should I do, I'm just a little baby…What if the lights go out, and maybe…And then the wind just starts to moan outside the door and follow me home now…Goodnight moon.'
Cade closed his eyes and after a moment, the feeling went away.
Scully held her son, rubbing his back, sniffing as tears slid down her cheeks. Several minutes went by before Mulder said anything.
'What the hell was that?' He asked, his voice hoarse. 'Nightmare?'
Scully didn't look at him. She closed her eyes. 'I hope so.'
Mulder was doubtful, but nodded anyway. 'Me too.'
'…No it wont be too soon until I say…Goodnight moon…'
*************************
Scully and Mulder sat in down in the rec room, sifting through videotape's. Maggie had taken Cade out to the fun zone for the day to give her some time alone. Scully wanted to see as much of Cade's life as she could and there was no telling what kind of memories she was going to see. Knowing Krycek, he had probably recording Cade doing everything, sleeping, eating, whatever. She didn't know how this was going to affect her and didn't want Cade to see her so upset. He'd been through enough emotions the past few weeks.
Mulder picked up a tape and looked at the side. 'Labor Day, 2000.''Oh God.' Scully said, smiling. 'Put it away.'
'Is this the whole Labor Day weekend extravaganza I missed?' Mulder asked, popping the tape into the VCR. 'The BBQ and decorating party?'
Byers and Bill popped up on the screen, leaning on the kitchen counter and drinking Corona as 'Tusk' played in the background.
'Do something interesting.' Frohike's voice sounded over the television. 'This is for the kid, you know. You wouldn't want the poor thing to think it has a boring family.'
Byers and Bill blankly stared back at the camera.
'…Why don't you ask him if he's gonna stay…Why don't you ask him if he's gone away…'
'Yeah, that's great, guys.' Frohike said, spinning the camera away and stopping on Krycek and Scully.
She groaned, watching herself on TV. 'I can't believe how huge I was, turn it off.'
Mulder smiled at the image of Scully. Her hair blonde and grown out, just a little pregnant at the time. She glanced shyly at the camera, a sarcastic look over her face.
'Frohike, if you don't get that thing out of my face-'
'Oh, come on, Dana.' Krycek said, playfully rat-tailing her with a kitchen towel. 'You want your kid to see you pregnant, don't you?'
'Easy for you to say.' She said, whipping him back. 'You don't have to carry a bowling ball around in her stomach.'
They resumed their cooking, Scully bouncing up and down to Fleetwood Mac, causing Krycek to smile.
'…Don't say that you love me….' They both sang out. '…Just tell me that you want me…'
'Tusk!' Frohike's voice blurted out from behind the camera along with the song.
'I'm not touching that.' Krycek said as Scully set garlic cloves on the counter next to him.
'You're definitely not using garlic powder.' Scully said, setting the press down next to the cutting board he was using. 'That's illegal.'
He began dicing another zucchini. 'Then you can do whatever it is you want done with it, because I don't have a great relationship with anything that looks all gnarly like that.' He gestured at the ominous garlic cloves with his knife.
'You think garlic looks gnarly?' She asked, unable to suppress a grin.
'Same with ginger…' Krycek shuddered. 'Uck, reminds me all those bugs in Temple of Doom.'
'It's not a bug, Alex.' Scully said. 'It's a garlic clove.'Krycek grabbed a vidalia onion and tilted his head at people unseen to the camera. 'Recruit one of them to wrestle with those ugly things. They're just sitting there, watching us slave away while preparing their dinner.'
Langly moved past in front of the camera on his way to the refrigerator. 'That part in Temple of Doom was one of the most horrifying scenes in all of cinematic history. Gave me nightmares for a month.'
'I hear ya, bro.' Krycek said.
Scully stood next to Krycek, a scolding look on her face. 'Alex.'
'Ain't gonna touch it.' He shook his head, not looking at her.
'Unbelievable.' Scully shook her head.
'That I don't like bugs?' He finished the onion and moved onto the red peppers.
She looked at him slyly. 'Mr. Big, Bad, Hit Man, Tough-Guy, afraid of a root.'
Krycek stopped and looked down at her. 'I'm not afraid of a root.'
Scully turned away from him and kneaded dough on the counter. 'Yes you are.'
'I am not.'
'Are too.'
'Whatever.' He turned back to his cutting.
'Root-A-Phobia.' Scully shook her head, as if in sympathy. 'How very sad.'
Krycek laughed. 'Now you're just making things up.'
'Good thing we don't have a backyard.' She said. 'With your condition, you'd be afraid to do any weeding because you have to make sure you get the root out.'
'Do you know how dangerously close you are to having pizza sauce as a hair conditioner?'
She ignored him. 'I'll bet you can't even have a little herb garden.'
'So the threat of tomatoes as head gear doesn't dissuade you at all?'
'And how do you manage to cook with green onions because the root is usually hanging off the end?'
She finished her diatribe and innocently looked up at him. He stared back at her, a smirk planted on his face at her display of wit. They smiled at each other in silence for a few moments before Krycek let her win.
'If me touching the horrid root will stop your rambling, I'll do it. But you have to show me how.'
Scully smiled and picked up a garlic clove. 'Allora lasciarlo li insegnano, il mio brave soldato.'
'Molto buono, il mio caro.' Krycek beamed down at her. 'Suoni come sto insegnando ugualmente.'
'Whatever.' Frohike said. 'You want to translate that for the rest of us?'
Scully smiled back at the camera. 'I said, 'then let me teach you, my brave soldier'.' She gestured at Krycek, who smiled down at her.
'And I said, 'very good, my dear. Sounds like I've been teaching too'.'
'What language was that?' Frohike asked.
'Italiano.' Krycek replied. 'Siamo mosto la linguetta natale dell' alimento che stiamo preparandosi.'
'Italian.' Scully said, smiling up at him. 'We must speak the native tongue of the food we're preparing.'
'Check you out!' Krycek exclaimed. 'I'm very impressed.'
Byers spoke from out of the camera's view. 'So, if we were eating carne asada you'd speak Spanish, right?'
'Somos vegetarianos.' Scully said.
Krycek smiled at her again. 'No comeriamos asada del carne.'
Langly passed in front of the camera again, holding a Corona. 'We're vegetarian.' He translated. 'We wouldn't eat carne asada.'
Krycek and Scully glanced at each other in surprise before he eyed Langly. 'Usted habla espanoles?'
'Mejore que su apesadumbrado asno.' Langly replied before taking a drink of his Corona.
Scully burst into laughter and Krycek shook his head, smiling. 'There's no need to be rude.'
'Scully?' Frohike asked. 'The rest of us are feeling left out again.'
She smiled at the camera. 'Alex asked him if he spoke Spanish.'
'Yeah, I got that much.'
'And Langly said, 'better than your sorry ass'.'
The room erupted into laughter again.
'Do we have to listen to Fleetwood Mac?' Langly asked.
Scully began to peel a garlic clove. 'It's flashback weekend on KROQ'
'What station's that?' Langly asked, walking towards the staircase.
'I'll get it, Langly.' Krycek said, dashing towards the stairs. 'You can peel the garlic.'
'Coward!' Scully yelled, throwing pizza dough at his retreating back.
'Pregnancy makes women so violent.' Frohike's voice muttered from behind the camera.
'Don't you start.' Scully glared playfully at the camera.
Mulder sat, staring at the television, Scully at his side.
He felt like such an idiot. He could see it all. Why he never did before was beyond him.
Scully glanced into his face. 'Mulder?'
He was so stupid. When the three of them had been down on the beach, Krycek and Scully had a silent conversation that had left him confused for a long, long time. He'd arrived at his own conclusions.
Mulder had thought that Scully had sensed Krycek's love for her. That she had let him know that she belonged to Mulder and Krycek had stormed off, pouting and pitching a fit.
He now believed that he'd been wrong.
Watching the tape had given Mulder a different understanding. The way that Scully and Krycek had interacted…She had smiled up at him, joked with him, acted towards him in a way he'd only seen her act with one other person.
With Mulder. And she didn't act anywhere near as playful with him as she had with Krycek.
He didn't think that Scully had sensed Krycek's love for her. He now thought that she'd sensed her own love for Krycek.
Krycek had been surprised; he'd taken a step back, as if to remove himself from what was happening. As if two feet of distance would erase the past minute of his life.
Mulder felt betrayed. She had sworn up and down. He was her friend; he was the father of her child, but nothing else. All that time, she had been lying. That wasn't fair, Mulder thought to himself. Maybe she hadn't known. Maybe it was something she'd just realized.
'Mulder?'
Her voice interrupted his thoughts again.
Get a grip, he told himself. There's nothing to be gained by arguing now. It was a long time ago. Things are different now. So why am I so upset? He asked himself. The psychologist in him answered. Maybe I just need some sort of closure.
Mulder turned and looked at her. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He stared into her blue eyes, unable to think of anything to say. When the hell was she planning on telling me? He asked himself. Why wouldn't she tell me?
'You were in love with him.'
Scully stared back at him in disbelief for a moment.
'That night, on the beach?' It was his turn to stare into her eyes. 'What was that?'
'Mulder…' Her voiced trailed off as her face fell.
Mulder nodded, looking away. 'Two years later, neither one of you can tell me what happened.'
He thought back to the night before New Years. He and Krycek had been sitting in the living room, drinking some scotch. Mulder had asked him what had happened the night before Cade was born.
'It was Thanksgiving.' Krycek said. 'We had a pumpkin fight, lot's of visitor's, a huge dinner, the baby had been kicking…'
'That's not what I meant.' Mulder said.
Krycek hadn't looked at him. 'I know.'
'Did you love her?' He bluntly asked.
'Of course I loved her.' Krycek had responded. 'She was the mother of my child, she was my best friend.'
'That's not what I meant.' Mulder said, looking sternly at him.
Krycek had smiled and taken a swallow of his scotch. 'I know.'
'Why are you bringing this up now, Mulder?' Scully looked back at the television. Krycek was acting like the proverbial court jester again. Dancing back into the room, singing to her, acting like an idiot. He was always so good at that.
'…With the heartbreak open…So much you can't hide…Put on a little make-up, make-up…Make sure they get your good side, good side…If the words unspoken…Get stuck in your throat…'
'I don't know, Scully.' Mulder followed her gaze to the memory playing itself out before them. 'I thought we had been attempting some kind of relationship back then. Maybe I just don't like the fact that you were hiding things from me.'
'I wasn't hiding anything from you, Mulder.' Scully said softly. 'If you had been around more, you would have seen things differently.'
Mulder nodded and smiled sadly. 'Seems we're both still holding on to things.'
'The same things we were insecure about back then.' Scully said as they both watched the performance on screen.
'…Don't drink, don't smoke…What do you do?…Don't drink, don't smoke…What do you do?…Subtle innuendo's follow, must be something inside…'
'I just wish you would have told me.' Mulder shrugged. 'Hypothetically speaking, if you were in love with him, you should have said something. It might have been easier on all of us.'
Scully stared at him, stared through him. 'That's kind of unfair, don't you think, Mulder?'
'What's unfair, Scully?'
'You sit there, judging me, criticizing me.' She shook her head. 'You're such a hypocrite.'
'A hypocrite?' He barely raised his voice. 'How can you call me a hypocrite?'
'You bring this up now?' She looked him in the eye, leaning a little closer. 'How much time have we spent together, Mulder? A few weeks?'
Mulder thought for a moment, nodding and shrugging. 'Yeah, so?'
'When were you planning on telling me about Marie?'
*************************
Scully raised her eyebrows at him, waiting for a response. She wasn't angry, wasn't challenging him. She was calm, she was collected. She had thrown out the question as if asking him about the weather.
Mulder stared back at her. How very, very, very stupid did he feel now? Forgetting that Scully could feel feelings? Read thoughts? She's probably known this whole time that he needed to talk to her about this, but kept chickening out.
Oh yes, who is the idiot now?
He had begun to tell her the other night, had opened his mouth, had even given her the 'hey, Scully' signal as a warning that serious thoughts were ahead. Then of course, The Sixth Sense was reenacted down in Cade's bedroom and he hadn't worked up the nerve since.
'There will be no Mulder-bashing in my house.'
They both looked back at the television at Krycek's voice to see him staring across the counter at Bill. 'I don't want anyone bad mouthing Mulder, okay?' There was nothing menacing about him, he didn't look angry.
Bill shook his head. 'How can you-'
'What did I say?' Krycek interrupted softly. 'It is disrespectful to your sister to sit here and talk shit about someone who is obviously very important to her.'
Bill sneered and opened his mouth but Krycek pointed a wooden spoon in his direction. 'Not only is Mulder important to Dana, he is also very important to me. Okay?'
There was silence in the room, both on television and in the rec room that Mulder and Scully were now inhabiting. This scene was new to both of them.
The Lone Gunmen and Maggie had been watching the exchange in silence.
'Are we done?' Krycek asked.
Bill appeared subdued and gave a small nod of his head as he tilted his Corona in Krycek's direction.
'Good. I hope you didn't take offense. We're all friends here.' Krycek smiled. 'We're having homemade pizza, drinking some beer. Tomorrow we're decorating your nephew's room. It's a happy time. No need for negativity. Bad vibes aren't allowed this close to the beach.'
There was silence as Scully walked back into the room, she stopped and looked at everyone sitting quietly as Krycek continued cooking.
'What's going on in here? Why is everyone so quiet?'
'We were waiting for you.' Krycek grinned. 'Just ain't a party if you're not around.'
She rolled her eyes and continued to the dining room.
Byers looked at Bill. 'Cigar?'
Bill nodded and the two moved towards the French doors. As they moved past Maggie, she beamed a huge smile in Krycek's direction.
'I've never seen him take a reprimand so well.' Maggie said softly. 'He just shut right up, didn't he?'
'Who's the punk ass now?' Frohike asked.
'Hey.' Krycek said, pointing the same spoon at Frohike so he was talking into the camera. 'I'll have no Bill-bashing in my house-'
Maggie and Frohike laughed.
'You gonna have that thing attached to your face all day, Frohike?' Krycek asked, still staring into the camera. 'I forgot what you look like back there because all I can see is electronics. I don't want my kid to think Uncle Frohike is a Borg.'
'I just don't want to miss anything.'
'And my cooking is entertaining?' Krycek raised his eyebrows. 'I'm not Martha Stewart, you know. Look, there's pizza sauce all over the counter, vegetables all over the floor, dough that the pregnant freak threw down the hall. The poor kid is going to think that the house always looks like this. It's actually embarrassing now that you mention it. Get out of your electronic safe haven and join the rest of us in the land of the living.'
'Alex, I get the feeling you're trying to be diplomatic about something.'
'Turn the damn camera off.' Krycek said.
Mulder sat, staring at the screen as it switched to another time, when they about to begin to remodel Cade's room.
Oh yes, who is the idiot now?
He definitely felt like an idiot. For several reasons.
Scully got up and walked out onto the deck. Whether she was upset at the images on the television, or upset at him, he didn't know. Probably both.
*************************
Scully threw open the doors and walked out onto the deck. It had only been a few weeks since she'd been in that tin can of a room. That small, metal container that had been her prison for two years. It had only been a few weeks since Krycek and Mulder had come to take her away. Before that, it had been years since she'd seen either one of them. Since she'd seen anyone. Anyone except strangers and that cigarette-smoking bastard and his sidekick, who just happened to be Mulder's ex-wife.
Seeing the past played out on the TV in front of her was bad enough. It felt like just yesterday, then again, it felt like such a long time ago. Life had stood still for her in the sardine container. The last memory she had before then had been Thanksgiving at the beach house, and the morning after when she'd gone to the hospital. Everything since then had been tin-can-time, tests and more tests, blood taken and more blood. She had been through so much. She had changed so much. Give anyone a couple of years in solitude with nothing to do but think and plenty of time to do it, and they're bound to do a little soul-searching.
She hadn't begun to process what had happened to her now that she was back.
Dealing with Mulder falling in love with someone else was also bad enough, but what had she really expected? Could she really blame him?
He had no right to be attacking her like that. He had no right to turn on her and demand an explanation on events that may or may not have taken place years ago. He was the one hiding thing's from her.
Mulder had definitely not been there for her back then, years ago, when she'd been pregnant, and hiding and afraid of everything around her. When everything had seemed a threat to her and her child. And whether or not either of them liked it, she had been pregnant with someone else's baby. But that wasn't her fault. She didn't ask for it to happen. He just never understood how hurt she was that he had put his work, his damn work, at the top of his What's Most Important To Me list. All she had wanted was some support, to know that he cared. It had been hard, being away from Mulder and everyone who cared about her. She didn't have Mulder, her family, hell, not even Skinner or the Lone Gunmen. She had long ago given up any semblance of real life to devote herself to Mulder and his work. Friends didn't call her anymore and her family had never been the same. She had plenty to complain about, but what good did it do anyone anymore?
Krycek had never complained about anything. When she was sulking, or upset, he never told her to 'snap out of it, because he obviously doesn't care about you', like she had thought to herself so many times. Actually, he had always defended Mulder. Had always said that 'Fox, believes he's doing the right thing'. He had always listened to her bitter complaining, her desperate insecurities. Why isn't he here? Why won't he come out and see me? Doesn't he care?
And what if she had felt anything for Krycek, as Mulder was so determined to make her believe she had. Who could blame her? It didn't matter that he was the father of her child or that he was her friend. Krycek had been there for her while Mulder was off playing conspiracy games with his ex-wife. He had always been ready to listen to her sporadic rants about Mulder. He always made her feel better about the situation, but it always came back later.
Mulder was always too busy to come out and visit, to come out and see her, to even call her. Too busy doing what, exactly? He'd never told her that, but apparently, he'd always been too busy working with the same people who'd eventually kidnapped her and stole over two years of her life.
She remembered a time on Halloween. She had been on the phone with Mulder, desperately trying to get through that thick skull of his, to tell him that she needed him there. He had been fairly unresponsive. He had told her that he was busy, but that he'd be out soon. He had seemed offended that she didn't understand.
Scully had hung up on him. She couldn't take anymore of his self-justification. After spending some time in Balboa and having dinner at Ruby's, she had wandered out on the deck after coming home. This deck. The same deck she sat on whenever she needed to reflect and think, just as she was now. Just as she had then.
Krycek had come out to talk to her. He always did. It was almost comforting, the ritual they went through.
'You want to be alone?'
She always shook her head.
A poppy, happy song began to play and the lyrics had affected her.
'…I need your arms around me…I need to feel your touch…'
The funky beat began, but she paid it no mind. She had just hung up with Mulder, very frustrated with him, and wondering why she still hung on.
'…I need your understanding…I need your love…So much…'
She had set her glass of water down on the railing and covered her hands with her face.
'…On the phone…Long, long distance…Always through such strong resistance…First you say…You're too busy…I wonder if you even miss me…'
It had seemed like the song had been constructed for her. She had immediately settled into instant depression. Krycek had sidled over next to her.
'Fox again?' He'd asked casually.
Scully had nodded at him. She never really needed to elaborate with Krycek.
'Well, Dana,' He'd said, 'Right now this song is making you horribly depressed. And whenever you hear this song, you're going to think the same memory and you really don't want to be driving down the road ten years from now and suddenly get sucked into the black hole of bad moods because Cake comes on the radio.'
'What the hell are you talking about?' She'd asked, looking up into his face.
'Maybe you should make it a happy memory.'
'Is this more of your Taoism, Alex? Because I'm really not in the mood.'
'Yes, I know.' He grinned. 'Fox on the brain, depressing you. I'll bet I can make you forget about him right now.'
'Oh really.' She'd said in a snotty tone, turning to give him a dirty look.
She was stunned speechless when he picked up her glass of water and dashed it in her face.
Scully stared at him, not sure what she was feeling. She couldn't believe he'd just done that. She wanted to be angry, but she couldn't quite grab a hold of the emotion. He had just stared back at her, a smile tugging on his mouth. Finally, she won and he burst into laughter.
'I wish I had a camera.' He said. 'You should see the look on your face.'
'I'm glad you find this so amusing.' She said, marching past him into the house.
He turned to watch her walk inside, leaning on the doorjamb and crossing his arms.
'You throw water in my face and think it's funny.' She shook her head as she reached into the refrigerator behind the bar and grabbed a Coke. 'That's just great, Alex.'
'Well hey there, Scully. I haven't seen you in a long time.' Krycek said, a smirk on his face. He turned serious as she walked back to him, seeing her Coke. 'Wait a minute, you're not supposed to be drinking caffeine.'
'I'm not.' She said, opening the can she had shaken up behind the bar and laughing as it sprayed all over him.
Looking back now, she realized that Krycek had been right. She had completely forgotten about her earlier conversation and irritation with Mulder.
End Part Four
Continued in Part Five.
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