Forgiving

by Jennifer Cuzzo

Dana Scully's Diary

Next Day

Scully sat in her bedroom, glancing at her wedding dress.  The wedding's in an hour.  I need to call Mulder before it's too late.  She reached over and got her phone from her bedside table.  She tried his home phone but it went to the machine so she tried his cell phone.  It rang twice before someone picked up.

"Mulder."

"Mulder, it's me.  I need to talk to you about something."

He smiled slightly.  "Is the dress too small?"

"No, the dress is fine."

"Then what is it?"  She sighed and tried to get everything she wanted to say to him ready.

"Mulder, I can't marry you."

His jaw dropped and he stuttered with the first word.  "W…Why can't you marry me?"

"Because I love someone else."

His voiced turned angry.  "It's Krycek, isn't it?  You're leaving me for Krycek!"

She held the phone away from her ear as Mulder yelled obscenities.

"Scully…"

She brought the phone back to her ear and cleared her throat.  "Yeah?"

"How could you?"

"Mulder, I realized it last night.  I still love him."

"Does he know about all this?  Does he know that you're ruining my life?"

"No, he doesn't."

"Well he should.  He should be warned that you're known for breaking men's hearts."

"Mulder, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too."  He hung up.

She hung up and let out a deep breath.  Well that didn't go so well.

Mulder stared at the phone and leaned against the wall.  How could she do this to me?  I thought she loved me.  He ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out what he was going to do next.  God… I better call Skinner and everyone else and tell them that the wedding's canceled.  He dialed Skinner's office number.  It rang four times before Skinner answered.

"AD Skinner…"

"Sir, this is Mulder…"

"Agent Mulder, something wrong?"

"The wedding's been canceled."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah me too."

"Should I call Scully's mother or is she going to?"

"She can do it.  It's her mother."

"Right.  Is there anything else?"

"Nope."

"Bye Agent Mulder."

"Bye sir."  He hung up.

Mulder put the phone away and went home.

Scully was on the phone with her mother.

"Mom, it's my life.  I know what I'm doing."

"Dana, you listen to me.  Fox Mulder is a wonderful man.  How could you give him up?"

"I already did, Mom.  I'll call you later, ok?"

Dana's Mom sighed.  "Fine.  Bye Dana."

"Bye."  She hung up.  Mulder probably already called Skinner and Mom should be telling everyone else.

Krycek sat in the syndicate building, listening to 'CSM' talk about how Mulder and Scully have canceled their wedding.  I don't believe it.  I thought for sure Dana and Mulder would get married.  I wonder what happened.  After the meeting, Krycek went to his apartment, trying to figure out why Mulder and Scully broke off the wedding.  Either Mulder did something stupid or Dana didn't want to marry him.

He walked into his apartment, turned on the light and sat down on the couch.  After taking off his shoes and jacket, he got up and made himself something to eat.  While he was in the kitchen, he found a cup that had belonged to Scully.  His fingers slid over the rim, recalling the times when she would wake up in the morning and have coffee with him.  He put the cup down and finished making his food.  Krycek sat down at the table and started to eat.  Every five seconds, his eyes would wander off to the cup on the counter.  Alex, you're supposed to be over her.  She kissed your enemy right in front of you.  Remember that.  After he finished eating, he sat back down on the couch and turned on the TV, trying to get Scully off his mind.  As he watched his TV, he noticed a picture frame.  He got up and went over to the table and picked up the picture frame.  It was a picture of him and Scully, smiling.  He touched the picture, remembering when they took it.  I will never be over Dana Scully, will I?  He put the picture down, turned off the TV, put his shoes and jacket back on and went out.

Scully sat on her couch, watching TV.  When the commercials came on, she turned off the TV.  She got up from the couch and walked around her apartment.  She spotted something laying on a chair in a corner and walked over to it.  When she reached the chair, she realized it was a sweater of Krycek's.  She picked it up and pressed it against her nose.  Oh god.  It still smells like him.  Scully walked into her bedroom and put the shirt on her dresser.  As she walked back into the other room, it started raining outside.  She sighed and laughed a little.  Well there's another reason why I shouldn't have gotten married today.  She stood in front of the window, watching the sky darken and the rain fall to the ground.

Krycek pulled the collar up on his jacket and walked faster.  He looked up and saw the sky darken.  Just perfect.  He turned his head and found himself standing right in front of Scully's apartment.  I can't stop thinking about her, can I?  Since the rain wasn't going to let up and he was getting soaked, he decided to go see her.  Maybe I can find out what happened with the wedding.  He opened the lobby door and walked in.  He walked to her door, remembering every turn.  He got to her door and knocked.  

I wonder who that is.  She walked away from the window and headed for the door.  The person on the other side of the door knocked again.

"I'm coming…  I'm coming."

She peeked into the peephole and lost her breath.  Oh my god!?!  What is he doing here!?  Her hands were shaking as she unlocked and opened the door.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Why are you here, Alex?"  God that sounded way too hostile.

He looked at her.  "I was in the neighborhood and I decided to stop by.  I'll leave if you want me to."  She looks so beautiful right now.

"No no it's ok.  You can come in."  She moved so he could walk in.

He walked past her and she closed the door.  She noticed how wet he looked and walked over to him.

"You're soaked."

"Yeah I know."

Scully walked out of the room and went to get some towels.  She walked back in with the towels in her hand.

She handed them to him.  "Here."

He took them.  "Thanks."  He used the towels to dry his hair and face.  She sat on the couch.  "So how've you been?"

Krycek looked at her.  "I've been okay.  You?"

"I've been better."

He sat down across from her.  "I heard what happened with the wedding.  It's none of my business but why did you two cancel the wedding?  I mean, I thought you and Mulder would get married, have kids and all that."

"Well I thought so too but I realized that I was making a mistake."

He looked her in the eye.  "What kind of mistake?"

She looked away from him.  "It's hard to explain but I realized that I didn't love Mulder."

"Really?"  His voice sounded surprised.

Scully looked at him.  "Really.  I told him I loved someone else."

"Does this someone else know about all this?"

She was about to tell him but she didn't.  "No."

"Are you going to tell this someone else?"

"Maybe…  I don't know.  Even if I tell him, he won't want me back."

He leaned a little towards her.  "What makes you say that?"

"I hurt him.  I broke his heart and I seriously doubt he wants me after what I did to him."

I still want you, Dana.  I think about you all the time.  "What did you do to this person that was so bad?"

She sighed a little, getting a little annoyed by all this.  "You should know this one, Alex."

He leaned back and spoke each word with an angry tone.  "You kissed Mulder right in front of me."

"Congratulations…  you got it right.  Why are you here, Alex?"

"I wanted to know why you and Mulder broke off the wedding.  Now that I know, I better go."

She spoke with an angry tone.  "Yeah you should go."

"Dana, don't get mad at me.  It was your fault that we broke up."

"Oh c'mon on, Alex.  Not this again.  I've heard this a million times.  It's all my fault because I kissed Mulder."

"It is your fault, Dana."

"I know that."

He got up.  "Do you actually think I would want to be with you again?  Do you have any idea how much it hurt seeing you and him together?"

She stared at him and didn't answer his question.

"That's what I thought.  All you cared about was kissing your precious Mulder.  If you ever think that I would ever come back to you, you are wrong."

She got up.  "Fine!  I don't know why I would ever want to be with someone like you."

He walked to the door and opened it.

"Great…  just run away like you did last time!"

"I didn't run away.  I left you.  There's a difference, Dana."

"Oh yeah?  What's the difference?  This time and last time, you left when we were both mad at each other.  Honestly Alex, it's the same thing."

He sighed and looked at her.  "What do you want me to do about it?"

She calmed down.  "I don't want you to leave."

"Why not?"

Scully looked down.  "Because I want you to stay.  After you left the first time, I felt so horrible.  It was a mistake for me to kiss Mulder.  I really didn't mean to.  It just happened.  I didn't want it either.  It wasn't my fault.  It was his.  He kissed me and I tried to stop him but when you came in, it was too late."

He was too angry to believe her.  "Why are you lying to me, Dana?  Do you really think I would believe what you just said?"

She could hear the hurt in his voice.  "Alex, it's not a lie."

"It's all a joke, isn't it?  The wedding isn't canceled.  You just wanted to play a cruel trick on me.  Well Dana, I hope you're happy because it worked!"  He walked out the door and slammed it.

She started crying and fell to the floor, drowning in her tears.  Why did he think I was lying to him?  What did I say wrong?

Four Days Later

Scully sat at work, staring into her computer screen.  Tears rolled down her eyes.  She had been crying herself to sleep ever since the fight she had with Krycek.  She turned off her computer and got up.  Her mind kept going over what happened.  She massaged her temples.  What am I going to do?  I'm going to be in love with Alex Krycek for the rest of my life.  She realized she wasn't going to get any work done so she decided to go home.  She got all her stuff together, turned off the light and went home.

He was in a meeting at the syndicate building.  He sat there, not hearing a word that anyone was saying.  His mind was on the fight he had with Scully.  I can't believe she lied to me about the whole Mulder thing.  Why did I even think I still wanted her?  He twirled his pen around on the table.  As the meeting progressed, his mind went over the time when he found them kissing.  As he played it through his mind, he saw Dana pull away from Mulder.  HOLY SHIT!!  She wasn't lying to me!  OH FUCK!!  Krycek got up and left the room.  He walked out of the building and drove to her apartment.

Scully walked in and turned on the light.  She tossed all her stuff on the couch and closed the door.  She took her coat off and put it in the closet.  After putting her coat away, she closed the closet and went into the kitchen.  She made herself some coffee and sat down at the couch.  She wrapped both of her hands around the cup and let the heat of the coffee warm her hands.  After taking a few sips, she put the coffee down on a table and laid down on the couch.  Scully reached over and picked up the tv remote and turned it on.  She went through the channels, not finding anything that she wanted to watch and turned it off.  She felt tears rolling down her cheeks and wiped them away.  He doesn't want you, Dana.  You have to get over it and move on even though moving on seems impossible right now.  She closed her eyes, trying to get herself to relax and possibly fall asleep for a while.

He stopped in front of her apartment and walked inside.  When he reached her apartment, he knocked gently on the door.  When no one answered, he knocked again, hoping that she was home and she would answer the door.

Scully opened her eyes to hear the sound of someone knocking on her door.  Why can't I ever get any rest lately?  She got up from the couch and walked over to the door, not bothering to check the peephole.  She opened the door and surprised to see who it was.

"Alex.."

"Dana, I need to talk to you."

"Whatever it is, don't bother.  I know you don't trust me so please don't rub it in."  She started to close the door but he put his hand against it, causing the door to stop.

"It's important, Dana."

She looked into his eyes and nodded.  "Fine come in."  She walked away from the door and sat back down on the couch.  He walked in and closed the door behind him.

"Why do you need to talk to me?"

He walked over to the couch and sat across from her.  "Dana, I was thinking about the fight we had.  What you said to me wasn't a lie."

"How do you know?"

He looked her in the eye.  "I remembered seeing you push away from Mulder.  He kissed you.  You didn't kiss him.  I'm sorry for not believing you."

"It's all right, Alex.  We had that problem earlier."

He sensed a hint of humor in what she said.  "Yeah I know.  Deja vu, huh?"

"Yup."

"So what now?"

"What do you mean?"  "What do we do now since I figured out that you weren't lying to me.  Do you still think I don't want you?"

She looked down and nodded.  "I haven't slept much since that fight.  I kept trying to figure out what I did or said wrong."

He reached over and brought her face back up.  "It wasn't your fault.  It was mine.  I was already angry and from the way you said it, it seemed like a lie which it wasn't."

"Alex, I…  I missed you."  Tears start rolling down her cheeks again.  He wiped them away with his thumb.  "I missed you too.  I didn't want to but I did.  I thought about you all the time."

She nodded.  "I did too even when I was with Mulder.  I still thought about you."

He leaned over and put his arms around her.  She put her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder.  She looked him in the eye.  He looked at her too and brought a hand up and touched her cheek.  She leaned into his hand and smiled faintly.  Krycek leaned his face in a little and kissed her gently on the lips.  She kissed him back gently too.  They stared at each other for a while and then they kissed each other.  He pulled her closer and kissed her again.  Scully kissed him back.

"Is this right?"

"It feels right."

She smiled.  "It does feel right, doesn't it?"

He nodded and smiled.  "Yea it does."

"Alex, I.."  He silenced her with a kiss.  "We talk later, ok?"

She smiled and nodded.  "Ok."

He kissed her again, picked her up and led her into the bedroom.  They started kissing again and before they knew what was going on, they were making love.

She woke up to find him not there.  Where is he?  She put on her robe and walked out of the room.

"Alex?  Alex, where are you?"

She didn't hear the shower running or anything like that.  When she walked into the living room, she found a note on her coffee table.  She walked over to it and read it.  Great he'll be back in a few hours.  Scully put the note in the garbage and got dressed.  She poured the cold coffee on the table down the drain and leaned against the sink, trying to figure out why Krycek left.  Oh god… he woke up and thought what we did was a mistake and he's going to come back and tell me it was a mistake.  She put her hand over her eyes and sighed.  God I hope he doesn't think it was a mistake because it wasn't.  We belong together, right?

He walked back into the apartment.  She heard him and walked out of the kitchen.

"Where did you go?"

"Out."

"Of course you went out.  Where exactly, Alex?"

"I went for a walk, Dana.  Relax."

"If you're going to say that what happened earlier was a mistake, don't bother because it wasn't a mistake.  If you think it is, I want you to leave and never come back."

He looked at her, confused.  "Dana, why would I say it was a mistake?  It wasn't a mistake."

"Then why did you leave?"

"I just wanted to go for a walk, that's all."  "Oh."  Great Dana…  act like a fool in front of him.  Just perfect.  He probably thinks you're a psycho or something.

He touched her cheek.  "Why would you think that?"  She shrugged.  "I just did.  I thought you left because you realized we made a big mistake when we didn't."

Krycek hugged her.  "It wasn't a mistake.  It just made me realize something."

"And what did you realize?"

"That I still loved you."

She broke into a radiant smile and gave him a big kiss.  "I still love you too, Alex."

He smiled at her and kissed her back.  "Dana, there's something I wanted to do before but I never got a chance to do it."

"What is it?"

"Close your eyes."

She smiled slightly and closed her eyes.  He pulled something out of his pocket and kneeled down before her.

"Open your eyes."

Scully opened them and saw Krycek kneeling before her, holding a ring box.  She realized what he was about to do and smiled.

"Dana, I wanted to do this when we were together before but we broke up.  Now that we are together again, I think it's time I do this.  I've loved you ever since I met you and I've loved you more and more each day.  Will you marry me?"

She smiled and nodded.  "Yes, I will marry you."  She brought her left hand out and he slipped the ring on.  He got back up and kissed her.  She put her arms around him and kissed him back.

"Oh I love you so much, Alex."

He smiled.  "I love you too, Dana."

The End

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