Forgive Us Our Trespasses: Part 4

by Mia Munro

The phone rang and Scully picked it up without taking her eyes off the computer screen.  "Scully here."   But when she heard the voice on the other end of the line a sudden smile softened her face and she leaned back in her chair.  "Emma!  How are you?  I haven't heard from you in ages!"  She listened for a minute and then laughed softly, "and the same to you 'ducky.'"

She laughed again, but at the same time shook her head, "We've already had this discussion, remember?  I'm perfectly happy where I am.  Besides, the FBI may not pay a fortune but it sure beats a Welsh university.   And I don't think I could take the cut-throat world of academia in any case."  The smile lingered on her lips.  "All right, I promise to think it over, but to be honest I can't think of anything that would make me change my mind….  Yes, I agree, oh, and give my best to Richard!"

Scully hung up, still smiling.  She glanced over to where Mulder had looked up from where he'd been reading a newsletter, feet on the desk.  "Who was that?"  he asked.

"An old university friend.  Emma Ralson, she's the Provost at Swansea University in Wales.  She wants me to teach forensic pathology there.  It's kind of a standing offer.  Emma phones me once or twice a year and tries to convince me to give the rest of my life to Science."  Scully's voice easily dropped the inverted quotation marks around Science.

"You're not thinking of accepting are you?"  Mulder raised an eyebrow.

Scully shook her head.  "You heard me didn't you?  But Emma could give you a lesson in stubborness, Mulder, she just won't take no for an answer."

"Oh, all right."  He lost interest and returned to his newsletter.   She wasn't sure what it was, and from what she could see of its tawdry, blurred print and the lurid pictures didn't really want to know.  However, Emma's phone call had broken her concentration, and instead of turning back to the computer again, she gnawed at her bottom lip for a moment undecided.  But then she asked, "Mulder, you've got a minute?"

He put the newsletter down, "Sure, what is it, Scully?"

She pivoted her chair so she was facing him.  "Have you ever heard of a 'hive op'?"

He thought for a moment, then shook his head.  "Nothing comes to mind, unless you're talking about the mutated killer bees we worked on."

She frowned, "From the context, I think not."

"What context would that be?"  he suddenly perked up, giving her an sharp look.  Ever since the Morrison case she had noticed that he had been far more interested in her questions and comments.  A nice change from the way he used to completely ignore her.  The realization that she too had secrets, sources he knew nothing about had surprised him and she was faintly amused by the new respect she could see in his eyes.  However, it was not something she wanted to encourage right now.  So she looked at her partner with a calm censure.

"None of your business, Mulder.  Oh no," a shake of the head forestalled all the questions she knew were just waiting to burst out of him.  "I'm not going to say another word, and that's final."  And by now Mulder knew his partner well enough to know that when she was wearing that particular obstinate expression, there was nothing more to get out of her.

A week later, Mulder came into the FBI cafeteria where Scully was sitting at at a window table by herself.  She was perusing a autopsy report and absently eating some spaghetti Napolitana.  Studying the crime scene photograph of a disembowelled body, guts trailing on the floor, she forked up some more long white strands of pasta.  The fact that her plate closely resembled the photo didn't trouble her.  It hadn't bothered her since her first year in med school, when she'd sworn off all pasta for a whole year.

Mulder sat down opposite her.  "Hey, Scully, I talked to some friends, and they told me some pretty interesting things about what a 'hive op' is."

Scully immediately stopped eating, putting down her report.  "Tell me."

He glanced at the spaghetti, "You going to finish that?"

She sighed in resignation, pushing the plate across to him, "Go ahead."

He started forking up the spaghetti, and between swallows told her.  "Essentially a hive op is what we, that is the Company, aka CIA, call a honey pot."

Scully frowned, "You've lost me."

"Well, basically a honey pot is an operation where an enemy agent, either a male or a female agent, acquires information by seducing and creating a sexual relation with the target," he grinned.  "Sorry about the phrasing, put it down to the source.  You think I'm paranoid?  The Company guys all act as if they've got state secrets in their briefcase.  In any case," he continued, "the Mossad and the KGB apparently used to specialise in honey pots, but, and here is the interesting part, GRU decided to be different and code named it hive op instead.  Although it means the same thing."

Picking up the apple on her tray and biting into it, Scully frowned.  "GRU being?"

"Sort of the secret KGB, army intelligence.  The real spooks in the old S of U.  The rumour is, at least according to my man over at Langley, that they've set up their own shop after the fall of communism.  However, and here it gets really interesting, and it cost me a very expensive dinner with a bottle of first class burgundy," he paused expectantly.

Scully narrowed her eyes at him.  "I'm not interested in your culinary expenses, Mulder.  What is so interesting?"

"For years Daniel Kadowski, that's the guy I was talking to, says there have been some very quiet rumours floating around the intelligence community that there was something even more secret buried deep inside the GRU.  A kind of Fifth Column or Directorate.  An organization that sounds very similar to what we've called the Consortium here…  So spill, Scully, where did you hear that name?"

She sighed in feigned disgust, to hide her suddenly beating heart.  "Mulder whatever you're working on it always comes back to the same thing.  Does the word 'obsessed', mean anything to you?  I read or heard the phrase somewhere and I wondered.  It may even have been on one of those cop shows I watch when I'm too tired to turn off the TV."

He gave her a long thoughtful look, "You're holding out on me, Scully."

"So I am," she said equably.  "But don't sulk, Mulder, I'm not the only one doing that to his partner, you know."

"I don't sulk!"  he glared at her until she laughed and unwillingly he joined in.  "Okay, I won't push, but you know if you need me, I'll be here."

"I know," she gave him a look of mute gratitude.

After Mulder had gone, and she was finally alone, Scully finally let the mask drop.  Oh God, no, it couldn't be true!  What she and Alex had could not be a hive op.  What had she told him, she thought frantically, and mentally reviewed their conversations.  To her relief she decided that she had told him nothing that could be construed as information.  Besides, she realized once she had calmed down a little, what kind of information could she have that he didn't have access to while he was a FBI agent himself?  Or that the Consortium couldn't get far easier than through her.

Furthermore, wasn't it Alex who had actually helped her solve the case?  Unless…  No, no, stop being paranoid, Dana, she told herself, James Morrison was guilty as hell, all the evidence pointed to him…  unless that evidence had been carefully doctored.  But what about the independent doctors that had examined him, and not only declared that he was guilty but that he was really suffering from multiple personality disorder?  Worst case scenario was that Alex knew a hell of a lot more about Morrison than he was telling, but did she not already suspect that?  Wasn't that why she hadn't asked where he got Morrison's file from?  Why she had never asked about the time he went out and returned late, with a shuttered, empty look in his eyes, and blood staining the arm of his leather jacket.  Because she simply did not want to know.

The relief of one fear only made  worse the memory of his voice.  'I was the best…' that kept running through her mind.  To think of Alex casually seducing and using men and women, hurt more than she wanted to admit.  But why should she be surprised?  Wasn't that exactly what he'd done to Mulder?  Used sex to confuse and distract?  To create a dependency that still haunted Mulder even after everything Krycek had done.

Once again doubts over his motives started to gnaw at Scully.  Again and again she returned to the question of what Krycek really wanted with her, what lay behind his seeming tenderness and caring.   It couldn't be information; a subtle revenge against Mulder?  But wasn't fixation of the enemy Mulder's weakness, rather than Krycek's?

Scully dropped her head in her hands.  If this went on much longer she was going to go mad.  For the sake of her own sanity she had to believe that Krycek really felt something beyond a casual lust.  No man could spend so much time, effort and, hell, money on a person he didn't care for to some degree, right?  Right!  Scully resolved not to think of this any longer, she was, she thought with a wry irony, getting very good at it.  Mulder may be determined to know the truth at any cost.  But Scully decided that there were some truths she could well do without.

If Dana Scully worried and fretted, Alex Krycek was content living in the present.  He had learned a long time ago two very important lessons.  Not to plan too much for the future, since it could be snatched away at any moment.  And to grasp the brief moments of pleasure and peace you had since you never knew if it was your last.  He knew that sooner or later the bubble would burst, but unlike Scully he did not consider the consequences.  If someone had asked him, Krycek would have said that what they had was worth whatever price he would have to pay.  But he may have been influenced more than he realized by Scully's tension, as he watched her pack to go off with Mulder on another X-File case.

"I have to go, Alex, you know why."  Scully said patiently, standing in their bedroom and neatly folding a white blouse.

He was leaning against the doorframe watching her pack.  "No, I don't frankly.  Can't Mulder go to California without you to hold his hand?"

"Alex, we're partners, and this is a case, so I'm going with him."  She slammed the suitcase shut.

"I know what you are, but come on how can you take it seriously?  A woman claiming she is carrying an alien baby, fathered by Elvis?"

"Who said I was taking it seriously?  And it wasn't Elvis, it was Buddy Holly.  And she never said it was actually him, just someone who sang like him."  A smile turned the corners of her mouth up.  "Besides, Alex, I'm not the person to talk to about alien abductions."  She sobered abruptly.  "And you forget, there's already been three break-ins the police think are linked to, err, Buddy Holly."

"That's different, Dana, for one thing -" he broke off.  "And you're changing the subject.  Look, I understand when you have to go away on genuine business, but really, you're flying across the country because of some stolen stereos and one missing double bed?  This case belongs to the National Enquirer not the FBI, not even the X-Files!"

She grinned, picking up her suitcase and carrying it to the door.  Thinking that she had laughed and smiled more since she met Alex Krycek than ever before in her life.

"Maybe, although you never know, some of our most interesting cases have started out just as crackpot," and then relenting at his look, "although you may be right this time."  She dropped the suitcase and walked over to him, putting her arms around his waist.

"Please, Alex, let's not waste our last night together arguing."

He sighed, pulling her close.  "All right, I won't nag, but I'm going to miss you like hell."

In one of the gestures that never failed to bring his heart into his throat, she reached up and slid her fingers along his nose and mouth in a gentle caress.

"Good, then you won't be tempted to disappear while I'm gone."  It was only by joking about it that she could bring up her deepest fear, that one day he would tire of the game he was playing with her and simply leave.  That one day she would knock on the door and there would be no answer.  That she would stand in an empty apartment and know that he was gone forever.

"Dana, believe me, nothing would ever make me leave," he said, abruptly serious.  "I know there are a lot of things we have to talk about, things keeping us apart, but I really believe we could make a go of this."

Scully pressed a finger against his lips.  "Shh, don't, Alex, don't spoil it."

He kissed her fingers in response, but there was a small hurt deep inside his eyes at her obvious reluctance to talk about the future or their relationship.

Waiting for her to precede him into the restaurant later that evening, Krycek smiled, remembered their argument over dating.

He came out of the bathroom toweling his hair two days after the end of the Morrison case.  "Where do you want to go tonight, Dana?"

Scully glanced up from her book.  "Go where?"

He came over to the sofa and leaned down kissing the top of her head.  "Dinner.  Where do you want to go?"

She put down her book, looking suddenly a little alarmed.  "I thought we'd eat in."

He dropped into the sofa, stretching out his legs.  "Of course we can, but I thought it could be rather fun to go out.  Take in a show, dinner.  You know a date?"

She stared at him in horror.  "A date?!"

"Yes.  A socially accepted form of intercourse between two adults.  His eyes laughed at her.  "A date."

She fiddled with the book.  "Alex, we can't go out.  The very thought!"  she couldn't continue.

He sobered.  "Why not?  Ashamed of me Special Agent Scully?"  He still smiled but there was just a tiny edge to his voice.

She took a deep breath.  "Alex, let me remind you of some things here.  One," she held up her finger.  "You're wanted by the FBI.  You're a criminal wanted in connection with murder, kidnapping and the loss of nationally sensitive material.  Do I have to say DAT tape to you?"  She held up one more finger.  "Secondly, I am a FBI agent.  If anyone even knew I was here I would not only lose my job, but I would be prosecuted for collusion.  It's my duty to turn you into the authorities."

He smiled a little oddly.  "So why don't you, dousha?"

She snorted, "I don't know.  It's certainly not for your winning personality."  She put a hand on his knee.  "Alex, what you and I have, I don't want to risk it.  Can't you understand that?"

His eyes softened.  "I understand.  But you should remember some things as well.  First of all, the only two people who are interested in my capture are Mulder and perhaps Skinner.  Trust me, if you ask any other agent or department they don't even know my name.  Haven't you ever wondered over that Dana?  As you say, I'm wanted for some pretty serious crimes, and yet no one at the FBI except for Mulder or Skinner have ever shown the least bit of interest.  Doesn't that tell you anything?"

"Alex, I am not listening to this!"  she told him.  "If you're going to tell me that everyone at the FBI is either corrupt or drones I really don't want to know."

He laughed.  "For heaven's sake, dousha, you're starting to sound as melodramatic as Mulder.  No, I'm not saying anything of the kind.  Just to point out that perhaps, Mulder and Skinner, and even you, my heart, are off on a track nobody else is interested in.  I am hardly on the Top Ten Most Wanted list.  Trust me, I've lived and worked in Washington for years and no one has ever bothered me.  But if you like we'll keep far away from the kind of places where you might run into to anyone from your," he smiled, "daytime world.  Agreed?"

He leaned forward and kissed her.  "I understand your fears, dousha, I really do.  I want to take you out.  I want to tell the world that this woman is with me!"  he grinned a little twistedly at her expression of pure dismay.  "But I won't.  Word of honour."

In the end they had reached a compromise, they did go out, but only to smaller, intimate restaurants and nowhere public like the opera or the theater, although movies were allowed, and they discovered they shared a childish love of old British comedies.  If she had been asked, Scully would have admitted to never being able to imagine the sight of Alex Krycek convulsed with laughter over an old Monty Python film.  They would go to a small, rather rundown cinema specialising in older British movies, buy some popcorn, sit beside each other in the darkness, holding hands, sharing their popcorn, necking.  Doing all the silly teenage things that none of them had ever done when they were actual teenagers.

Since it was their last evening and they had never run into anyone even remotely connected with what Krycek persisted in calling her 'day-time life' he had persuaded her into a slightly larger, better class of restaurant.

Sitting at the table, eating, chatting desultorily of the film they'd watched last night, the weather, Krycek suddenly said.  "Can I ask you something, Dana?"

"What, Alex?"  how easily the name flowed from her lips now.  When had he ceased to be Krycek, the rat-bastard, Scully held back a smile remembering Mulder's favourite curse, and had become simply Alex?  The cool analytical part of her mind persisted in wondering if that was how she dealt with the dilemma of sleeping with the enemy.  By dividing him into two people, Krycek the traitor she loathed and Alex the man she…  she cared for, nothing else, she told herself firmly.

"How do you always keep so cool, so calm?"

She picked up her glass of wine, "What do you mean?"

"Well," he hesitated.  "Not only are you the only person who has ever managed to form a working partnership with 'Spooky' Mulder.  And I have to tell you that working with Mulder was enough to drive me crazy with his conspiracy theories and his crackpot habits.  But you have one hell of a rep at FBI and out at Quantico."

Her lips trembled into a smile, "Dana 'ice queen' Scully you mean?"  And suddenly she realized that the old nickname no longer had the power to hurt.

"I wasn't going to mention it, but yes."

She started to cut into her Dover Sole.  Each cut of the knife, neat and precise, she said, "I got used early to being the 'good' girl, the clever, sensible one, who always brought home good grades.  Who never got into trouble.  Who," she smiled wryly, "you could always rely on.  Who wasn't going to treat you to emotional outbursts.  Besides with two older brothers, I learned early to be tough.  Even today I just continue being responsible, taking care of people while keeping them a little distant.  I guess it's an old habit since I spent a large part of my youth taking care of, of…  Melissa."  She stumbled over the word, and suddenly she wouldn't meet his eyes.

He cursed silently, continuing swiftly, "Yeah, but that doesn't explain how you manage to be so unruffled.  Not much seems to make you angry or upset.  Not Wendigo, not Apocalyptical cults cloning children to create a superrace, not liver-eating mutants."

He added thoughtfully, "Unless it's to do with Mulder of course.  He's your one weakness.  Hell, even when you cried on my shoulder, it was all because of Mulder.  But no matter what weird shit he drags you along on, you always come out on top."

Scully gave him a narrow-eyed look, "And may I ask how you know so much about my work?"

Alex started to butter a roll a little clumsily, muttering over the stiffness of his artificial arm.  "That's a really stupid question, Dana.  I would have thought by now that some of Mulder's paranoia would rub off on you.  Remember the Consortium?  The shadowy all-powerful organization which supposedly knows everything and of which I am a prominent member."

"Or a drone," Scully murmured.

He gave her a speaking glance.  "I'm an upwardly mobile person.  From blue collar to management.  The American dream in fact."

"Except you're not American, are you?"

"I wasn't born here, if that's what you mean," he said carefully.  "And I'm not sure I'd die for it.  But I've lived in this country for a long time and it's as much my home as anywhere else."

"You know when Mulder came back from Russia he told me a wild story about you being a high ranking KGB officer."

Krycek snorted in disgust.  "Not KGB, definitely not KGB, those guys are real clowns.  We never could understand how they gained their reputation."

"And by 'we' you mean exactly?"  She kept her voice casual, but her heart beat suddenly fast, wondering if he would tell her the truth.

"The people I work, worked, for," he said, giving her a look that told her he wasn't going to say another word on the subject.  "If you're going to California I want you to keep a careful ear to the earthquake advice.  Promise if the ground starts to shake, the logical thing is to run from the epicenter, not to it.  Don't let Mulder's insatiable curiousity get you into trouble."

Following his lead and changing the subject, she didn't persist, giving him an impish smile.  "No problem, unless Mulder decides the earthquakes are caused by a Consortium project."

Alex rolled his eyes.  "That sounds exactly like something he would do."

Later that evening as they stepped out of the restaurant, Scully was still giggling over a comment he whispered in her ear as they walked hand in hand to where his car was parked.  Alex opened the door for her, but as she got in, he said something that made her turn around.  She laughed up into his face, and he pinned her to the car, bending her slender body against the car for a long passionate kiss.  She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him even closer ignoring the wolf whistles of the teenagers passing by.

Neither saw the man in the car across the road, the man staring at them with dark burning eyes and gripping the steering wheel hard enough to crush it…

One arm loosely around her waist, breathing in the light, fresh flowery scent of her hair, Alex half-closed his eyes, experiencing a deep contentment.  Scully was curled up against him, their legs tangled.  She was leaning her head on his shoulder.  One small white hand idly traced patterns along his bare arm.  There was a deep, comfortable silence, and then Krycek murmured.  "Ever since I first saw you, I've imagined you, us, like this."

She twisted her head, glancing up at him.  "You mean ever since Mulder introduced us?"

He shook his head, "No, actually since Quantico."

She lifted an eyebrow.  "Did we meet there?"

A soft chuckle.  "You don't remember?  Shame on you, love," he rubbed his cheek against her hair.  "You were there to hold a lecture on new forensic techniques on crime scenes.  I was one of about seventy eager FBI trainees.  You walked in together with the Director.  So tiny, red hair blazing, you were wearing it longer back then.  You looked like a china doll, and then you started to lecture and just impressed the hell out of us all.  Clear, incisive, making us all pretty sick with your crime scene and autopsy pictures."  He bent his head, pressing a kiss behind her ear, "I remember thinking it was unfair for one woman to be so beautiful and intelligent."

She dug an elbow into his stomach.  "Don't be, sexist Alex."  But she was smiling softly.  "So why didn't you introduce yourself?"

"Are you kidding?  I was in my second month of training, a real rookie, and there you were in the company of all the academy dignitaries.  The Director was hanging on your every word."  A wry amusement, "and seemed damned eager to hang on to something else as well.  I didn't want to make a total fool out of myself, so I just sort of skulked around until you all went off to dinner, and then I went back to my room and mooned."

"I don't believe a word," she told him roundly.  "You shy?  Come on, Alex!"

He nipped at her ear, enjoying her shiver.  "Sure I'm shy, Dana.  But I was going to gather my courage and ask you out the next day.  Except you'd already left, so," he half-shrugged, "the next time you saw me, you hated me."

"I didn't exactly hate you," she said slowly.

He gave her a disbelieving look.  "Dana, you loathed the sight of me."

"What I hated was seeing you together with Mulder."  Very softly she said, "Mulder and I, we belong together."

He muttered something under his breath, "I know you do.  I realized that a long time ago."  He tilted her head and kissed her gently.  "I can't say it makes me happy, but yeah I know, you and Mulder are linked always."

She closed her eyes, lulled by the warmth and the closeness.  "And he hates you with a holy passion."

"He'll get over it," Krycek murmured, warm firm lips scattering kisses along her jaw.

She gave him an incredulous look.  "Alex, I hate to burst your bubble, but you shot his father, remember?  That's not something you 'get over.'"

He sighed, "If I'd known taking out  the old bastard would cause this much problem, I'd have let Luis have him."

"You mean, Luis Cardinale?"

"The one and only."  Krycek was betrayed by the flickering fire, the woman in his arms, into a rare lowering of his guard as he spoke of things better left alone.  Pensively he said, "Luis and I used to be the enforcers of the Smoking Man."  A peculiar wry smile, "of course Luis always enjoyed the killing more than me."

Disturbed by the easy references to the man forensics said had killed her sister, Scully frowned, "You knew him well?"

Another odd half-smile.  "As well as anyone ever knew Luis.  He was a psychopathic son of a bitch, and I'm not sorry he's dead."  He suddenly seemed to recollect himself, adding, "so let's not talk about him."

But Scully's interest had been caught and she sat up.  "No, I want to talk about him.  Alex, how deeply involved with the Consortium are you?  What's an enforcer?"

He didn't look at her, staring into the fire, the flickering flames giving the illusion of a haunting pain deep in his eyes.  "Dana, trust me you don't want to know, and I really don't want to talk about it."

She gently traced the contours of his face, "It can't be that bad…"

His mouth smiled, but the shadows in his eyes remained.  "It was worse.  I doubt even Mulder's fertile imagination would be enough to grasp the whole truth.  Dana, love, I've survived for longer than I want to remember, by doing whatever was required at the time."  He spoke without overt emotion.  But there was something in his calm voice that made her heart ache.

"Like sleeping with Mulder?"  The comment was out before she could help it.

He lifted an eyebrow, "Are you by any chance jealous?"

She started to tell him how ridiculous that was, and then suddenly stopped.  "Maybe," she admitted cautiously.

He laughed, a soft, warm sound.  "There is no competition, trust me, dousha…"  he pulled her against him again, hugging her tightly.  "Mulder was -" he broke off.

"He was what?"

"The truth?  An infernal nuisance!"  Krycek shook his head.  "He's so damned intense, fucking him was always hard work.  He just wouldn't relax and enjoy.  It always had to be a big drama.  Besides, have you ever tried sleeping in his bed?  It's enough to destroy anyone's back.  And he's like a pea on a hot brick when he's sleeping, always tossing and turning.  I was just about ready to throw him out of bed if he didn't stop bumping into me!"

He added softly, "I infinitely prefer a small curved bundle fitting perfectly in my arms, cuddling against me."

Although she shared his smile, she still looked a little doubtful, and he asked in obvious amusement.  "Dana, how can anyone be so insecure as to be jealous of Mulder?"

She tried to shrug.  "Well, I keep falling over his ex-girlfriends and lovers every once in a while.  They all seem, so, so obsessed with him still, and even you have to admit he's an enormously attractive man."

Krycek yawned, "If you go for the pale, intense type.  Not my cup of tea though, as they say in England.  Frankly I was damned glad when the assignment was over.  Mulder can be a good friend, but he's a lousy lay."

Never in a million years would Scully admit to the secret relief that flooded her at Alex's casual dismissal.

But then he added, "Actually if anyone has cause to be jealous it's me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on, Dana, everyone, and I mean everyone at the FBI, hell, inside the Consortium as well, know that it's Mulder and Scully, Scully and Mulder.  The two of you are practically joined at the hip."

She felt suddenly alarmed.  "Wait a minute, you mean they talk about us at the, the, Consortium?!"

He looked amused.  "What do you think we do all day?  Sit around planning the takeover of the world?  Cackling madly and twirling our black mustaches?  We're as human as you are," he paused, then added meditatively, "well, most of us, in any case.  You spend long nights on surveillance, sure you gossip, and you and Mulder were a favourite topic."

"You are joking, I hope!"

He shook his head.  "Nope, I once won fifty bucks off Olaf, he's the proverbial computer nerd at the Consortium.  He was sure the two of you were doing the horizontal tango."  He grinned at the look on her face.  "His words not mine, blame a deprived childhood.  But I was sure you weren't, and after we'd bugged Mulder's place and got confirmation, he paid up.  What's wrong, Dana?"

She sat straight upright.  "You bugged Mulder's apartment?!"

He seemed faintly surprised by the question.  "Well sure we did, it's been bugged for years.  Occasionally he finds them, and then we have to go in and do it again.  A damned nuisance it can be too…"  he added absently.

"No, I mean you bugged it?  You personally?"

"The last time yeah, it was, me, Luis and Olaf."  He chuckled softly, "Luis was grumbling the whole time about it being beneath him, and Olaf kept telling both of us, we were moving up in the world.  Killers are a dime a dozen, but good survelliance experts can write their own ticket.  He's probably right too."

There was a very dangerous edge to her voice, "And what about my place?"

Alex looked suddenly alarmed by her reaction.  "As far as I know it isn't, but hell, with the Consortium who knows?  It's been a while since I was in the loop, so it's possible I guess.  If I were you, I'd presume it was."

"This place?"

He shook his head, "Nope, one of the few advantages of Consortium membership.  I know what to look for, and trust me, this place is clean."

She relaxed slightly, cuddling into his arms again.  "This is getting worse every time I look around," she mumbled.  "What have I gotten myself into?"

He kissed her neck.  "It wasn't as if you had much choice at the beginning.  You can always tell yourself and Mulder that I forced you."

Something inside Scully hurt at his easy assumption of guilt.  As if he actually expected her to deny him, and what they had together.  "I would never do that, Alex," she said quietly.

His grip tightened fractionally hearing the fervor of her voice.  "Don't worry about it, Dana.  I'm used to being the bad guy."  A wry smile.  "Hell, I am the bad guy, and don't you forget it, dousha."

"Don't talk about yourself like that, Alex," she said, and trying to find a way of changing the topic added gloomily.  "Mulder even dresses much better than I, do you wonder that I'm insecure?"

"Umm, now there you do have a point.  Once this case is over, you should take some of that sick leave you've accumulated and we'll go to Europe.  We'll get you a whole new wardrobe in Paris and Milan…"  His eyes narrowed sweeping over her.  "You just trust me, and I promise you won't be disappointed."

"Alex, I'm a FBI agent, ergo I am not exactly rolling in worldly goods," she pointed out, firmly pushing away the temptation.  "Between my hospital bills, although insurance has taken care of most, and my monthly expenses I don't have enough to buy a ticket to Europe, much less go shopping."

He picked up one slender white hand, pressing light kisses to each fingertip.  "No, but I do and more.  It will be my treat, and I have connections in high fashion, you needn't worry I'll bankrupt myself or you."

"You?"  she gave him a dubious look.  "The original sewer rat?  I thought you were born in jeans and tattered leather jacket."

He started laughing helplessly.  "You never cease to delight me!  I like jeans and my leather jacket yes, it gives me anonymity and the right kind of seedy character that's easy to overlook.  But I'm not always dressed like a third-rate hit man."

Raising herself slightly, putting one hand on his chest, Scully grinned down at him, letting her eyes slowly wander over his body.  "There is nothing third-rate about you, Alex.  But I have to admit I like you even better without your jacket and jeans…."

He lay on the sofa, completely relaxed, laughing up at her with his beautiful green eyes.  "I have created a monster."

Eyes narrowed, she pinched her lower lip thoughtfully, straddling his hips.  "And I'm thinking of some suitable punishments for you right now, my dear Krycek…"

He whispered, "I'm shaking in my boots."

"You don't have any boots on, Alex," she pointed out primly, then slowly slid down along him, loving the instinctive reaction of his body, the small moan he couldn't hold back, or the way his legs spread until she rested in their cradle…

Scully later thought that she should have realized something was wrong the moment she stepped into the office.  But she was still thinking about Alex and last night.  The shared laughter and hours they spent curled up together on the sofa listening to music and simply talking.  She never even noticed the danger signs until it was too late.

"Good morning, Mulder," she said cheerfully.  "Ready to leave?"

He didn't answer at first and then, coldly.  "The trip has been canceled."  A pause, "did you have a good time last night?"

Her head lifted, hearing the hostility.  "Thank you, yes," she said calmly, wondering why he was in a bad mood.  "And how was yours?"

"Not so good, but then I didn't spend my evening fucking like a rabbit, with a killer."

Scully turned white as paper.  "Oh my God," she whispered, sinking down on the nearest chair, legs suddenly unable to carry her weight.

Mulder's face twisted.  "Praying, Scully?  after last night you must have used up just about every prayer there is in the Good Book."

"Mulder, I can explain," she said helplessly.

"Explain what, Scully?  That you're screwing Alex Krycek?!"

"I, no, it's not like that."

He leaned forward, eyes cold as ice.  "Then tell me exactly how it is, Scully.  You tell me that what I saw last night wasn't you and Krycek coming out of a restaurant, hand in hand, kissing!"  he spat the word at her, "on the street.  Tell me that you didn't get in his car and go to whatever back-street hotel that rent rooms by the hour to fuck your brains out!"

Scully shook like a leaf.  There was a terrible fear and despair in her wide eyes knowing she was helpless to prevent her deepest nightmare.  What she had feared more than anything.  "Mulder, please let me explain," she begged.

But he wasn't listening, "Damn you, Scully!  Damn you!  I trusted you!"  and in the man's rage she heard the echo of the desolate, forlorn boy who had lost everything that ever mattered to him, above all, the ability to trust.

Reacting to the hurt, she instinctively reached out to him, holding out her hands pleading.  He shook them off as if they were poisonous.

"No!  Listen to me, Mulder, when Krycek first came to me he had evidence that Melissa was alive!"

That stopped him for a moment, "Your sister?"

She nodded quickly, words tumbling out.  "He sent me a photo with her holding a newspaper only two weeks old.  I knew it was impossible, but still I had to know do you understand?"

He relaxed fractionally.  "Yes, yes I do.  What did he want with you?  Why didn't he come to me?"

How like Mulder.  He always assumed that everyone was as obsessed and focused on him, as he was on them.  She remembered Alex's casual dismissal of her partner, and knew she could never tell Mulder that.  Scully bit her lip, a slight flush rising her face.  "He, he, wanted me, Mulder, in return for the photo and information."

"I don't understand."  And he really didn't she realized.

She gave him a twisted smile.  "It was a simple bargain, my body for information about my sister."

"Krycek wanted to sleep with you?!"

Even in the middle of the tragedy she knew was the inevitable outcome, she still almost laughed at the expression on his face.  "Amazing isn't it?  You can imagine my shock.  But I would have given anything, anything, Mulder, to find out about Melissa!"

He badly wanted to believe her, torn between suspicion and hope.  "So what about last night?  That didn't look like a blackmailer and his victim, that looked like," he flung the words at her, "two lovers!"  And despite the anger his eyes pleaded for an explanation he could accept.

It would be so easy to say what Mulder wanted, begged to hear.  No, Scully thought in sudden resolution.  She wouldn't deny Alex, she owed him that much.  She looked at her partner steadily.  "It was.  It changed, Mulder.  Somewhere along the way, I, we, it became far more than, what we were.  We," she made a helpless little gesture, "I don't know what I feel for Alex, but it's not hatred, not any more."

He stared at her for one stunned moment and then rage descended, flooded him.  She watched in a stunned fascination as the arm lifted.  Pupils dilated as his arm swung, but she made no attempt to protect herself.

The palm of his hand connected with enough force to rock her back on her feet.  She felt the sudden blinding pain of the blow reverberate through body and soul.  Felt the skin break, and the sudden warmth of blood trickling down the side of her face.  Still she said nothing, just kept looking at him, with enormous disbelieving eyes, as slowly she put up one shaking hand to touch the wetness, fingers coming away washed in red.

Scully rose, moving like a sleepwalker whispering numbly, "I'm sorry, Mulder."

She left the white, sickened man behind, ignoring the shocked glances and whispers of those around her as she walked out of the building.

Without even knowing how it happened, Scully found herself driving to Hadley Place, every movement slow and careful as she negotiated the traffic, reactions on autopilot.  She never remembered how she got to the apartment, but suddenly she found herself standing outside the door.  With a final supreme effort she pressed the button.  She had even forgotten she carried a key in her purse.

She waited, shaking badly, leaning against the wall.  Finally when she had given up hope he was there, the door opened and Alex was there.  He stared at her, taking in at one look the white face, glazed numb eyes, and the bruise beginning to darken and swell.

"What the hell!"  he examined the bruise with shaking fingers.  "Dana, what happened?"

"Mulder found out about us," she said tonelessly.  "He saw us coming from the restaurant last night."  Her eyes were blank and shocked.  "He was so angry, I've never seen him so angry with me."

"Come here, dousha," Alex pulled her inside and gently removed her coat, talking to her as you do a small child.  Steering her to the couch, he poured a large brandy, and forcing it into her hand.  "Here, drink down this, yes Dana, drink, now!"

At least the brandy brought a bit of colour back into her cheeks, and a hint of life into her eyes.  Alex meanwhile poured himself a vodka and tossed it down, trying to restrain his immediate impulse which was to tear off and pound Mulder into ground beef.  He had never before experienced this raw, primitive anger.  He was ready to go down to FBI HQ and beat Mulder into a pulp.  But even more than anger, the overwhelming emotion he felt was guilt.  If it wasn't for him, this would never have happened.  He knelt by her side, gently taking her hand.  "Dousha?"

Still she said nothing and then suddenly she whimpered softly, and the eyes lost some of their blankness.  "Alex, he hurt me, Mulder hurt me.  He hates me."  She didn't sound like Dana Scully, FBI agent.  She sounded like a hurt child, and nothing could have told him clearer of the shock she was in.

"Oh darling," he had to swallow painfully.  Kneeling by her side, he gently covered her hand with his.  He had known of the rage Fox Mulder carried within him.  Hell, he thought with a mirthless twist of the mouth, he'd been on the receiving end of it often enough.  Mulder had hurt him, and enjoyed doing it.  Still, Krycek had never thought he would ever touch Dana.  And in his heart he knew that only one thing could have caused that level of rage, that violence in Mulder; seeing Scully with Alex Krycek.  The Madonna and the Devil.  Christ, what had he done to her?

Softly he said, "No, no, he doesn't hate you.  He's very angry right now, but he'll get over it, I promise."

She shook badly.  "You didn't see his face, Alex, it's over.  Oh God!"  She hid her face in her hands, "what am I going to do?"

It was not a question, but he answered it in any case.  "You're going to stay here with me, and we're going to work this out together."  At first she seemed ready to argue, but then with a weary sigh she suddenly surrendered, body going limp and unresisting.

She didn't shed a tear, eyes still blank and empty as he put her to bed, spooning himself around her shivering body, whispering soft words of love and comfort in Russian.  As always it seemed to soothe her.  Finally she fell asleep, lulled by his warm, dark voice, telling her in the beautiful, cursed language which separated them, of his passion, of her beauty, of the joy of being with her.

When Krycek woke in the cold grey dawn, the bed beside him was empty.  And he knew on some deep instinctive level, even before he saw the small note on the pillow beside him, that she was gone.

Alex,

Thank you for last night, I wish that I could stay with you, but we both know that's impossible.  It was a beautiful dream we had, but it's over and we are both awake now.  To pretend otherwise will only bring both of us more pain.  I owed Mulder at least my loyalty and I betrayed him, that's the simple truth.  I will not say what we had wasn't worth it.  You made me feel things I had never dreamed of, and you made me laugh.  For that you have my eternal gratitude.  But this is harsh reality and the reality is that we are enemies, that we can never be anything but.

Dana

He had read somewhere that you could feel actual physical pain when your heart broke.  At the time he had laughed with Luis over the absurdity that any kind of mental anguish was worse, than actual physical pain.  But compared to the searing agony burning through him now, as he slowly crumpled her note in his left hand, the pain of having his arm cut off was as nothing.

A week later Scully faced AD Skinner steadily, eyes locked somewhere beyond his shoulder.  Skinner was leafing through the papers.  "You are sure, Scully, this is what you want?"

"Yes, sir," she said very evenly.  "The present situation makes it imperative that Special Agent Mulder and I separate.  I have decided to take up a standing offer to lecture.  I have just received confirmation of my appointment to the University of Swansea, where I will teach medical forensic practices."

"I see…"  Skinner looked down at the transfer request, "and what does Mulder have to say about this?"

She still wouldn't look at him.  "Special Agent Mulder fully understands and supports my transfer, sir."  The truth being that she had not seen Mulder since that morning, nor did she want to.  He had made no attempt to contact her, and once when he saw her at a distance coming out of the Ladies restroom, he checked abruptly and then rapidly turned around and walked away, leaving her shaking and stunned.  Feeling even more terrible and ridiculously worried that he had lost so much weight and looked like he hadn't slept at all since their confrontation.

Skinner sighed, knowing all too well the gossip that had made the rounds of FBI.  He had even talked, if that was the term for it, with a pale, stubbornly silent Mulder.  "I am not going to ask what makes the two of you suddenly decide to separate, not that you'll tell me the truth either of you, even if I did."  He picked up the pen and signed the paper, handing it to her.  "Well, good luck, Scully, I hope you won't have cause to regret your decision, I know we'll all miss you."

She took the signed document, shaking his outstretched hand, never more grateful that he didn't push, didn't ask all the questions she knew were burning on his lips.  A good boss, Walter Skinner, and a better man, and had the circumstances been different she might have felt tempted to confide in him.  Had it been anything but this.

But AD Skinner would never understand about Alex Krycek, so she just said, "Thank you, sir," and smartly left before he had the time to ask any more questions.

Walking out the building for the last time, Scully felt numb.  She knew she was supposed to feel something.  But at the moment everything inside her was dead and black.  She moved as if encased in a fine translucent bubble separating her from reality.  Even as she arranged the sub-letting of her apartment, packed her suitcase, reassured her family, it was not really happening to her, but to some other woman.  She saw her mother's concern and a part of her wanted to comfort the older woman, so she heard her own voice mouth the right platitudes, but somehow it still didn't touch her.

Only once did she come close to cracking.  The telephone rang while she was packing, and when the answering machine cut in, she heard a familiar, soft drawling voice.  "Dana?  Dousha, listen to me.  Whatever's happened we can work it out, I'll speak to Mulder.  I'm begging you, don't let him destroy what we have!"  A short pause, "Boch ti moy! I hate talking to these machines.  Please, Dana, phone me, night or day."

With fingers that actually trembled, Scully ran over to the machine, pressing the rewind and then erase buttons.  Finally picking up the phone, pulling it from the cord and hurling it against the wall.

After that she just sat, back against the wall, legs pulled up, resting her head on her knees, arms around her legs, rocking back and forth.  It was killing her, she whimpered softly, emotions threatening to tear her mind apart.  She was in agony over the two men she loved, the men who hated each other.  Mulder, her partner, friend, her other half.  She owed him everything, including her life again and again.  He had stood by her when everyone else had given up, he had been there when she was sick, in pain, despairing.  Just thinking of the anguish she must have caused him by her actions had her moan in guilt and torment.

But how could she ever have imagined that Alex Krycek would touch her heart?  Alex, who had stolen into her life like the thief he was, but had stayed to become so much more.  Alex with his dark, twisted past.  Alex with his face and body so like an angel's that even the loss of an arm could not spoil its perfection.  Alex Krycek with green eyes that had seen too much.  Eyes that had stared into hell and seen in her his saviour.  Beautiful, haunted, Alex who made her body and soul melt.

Dana Katherine Scully who had never run from anything or anybody in her life, who had fearlessly faced everything in her life, knew she was running, and she didn't care.

"Don't worry, Mom," Scully smiled at her mother, shifting her hand luggage from one hand to another.  "I'll call as soon as I arrive in Swansea.  I'm not going to the end of the world you know.  You will come over this summer and we can travel around Europe together.  How does Paris in June sound?"

"Nice," her mother said a little distracted.  But then she continued a little plaintively, "I still don't understand, Dana, why you have to go to Wales.  Even if you don't want to work at the FBI any longer there are so many good universities and hospitals at home."

"Mom, you know that this was a really good opportunity for me," Scully said patiently, then added, "and just think how nice it will be for you not to have to worry about me.  The closest thing to danger I will be in over there is if the students don't like the grades I give them."

"I know, darling," her mother suddenly hugged her, "but I still don't understand."

"What is there to understand?"  Scully remained very patient, submitting to the hug.  "I told you that Mulder and I decided to take a break.  We're still friends, nothing has happened, all right?"

The older woman looked at her red-haired daughter, seeing the strain in the tense lines of her face, the shadows under her eyes, and not believing a word, she said, "Yes, dear.  Of course."

Dana was so like her father at times, Margaret Scully thought with a sigh, so determined to keep everything to herself, never admitting anything was wrong.  "I," then she suddenly noticed a dark-haired man standing at little behind them, and watching them with intense green eyes.  "Dana, darling, do you know the man behind us?  He has spent the last five minutes staring at you."

Scully didn't have to turn around to know who it was.  "Excuse me, Mother," she said in a controlled voice.  She left her mother behind and walked to where Krycek was standing, arms crossed.

"I don't want you here, Alex," she said bluntly.

"I rather figured that out on my own after my fifteenth phone message went unanswered," he said quietly, eyes devouring her.

"Please, Alex, don't make it worse," she tried to keep control.  "Leave it be.  I can't be torn between you and Mulder any longer.  If you two want to rip each other to pieces, go ahead, but I'm getting out!"

"Dana, this isn't about Mulder.  This is about you and I.  Do you have any idea what you are throwing away?"

Scully suddenly hated him for not understanding.  "Alex, you have completely wrecked my life.  My partner hates me, I've resigned from a job I love.  I'm leaving my family and moving to another continent, and all because of you."  She faced him steadily.  "What have you ever given me in return?"  A bitter smile.  "Yes, you do things to my body I never thought possible, but are you telling me that sex, however great even comes near to compensate the rest?  Then you're a fool, Krycek."

He opened his mouth, then closed it with a snap.  "I never meant for this to happen, dousha."  A profound sadness darkened and shadowed emerald eyes.  "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"It is."  And then some demon, a gnawing bitter thing she hadn't even been aware of until now made her add, "and as for the sex, I'm not fool enough to believe that it meant anything to you.  I remember what Mulder told me, he was your assignment, wasn't he?  He told me just how expert how skilled you were," she spat the words at him.  "How many other men and women have you seduced, Alex?  I know what a hive op is!"

He turned white, the look in his eyes that of a mortally wounded animal.

And still she couldn't stop the vicious, hurtful words spilling out.  "How can I ever believe that screwing me," she was being deliberately vulgar, "meant anything to you?  How could I ever trust something at which you are so obviously an expert?  'I was the best'" she mimicked savagely.  "How can you stand there and tell me that fucking means anything to you?!"

Still pale as a ghost, all of a sudden something dark and dangerous sparkled in his eyes.  She almost took a step back.  Some of the fear must have shown because abruptly he relaxed, shoulders slumping.

"I can't, Dana.  I guess," it was his turn to smile bitterly.  "You just have to trust me."

She laughed, a harsh, acrid sound, and spun away without another word.  Turning her back on him, she walked rapidly back to her mother who had been watching them with anxious eyes.

Alex stared after her not making another sound, and only Mrs.  Scully saw the naked anguish on the beautiful face trained on the woman leaving him.  And though nothing could ever make her go against her daughter, she wondered how Dana could reject the kind of love and devotion that showed so starkly on the young man's face before he too turned and walked away, shoulders hunched.

Mulder had finally fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion on the couch, the TV still flickering.  But not even a repeat of the immortal classic, "The Monsters of the Black Lagoon Return" dated 1936 was enough to keep his interest.  Not much did since Scully had gone.  Cursing his eidetic memory he replayed in an endless loop their last confrontation, the shock, and hurt in eyes that had never looked at him with anything but trust and friendship.

He woke abruptly and unpleasantly when something cold and hard nudged him hard in the side, and he batted at it irritated, muttering, still half-asleep.  And then a soft sibilant whisper snapped his eyes open, tensing every muscle in his body.

"Wake up, Mulder!"

Very carefully he lifted his head.  "Who the hell are you?"

"Don't be more stupid than you've already been," was the crisp reply.  "Sit up, slowly, and keep your hands where I can see them…"  The small lamp by the sofa was turned on, and in its light Mulder saw Alex Krycek perched on the armrest of the chair, dressed in ubiquitous black leather, and holding a very professional-looking gun in his left hand.

Somehow it was no surprise to see him there.  Deep inside he'd known that sooner or later Krycek would come.

"Nice outfit, did you have to look for the right gun to accessorize it?"  Mulder asked sardonically, sitting up gingerly and swinging his feet to the floor, holding his hands well in sight as ordered.

"You know, one day that mouth of yours will get you in serious trouble," Krycek said almost pleasantly.  His tone in stark variance with the coldness of his eyes.

There was a short pause as the two men stared at each other, and then suddenly, Krycek moved like lightning, using the butt of his gun to hit Mulder hard enough to snap the other man's head back with a crack, and with a muffled curse Mulder felt something wet and warm start running down the side of his face.

He swore heatedly touching the wound.  "What the hell was that for?!"  he demanded angrily.

A smile of immense satisfaction spread across Krycek's face as he watched Mulder try and staunch the bleeding.  "That was for ever laying a hand on the woman I love.  Trust me you deserve much worse, but for some reason Dana really cares for you, you piece of shit," he hissed.

Mulder swallowed harshly.  "Fuck you, Krycek!"  he spat.  He finally managed to stop the bleeding using a soiled paper napkin from a takeout pizza place that he found wadded up on the floor by the sofa.  "I don't know what the hell you've done with her, you bastard, but I know Scully too well to believe she'd ever touch you without being sick!"

Krycek looked at him strangely for a moment.  Anger drained away and was replaced with an emotion Mulder hadn't thought the bastard capable of sudden; love, bordering on worship,.  A sensuous smile slowly shaped the younger darker man's mouth.

"Yes, you would think that, wouldn't you," Krycek said very softly, distantly.  "but fortunately for me she's more generous than either you or I."  He breathed out,  but then collected himself again and motioned for Mulder to sit back.  "Look, I didn't come here tonight to fight with you, or kill you for that matter, but to talk."

A muscle flexed in Mulder's cheek.  "Talk about what, you son of a bitch?!  How you killed my father and Scully's sister?  How you made sure Duane Berry kidnapped her.  The months she spent as a guinea pig for sick, sadistic medical experiments?!"

Keeping a tight rein on his temper, Krycek said tautly "I did not kill Melissa Scully," he took a deep breath.  "And I came here to talk about the woman we both love," a small pause, "not to bring up old conflicts."

Mulder stared at him hard, but could see nothing in Krycek but an almost desperate honesty when the words suddenly hit him.  "You, you love her?"  A croak of pure unadulterated incredulity.

Krycek gave him a cold, disgusted look, "Why the surprise, Mulder, isn't she worth loving?"

"Uh, I, of course she is," Mulder mumbled, suddenly feeling like the ground had shifted beneath his feet.  "But, I, uh…"  he suddenly faltered not able to suppress the memory of Alex Krycek….

Krycek laughed shortly realising the cause of the other man's sudden hesitation.  "You thought I was carrying a torch for you?  Grow up, Mulder, and get it through your head, I love her, I want Dana.  You," his lip curled, "you were work."

"Damn you, Krycek!"  Mulder was half-way up from the sofa, before the soft clicking sound of the gun being cocked and trained steadily on him, brought him back to his senses.  Sinking down in the sofa again, he crossed his arms sullenly, determined not to give the smug bastard facing him any more satisfaction.

There was another silence, broken finally by Krycek.  "I only came, Mulder, because you and I need to reach some sort of accommodation."

Mulder glared at him, "Fine, give me your gun, turn yourself in and I'll see you get a fair trial," and a speedy hanging, his glower promised.

Krycek chuckled softly, "Thanks but no thanks.  Besides, I'd never get to stand trial, and we both know it."  He paused, and when he spoke again his tone had altered.  "Look, I mean it Mulder, Dana is gone, and I know you're hurting over it, as am I."  He added softly, "I do love her you know, more than I ever thought I could."

Mulder remained skeptical, still not convinced.  "I doubt you've ever loved anyone, including your own mother, you cold-hearted son of a bitch."

The shaft went wide as Krycek smiled quickly and shook his head.  "You'd be wrong then.  True I never knew her, but that didn't stop me from loving her."  He shifted position.  "But I did not come here to talk about my sordid family affairs.  Mulder, I do know Dana and yes I love her.  But thanks to you, she's left both of us."  It was his turn to nail the FBI agent with a glower.  "Because of your unreasonable, narrow-minded attitude she's gone."

"Who the hell are you calling narrow-minded?!  You assassinated my father, you blackhearted treacherous snake!"

"And don't tell me you hadn't dreamed of doing exactly the same.  But if it will make you feel any better, please feel free to shoot my father," Alex said calmly.

Mulder snorted, "Ah shit, this is getting surreal, I don't know who your father is, remember?  Actually I don't know anything about you except that you're a traitorous, backstabbing, piece of slime."

"And I love you too," was the dry reply.  "Now that you've got that off your chest, how about working with me?  You do want her back don't you Mulder?"

"Yeah, yeah I want her back, you're right.  I need Scully, without her I'm incomplete," Mulder mumbled, the words dragged from him.

"So am I," Alex told him softly.  "But you know the reason she left was because she got caught between the two of us, and staying was tearing her to pieces."

Mulder shook his head, "I still don't understand," he muttered, "you and Scully?"

An enigmatic smile, "Hard to believe isn't it?  Trust me, I was just as shocked as you."

Giving him a long thoughtful look, Mulder began to regain his equilibrium.  "Which makes your behaviour even stranger.  If you loved her like you say you did, then how could you sell her to the Consortium?"

Alex hesitated, lowering his gun, and Mulder was stunned by the sudden pain in green, haunted eyes.  "There isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret what I did.  But you have to understand, when I saw Dana, I…"  he paused, "the truth is that I panicked."

"Panicked?"  Mulder was surprised.

"Yeah, panicked.  Look, put it this way, by the time I entered Quantico I was one of their top agents."

"Whose top agent?"

Krycek almost smiled, "None of your business.  As I was saying, my cover was deep, and good.  I really did graduate you know, it was easier than any of the other alternatives.  Then the next thing I knew I was assigned to partner, 'Spooky' Mulder," a sudden glimmer of white in a quick smile of remembrance.  "Actually I was pretty pissed off that after all that time and effort they'd assign me to the 'most unwanted man in FBI.'"

Mulder glared at him sourly, knowing too well his own reputation.  "And was it the Consortium that ordered you to seduce me as well?"

A very amused look, "There wasn't much seduction involved.  As I recall, you were the one jumping my bones."  He sighed, "though I'll admit that was no doubt one reason I was assigned to you.  They knew your reputation, and decided I would probably appeal to you…"  he paused, then added quietly, "but what they hadn't taken into account was my reaction to Dana Scully."

Fleetingly Mulder wondered who the 'they' were that Krycek kept referring to.  The Consortium?  Most likely, although for some reason he doubted it.

The gun was lowered even more.  "The first time I saw her, my God!  I couldn't believe my eyes.  She really knocked me for a loop!  And not only was she beautiful enough to turn my guts to water, she had the brain and courage to match…"  another long pause, "and she hated my guts because of you.  Which didn't exactly make me think kindly of you."

"You really love Scully?"  Mulder asked quietly, some of the fire dying.

"I must, or I am certifiably insane," Krycek replied just as quietly.  "I've risked not only life, but soul for her."  He smiled softly, lovingly, "and I would again."  Carefully he placed the gun beside him, offering Mulder a mute sign of trust.  "And after I'd given up any hope of anything but her hatred and unwilling compliance, she showed me what a classy, incredible woman she is."  He gave Mulder a swift glance.  "How much did she tell you about us?"

Mulder shrugged, "Not much."  Grudgingly, "not that I gave her much chance, I was in shock, and I, well, I…"  his voice trailed away and he looked away avoiding Krycek's accusing eyes.

"You hit her," Alex finished grimly, "and just so you know, the next time you lay a hand on her, I'll kill you."

A long tense, strained silence, and then Mulder said wearily, "You won't have to.  I'll kill myself rather than do it ever again.  But when I saw the two of you together, I just saw red, literally red."  His voice turned cold as ice, "I saw my father's body and the red pool of blood he was lying in.  Damn you Krycek!  Damn your rotten soul to hell!"

Krycek said quietly, "Mulder, I did what I had to, your father was in it up to his neck.  He corrupted everything he ever touched.  The Consortium wasn't always what it is today, when it all began they - " he broke off and shook his head, "never mind.  Look, I know Dana loves you, and that she's way too loyal to ever leave you behind and be happy.  I'm not going to pretend that makes me exactly jump for joy since all you've ever managed to do is to put her life in danger and make her miserable."

"I wasn't the one who had her abducted or blackmailed her into sleeping with me," Mulder hissed.

Alex winced, pushing a hand through his hair.  "So she did tell you that?  I wasn't sure you'd heard or understood.  I did it yes Mulder, and you can't call me anything I haven't already called myself, but," a pause, "I really thought that was the only way I could get her."  He added softly, more to himself than anyone else.  "Old habits die hard.  It was the only thing I was sure I could have of her."

"You have a very strange way of loving someone," Mulder taunted.

Krycek actually smiled a little twistedly at that, "I'm a strange kind of guy."

"Which doesn't exactly comes as a surprise," Mulder muttered.

"You know much as I like sitting here exchanging cheap insults with you, there is something more important to consider."

"Scully."

"Right, Dana."

"Scully, her name's Scully."

"Dana, she also has a first name.  I'm not the only one who's weird.  She's your partner, you've held her when she cried, you've fucking saved her life!  And you still call her Scully," mimicking Mulder's drawl.  "God you make me sick at times!"

Icily.  "As you said, it's mutual, Krycek."

A level look.  "So now we know we're we stand, you hate my guts and I can't exactly say I like you either, but I plan on being around for a long time to come, Mulder.  Like it or not I'm a part of Dana's life."

"I don't like," Mulder retorted angrily, suppressing the thought that hate was just one of the things he felt for the man sitting in front of him.

"You prefer being alone, getting piss drunk?"  a contemptuous glance at the empty whisky bottle by the sofa, the stack of dirty pizza cartoons, "feeling sorry for yourself.  Or do you want your partner back?"

Mulder glared at him, "What I want is Scully as my partner and you gone from our lives until I see you stand trial for the murder of my father, selling nationally classified material, and the no doubt hundred of crimes you've comitted that I know nothing about."

"Oh grow up, Mulder!"  with the first hint of impatience.  "If it hadn't been me, it would have been someone else.  Your father was dead, and he knew it."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine by me.  Let's talk about Dana, and how we find a solution the three of us can live with."

Mulder wanted to refuse, but he knew deep down that Krycek was right, damn him.  Scully was gone, and it was his fault.  "So what are you suggesting?  Some male bonding?"  he didn't try and hide the sarcasm.

Krycek had the affront to laugh, "I think we've had enough male bonding to last us for a while, Mulder."  He started to remove his jacket, moving a little awkwardly when he pulled it over his right arm and the prosthetic revealing the black shirt he was wearing underneath.  "Actually, if you could just accept that I'm a part of Dana's life, that would be enough."

"Doesn't seem as if I have much choice does it?"

Krycek said calmly.  "Of course you do.  Dana loves, respects you enough that if you ever gave her a choice between you and me, then she'd chose you."  Mulder's eyes lit up.  "Not because she loves you more than me, but because you stand for everything else she has been taught is right and admirable.  Me," he said very softly, ruefully, "she wants against her own better judgment.  As she's said a number of times already, I'm everything she despises and dislikes.  But I can make her happy Mulder.  And if you force her to chose between us, we'll all three end up losers."

"Aren't you overestimating your own importance a little, Krycek?"

Alex shook his head, "I don't think so."  He gave Mulder a steady look.  "The question is really, do you love Dana more than you hate me for," he hesitated feeling no need to bring up all his alleged crimes, personal and professional.  "For being who I am."

Mulder swallowed.  Leave it to the bastard to put it on the line bluntly.  "I don't know," he admitted finally.  "I'd give just about anything to have Scully back.  But I can't forget or forgive the kind of misery you've caused me and my family."

Krycek sighed, "Perhaps this will help you make up your mind.  The only person who could have told you about why your sister was taken and by whom, was your father."

Mulder froze.  "You're lying."

"If you like."  Krycek said wearily.  "Look I don't know why she was taken, your sister I mean.  All I heard were some whispers from time to time that it was to keep your father in line, that's all."  A wry smile.  "And if that doesn't persuade you…  just think how convenient it will be for you to have an ally inside the Consortium when you're trying to ferret out the truth."

Mulder rubbed his eyes, "Are you trying to bribe me, you son of a bitch?"

A half-smile, "Would it work?"

Mulder sighed, feeling tired and grumpy, "I don't know, it shouldn't but," his shoulders slumped.  "Dammit, Alex, why did you do it?"

Krycek gave him a long thoughtful look.  "Because that's what I was ordered to do, and trust me, with my kind of boss you obey orders or you die.  It's not exactly like you and Skinner arguing, these people play for keeps."

"The Cigarette Smoking Man?"

"Among others," a soft amused chuckle.  "And I wouldn't call him that to his face.  He doesn't like the nickname."

"I'll remember it the next time I see him," Mulder said sarcastically.  "So now what, Krycek?"

"Now we get Dana back."

Mulder's face softened.  "That's the one thing we do agree on, you son of a bitch.  And then you and I are going to sit down and have a long talk about some things like my sister and father and Melissa Scully, and the Consortium."

"We'll see," was the only reply.

"That was a very interesting lecture Doctor Scully," the polite young man said, stopping by the desk where she was organizing some of her notes.  Scully looked up and smiled absently at the earnest young face in front of him.

"Thank you, ah, Richard?"

"I was especially fascinated by the example you brought up with the missing link you and your partner discovered in, New Jersey wasn't it?"

Scully sighed, she had fearlessly faced Consortium agents, oily aliens and liver-eating mutants.  But at times the sea of enthusiastic students stumped her.  They were all so fresh, well-scrubbed, and damned ebullient they just exhausted her.  Looking across at her student she had to stifle another sigh, feeling a hundred years old.

Dredging up a polite tone, she answered, "That's correct.  However, to explain in detail would take hours, if not days," and hurrying on before he had time to suggest anything, "and even if you have the time, I don't I'm afraid.  I've got several papers to correct."  Pointedly she picked up her pen again, waiting until he took the hint and reluctantly wandered off.

Finally escaping from the university grounds, after another lecture, and even more students, Scully on an impulse changed her mind and drove past the small house the university had provided for her use, turning onto the highway leading away from the city.  Less than twenty minutes later she turned into a level grassy slope beside the road where the roaring waves threw themselves unceasingly against the rocky cliffs of the Welsh coast.

Scully got out and locked the door, then started walking along the coastline, breathing in the sharp, braising salty winds that tore at her clothes and rumpled her hair.  Finally she stopped where the coast bent outwards sharply, a big boulder, the remains of the ice age possibly, balanced precariously at the edge of the cliff.

Dana Scully looked out over the sea, the wind in her eyes causing tears - and then again perhaps not.  Almost three weeks and still she was no nearer to healing, no nearer to finding the peace she craved.  Three weeks of nights spent tossing and turning; three weeks of waking up soaked in sweat from nightmares of accusing eyes and bleeding bodies.  Sometimes it was Mulder fixing her with a cold anger that terrified her, while Alex bled and died across her feet.  Then at other times it was Alex staring at her with black sightless eyes from which all humanity had gone, while Mulder lay on the floor dying slowly and in agony.

God, the God I prayed to in my undoubting days of girlhood, help me find peace, she whispered into the wind….

No matter how much she tried she couldn't escape the last memory of Alex.  The stunned, hurt look in his eyes when she hurled her accusations at him.  Had he not given her evidence in a thousand different ways of his….  concern during the time they had been together?  She still wouldn't give the emotion the name her mind whispered.  But she had hated him at that moment.  Hated him for the past that rose between them.  Hated him for being what he was.

She had hated because she dared not love.

Scully stiffled a curse, why did it always come back to that?  She couldn't love Alex Krycek.  A spasm of pain and confusion clutched at her heart, and she could feel the sudden ache whisper through her limbs.  She had slept alone for all of her life.  So why did her bed suddenly feel so empty?  In the weeks they had shared a bed, Alex had accustomed her body to the feel and touch of his.  Now she would wake up at night and automatically stretch out her hand for him.  And when  her fingers slid over nothing but smooth chilly sheets, her body would contract in loss and pain.

The day was blustery and cold, and she was quite alone.  Leaning against the boulder.  Scully was so deep in thoughts she never heard the light footsteps muffled by the roar of the sea, behind her.

"Hello, Dana," the soft voice froze her, and then she whirled around, eyes widening in shock and a sudden fierce happiness.

"Alex?"  a stunned whisper.

He came towards her, wearing faded blue jeans, and as always the black leather jacket.  Flowing across the ground with the cat-like grace that was Alex Krycek's own.

He halted just before her, smiling down into her eyes.  "Sorry I couldn't come before but I needed to sort some things out first," he said very gently.

She closed her eyes, voice reflecting the anguish that was tearing her apart.  "You shouldn't have come at all, Alex.  All you being here means is more pain for both of us."

Krycek tried to smile.  Just because he had expected her words didn't mean they didn't hurt.  "Well I knew you wouldn't come after me.  Mohammed and the mountain you know…."  Slowly he reached out and, tenderly, delicately brushed a strand of short red hair from her face, sensitive finger-tips stroking the soft skin in a small caress that made her shudder.  "Why shouldn't I have come?  Don't you care for me at all, Dana?"

She turned away, stuffing her hands in her coat-pockets to stop them from reaching out for him.

"You know I do," she admitted quietly, she had never lied to him before, she wouldn't start now.  "But there is just too much holding us apart.  Melissa, my abduction…"  a long pause, and a haunted whisper, "Mulder."

He was quiet for a moment and then said almost tentatively.  "You named Mulder last, but he's the real problem, isn't he?"

She stared out over the foam-crested waves roaring against the gray rocks far below them.  "You know he is," her voice almost broke, fighting back tears.  "He's my partner, my friend, my…  my love, and he hates you."

She bit her lip until it bled, taking an obscure comfort in the tiny pain.  "There is just much too between us for it ever to work, go away Alex, I don't want you here."  And knew she had just broken her promise.  She could lie to him but not to herself and her heart had leaped with a wild joy at his presence.

"I don't believe you."  A warm breath at her neck made her shiver and tense every muscle of her body to resist leaning back into the body standing close enough that she could feel the heat radiating from it.

"I love you, Dana," he said quietly.

Oh God, Dana Scully breathed out in a shudder that tore at her body and heart, how could anything hurt so much?  "Don't, Alex, please, it won't change anything," she pleaded softly.

"You're wrong, darling," his voice was very strained, and if she had turned around she would have seen the paleness of his face.  "That's what took so long.  I've talked to Mulder, and he…"

She spun around, "You've talked to Mulder?!  How is he, what did he do, what - "

Alex held up his hand, stopping the outpouring of questions, and Scully smiled for the first time.  "I'm sorry, but you talked to Mulder and, "a sudden hopeful glimmer.  "You are still both alive?"

"Alive and unbruised, more or less.  Which may be because this time I was holding the gun," he told her wryly.  "Mulder is one of the most stubborn and cantankerous men it's ever been my misfortune to meet, but he's not completely unreasonable."

"I, I don't understand?"

He half-shrugged.  "If we're ever going to have a chance Dana, I needed to reach some sort of accommodation with Mulder.  Something we could all three of us live with."

She frowned.  "Why do I feel a little left out suddenly?  I'm not some prize to be fought over!"

Alex chuckled softly.  "I only wish."  He sobered again.  "I didn't mean that the way it came out.  Dana, I know why you left, you said as much in your letter.  By sleeping with me, you felt like you betrayed Mulder didn't you?"

She looked away.  "I know it doesn't make much sense.  I mean Mulder and I, our relationship is not, not sexual.  But yes, both Mulder and I knew I had."  A soft, sad smile lingered in her eyes.  "Mulder will much easier forgive you shooting him, than if you betray his trust.  He doesn't trust easily, but me…"

"'…  he would trust with his life.' I know, you told me once."  He said quietly.  And then he took a deep breath.  "I came here despite what you told me at the airport, because I know we can be together."  Then added very softly, "I have to believe that.  But I also know it will work only if you can be with me without feeling that you've betrayed Mulder."

She listened, filled with a sudden wild hope, heart beating hard.  "You're saying Mulder has accepted us?"

Alex nodded.  "As I said we had a little chat."  He held out his hand and slowly she put hers in it.  He pulled her close and put his hands on her shoulders, looking down into her face.

"Mulder loves you and you love him.  It's no use either of us denying it.  I've accepted that."  Jealousy and sadness tinged with pain clouded his eyes before he looked away.  "Or at least, I'm going to have to," he qualified.  "But the fact is that you and Mulder are partners, and not time or distance will change that."

"The only two who can ever break your partnership is you or Mulder."  He kissed her forehead, "so I can either have you, with him attatched, or nothing at all, and I've always been a realist.  Which is not to say that what I really want is for you to forget everything about Fox Mulder and the FBI and run away with me to the Seychelles or Bora Bora."

A real smile softened her face.  "Alex can you really see me as a beach bunny with nothing to do but sip drinks and bask in the sun all day long?"

Alex cocked his head, a warm teasing look in green eyes, murmuring, "Vividly, my heart."  Then he sobered and continued.  "Look, I know nothing I or anyone can do will ever threaten or break your bond.  Though God knows they've tried."  He looked down at her with a strange light in his eyes.  "Rather ironic isn't it, that after all the time and trouble the Consortium went to, to break the two of you up, I did it without meaning to or even wanting."

Scully said softly.  "I've never thought of it that way."

A sudden bitterness, "One more black mark against me.  The only thing I seem to cause you is more hurt."

She suddenly frowned and brought up her hands to frame his face.  "No!  Stop it, Alex.  I am not some helpless damsel in distress.  I am Mulder's partner, yes.  With emphasis on partner.  I have hurt him terribly, and I admit that when I realized just how much I ran.  But I am responsible for all my own actions.  I could have broken it off with you Alex.  I could have asked Mulder for help the first time you came to me with information about Melissa.  It was my choice not to.  Mine and nobody else's.  Do you understand?"

He laughed softly.  "I understand.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  There is no one like you, Dana.  So much spirit and beauty and fire in such a very small package."  Alex kissed her nose, but then abruptly his laughter died.

"He misses you, Dana," he said quietly.  "So much it's tearing him apart.  I think he's finally realized that without you, it doesn't much matter what the truth is out there…"

She couldn't hide the sudden sheen of tears, or the pleasure that flooded her soul.  "He misses me?"  she whispered, eyes pleading for it to be the truth.

He laughed softly in quiet amusement, "Dana, he's ready to crawl on his knees and beg you to come back to him.  He knows that without you he's incomplete.  Even when you were gone he wasn't this miserable.  He always had the hope of getting you back."  A wry smile reminded her of Mulder's tenacity that could border on lunacy at times.  "You know he's the kind of man who will never give up.  This time though, he's realized it was he who drove you away."

"Not entirely," Scully murmured knowing it would hurt but forced by honesty to say it.

Alex breathed out.  "No, not entirely on his own," he said evenly.  "I know that if you'd never met me," carefully leashing his own pain, "if I had never come between the two of you.  Then perhaps one day Mulder would have seen what everyone else knows."

"And that is?"

"That he's hopelessly in love with you.  Almost as much as you love him.  But Dana," he said quietly, "I am here, and I won't go away."  A rather twisted smile, "I'm not that much of a altruist.  And I honestly believe that I can make you far happier than he ever could."

His grip on her shoulders tightened a little as he continued urgently.  "He's too cold.  Too driven and obsessed to ever see you for what you are.  Mulder's first love will always be his quest for the truth, and for his sister.  I, on the other hand, have no quests, no great convictions.  A man like Mulder.  You can admire and respect him.  But God help you from loving him!  He'll break your heart and not even notice."

He murmured softly, "I will love you like he never could.  I'll make you feel safe and cherished, and always put you first."

"Oh God, Alex," she said quietly, unbearably tempted and miserable.  "Don't do this to me."

"Dana," something his voice made her look up sharply.

"Yes?"

"Do you love me?  You've never said."

She spun suddenly away, looking out over the sea.  Did she love him?  She had spent so much of the past months avoiding exactly that question.

"How can I love you?"  she finally asked painfully with her back to him.  "You stand for everything I hate, everything I was taught to despise and loathe.  You're a murderer, a hired killer for money.  You're a traitor, you killed Mulder's father.  How can I love you?"

He breathed in harshly, "What are you telling me?"

She turned and raised her eyes to look at him steadily.  A breath of silence, and then, very quietly she told him the truth she had only this moment accepted.  She almost smiled at how easily the words came, after the weeks of anguish and self-torment.

"I'm saying that I should hate you, but I don't.  God help me, but I love you.  I love you, Alex Krycek."  Her eyes filled with tears, "and may the Lord have mercy on my soul."  She took one step forward and then she was in his arms, her own clutching him fiercely rediscovering the familiar planes and curves of his body.  His arms around her, the artificial prosthesis digging into her back.  He was whispering soft endearments, in Russian she assumed since she didn't understand anything but the intent.  Finally, Alex pulled away a little, and to her astonishment, she saw the silvery tracks of tears on his face.  Wondering, she reached up and traced them with her fingertips.

"You're crying, Alex…"  her voice soft and breathless.

He tried to smile through the tears.  "Blame it on my Russian heritage.  You know how emotional we Slavs are.  Not like you cold Anglo-Saxons."

She pulled his head down, and kissed the moisture from his skin, tasting the faint saltiness on the tip of her tongue.  "Don't apologize, Alex, I like it."

He kissed her again and again, laughing at her murmured protests.  Hands and mouth almost clumsy in their eagerness, and for some reason that touched her unbearably.  "I love you, Dana Katherine Scully.  Love you.  Love you…"  punctuating each sentence with another kiss.  "Promise you'll never leave me again."

A faint shadow crossed her face, and suddenly she lost a little of her happiness.  "I want to, Alex, I do, but…"

"No buts," he interrupted firmly.  "We're together and that's all that matters."

She nodded, wanting to believe him.  "For now."  She leaned her head against his chest wondering how it was possible to feel so happy when only moments before she'd been so miserable.  She must have spoken aloud, because she could feel a sudden rumbling as he laughed quietly.

"I'd tell you, except I'd be afraid of sounding conceited," a blinding smile lit his face.  His eyes when she looked at him were the colour of sunlight reflecting through a forest in spring; all shades of gold and green light.

She laughed, reaching up to kiss him.  "You're a fool, Alex Krycek."  Scully leaned into his arms feeling them close around her, and she suddenly shivered realising what an idiot she had been, how easily she could have lost everything.  Burrowing into his body, she asked, "Alex, why did you come?  After," she stumbled a little over the words, "what I said at the airport I never thought I'd see you again."

He smiled rather strangely.  "You still don't understand do you, Dana?  That day when I told you about Melissa.  When I told you to go, it really was your only chance."  His voice was very calm, almost cold.  "I always thought the only thing I could have was your hatred and your body, and even that was better than nothing.  That you love me remains a miracle I can't comprehend.  But even if you hated me, Dana, I would still want you.  I would take what I couldn't have voluntarily."

He said almost harshly.  "Do you understand what I'm saying?  I'm not like Mulder, or you.  I haven't had the luxury of choice, or ethics.  I've killed and whored and lied to survive.  And for the first time in my life I want something more than survival.  There is literally nothing I wouldn't do for you or to keep you with me."

She suddenly trembled, beginning to grasp the true depth of his feelings.  "Alex, you scare me," she whispered.  "I, no, don't.  I don't want you to feel like that."

He kissed her gently.  "Dear heart, I  did not tell you to make you afraid."  A reckless smile slashed across his face.  "I told you so that you will never doubt my feelings, my love for you.  Love?  Bah!  what a pale word for what I feel for you!  And that you love me back?  Do you know how that makes me feel, my heart?"

She couldn't help smiling, infected by his joy, the laughter that sparkled like the finest champagne.

But then he sobered.  "Much as I hate it, we have to talk.  There are some things I need you to understand."

"Sounds ominous," she said lightly to hide the sudden stab of apprehension.  "You don't by any chance have a wife and three children hidden away in Russia?"

He smiled although his eyes remained somber.  "No wife, no kids, no one I love except for you, forever.  He hesitated a little, then folded his legs and sat down, leaning against the boulder.  "Come here," he took her hand and pulled her down with him.  They sat in silence for a long time with his arms wrapped around her, as she leaned her head back against his chest, and then he started speaking quietly.

"Do you remember the first night at Hadley Place?"

"I remember," she said softly.  "That's when it all started to change, wasn't it."

He pressed a kiss into her hair breathing in the sweet, heady scent of her.  A delicate fragrance he would know blindfolded.  "That morning was the first time I ever made love, Dana."  He stilled her instinctive movement.  "Not the first time I had sex, the first time I made love."  He was quiet for a moment.  "I've been blessed, or cursed, with the kind of face that appeals to women and men.  I've used that, traded on it, hence the hive ops.  Sex has been a tool in my arsenal of weapons."  Another pause, "I've used it to blackmail, I've sold it, at times had it forced from me, at times used it to force secrets from my enemies, I've been raped, I've raped."

A deep breath, and then he continued with a little difficulty, "I was, I am, an expert in what is euphemistically called, the arts of love, or to put it in plain English, fucking.  I can be the lover of your dreams, pull orgasm after orgasm from you, make you beg for more."

Scully was suddenly reminded of the night they had made their bargain.  The words that had made no sense then.  "That's what you meant wasn't it, Alex?  That first night, when you said you could at least give me this in return."

He looked away.  "Yes.  I knew you hated me.  God knows I gave you reason enough.  But I always thought that at least I could give you pleasure.  For a long time I thought it was the only thing that you would accept from me.  But there were times, Dana, when our bargain sickened me!"  He continued harshly.  "The hive ops have always left me cold as ice.  It's never meant more to me than shaking someone's hand and I've killed so-called lovers without a qualm or a second thought."

"Don't, Alex," Scully murmured gently, giving his arm a little squeeze.  "It doesn't matter, love."

He buried his face in her hair, swallowing heavily.  "We have to get it out into the open, and then we'll never talk about it ever again, I promise.  I never realized you knew about the hive ops."  A bitter smile, "I guess I was hoping that you never would.  But since you do I want you to understand that what you and I had, had nothing to do with, with, that."

His arm tightened around her.  "I need you to understand just how different you are.  What you mean to me.  I've wanted you for a long time, Dana.  Forever I sometimes think…."  A momentary smile lightened his voice.  "Every time I saw you walk past me in the FBI corridors, my heart would skip a beat."

He suddenly laughed softly.  "I'd spend hours, days, thinking of the way you scrunch your nose when you're thinking.  The way your hair keeps falling across your face when you type.  I'd see you sitting in the cafeteria talking with your friends.  Someone would say something that you thought funny and you'd tilt your head and smile.  The blue of your eyes would darken and flash.  And I'd think, if she would only look at me like that.  There are a million little things I could tell you about.  Actually I can't remember a time when I didn't love you.  When I didn't want you enough to kill."

He shifted slightly on the ground, his voice changed, grew harsher.  "But of course you never saw me.  And if you did, you despised me because I was Mulder's partner.  Your eyes would go all icy and hard whenever you looked at me."  Bitterly.  "And all that time I would have died for you.  Killed for just a single word, a smile.  The only person you ever smiled at was Mulder."  He tried to laugh, "I wanted to shoot Mulder, and you for being so fucking blind."

"Alex, my love, I never knew."  she said softly.  She felt awed and humbled by the calm ruthless exposition of his emotions.  Dana Scully knew she had never, would never be loved as this dark, intense, man loved her.  She wanted to deny her own blindness, but was unable to.  She had in truth not even noticed Alex Krycek as anything but Mulder's appendage.  Their mutual pain and frustration at being separated had dominated her thoughts to the exclusion of everything else.  Including the young, too-handsome new partner she had instinctively and jealously known shared more than Mulder's cases.

A poem by Walter Scott whispered through her mind.  'Oh what a tangled web we weave/When first we practice to deceive…'

Then he spoke again, interrupting her train of thoughts.  "That was more than obvious.  All you ever saw was Mulder and his damn X-Files.  You know I did warn the Consortium that you and Mulder would always be a team no matter how much they tried to separate the two of you.  Even if they closed the X-Files and had both of you re-assigned, you would still be a partnership."

A pause, and then he said very carefully, "I'm not going to pretend that I didn't know what Duane Berry was after.  Or that I didn't kill him on purpose.  If you are ever going to trust me enough to build something on, then you deserve the truth.  I knew that they meant to abduct you, Dana.  But by that time I hated you even more than I loved you.  I hated you for not loving me, for loving Mulder instead of me.  I even hated Mulder for being the man you loved."

There was a pause before he admitted wearily, "And in a twisted kind of way once you were gone I could grieve for you like Mulder did.  Hell I even thought that if I could get you back you'd be so grateful that maybe you'd start looking at me the way you looked at him," a dry self-mocking irony coloured his voice.  "Instead of viewing me as though I was a particularly nasty bug you'd found in your food."

Again he stilled her movement, putting a finger across her lips.  "You have to believe me love, that once you were taken I didn't know where they kept you or what they did to you.  At the time there was a power-struggle inside the Consortium.  And well, let's just say that things were very chaotic for a while.  My boss momentarily lost power, and with him, so did I.  So I had no way of tracking you down.  If I could I would have.  I swear, Dana!"

"Shh," she whispered, "I believe you, Alex."

His eyes were a deep haunted emerald.  "You're far more generous and forgiving than I deserve, and God do I love you for it!"  He took a deep breath.  "And then you came back, but dying, and everything went rapidly downhill from there.  Mulder discovered my Consortium ties and he did not take the knowledge, the betrayal he would call it, well…"

And then he added with a strange bitterness.  "Nor did AD Skinner.  For a while I was starting to feel like a punching bag between the two of them.  So the only option was to clear out, after umm, 'persuading' my boss to give Skinner the antidote you needed."  He chuckled softly.  "I wouldn't tell Skinner this, but his big sacrifice, his deal with the devil was unnecessary.  Although it provided the Smoking Man with a lot of delectation.  He found it highly amusing that not only I, but AD Skinner were prepared to barter our souls to the devil for your sake, not to mention Mulder's desperation.  He really enjoyed that."

Scully shook her head, "I don't think I want to know this.  I thought it was Mulder who saved me?"

"Is that what he told you?"

"Not exactly," she admitted, "and things are still a little hazy, but I just assumed it was Mulder."

A snort, "How typical, for the first time in my life I do a noble unselfish thing and another man gets the credit.  Shows you how dangerous it is to be good," he said lightly.

Scully turned around so she could look into his eyes.  "But being good has its compensations as well," she told him solemnly.  "For example, if you had not been at least partly good, I wouldn't be here with you now."

He leaned forward and kissed her gently, "True, okay, from now on you can call me the White Knight."  But then his smile died rapidly.  "Dana, I didn't pull the trigger, that was Luis Cardinale, but I was there."  He ignored her sudden stiffening.  "No, listen love.  I went with Cardinale because I thought we were kidnapping you.  Frankly the thought of you alone with Luis scared the hell out of me!"  He hesitated briefly and then admitted a little sheepishly.  "I also had a very private fantasy that after we'd taken you, and Cardinale had frightened you out of your wits.  And trust me he would have, the guy was a total psycho, then you'd turn to me, and finally see me as a person."  He paused, "Have you ever heard of the Stockholm Syndrome?"

Scully gave him a speaking look.  "Believe me Alex, if I had been kidnapped by two Consortium goons, I would not have been too kindly disposed towards you."  She thought for a moment, "if I remember correctly, the Stockholm syndrome means that because the hostages are forced to rely on their captors for everything, food, security and even their lives, that creates an emotional dependency and makes them form a bond with their kidnapper."

"Right, and well that's what I kind of counted on.  That you'd turn to me as the lesser of two evils, and I'd at least have a chance to show you that I'm not a completely bad guy."  His mouth twisted bitterly, "but then you didn't show up, and Melissa did instead and Luis just shot her before I had a chance to stop him.  I nearly killed him then and there, but hell, I figured by then it was too late, and whether I killed Cardinale or not didn't matter.  You'd hate me for just being there, and I'm a survivor, Dana, I've lived through shit you have no idea of.  Besides," he smiled grimly.  "if I was right and our masters didn't approve of his act, killing him clean would have been a mercy."

He hesitated briefly and then said softly.  "When I gave you that folder, I really thought that was the end.  That Melissa was dead.  But," he looked away from her.  "Since then, I've, I've come into  some more material.  It may be a lie, a complete fabrication, it may be the truth."  he didn't want to remember exactly how or why it had dropped into his hand.  "And, I don't know.  I just don't know, Dana.  But I swear, I'll never stop digging until I find the truth, one way or another."

"Alex," she touched his face with shaking fingers, hurting not only for herself and poor Missy, but the man who was holding her as if he was afraid she would disappear and leave him once again.  "I know you will."  A strange smile lit her eyes as she gently turned his face so she could look deep into his eyes.  And quietly, she gave him the ultimate gift.  "I trust you, Alex."

"Thank you," he whispered, stunned.  That after everything he had done, everything he had said, she could tell him this.  In some ways it was even greater than having her love.  Dana Scully did not trust any easier than her partner, and she had an even stronger sense of right and wrong, good and evil.  He only hoped, prayed, that she would never know the truth about him.  That he would never see the trust and love replaced with disgust and hatred once again.

She nodded, consumed by the intensity of his eyes.  "I do believe in you," she said a little sadly.  "But Alex, God, I wish you weren't what you are."

"What I was, Dana.  I can't change the past, but at least I have some control over the future."  He pushed away the memory of the Smoking Man and the deal he had made.  "I can't promise you that I'll always be able to tell you what I'm doing or why.  You're going to have to trust me, and," his eyes fell, "there are still things I can't avoid.  People I can't walk away from."  There was bitterness, and a kind of weary acceptance, when he said.  "Once they get their hooks into you, you're never completely free."

"I am not going to pretend it's not going to be hard," Scully said evenly.  "Nor that it may tear us apart at some point, there are things I just can't accept Alex.  I couldn't, and still be me," her tone pleaded for understanding.

He hugged her, his body conveying everything he couldn't put into words.  "I know, my love, but for now, let's not think of the future, please?"

"It's a deal," she murmured, nestling into his arms, closing her eyes, feeling safe and warm and very, very happy.

Their quiet contentment was abruptly broken by brisk steps and an impatient, irritated voice.  "That's more than enough time, Krycek."

Alex looked up and swore, more in resignation than anger, "I thought we'd agree you would stay in the car, Mulder."

Arms crossed, glowering at both of them, Mulder retorted, "How was I to know you wouldn't just toss her over the side of the cliff?"

Alex's grip around Scully tightened fractionally, but his voice remained even and pleasant.  "Don't be  an ass.  I told you I needed some time alone with Dana, and you agreed, remember?"

Hunkering down beside them, Mulder took off his sunglasses, folding them and putting them in his breast-pocket.  "I know what we agreed, Krycek."

Scully gently freed herself from her lover's arms.  At the first sight of Mulder she had gone tense as a bowstring.  The fear and love written on her face had Alex swallowing something bitter as dust and turning away from the sight.

"Are you still angry with me, Mulder?"  A breathless whisper ripe with hope and longing.

He turned his head, and she almost gasped at the expression.  "How could I be angry with anyone but myself?"  he said simply.  "I miss you, Scully, you're my other half."

Her eyes filled with tears.  "I, I love you, Mulder."  And then Scully did what before her abduction and illness would have been unthinkable.  She threw herself into his arms.  "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whispered into his shirt, holding him tightly.

Mulder stroked her hair murmuring soothingly.  Both his arms were around her, and over her bent head Krycek's and Mulder's eyes met.  Triumph turned hazel into gold as Mulder silently told the dark man watching them, 'see, she is mine.  She will always be mine.' And Krycek's wry smile acknowledged the victory.

Finally Scully pulled herself together.  "I'm sorry," she muttered, patting her pockets hunting for a handkerchief only to have two of them stuck under her nose.  Taking Alex's she blew her nose, and tucked her hair back.

"Right, that's enough soppiness.  Mulder, if you ever touch me again I'll shoot you again, and this time I'll chose a better place, got it?"

Mulder laughed, "Yes, ma'am!"

"Good, just so that's clear."  She pulled him into another hug, "I'm sorry for hurting you, I always hoped that you wouldn't find out, but I never meant to betray you, you know that."

He hugged her back.  "I know, Scully, and when I had time to think a little, I realized who's fault it was."

Very gently she said, "Mulder, it wasn't anybody's fault any more than you and Phoebe Green was anybody's fault.  It just happened, all right?"

"No it's not all right," Mulder said angrily.  "Phoebe may have been the most manipulative bitch alive, but at least she didn't kill any member of my family."

"Mulder, please try and understand," Scully took his arm and pulled him a little from where Krycek was standing.  He leaned nonchalantly against the boulder, face blank, eyes bored.  No doubt Mulder thought it meant Krycek was a cold bastard, but she knew him well enough now to see the faint lines of tension, the way his hand clenched behind his back.  When had she become as good at reading Alex as she was at Mulder?  She decided to pursue that question later, for now it was more important to reach some sort of tenuous peace between the two men in her life.

"Mulder, listen to me.  If you still want me, I am your partner.  I will always be your partner no matter what happens.  I am not going to stop suddenly just because I love Alex.  Nor am I going to turn into some featherbrained idiot.  I am, I will always be Dana Scully."

She reached up and brushed back his hair in a tender, sisterly gesture.  "I'll always be there to back you up, all right?"  she smiled.  "As well as debunk your theories on mutant cockroaches, mad alien scientists and werewolves.  The only person prepared to stand you trailing sunflower seeds all over her desk.  And accept the Victoria's Secrets catalogue, you pretended I sent for.  And don't you dare deny it was you…"  She took his hand, feeling the implicit support in the strong, gentle grasp.  "Please, Mulder, for my sake, can you let it go?"

She had never him asked for anything.  She had risked her life again and again to follow him on his quest.  He sighed deeply, muttering something beneath his breath, and then he suddenly swept her into a bearhug.  "Scully, I could almost wish you'd fallen in love with that lunatic with a talking tattoo.  With just about anybody but Alex Krycek, and I'm not going to promise not to complain from time to time.  Or tell you that you can't do a hell of a lot better.  But for what it's worth, I believe the son of a bitch when he claims that he loves you."  He shook his head, "I still can't believe it, Scully.  You and Krycek, the mind boggles…"

Krycek came forward, gliding up behind Scully, sliding his arm around her waist.  In a loving, completely natural gesture, Dana leaned back into his body, as Alex looked at her with open adoration in his eyes.  "Why?  Haven't you ever heard of the old adage, 'opposites attract?'"

Mulder glared at him over her head.  "And there are no more opposites than you and Dana."

"True, which is why I love her," Krycek replied.  He dropped a kiss on her hair, looked at Mulder and quoted softly, "'Would she could make of me a saint/Or I of her a sinner.'"

"James Congreve, " Mulder said calmly.  "Is that what you're hoping?  That Scully is going to be your redemption?"

"I love her, man."  There was no challenge, no mockery, just a simple statement of fact.

Mulder looked at his partner.  "Are you sure?"

She gave him a blinding smile, and he sighed a little sadly.  "Very well, then."  He gave Krycek a dark look.  "You better treat her good or you'll regret it."

"You're making me shake in my boots," Alex said dryly, but pulled Scully into his arms at the same time.  "You'll come to see, Mulder, I'd rather cut off my other arm than hurt her."

Watching the two men she loved more than anything in the world, Dana Scully's heart contracted in joy and sorrow.  Alex smiled at her, lacing his fingers around hers, pulling her close.  As always he touched her.  There was a deep-seated need in him to feel her against him, as if to reassure himself that she was there, that she was real, and that she was his.

God how she loved him.  Against all conventional wisdom, against reason.  Then Mulder gesturing and arguing, turned to her for support.  Mulder her partner, her best friend.  Seeing the two men debate she suddenly felt a funny little stab deep in her heart.  She had so much, so why did her throat constrict at the thought of what she could never have?

They walked towards the car together, Alex with his arm around Dana's shoulders, head bent to listen to her, for once completely unwary and happy.  Scully was talking to him, but once in a while her eyes slid across to Mulder, giving him a wistful, bitter-sweet, half-yearning look.  Mulder was listening, interjecting an acid comment now and again, trying to needle Krycek, and when he thought no one was looking his eyes rested on the dark man, with a savage bitter hunger.

THE END

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