Disclaimer:  The characters Dana Scully, Alex 
Krycek, Fox Mulder, and others are not mine.  
They belong to Chris Carter.  Chris, I ain't 
trying to take them, make any money, or do 
anything demeaning.  Chris, they're YOURS!

Title:  Deception or Not

Rating:  NC-17

Keywords:  Scully/Krycek Romance, then 
Mulder/Scully Romance

Summary:  Scully and Krycek are stranded 
together, in a very dangerous situation.  Scully 
hears his story and does something she never 
thought she'd do.  Should she tell Mulder?  How 
will he react?

Spoilers:  Paper Clip

Author:  Paradise

E-mail:  Please, tell me what you think!  
Para8Dice@AOL.Com
_________________________________________________

The Cave
11:11 PM

"Scully, you all right?"

God she hated him.

"I'm fine, Krycek," she said.

"Look, I know we've had some misunderstandings 
and issues between us, but I can save you."

"I'd rather die than let you save me."

"And I hear that you're so good about your 
temper."

"Don't speak to me."

He sat down next to her, and rubbed her 
shoulders.  She was freezing and they had one 
blanket and a sleeping bag.  He'd given it to 
her.  She jerked his hands away.

"Don't you ever touch me, Krycek!"

"What exactly did I do that has forced all of 
this anger?"

She laughed bitterly.  "Well, you mean besides 
the fact that you helped my abduction, you killed 
Mulder's father, you were with the man that shot 
my sister, you're on the side that's against 
mine, and that you're the cause of a thousand 
petty annoyances, nothing much!"

He sat down in front of her, facing her.

"I didn't shoot your sister though, and I was 
also the one who called the ambulance, and hoped 
she'd live."

"Oh you're a prince," she replied.

"I didn't want her to die.  It wasn't..."

"What?  Your agenda?  You mean to say you wish 
you'd shot me.  I would've been long gone!  But 
you kept me alive for God knows what reason, and 
I'm stuck here with you and I can't even look at 
your face."

She turned her face from him.

"Scully, have you thought about how I feel?"

She looked back.  "Feel?  No no, you don't feel, 
that's the problem.  You probably beat people 
until they give you the answers you want without 
feeling anything for their pain and their 
weakness.  You're a rebel on both sides.  You 
can't even decide who you're going to be loyal 
to.  You're a bastard who murders thoughtlessly 
and carelessly.  You don't give a damn who you 
hurt."

"That's not true."

"Oh really?  Nothing's stopped you so far."

Krycek sighed.  He sat down in front of her, not 
using any of the blanket for himself.  She was 
shaking desperately, and he knew in his heart he 
was highly attracted to her.  Even now, she was 
the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.  And she 
hated his guts and had every reason to.

"Scully, do you believe everything Mulder tells 
you?"

"This isn't about Mulder."

"Yes it is.  You're angry that I murdered his 
father.  Yes, I did.  Do you honestly think I had 
a choice?"

"There's always a choice."

"Not in this game.  You don't know.  You 
don't...you don't understand."

"You're so heartless, Krycek."

"You don't know one thing about me as a person."

"And why would that be?  You're not a person!"

"Yes I am," he said calmly.  "But you won't 
understand."

"No, I won't because you won't tell me.  And 
thankfully I don't want to hear about it.  You 
may have been a person once but you're not 
anymore.  You shot my sister, in cold blood, an 
innocent woman, and I know you have the power to 
save people in much worse medical conditions than 
she was, although I don't understand the science 
"the game" uses.  But you didn't.  A helpless 
woman was there at the wrong place at the wrong 
time but nope, she just had bad luck.  No one 
lifted a finger to help her."

"The medicine is not human."

Scully exhaled in disbelief.

"You want the truth, Scully?"

"Honestly, I don't know."

"That's why you and Mulder argue all the time."

"Oh shut up!  You don't know anything about 
Mulder and you don't know anything about me."

He exhaled again, and got out some heavy liquor, 
to give to her.  She drank it quickly, letting 
the heat go through her heart.  It felt so good.  
She was getting weaker.  She could feel it.  
Dammit.  She needed his body warmth.  If only he 
was...Mulder.  They'd been stuck underground like 
this for hours, she was already wounded but 
Krycek had saved her life.  What a joke.  He'd 
found her and picked her up, carrying her to 
safety.  And even when the cave collapsed, he 
protected her.

"Scully, you're freezing, let me help you," he 
said reaching for her.

"NO!  Don't touch me.  The person you are is 
someone who doesn't deserve to breathe oxygen and 
I'm not going to allow myself to believe in your 
stupid little attempt to make me feel safe with 
you so you can stab me in the back later."

"Agent Scully, I do what I do because I know I'm 
in the game, I'm doing the best thing I can, and 
if I don't, I'm dead.  You think Bill Mulder 
hadn't done exactly what I'd done?"

"That's not the point-"

"That's exactly the point!  We're all in the 
game, Scully.  Bill Mulder knew exactly what he 
was giving up, which is why he let Samantha be 
taken.  Everyone in the game could be eliminated 
any time.  We could all be eliminated any time.  
That's what we're trying to prevent."

"So, to save the world, you have to sacrifice 
certain people?  Is that it?"

"Sort of.  Scully, you are...I didn't shoot your 
sister."

"You were THERE!"

"Yes I was, but I couldn't do it.  I was ordered 
to, but I had someone else do it, because I could 
murder you."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because I couldn't.  Your time here is not over 
yet.  It won't be over for a long time.  My 
superiors didn't want you gone either, and that's 
why you were warned.  I couldn't do it though.  I 
couldn't kill you."

She met his eyes.  They were different somehow.

"You sound like you lost someone," she said 
flatly.

"I had a little sister.  My mother used to 
sexually abuse her.  When she was a child, a 
baby.  At night sometimes, I can still hear my 
sister's screams.  My mother killed her when she 
was four.  I was eight.  My mother got away with 
it, but I ran away and never went back.  Years 
later, when I was sixteen, I did go back to the 
house, and I found my mother.  She didn't 
recognize me."

"Must have been awful," she said with no emotion.

"I'm glad my sister died.  My mother never wanted 
anything to do with me, but she wanted my sister 
for all the wrong reasons, all the despicable 
reasons.  Hearing my sister every night, it was 
like a horror movie come to life.  You probably 
had a perfect family where everyone loved 
everyone, didn't you?"

"We all loved each other, yes, but perfect, 
absolutely not.  But it was nothing like you 
describe your family."

"I wanted to make something good of my life.  I 
was involved deeply in being loyal-"

"That didn't stick, did it?" she said snidely.

"Not in your eyes, no.  I had no one to ever show 
me what was right.  I had to learn everything 
I've ever learned on my own.  I can only trust 
myself.  I can't open up to anything.  But I 
hadn't felt anything in years until I looked at 
you."

She looked him straight in the eye and he showed 
no shame or regret in his eyes for saying that.  
The doctor in her kicked in.

"Here, take the blanket, you're freezing every 
bit as much as I am," she said, removing it from 
her.  "The last thing we need is for either of us 
to pass out." He grinned as he took it, and 
wrapped it back around her.

"Jesus, Scully, let me be the one to fix this 
for crying out loud.  No one who's had what's 
happened to you should look at good as you.  But 
you're still freezing," he said, wrapping her 
snuggly and gathering her body next to his. She 
for some reason let him.  She let him hold her.  
His cold hands cupped her face.  She wouldn't 
deny he was incredibly gorgeous, but the things 
he'd done.

"You all right?" he asked, his mouth two inches 
away from hers.

She nodded weakly.

"Why," she said chattering.

He knew what she was asking, and for the first 
time, he allowed all he'd done to touch him.  To 
hurt him.  To feel regret.  He had forced himself 
into socio-pathic behavior to survive.  But she 
was breaking down his walls.

"Because I know too much.  I'm too involved now 
to quit, and I can't even if I could.  If I make 
one wrong move, I'm dead.  Don't you see?  
They're trying to save an entire race.  Our 
existence.  If that involves eliminating lives, 
no matter how cruel and wrong, it's essential."

"So, you just play God."

"No," he replied.  "We don't play God, we try to 
keep them from eliminating our entire race and 
playing God on our planet."

She looked down, all the pain of the years she'd 
been involved in this buttoning up in her 
stomach.  "Well, I think you're wrong.  There has 
to be another way.  There has to be something 
more than this pain I feel inside," she said 
weakly.  "There has to be something more..." she 
began to cry.

Krycek enclosed his hands around Scully's waist 
and lifted her to him.  He held her against him, 
rocking her, his hands brushing the hair from her 
eyes.  He kissed her forehead and continued 
rocking her.

"There has to be something more than this pain.  
My cancer, I could die any minute, I put 
something I don't know or understand inside my 
body.  Underneath my skin, monitoring me."

"Shh, Scully.  You've got to believe me. You're 
not going to die.  I know how much you hate me, 
and that you will walk away from me at first 
dawn, but tonight, let me help you.  Let me save 
you.  Let me, please."

He pulled her face up so her blue eyes met his.

"Let me, Scully.  Let me hold you, let me touch 
you."

Her watery eyes were confused, but she didn't 
refuse.  He leaned in and gently kissed her.  His 
lips impacted hers like fire on ice.  When he 
pulled back to look at her, her tired eyes had a 
hint of passion in them.  He kissed her again, 
slowly, lingering, brushing his lips against her 
own.  Outlining her lips with his tongue, he 
urged them to part and give him access.  She 
granted that to him when she slowly opened her 
mouth and leaned into his kiss.

"Kiss me back, Scully," he whispered against 
her mouth.

She did.  Slowly but with the kiss steadily 
advancing, their tongues stroked and lashed 
around each other, her hands leaving the blanket 
to hold his face, pulling him more and more 
against her.  Krycek pulled her into his lap, 
keeping her warm in his firm grasp, his lips 
locked with hers.  Spreading her legs so that she 
was straddling him, his lips brushed against her 
collarbone, then transversed to the hollow of her 
neck with light feathery kisses.

"Krycek," she whispered weakly as his mouth 
placed hot kisses quickly along her face, her 
eyes, her jawline.

"Do you want me to stop?" he said, darting his 
tongue against her throat hearing her moan softly 
against him.

To her surprise, she didn't refuse.  She was 
letting Krycek kiss her, keep her warm, save her 
make love to her.

Scully was drunk, she could tell.  Her head was 
spinning and her body and mind were in a surreal 
place.  She thought she was in control, she was 
sure of it, but she wasn't.  She wanted him.  She 
hated herself for it, but she wanted to forget 
how cold she was, how tired, how sick, all the 
pain, her sister, her daughter, her cancer, 
Mulder not being with her, she wanted to wipe all 
those thoughts away.

She found herself kissing Krycek back.  Teasing 
his mouth, teasing his lips.  She found herself 
pushing the leather jacket off of him.  This 
wasn't just making love, this was fierce, fast, 
almost violent as they attacked each other.  She 
wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him 
again, pulling his body down over hers.  She 
couldn't believe herself.  He ripped off her 
jacket, and began removing his clothing.  He 
tucked himself into the blanket bag with her, and 
spoke to her.  Her eyes were drugged and full of 
passion, passion and pain, grief, and she didn't 
want him to stop.

"I want you.  Tell me now to stop if you want to 
end this."

"Just shut up and help me, Krycek," she 
whispered.  "Make it stop, make the pain stop.  
Make me feel good."

Tears flowed her eyes and down her freezing 
cheeks and he rubbed them away with his fingers.  
He kissed her full, lush mouth and the warm of 
his naked body even against her closed one was 
unbelievable.  His arms went around her waist and 
pressed deeply into her back, pressing her closer 
against him.  His hands then cupped her breasts, 
his fingers teasing and fondling her hardened 
nipples through the material of her shirt, 
causing her to tilt her head back, arching 
against him in pleasure.  Gently unbuttoning her 
shirt, her swollen breasts nearly spilled out of 
their cups.  He bent his head to kiss the 
pulsating flesh.

"Krycek," she whispered, her eyes closed, the 
dried tearstains still marking her beautiful 
skin.

He knew this would be the first and last name 
she would say his name with the passion he could 
enflame in her.  Slipping his hands beneath her, 
he pulled her up, her head hanging back, 
revealing the line of her throat to him.  Her 
hardened nipples strained against the material 
wanting attention, but he ignored them much to 
Scully's moan of dismay, slowly working his way 
down the line of her neck with his tongue.  
Moving a hand from her back to the back of her 
head, he pulled it up so she was looking at him.  
He kissed her as she sobbed, admiring how 
beautiful she was inside and out.  He ran his 
fingers over her breasts, squeezing them gently, 
as she moaned into his kiss, and felt him hard 
against her thigh.

"Krycek, stop prolonging this."

Obeying her, he unbuttoned her shirt the rest of 
the way down, sliding it off her creamy 
shoulders.  Her determined and passion driven 
eyes never left his.  They were almost demanding 
he follow through with this.  Scully's fingers 
reached for the front clasp of her bra and slowly 
undid it, torturing Krycek on purpose.  The feel 
of the material rubbing across her breast peaks 
as he peeled it the rest of the way from her 
heightened her need for him.  With his tongue he 
circled each nipple, sucking and nibbling on one 
as his fingers toyed with the other.  Scully 
grabbed and held his head against her, running 
her fingers through his thick golden hair, as he 
suckled her.  Finally he crawled over her and lay 
on top of her.  The weight of his body over hers 
sent a warmth over her and a desire pooling in 
the very base of her being.  Scully reached up 
and guided his head to hers, ensnaring his lips 
in a kiss that demanded satisfaction.  Pulling 
himself from the kiss to her disappointment, he 
lied her back, his mouth trailing to her stomach.  
His hand went in between her legs and she spread 
them delicately, allowing him to unzip her denim 
jeans and peel the offending material from her 
hips and legs.

A jerk of reality set inside her mind.  Whatever 
the hell she was doing, she didn't know, but she 
felt worshipped, loved, but...by Krycek?  What 
was she thinking?  How could she look at herself 
again after this?  After what, having sex?  Is 
this the 1500s when a woman has to feel like a 
whore and go to the convent and confess so that 
maybe, just maybe God would forgive her and renew 
her purity?  What the hell did she have to feel 
guilty about?  She was a medical doctor, and sex 
was healthy.

Helps your hormones get back into place, lowers 
blood pressure, releases mental pressure and 
overwhelming thoughts, and burns a few calories 
in the process!  What the hell was she talking 
about?  She didn't know.  Probably the alcohol, 
but who cares?  His mouth moved down her neck, 
tickling her and sending shivers through her 
liquid body.  She thought she was in control, but 
she wasn't.  The alcohol and the coldness took 
over whatever thoughts she might've had.  Now, 
she just wanted him.

His mouth trailed down and kissed her breasts, 
heating them up and causing her nipples to 
tighten as she whimpered against his touch.  She 
knew she didn't give a damn about him, but if he 
could save her and maybe do something for her, it 
would help out for all he'd done wrong.

He encircled her nipple over and over, then slid 
lower, licking her stomach, spreading her legs, 
his finger finding her jewel, pressing firmly up 
against it as he thrust his tongue into her 
mouth, feeling her tremble with satisfaction.  He 
didn't want to miss an area of her body, for he 
knew this was the last time either of them would 
be feeling this way.

"Touch me," she said, placing his hand on her 
breast.

He left soft little kisses around the smooth, 
round edges of her breasts, and pressed his naked 
being against hers.  She felt him pulsating 
against her, seeking her entrance, wanting her to 
say yes.  But he wasn't finished yet.

He took his pointer finger and tenderly lowered 
his finger to her damp center, feeling her 
warmth, her heat, her desire.  He inserted his 
finger into her aching passage, and she moaned a 
little, placing her fingers into her mouth to 
keep from making so much noise.  She arched a 
little to give him best access, as his thumb 
caressed the bundle of nerves above her opening, 
and his reward, a hiss of pleasure escaping her 
lips.  She moaned in happiness, and then she 
pulled his mouth to hers, her lips beginning to 
go numb from the coldness, until his lips came 
down on hers.

"Now," she ordered against his mouth.

Krycek parted her legs and steadily pushed 
himself in until he had filled her up.  He pulled 
Scully's arms up and entwined his fingers in hers 
as he firmly moved inside her.  She moaned as his 
tongue and lips stroked her chest and neck. His 
hands softly glided up her arms in a sensual 
caress and she couldn't control the convulsive 
shiver than tingled down her body.  He thrust 
deep inside her, almost all the way, amazed at 
how hot she was on the inside.

He moaned into her mouth and she sucked his lips 
with her own, thrusting, faster and faster.  He 
was right, this was forgetting the pain.  Maybe 
those soap opera characters weren't so insane.  
She gripped his ass and pushed him deep inside of 
her, for the final thrust, and moaned as he 
gently collapsed over her, keeping her warm.

After they recovered, he reclothed her for she 
was too cold for just his warmth alone.  Her eyes 
were closed and she was on the verge of passing 
out.  She could feel him putting her clothes back 
on.  It was almost respect.  As if he knew she 
still hated him so badly she couldn't ever stand 
to look at him after tonight and respected her 
anyway.  She couldn't quite conceive of the fact 
that she had just made love to Krycek.  No, she 
hadn't made love to him.  At best she had slept 
with him.  In reality, she had purely fucked him 
for her own purposes.  But still, he would carry 
the memory of her naked and weeping with pleasure 
beneath him.  Was that something she could ever 
feel comfortable with?  It wasn't her memories 
she was ashamed of, it was the memories she had 
given him.  The power she had given him.  She had 
taken from him as much as she had given, but he 
was the one who would use it against her.  Or 
would he?  For once in his life could he keep his 
goddamn word?  Could he stand for something?  Or 
was the opportunity to brag too much to pass up?  
She spoke once more, opening her eyes.

"I can be as ruthless as you, more in fact," she 
said, before her eyes closed again.

He knew exactly what she was demanding of him.  
He brushed his fingers through her red hair.  She 
was already asleep, and he prayed someone would 
get them out.  He pulled her close in his arms.

"Live Scully.  Like you always do."

They both fell asleep.

_________________________________________________

Next Morning 6:13 AM

"Scully!"

Scully didn't wake up.  She was lying in the 
sleeping bag, Krycek holding her, as Mulder came 
in the cave, with others to help with the rescue.

"Scully?"

"Mulder, down here," Krycek said.  "She's down 
here!  Help her!"

Mulder didn't want to argue.  Without protection 
he climbed into the cave seeing a passed out 
Scully in his arms.  He ripped Scully out of 
Krycek's grasp and swept her up into his own, 
carrying her out of there with the help of the 
team.  Krycek knew Scully would regret the 
previous night.  It was all over.


XxX

"Scully," Mulder said, lovingly touching her 
cheek.

She opened her eyes to see him once again, 
staring at her as she lied in the hospital.

"We've been in this situation entirely too many 
times," she said, blinking a few times.

He chuckled.  "Yes.  I agree.  How do you feel?"

"Tired.  I was stranded there all night.  I was 
so cold I thought I would die."

"I think Krycek did one decent thing in his 
pathetic life.  He kept you warm."

Scully looked away, slightly ashamed that she'd 
had sex with her partner's bitter enemy.  With 
HER bitter enemy.  Melissa was probably wondering 
what the hell she had been thinking.  She 
couldn't bring herself to tell Mulder right then 
and there.

"I guess he did.  I don't remember anything 
except the alcohol."

"He gave you alcohol?"

"To keep me warm, yes."

"Scully, how could you trust him?  He could've 
put anything in that drink!"

"I was freezing."

"You only had to wait a few more hours-"

"Yeah, well, a few more hours and I would've been 
DEAD!"

He eased up.  "You're right, I'm sorry.  Of 
course, you would never do anything to betray me 
or damage yourself.  Especially when it involves 
Krycek.  I should've had more faith in you."

Don't rub it in or anything Mulder, she thought 
to herself as she tore her gaze from him.

"I was afraid I would lose you," Mulder said 
soothingly.

"No, I'm here.  I'll always be here," she said 
guilty.

"You don't sound so sure."

"Oh I've never been more sure of anything in my 
life.  I have no intention of ever leaving."

"That's the best thing in the world I could ever 
hear, because I couldn't do this without you."

She smiled and held his hand.

FBI Building Fox Mulder and Dana Scully's Office
Two Weeks Later
12:14 PM

Okay, now the secret was eating her up.  Besides, 
if she didn't tell him, Krycek could always hold 
that over her.  And should he need to, she had no 
reason to doubt he would.  Mulder was typically 
going on about a case and she hadn't heard a 
single word she said as she was supposed to be 
taking notes on her tablet.  She threw the pen 
down, unable to be silent.  This was her partner, 
in everything.  They trusted each other.  She had 
to trust him over Krycek.

"Mulder, there's something I didn't tell you, 
that I can't keep to myself any longer," she said 
out of no where.

"You mean about the incident two weeks ago?" he 
asked lightly.

She swallowed.  "Yes.  God, I'm so sorry."

"What?  What happened?" Mulder said, now suddenly 
concerned.

"I don't know how to tell you, Mulder, let me 
think of how."

This was harder than she thought it would be.

"Scully, it's all right, whatever it is.  I know 
something's been up but I was waiting for you to 
feel comfortable telling me."

"Um, Krycek..." she couldn't spell the words.

Mulder jumped up.  "Did he hurt you?  Did he lay 
a hand on you to hurt you?  I swear if he hurt 
you I will kill him-"

"No!  No Mulder.  That's the problem."

Mulder didn't understand.  What the hell did 
Krycek do?  "Scully, you're confusing me.  What's 
wrong?  Why are you so upset?" he said, coming 
towards her, kneeling in front of her.

"Mulder I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry.  I was drunk.  
I was freezing literally to death.  I wasn't 
thinking straight."

Mulder's eyes widened.  "Scully, he hurt you, 
didn't he?"

"No," she said, shaking her head.  "That's why 
this is so hard to say.  Mulder, I was so weak I 
thought I was going to die.  I was furious, I was 
terrified-"

"Just tell, please."

Scully licked her lips nervously.  "We were so 
cold and...I was intoxicated.  I wasn't in my 
right mind.  He was there and I was freezing.  I 
was drunk.  Please Mulder, please don't make me 
spill the words."

Now he understood.

"You're not serious."

She just wiped away a tear.  Mulder had a spasm 
on his face.

"You...you slept with Krycek?  KRYCEK?"

"Y...yes.  I wasn't myself.  I'm sorry-"

Mulder backed away from her as if he'd never 
known her at all.  "KRYCEK?  He killed Melissa!"

She stood up, angry.  "For Christ's sake!  I know 
that, dammit!  I didn't just sleep with him, it 
was a long process of pain and anger and I yelled 
at him until I was so weak-"

"That all you could do was fuck him."

She looked at him with hate.

"That's a disgusting thing to say to me.  Even 
for you, Mulder, that's hateful.  And I don't 
deserve that."

Mulder still hadn't come to grips that she was 
serious.  She had slept with him.  "Scully, what, 
how could you do that?  With Krycek?  He killed 
my father, he killed your sister, he's against us 
in every way.  He could've killed you and you let 
him touch you?"

"Mulder!  I was freezing to death.  It was body 
heat-"

"Whoa, I know the difference between body heat 
and sexual intercourse, thank you.  You let him 
you let him touch you-"

"Stop it!  Don't say it like I'm proud of it.  I 
was so far beyond drunk, beyond sanity-"

"That you let that snake...Jesus Scully."  He 
paced angrily back and forth.  "Why Scully?"

"What do you mean why?  You think there was a 
reason?  I had to let it go-"

"Stop!  You've had a thing for Krycek?"

"No!"

"You just said you had to let it go, what, you're 
burning attraction for him you never bothered to 
mention because it's so sick?"

"No," she exclaimed.  "I've never been attracted 
to Krycek, I hate him!"

"Which is why you slept with him, touched him, 
let him touch you.  You connected in such a way 
that most people would call an attraction!"

"Stop STOP describing it like that!  Damn you!" 
she screamed at him.  "I have done nothing but 
stand by YOU!  Be there for you!  Feel for the 
loss of YOUR father and YOUR sister and YOUR 
hatred for all the people who have taken stuff 
that belongs to YOU!  Well that night, for the 
first time, it was about me!"

Mulder couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You trusted him?"

"Never, there wasn't even one second I didn't 
hate him.  Mulder, it was a physical act when I 
was angry, in tears, dying and drunk.  He pulled 
me into his arms and wanted to comfort me.  All 
this anger and pain inside of me has been so 
buttoned up I was able to release some of it."

Mulder thought he'd be sick to his stomach.  
"Spare me the details, Scully.  I need a reason.  
And don't say because you were dying, and don't 
say because you were drunk.  You are the 
strongest woman I've ever known and it is 
completely not you to sleep with a guy you hate 
for comfort.  Why?"

She looked at him, stunned by his cruelty and 
couldn't answer.  So he stepped closer to her and 
shouted in her face, startling her.

"Why?!?"

"Because-"

"WHY?!?!?"

"Because YOU didn't want me!" she shouted back, 
every bit as angry as he was.

Mulder's face went white.  What did she just say?  
There were tears falling uncontrollably down her 
face.  She covered her mouth with her hand, and 
stepped up closer to him.

"You know something Mulder, you have no business 
telling me who I should or should not include in 
my sex life," she said firmly.  "You've never 
even kissed me.  You've never said the words he 
said.  I want you.  You've never said those.  Now 
I don't know how you feel or if you have any 
feelings for me in that way but I know we trust 
each other, I know we care about each other and 
risk are lives almost every case for one another.  
But beyond that, there is nothing between us.  
Krycek wanted me, at least he had the guts to say 
it to my face."

She grabbed for her purse and walked out of the 
room.  Mulder couldn't believe her words.  She 
thought he was a coward.  She wanted more.  He 
chased after her and stopped her just as she 
reached the door.

"Scully, wait!"

She tried to close the door in his face as she 
rushed to the elevator.  "No Mulder, I screwed 
up.  I know what he's done to me, I know what 
he's done to you, but he...he told me he cared 
about me, that he needed me, and I hadn't had 
that in so long, and I was drunk, and I was..." 
she stopped, looking at Mulder with her bright, 
wet blue eyes as the doors closed.

XxX

Scully sat in her apartment that night analyzing 
it all again.  There was a knock on the door and 
when she answered it, Mulder of course stood in 
front of her.

"Come to gloat?" she said, turning to walk away 
from him.

Mulder walked through the door and shut it softly 
behind him.

"Do you even know why I told you, Mulder?  
Because I trust you.  Krycek now has something he 
can use against me, and though I knew you would 
react this way, I told you so he could never use 
it against me.  So you would know that I always 
tell you the truth.  Lot of good that did me," 
she said, sitting down on her couch, playing 
solitaire.

"Scully-"

"No.  It was as much my fault as his.  He didn't 
rape me or touch me without my permission-"

"But he gave you the alcohol and knew you'd been 
drinking."

"Yes.  But I still...I was just so cold, Mulder.  
I thought I would die.  I know you've been that 
cold.  You can't think about anything but the 
pain when you're that close to fainting."

Mulder came around and sat down beside her.

"All right, Scully, you don't have to explain 
anymore about that night, but are you saying you 
have wanted me to say I need you?"

She looked at him then quickly stood up, walking 
a little, facing the wall.  "So now you want me 
to beg or something Mulder?"

With a will Mulder didn't know he possessed, 
Mulder stood and grabbed Scully, grabbing her 
hands and holding them above her head, slamming 
her against the wall at her back.  Suddenly she 
was afraid of him, never seeing such anger in his 
eyes.

"Mulder I'm sorry," she said frightfully.

He was now even angrier, seeing terror in her 
eyes.

"Are you afraid of me, Scully?" he demanded.

She said nothing as her hands were held in a 
tight grasp above her, her shirt baring a bit of 
her stomach from her strained position.  He 
grabbed her shoulders and pulled her harshly to 
him, the fear flashing over her eyes as she 
looked at him.  With her mouth inches from his he 
snarled angrily at her.

"Don't you be afraid of me, Scully.  You 
should've been afraid of him and I will never 
accept a look of fear in your eyes when you're 
staring at me.  I would rather you hate me then 
believe I would hurt you and be afraid," he said 
firmly.

She grabbed the lapels of his coat and brought 
his face close to hers.

"Then tell me Mulder.  What am I supposed to do 
now?  How am I supposed to feel?  I don't regret 
what I did except for the fact that that pig now 
has the image of me entwined with him for all of 
eternity and you think I'm a betraying whore."

"Don't," he said, his hands shaking as caressed 
her shoulders.

She closed her eyes.  "Don't what?"  She closed 
her eyes, her lower lip trembled.  Another tear 
slid between her eyelids and Mulder's anger was 
gone.  His thumb slid over the tear then down her 
cheek and over her lips.  Her eyes flew open at 
the seductive caress.  He repeated the motion, 
unable to stop, his eyes dazed on her mouth.  She 
moved her face to the side but he moved it back.

"Don't," he said.

"Don't what?"

His hands pulled her closer.  "Kiss me," he said.

She felt his strong hands imprisoning her 
shoulders as he brought her lips to his.  She 
realized she couldn't move with his hands tangled 
in her hair and his lips crushed hers.  With 
brutal deliberateness he kissed her slowly over 
and over again until she could not avoid 
responding.  His mouth seared hers.  He kissed 
her red-shadowed eyelids, her temples, and again 
her mouth.  Then as quickly as he had grabbed 
her, he thrust her back.  Holding her face in his 
hands still, they both sought to regain normal 
breathing.

"Mulder," she finally said.  "Don't do this.  
You're doing this because you know I slept with 
Krycek.  You want to wipe those memories from my 
mind.  I don't want you to want me because he had 
me.  This isn't how I want it."

He didn't believe her not entirely anyway.  Of 
course she didn't want him to just try to erase 
thoughts of Krycek, but Mulder couldn't bare the 
images inside his mind of her with him.  When he 
found her in Krycek's arms, passed out, how long 
had it been since he was inside her, drawing 
pleasure up within her?

"Was that what you wanted, Scully?  Was that 
why you let Krycek sleep with you?"

"Mulder-"

"Was it?"

"Yes.  But not like this.  You've gone from 
looking at me like I was nothing, less than 
nothing.  Some fabrication of someone you used to 
trust to a soiled betrayer.  And now you're 
trying to take me because he had me and that 
drives you insane and makes you sick to your 
stomach.  Mulder I hate him.  I hate him.  But I 
listened.  He has his own pain, but I can't 
forgive.  For all my goodness and my supposed 
strength, I can't find it in my heart and mind to 
look at him with anything less than pure hatred.  
I hope I never lay eyes on him again."

"That's because you don't want to see the look in 
his eyes now that he has had you."

Scully shook her head.  "He never had me, Mulder.  
I didn't give myself to him, I took from him.  I 
did not make love to him, I took his energy so I 
could survive."

She removed Mulder's hands from her face.

"I know it will take you awhile to let this 
settle in your system, but I did what I had to, 
in sleeping with him and in telling you.  I don't 
regret either one, but not for the reasons you 
think.  This is not some hidden treasure I will 
cherish.  The only thing positive I can even 
think to say about it is that it saved my life.  
That's it."

She sighed, looking into his green eyes and then 
moved away from him.  He grabbed her hand and 
tugged on it.

"Don't go," he said.

"Mulder, I did you use Krycek to survive.  Don't 
think I've used you.  I've never used you.  I 
used him."

"I believe you," Mulder replied.

She eyed him carefully.  "You do?"

Still holding her hand he yanked her towards him, 
causing her to laugh.

"And I want you now because I want you.  Yeah 
sure the dickhead might've given me a heads up, 
so to speak, but this has been coming for a long 
time."

"Has it?" she asked him seriously.  "Have you had 
these types of feelings?  I know you'd do 
anything for me but you've never touched me.  And 
I don't want you to now just because-"

"Scully, please stop talking."

They walked into her bedroom together, and he 
slammed the door, knocking her up against it.  He 
quickly placed his hands under her bottom, 
lifting her up, kissing her wildly.  She pushed 
him back though, letting her little heals clamp 
against the floor.

With insistent fingers she yanked his belt open 
as she pulled him towards her bed to lie in it.  
She unzipped him in one fast move, pushing them 
off in one swift movement.  He wanted to taste 
her.  He wanted to give her pleasure.  His hand 
went beneath her bottom, and he arched her so 
that her shirt went higher, and higher.  She once 
again, pushed him back.

"Why don't we just take our clothes off?"

"That would be easier, wouldn't it," he 
replied.

Mulder lifted off his shirt slowly, and threw it 
on the floor.  He put her in orbit by just doing 
that.  She sat up and leaned against the wall, 
and unbuttoned her suit jacket, then her blouse, 
to reveal a bright blue, thin bra, that showed 
off how perfect her breasts were.  
She unzipped her skirt, and slid it off her 
shapely legs.  Running his tongue lightly along 
the edge of her ear, she gasped and tightened her 
grip around his strong arms.  Running his fingers 
down her back and over her naked legs, he nipped 
her earlobe and marched his mouth down her neck 
with deliberate, butterfly kisses.  A soft 
whimper escaping her lips, he kissed her again 
before she had a chance to breathe, and kissed 
her so roughly, her lips bruised, leaving her 
breathless.  He reached down and cupped her, 
feeling her damp curls in his hands.  He dipped 
two fingers between her dripping delicate folds, 
using his other had to remove the cup protecting 
her breasts, which he gently kissed.  She threw 
her head back in arousal.  He pulled his two 
fingers out, looking at them, drenched.  His head 
bent down to between her legs.  He bent down and 
kissed her.  He felt her relax as he ran his 
tongue up and down and in between her glistening 
folds.  He grazed her clitoris with his teeth, 
encircling the nub with his tongue, and pulling 
it in his mouth, consuming it.  She arched her 
hips and dug her nails into his scalp.  He ran 
his tongue down towards her center, and slipped 
his tongue inside, and heard her moan loudly.  He 
pulled his tongue out, thrust it in again, then 
pulled it back out, running it up her folds of 
skin, towards her stomach, and up to her breasts.

"Mulder, make love to me now."

Having no problem with that demand from her, he 
thrust deep inside of her, feeling how hot she 
was, how tight she was, squeezing him deeper 
inside her with her muscles.  He didn't continue 
to thrust, and she opened her eyes, looking at 
him.  She knew what he needed to hear and she 
said it.  She shook her head.

"Not Krycek, just you."

Her legs went around him as he gathered her in 
his arms and he began thrusting into her, faster 
and faster, kissing her tenderly, full of love 
and lust.  Scully picked up his quick movement, 
and his mouth left hers briefly, and he breathed 
in and out, cheek to cheek with her.

"I love you, Dana Katherine."

"You...you forgot the usual name you call me," 
she breathed.

"I love you, Scully."

Her fingers reached for his mouth, dipping them 
inside and he massaged them with his tongue.  
"No, I'm sorry.  But I love you back, I always 
have, and...and I wanted this for so long."

He reached his climax so quickly, he felt the 
world shattering around him, his muscles 
rippling, and himself being split apart.  He felt 
her climax directly with him, releasing so many 
emotions, melting away beneath him, and in his 
arms.  He rolled off of her, holding her.  After 
a few moments, she spoke.

"Mulder."

"Yeah?"

"You broke my bed."

He looked back and laughed.  "As long as I didn't 
break you.  Sorry Scully, I'll pay for it."

They were silent again, and she felt him tense 
up.

"Mulder, would you stop?"

"Stop what?"

She gave him the look.

"Was he good?"

"You said you'd let it go!"

"I lied."

"I hate you."

She pulled the covers over her.

"Well, was he?"

She threw the covers off of her and glared at 
him.  "What exactly would you like me to say?  I 
was drunk, I had no idea what the hell I was 
doing.  I don't remember it that well.  The best 
I can say was that I wasn't freezing to death.  
Please Mulder, we just did the most special thing 
in the world, can we not ruin it with something 
stupid I did in the past?"

He bent over and kissed her.

"Are you trying to spare my feelings?"

She pushed him away from her.

"Why are YOUR feelings always what's most 
important?  You told me you didn't want me just 
because he did and now you're asking me to 
compare who's better!  I hate that you lied to me 
and that you don't trust me enough to believe 
what I told you before you and I made love.  But 
then again I guess I should be grateful that 
you're willing to touch me at all!"

He angrily turned her back over so she was facing 
him.

"Scully, goddammit, listen to me.  I didn't want 
you because he had you, I wanted you because I 
want you.  Because I love you.  Fuck me for being 
a little insecure."

"Well how do you think I feel?  How the hell 
would you feel if you slept with someone on the 
opposite side?"

"Stupid."

"Thank you.  One final time what do you want me 
to tell you so you can get the hell over this?  I 
was here Mulder, with you, in your arms, loving 
you, with my mind, my heart, and my body.  You 
told me you loved me and I want you to love me.  
I want you to believe me.  I want you to want me 
but most of all, I want you to trust me.  Please, 
Mulder.  Tell me what to say and I'll say it, 
anything to make you shut up about something I'm 
not particularly interested in remembering in the 
first place."

Moving on top of her, holding her hands against 
the bed by her sides, he looked down at her.

"Something familiar.  Tell me I'm crazy."

"Mulder, you're crazy."

She smiled a little.

"And if you don't kiss me again within the next 
five seconds I'm going to knee you in the groin 
and bitch slap you into next week!"

By Paradise, AKA Dice