Disclaimers in Chapter One.
Chapter 2: Secrets Explored
Mulder was still unconscious when the paramedics and police arrived, and Scully gave her statement as he was being loaded up onto the gurney. The police were rather surprised to see that she had rendered medical attention to not only her partner but the assailant as well. She explained that she was only upholding the Hippocratic oath. They shrugged and loaded Krycek into a separate ambulance.
Scully rode with Mulder to the hospital, holding his hand, and explained to the doctors everything that she had seen Krycek do to him. She found it very hard to keep the tremors from her voice as she went into detail about what he had gone through. She kept her own experiences to a bare minimum, only disclosing that Kyrcek had threatened her with a knife. As she described Mulder's experience from beginning to end, she felt the guilt over her words to him wash over her in suffocating waves.
Oh Mulder. I'm so sorry. Please wake up so I can tell you how sorry I am.
She settled into his chair once he had been thoroughly examined and put into a room. He was still unconscious. The doctors had told her that his head injury was mostly superficial, but that he had sustained a concussion, although an MRI showed no internal bleeding. The stab wound was deep but not serious, and had been stitched up quickly. They could discern no internal injuries in an ultrasound, although a couple of ribs appeared to have small hairline fractures according to the x-ray. His wrists had been bandaged as well. She cringed at their description of the skin rubbed raw all the way around, and unconsciously rubbed her barely bruised wrists.
She leaned over him and tenderly brushed his hair away from his face, watching him breathe. Sighing, she slowly lowered her head beside his on the pillow.
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She felt him move and heard a groan, and quickly raised her head.
"Mulder!"
"Scully?" Mulder's voice was groggy and confused. His eyes moved slowly, bringing her face into focus. "Oh Scully. I'm so sorry." His eyes closed.
"No Mulder… Mulder it's OK. You saved me, Mulder. Just like you always do. This is no different. I'm the one who's sorry. I was…upset, Mulder and I didn't realize what I was saying to you. Please… Mulder please I want you to accept my apology."
Mulder opened his eyes again, meeting Scully's intense gaze. His own eyes were dark with feeling and he struggled to keep them from moistening as he started to raise himself up.
"No Scully… Scully you have nothing to be sorry for. I… I should have stopped him sooner. I should have known better. Scully… I'm… I'm just sorry this happened to you. I don't want to you feel… ashamed around me." His voice broke on that last part and his eyes shut against the tears he couldn't stop now.
"Oh Mulder, no…" Scully's small hands pressed him gently back down into the bed. She smiled sadly and put her hand on the side of his face. "No Mulder… please. It's all over now. I… I didn't know what I was saying. I'm fine Mulder. Please… I'm fine." Scully held Mulder's face in her hands, her eyes shining with tears, willing him to look at her… willing him to believe her.
He finally opened his eyes and looked at her shining blue eyes. Finally, wordlessly, he nodded, stopping his own tears through sheer will. After a moment, he put his hand over hers on his face and they just looked into each other's eyes. He searched her face carefully, watching her lips tremble as she offered him a gentle, brave smile. He closed his eyes and pulled her hand to his lips and placed a light, soft kiss on her palm.
She let her eyes close at the pleasure of this loving touch and realized that the relationship between them was just as strong as it had ever been. She had nothing to fear from having had Mulder see her nude and at some other man's mercy. Mulder's love and respect for her was stronger than that.
She realized that she didn't really feel ashamed that Mulder had seen her naked. He had seen her naked before, although not under these types of circumstances. This was just a bad situation they had both faced together… another time when Mulder saw her naked, only this time at the hands of his worst enemy.
The trouble was… in the back of her mind, she knew there was more to what had happened than just that.
I'll deal with that later. Now I just need to make this OK for Mulder.
Mulder felt Scully accept his kiss and felt a breath he had been holding sigh out against the soft skin.
How could she ever think I wouldn't respect her? Doesn't she know how deep my love is for her? I mean, I've never told her but… surely she knows… doesn't she?
Mulder's thoughts swirled in his foggy head but his expression remained peaceful as Scully's fingertips continued to rest against his lips. He fell back to sleep that way, and she relaxed and put her head back down beside his, not taking her hand from his face.
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Scully came to give Mulder a ride home on his discharge date from the hospital. Aside from a slight wince during certain movements, Mulder didn't bear any noticeable signs of his recent encounter. He appeared to be back to his old self, although a bit distant.
Scully on the other hand, had been a churning pot of troubled thoughts throughout the several days Mulder was bedridden.
She finally admitted to herself that it wasn't her nudity that made her ashamed in front of Mulder.
It was her arousal.
The truth was, that while she had definitely been afraid during the encounter with Krycek, ultimately she had known he wouldn't seriously hurt her, because he hadn't hurt her when he'd had the chance. So while he was touching her and teasing her, she had felt her body responding to him. And that is what she had been so ashamed of.
As she sat in the car next to Mulder, she felt her face flush at the thought of Krycek's mouth on her breast. His hands on her thighs. His mouth almost on her… GOD. It was sick. She knew it was. But… it was also… in the very back of her mind… a relief to be seen as a sexual object… even by her worst enemy.
She didn't want to be seen as a sexual object while at work, but before she had joined the FBI she had been happy to be a fully sexual being on her off hours. The trouble was, working on the x- files didn't leave her any off hours. Or any social life. Or any opportunity to be a sexual being at all.
Then there was that OTHER trouble.
The trouble with Mulder. The fact that the more she worked with him, the more she went through with him, the deeper she knew him…the more deeply she fell in love with him and the more she WANTED him.
She didn't think he wanted her that way, though… she wasn't oblivious to his flirtations, but she also saw that he was like that with most women, so she just took it as part of his personality, rather than an indication of any real sexual attraction to her.
But damn… she found herself more and more attracted to that man every day. She mentally kicked herself every time she blushed and grinned when she said something smart that he took special notice of. Where did that cool, collected professional Scully exterior go then? Right out the goddamned window. To be replaced by grinning, blushing, doe-eyed Dana. She absolutely couldn't help that.
She almost couldn't help but touch him too sometimes. And of course, if he was hurting, she actually got her chance. Sometimes she felt like a real sicko, reveling in the freedom to run her hands over his face or chest or arms or legs after some psychopath had come after him with a razor or some Consortium member had drugged him to the gills. She rationalized that she was only giving him much needed medical attention, but the nasty little inner voice in her head told her it was well aware of the thrill that went through her body every time she got to put her hands on that long, lean body.
She often found herself gazing at him in the office when her paperwork was boring… just letting her eyes travel over that impossibly sexy, full bottom lip, that sexy square jaw, that thick head of dark soft hair that kept falling over his forehead, just screaming to be brushed away. Once in awhile, he would feel her eyes on him and look up and she would quickly look away and act like she was thinking and letting her eyes roam over the rest of the office. Inwardly, her heart would be fluttering a million miles a minute and she would be struggling to breathe normally. Outwardly, she simply looked pensive.
So Mulder had seen her aroused now. That was what was bothering her. But… was it bothering her because she was embarrassed?
Or… was it bothering her because it opened the door just a crack.
She sighed heavily, frustrated at her own lack of understanding of this complex situation.
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Mulder gazed out the window, watching the traffic as Scully drove. He didn't want to, but he had to admit he did feel awkward around her now. But it wasn't because he didn't respect her, or he was ashamed of her for being touched by that crazy ass hole. He felt totally guilt-ridden over his own physiological reaction to watching it happen. He had been turned on watching Scully nearly get raped. God what a sick fuck he was.
He tried to examine his feelings…figure out why his reaction had been so strong and pronounced. Over the years working with Scully, he had become aware that he wanted Scully for more than just her mind, but he had never even considered the possibility he would ever see that side of her. He knew she was a beautiful woman, of course, and despite the nasty whispers that she was an "ice- queen" he had a hunch that she was a warm, giving lover. But he had never allowed himself to really SEE her as a sexual object, until Alex Krycek had reduced her to one in front of him.
All the times he had allowed his gaze to travel over her small, tight body, he had only had vague notions of what it would look like being touched sexually. All the times he had allowed his hands to brush against her, seemingly innocently, his only real coherent thoughts had been about what that touch did to his body, rather than what her body would look like under his hands. Truthfully, he couldn't keep his hands off her, and he lived for the times when he allowed himself to dominate her personal space, as he soaked up the energy of just being near her. His late night masturbation fantasies usually ended with him sighing her name, but he had never ONCE seen any indication that she had any sexual feelings towards him…or anyone else, for that matter, except maybe that weird Quaker dude but hey… that was a totally different situation. Not that it hadn't given new fodder to Mulder's Scully fantasies. But anyway.
Seeing Scully reduced to a mere sex object had made his mind and body do a complete 180 degree turn and he just wasn't sure he could ever forget that there was a beautiful, sexy little body under those seriously desire-damping suits she always wore.
How the hell was he going to hide his attraction now?
He heard Scully's sigh and felt a little sick, wondering if she was thinking about how embarrassed she was to be with him now. Wondering if she was thinking what a sick fuck he really was. Wondering if she had noticed his horrible arousal during that ordeal. God how he wanted to let her know how sorry he was. And that everything was going to be all right.
But it wasn't. It wasn't all right. His feelings for her had changed, and he hadn't the faintest idea what to do about it.
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Scully let Mulder lean on her just a little as they made their way up to his apartment. The feeling of his hard body against her own, and the smell of his neck at the side of her face, nearly made it hard for her to walk, too. She could imagine herself just turning her face slightly, bringing her lips in contact with the hot skin of his neck, letting her tongue taste just one small taste of Mulder. She blinked away these images as he stepped away from her to fit his key in the lock.
They entered his apartment and she helped him make his way to his couch, putting her hand on his back to help him sit down, thrilling at the feeling of his back muscles moving under her touch. Oh how she wanted to brush that little lock of dark brown hair off his forehead. She was transfixed for just a moment by a tiny bead of sweat on his brow, probably brought on by the pain of sitting down due to those cracked ribs. She realized Mulder was now looking at her with a slightly confused expression and pulled herself together.
"Let me make us some tea." She left his side and walked into his tiny kitchen.
Mulder let out the breath he had been holding. Having her small, soft body leaning over in front of him, helping him get seated on the couch, had nearly put him in grave danger of doing something VERY stupid. As she had pressed her hand against his back, his face was just inches away from her sweet-smelling throat and if he had tried honest to GOD he had tried NOT to he could have seen right down her blouse. He fought an almost uncontrollable urge to just move forward a few inches and brush his lips against that warm, soft skin. He had had to close his eyes against the impulse and felt himself perspiring with the effort of the control. He didn't let himself breathe until she had stepped away. She had caught him though…he was sure she could read the sick thoughts he was having and he felt terrible under that fixed gaze she had given him.
He had to be more in control or he was going to scare her away for good. He could only imagine how fragile she must be now. GOD he was sick.
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As Scully put the kettle on for the tea, she thought about what she could do to remain safe in the established bounds of their relationship, but still test the waters to see if it could go any further. She knew Mulder was too much of a gentleman to ever actually make a move on her, and she wasn't at all sure he would even want to. But…if she could very subtly make some moves toward him, she might be able to judge from his behavior what type of effect they were having.
Basically, she was going to tease him and see where it got her.
Damn. Does Mulder have any alcohol in this godforsaken place?
She opened his refrigerator and nearly sighed out loud in relief when she saw the four bottles of ale in the bottom drawer. She very quickly and quietly opened one and drank it while finishing up the tea. She didn't drink very often at all, and she was so small that it didn't take much, so by the time she made her back to the living room with two hot cups of tea, she was feeling nicely buzzed.
End Part Two
Continued in Part Three
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