Disclaimers in Part One
I have what some people might call strange luck. I don't think anyone would call it good but I don't think it qualifies as bad either. It basically boils down to a tendency to get into awful, potentially deadly situations and end up escaping by the skin of my teeth, occasionally with one less limb. I've cheated death more times than I can count but never without a cost. Never in a way that left me feeling like a lucky guy.
Tonight I feel like a lucky guy. Tonight I know what people mean when they say "I got lucky last night." I don't think I've ever really thought of getting laid as getting lucky. In my experience the whole thing has had very little to do with luck. It's been about skill. The skill of the hunter.
And while I wouldn't discount skill as a factor in this situation, I'd say in all probability luck was at work here in a big way. Hell, it was luck that brought us both to this house of crapulence to begin with. And now it's luck that's allowing me to be the first man to see Dana Scully's breasts in the 1990's.
Strangely enough though, my eyes are drawn more to her face than to her cleavage. Her eyes are closed as she removes her bra and tosses it to the side and she's chewing on her lower lip nervously. Her cheeks are turning pink.
I only get a quick glance before she raises her arms and crosses them over her chest, covering herself. Her shyness is surprising and sexy as hell.
"Let me see you Dana," I whisper and my voice cracks. It's a small crack but it's a crack. I think this woman might have more power than I ever imagined. No wonder Mulder's so fucking whipped.
She looks down at the floor and slowly drops her arms to her sides. Her hair falls down over her eyes and she runs her hands over her pants nervously. I wish I could reach out and force her chin up. I wish I could fucking touch her.
Well, I guess it's more of a challenge this way.
"Look at me."
A little better. Didn't sound like a fourteen year old boy that time. Yeah, I've still got some control here. No problem.
"You're so beautiful Dana. So perfect."
She really is. As alluring as her embarrassment is, it's completely incomprehensible to me. How could she be embarrassed about showing me this? Absolute perfection.
"Look at me," I ask again. Well, plead. I want her to see the way I must be looking at her. To know.
She gives a small shrug and a sigh and lifts her head. Her eyes are open but they dart around a bit before settling on mine. When we're finally looking one another right in the eye, her breasts fully exposed, I think she gets it. I think she sees.
She swallows heavily. Her nipples harden under my scrutiny. No secrets anymore, Dana Scully.
Her hair is still hanging down over her eyes and my hand is still attached to the bar so I lean over and take the errant strand between my lips, pulling it back from her face. I've got a lot of practice using other body parts to perform acts normally done with fingers.
This brings my face very close to hers and I take the opportunity to stroke the side of her face with my cheek. Her skin is so soft and sweet that I think my stubbly, rough face might leave marks.
"Kry….I…."
"Alex," I correct her and then cut her off with a deep kiss before she gets her wits back. This woman really knows how to kiss. Lots of guys talk about womens lips in relation to blow-jobs but personally I've never found that terrifically important. Some lips look better when you watch but they feel pretty much the same. But kissing, you've gotta have good lips for kissing and she has got one set of amazing lips. Big and wet and soft and best of all, encouraging. I could spend weeks just nipping and sucking at those lips.
And her tongue, holy God. I'll bet she's one of those girls who can tie up a cherry stem into a little bow in her mouth.
I feel her nails digging into my scalp, directing my head towards southerly regions and I smile against her. She needs this badly.
I trail a path over her neck and collar bone with my mouth. More of those light, delicate kisses that seem to drive her crazy. When I reach her left breast I start to increase the pressure, kissing a little harder, until finally reaching out and flicking my tongue over her nipple. She shudders and swallows a moan. She's trying so hard not to make a sound. I wonder if she thinks being quiet will make this less real.
I wrap my lips around her and suckle her like a baby and her fingers tighten their grip on my skull. Her chest is heaving with every sharp intake of breath. She can be as quiet as she wants but there's no hiding the fact that this is making her feel something. Who would've thought that Dana Scully would get off on having her breast sucked by a "blabbermouthed assassin from hell"?
The thought makes me laugh and it makes me moan and the sounds vibrate over her flesh.
"Come here," I murmur into the space between her breasts.
"Ha…"
"Come here."
I press on her thigh, the only part of her I can reach right now, trying to show her what I want. What I'm starting to need. She's just too damn far away over there.
"Come here. On my lap."
She takes a deep breath and then, amazingly, she does it. She crawls on top of me and straddles me. As soon as her crotch settles on mine I groan wordlessly and jerk up against her. God, I need this more than I realized.
Her eyes widen and she stops moving.
"Mum, I…," she mumbles and her skin flushes. She seems vaguely taken aback by the fact that I've got a dick for some reason. I move against her again and wink at her.
"Kry…cek……God," she grunts through clenched teeth.
"You feel good," I tell her, rocking against her in a now-steady rhythm. I can feel the warmth of her naked chest, pressing against me through the cotton of my shirt and the heat burning between her legs is detectable even through two layers of clothing. Her hands are hanging limply at her sides.
"MM., I…ha, no…."
She shakes her head and suddenly looks very frightened.
"What's wrong Dana?"
"I…"
"Are you scared?"
She shakes her head again but I don't believe her.
"I won't hurt you Dana. I promise. And nobody has to know."
"M…Mulder…"
Goddammit. I'm really getting sick of hearing that fucking name. I take a deep breath and swallow a heavy lump of anger.
"Mulder won't find out. I swear Dana. Nobody will ever find out."
She swallows and a tear wells in the corner of her eye. It lingers there for a second and then rolls down her cheek. I don't know what to think of that. Part of me is immeasurably proud to have melted the cold-hearted bitch I once knew to be Dana Scully but that part is overwhelmed by the part of me that wants more than anything in the world to make her feel better. She's incredible. I can't believe she's crying.
I lick the drop of moisture from her face and kiss her cheek.
"I won't hurt you Dana. Look at me. I'm at your mercy here. Take whatever you want."
This is certainly true. I've never been a big fan of being tied up or otherwise restrained during sex. Whatever kinky thrill the whole thing might have held for me faded almost immediately the first time I tried it and turned into annoyance and, ever since the silo, panic. But in this situation it's taken on a whole new dimension. If I was free to move she would have an out. She'd be able to tell herself that I forced myself on her, that she had no choice. This way though, she's the one who's gotta do the work, she's gotta take the initiative and make whatever she wants to happen happen. I can tell her what to do all I want but ultimately she's got the power, and the choice. I think we both need it to be this way.
"I want…I…"
She breaks off and leans in to kiss me with a new ferocity. Her tongue works its way half-way down my esophagus and she starts moving with me, grinding her crotch into mine. When she pulls back we're both panting.
She squeezes her eyes shut and runs her hand over her face.
"I can't…I can't…"
"Yes you can. You can do whatever you want Dana."
"It's…no…it's not right," she whispers and her eyes focus on some distant point behind my head.
"Right? I don't know if it's right Dana but God, it feels so good."
"Mmm…no," she whimpers when I start licking her neck. I don't know how I got to the point where I feel like if I don't fuck her, I'll die, but somehow I have.
"Take off your pants Dana," I tell--beg?--her.
"Wha…oh…no. I've…I've gotta…go."
I try not to laugh but it doesn't work. She has to go? That's a good one.
"I don't think you need to go Dana. I think you need to come," I whisper into her ear and she trembles and grinds against me.
"God Dana, you feel amazing."
Too amazing. If she makes me come in my pants after all this I'm gonna be humiliated for life. I might just have to kill her so I never have to look her in the eye again.
I slide my tongue around her ear and down to the tender patch of skin where her neck meets her shoulder. I bite her there and I watch her hand clench into a fist on her pantleg.
"God, Kry…Kry…"
"Alex," I try again.
"Oh God, Aleexxx," she hisses and my dick throbs unbearably against my jeans at the sound.
"Take them off Dana."
She closes her eyes for a long, suspense-filled moment and another tear drops from her wrinkled lids. Then she opens them again and stands up. She pulls her fly open and yanks her pants down and off to the side very quickly and then she's back on top of me. Completely naked.
My breath catches in my throat and my hand moves towards her against my will causing the cuffs to chafe the already raw skin on my wrist. I need to feel her in the worst possible way.
"Dana, I wanna touch you so bad."
"You can't…no," she tells me nervously.
"I know. I know. It's okay. You're in control Dana. Do whatever you want."
She sits there staring at me and breathing heavily with a lost and confused look on her face for a long time. I don't think she's got a clue what to do with me. Not that I can blame her. This whole situation is so fucking surreal. I know what I want though.
"Do you wanna touch me Dana?"
Please. God, please say yes.
She gives a small nod and reaches her trembling hands between us. She presses her palms against my chest lightly at first and then really hard. She digs her fingers into my shirt like she's molding clay, squeezing and massaging my pectoral muscles.
"That's good Dana. You can touch whatever you want."
She smiles and her hands drift a little lower, to my stomach, which she gives the same treatment.
"So hard…" she murmurs and I have to strain against the self-satisfied smile I feel threatening to take over my face. I've had to work very hard to keep my body strong and I'm glad it's paying off in this particular way. I'm glad somebody appreciates it.
Then her cool, adept fingers slide under my shirt and she starts caressing my bare skin and she tucks her head under my chin, laving my Adam's apple with her tongue.
I gasp and press my whole body upwards and into her.
She's still shaking.
"Mmmyeah.. so good Dana."
She pulls back and smiles again.
"Yeah?"
Christ, she seems genuinely surprised.
"God yeah. You feel so fucking good. I can't believe it."
She kisses me again and rubs herself against me and I swear to God I think my dick is gonna just bust through my fly at any second. I can feel how wet she is through my jeans. I can smell it.
"And this?" she whispers into my ear. I don't trust myself to talk so I just grunt and nod. Then I feel two of her fingers sliding underneath the waistband of my jeans.
"What else is good Alex?" she asks me coyly. I think she knows pretty damn well what else is good. I thrust up mindlessly and she smirks.
Then she starts unbuttoning my buttons and I think I might cry myself just from the relief. When she's done she looks down at me and I wonder if she likes what she sees. She just stares for a little bit, looking almost shocked. I guess it's been a really long time since she's seen a hard dick.
Then suddenly her hand is wrapped around me and I squeeze my eyes shut and moan. She just holds it in her hand for awhile, squeezing and releasing every couple seconds, and staring, wide-eyed and curious, almost as if it were one of her little science projects, a mystery she's trying to unravel.
"Da…Dana, I…"
Oh man. She's got me. I'm gone.
"I…oh fucking-A," I sputter when I feel her tongue on me, running circles over the head. I look down helplessly and remember my blow-job mouth thoughts from before. I think I was wrong. Seeing those lips down there enhances the experience more than I ever thought possible.
"Dana…Dana…"
Stop?
Yeah, that's what I should be saying. Christ, I really don't want this to begin and end with a blow-job. But it feels so fucking nice. How am I supposed to tell her no?
"SCULLY!" I call out urgently when I feel her lips closing around me.
She looks up, startled and pulls back.
"I…" she stammers and blushes. She actually looks sad to have to stop. And maybe a little embarrassed.
"Dana…God. This is gonna be over way too quick if you keep doing that."
She shrugs and sits up again.
"If that's all you want then I guess that's okay but I don't think it is. I think you need more. And I wanna give you what you need Dana."
"I…need…"
"I think you need to be made love to Dana."
"I need….yes. Yes," she nods and kisses me hard. She rises up on her knees and positions herself over me, tantalizingly brushing her heat against me and I almost start cursing when I realize I've gotta stop her again.
"Dana, wait."
She scowls.
"What now?!"
I laugh a little bit and she glares at me.
"I think you're forgetting something doc."
She arches her brow and settles back down on my legs with a sigh.
"Reach into my back left pocket."
"Wha…?"
There's a trace of fear in her eyes and I realize she probably thinks this is some kind of trick.
"Reach into my back left pocket and take out my wallet Dana."
She does. Very slowly, her eyes never leaving mine.
"Open it up and look in the front pocket there. And don't laugh at my driver's license picture."
She does as I ask and pulls out the condom with a combination of relief and further embarrassment. I guess she's wondering why she didn't think of this. I guess she's kicking herself in the head cause God only knows where I've been and what kind of germs I've got, etc. Well, I am clean but she'd never believe me if I told her that. And I just know that in a couple days or a week or whenever her senses come back to her she's gonna realize what she did here and I don't want her to start panicking about venereal diseases. That's not an association I want her to make with this situation.
She opens the package and looks back and forth between my cock and the rubber a couple times. I think this might be the first time she's completely realized that we're going to have sex. Better not let her linger on the thought for too long.
"It's okay Dana. Go ahead," I encourage her and she takes a deep breath and puts it on me. I have to look away because the sight of her tiny hands doing this to me is almost too much.
Then she rises to her knees again and takes me in her hand, directing me to her entrance. When she's poised to sink down onto me she pauses for a minute and rotates a little.
"Tease," I grunt and she laughs.
"Open your eyes Alex. I wanna see you now."
With some effort I force my eyes open and she looks at me for a few seconds.
"Oh…Alex," she moans breathlessly and then she kisses me and then she finally brings herself down onto me and I bury myself in her watery depths.
*************************
Oh my.
Oh my God.
I can't breathe.
I can't think.
I'm going to faint.
Oh God.
I swallow hard and squeeze my eyes shut. I can't look at him anymore. I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe it. Oh God oh God oh God…
Just don't say it, just don't tell him how this is making you feel.
He's everywhere, though, God. He's so hard and so big and it's nearly painful bringing him inside of me. It's been, oh God, so long, so long, since there was anything there at all. Anything real. And it's like I can feel him, God, everywhere. It's incredible.
"Fffffffffuck, Jesus, you're so…fucking…tight, God, Dana-mmmmmm," he grunts out through clenched teeth. I worry for a split second, trying to remember if that's a good thing. I think it is.
It has to be because he rotates his hips into me, forcing a soft grunt from my mouth. He does it again a few more times and I finally realize to shut my mouth to keep myself from making the noise.
So far I have only sat still, straddled and squatting over his lap, just relishing in the feeling of having someone inside of me, feeling that fullness like I don't think I've ever felt it before. But he keeps lifting his hips toward me and I can't let him think I have no idea how to do this, that I'm some kind of frightened, inexperienced virgin. So I lift myself up on my shaky legs. Almost immediately I fall back down on him, unable to hold myself up.
Oh God, that's nice.
More.
"Oh, yeah," he hisses, this time catching my eye. "Oh, yeah, that'ssss…good. Ssso good…"
I can't help but smile a bit. I'm doing that to him.
I rise up again, this time with a tiny bit more control and then slide slowly down again. He lets out a breath through pursed lips, blowing it onto my breasts and I shudder all over. I do it again and he responds to my movements with his own thrusts.
"God, Da-nnnna…You are so…You look so beautiful, so beautiful…"
My skin tingles even more intensely from my breasts and up to my cheeks. I can feel my ears burning and realize that I can no longer hear the rain. I hear only Alex's panting.
I put my hands on his shoulders so that I am able to change my direction, the angle at which I'm stroking. My heart leaps in my throat and I feel myself start to really climb now. Oh God, I want this. So bad.
I move faster and he lets out an "Oh shit," loudly, followed by a distinctively masculine groan. I, on the other hand, am still trying to remain quiet. I don't want him to know.
"Dana, will you do…ah…somethinggggg…"
No way, lover. I'm not taking them off.
"Why don't you…mmmm," he stops and lifts his hips a little bit higher a couple of times. Then he leans down and takes one of my breasts in his mouth. The action of his thrusts combined with this renders me ineffective. My God, I think he's got the whole thing in his mouth. Oh God oh God oh God.
Yeah, right there.
He leans his head back against the bar, letting my breast fall out of his mouth. Oh God, Krycek, don't stop, please.
He continues to push up against me and I take to rocking back and forth now, virtually unable to hold myself up anymore. His face drips with sweat and he's panting laboriously. "Why don't you, touch…them, Dana. I can't. You do it."
The thought of what he's asking me to do causes me to soar even higher and I have to bite down on my lips to keep from making a sound. I do, however, speed up my strokes and to my utter disbelief, I see my hands reach for my own breasts.
He smiles big and I smile reflexively. His green eyes are nearly black and for the first time I notice his lashes. They're remarkably long and quite beautiful. Not effeminate, yet they seem to soften his whole face. I bend down, keeping my hands on myself, and kiss his eyes lightly. I believe I felt him twitch and grow inside of me.
"Mmmm, God, you're unbelievable…" He half-moans, half-laughs.
I'm rolling my breasts around in my hands, arching my back toward him. It is for his benefit, yet I'm finding it extremely exciting myself. I squeeze my nipples and a small "oh" escapes my mouth.
He continues to watch me, smiling at me with I think is awe. Amazement almost. Not hunger, not desperate need. He's just watching. Watching me. Like I'm the most amazing thing he's ever seen in his entire life. I can't believe that I'm the most exceptional woman he's been with. I just can't imagine that.
He's definitely getting bigger, I can feel him. He's probably more than ready. Yet he's holding back, I think. He's slowed down.
Speaking of ready, I think I'm pretty near that myself. My body seems to be moving faster and faster of its own accord, and I climb higher and higher, my muscles below ever tightening.
Oh my God.
What the hell am I doing? I can't. I can't do this. What am I doing? I've got to stop this.
If only I'd thought of that sooner. Can't exactly stop now. Can't exactly say you didn't ask for this. That I didn't encourage it.
I rip my hands away from my breasts and sit back a bit, hoping that it will ease the contact. And I squeeze him with all my might.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" he shouts, shutting his eyes again.
I take a deep breath and try to speak forcefully. "Where is it?"
His eyes pop open and he breathes out a "Wha…?"
"Tell me. Nnnnow!"
He laughs, expending a huge amount of energy and causing his body to shake dangerously beneath me.
"You're…you're good. In more ways than…ahh…one."
He's trying not to do it. He's trying to wait for me. Well I'm sorry, but it isn't going to happen.
"Fffffffucker, tell me!!"
"No way."
I squeeze again as hard as I can and he screams. He fights back by grasping at the bar behind him and lifting his hips higher into me, making me moan against my will.
I move up and down as quickly as I can, taking care that I don't fall over the edge with him. It won't be much longer.
"G-ahhh-d, Krycek, you little shit, tell me!!"
"No, no, God, Dana, you…" His breath and moans quicken and finally he ends it with a loud, bellowing groan.
As he rides it out, thrashing wildly, I hear the snapping of wood and realize that he's pulled himself free from where he was attached.
I should feel recompensed, justified. I was able to resist it, to resist him in the end.
If it wasn't for the fact that I feel like crying now more than ever. He'll probably go now, taking my car, my money, maybe even my clothes, so that I'm found out here naked and have to explain why I am this way.
I look up and he's on his knees, rolling the used prophylactic of off himself. He's breathing heavily and watching me savagely. I should feel disgusted by it.
Then more suddenly than I am prepared for, he grabs me around the waist, the cold metal of my handcuffs brushing my ass. I tell myself not to look scared.
"Let go. Get…get out of here," I demand.
"Wha…?"
"You got what you wanted. And apparently what you needed. Now go. The keys are still in the car. Go ahead, take it all."
His look is of absolute disbelief. He smiles and his top lip curls upward. "You're crazy," he tells me. "What, you wanna pay me for that? Would you feel better about yourself that way, Agent Scully?"
"Just go already."
"Uh-uh. No fucking way." He's still smiling at me and he brings his face closer to mine again and pulls me tightly to him.
"Krycek, let go of me."
"Nope." He starts to kiss my neck and I feel what was left unfinished stir within me at an even greater intensity than before.
But I realize I must fight him and so I begin to squirm in his embrace, trying to free myself. "Let me go…bastard."
"Dana, shh, calm down," he whispers and begins to run his lips lightly all over my cheeks. It is only then that I realize, much to my horror that I have been crying this entire time. My face is soaked with tears.
"Get…away…"
"That was amazing, Dana," he whispers in to my ear huskily. "You're amazing."
"No…" I object weakly as he takes my mouth with his again and pushes me down toward the floor. I hold on to him tightly, suddenly terrified and excited by the thoughts of what he might be planning to do to me now. Now that he is free and at a decided advantage against me.
Yet he lays me gently down on the dirty, scratchy, dusty floor and runs one finger over my cheek. He backs up again and merely stares at me. Again, I expect to feel uncomfortable, but I do not.
And then I hear the clinking of metal and what sounds distinctly like the unlocking of handcuffs. My eyes grow wide with disbelief when I see what he's doing. The key! He took the key, the bastard.
His grin is devilish. "Won't be needing these anymore, huh?"
"You…How? When?"
"Ah, the mysteries are endless…"
I don't believe this. I don't believe I let this happen. Any of it. "How long?"
He curls up his grin and I know exactly the comment he's wanting to make at that. His brows raise and he says proudly, "Since the hand massage."
It has to be some kind of trick. He must have some kind of skeleton key. There's no way I could have let that happen. But why wouldn't he have gotten away long before then?
"No…how…? I mean, I you…"
"Guess you're lucky I wanted you more than I wanted freedom."
I close her eyes and pinch my brows together. I'm such a fool. Such a bloody fool. But I'm finding it hard to not be pleased to hear him say that to me.
"God…"
"Shh…" he bids me and leans over my body, running his fingers over my face.
"Why don't you just go," I spit out, not opening my eyes.
"I wanna touch you," he says gently, with an air of surprise in his voice. "Now that I can."
"Why…?"
He chuckles lightly. "Why? Why wouldn't I?"
I shake my head and attempt to squeeze more tears back into my head. When I feel his finger run down my side feather-lightly, I jump a bit and shiver.
He lies down on his side, next to me and continues to touch my body, tracing lines with his fingertips and massaging lightly with his hand.
"You're so soft, so warm."
"Mmm…"
"Felt so good inside you," he says directly into my ear, his hand drifting lower.
"What," I stop and swallow, "are you doing?"
"Shh, I'm just touching you, Dana I just wanna make you feel good, as good as you made me feel."
His voice is wonderfully soothing. Hypnotizing. I want to hear more, but I know I can't.
"Nno…no, please…"
"No? Why not? Why don't you wanna feel good, Dana? Don't you feel like you deserve it?"
"Don't. Just…don't." I squeeze my eyes shut eyes tightly and try not to think about how his words, his questions are making me feel.
"What are you so afraid of?"
"I dunno…" God, I'm crying again.
"You don't have to be afraid." His hand trails down between my thighs, nudging them apart. My body does not wish to stop him.
"I can't…do this," I cry. "Oh, let me go, please."
He places his open mouth on my shoulder and then trails them and his tongue up to my neck. His hands stroke the insides of my thighs.
"What do you mean you can't? Of course you can. You need it. You deserve it."
And I do want it. Want him to finish it for me. Oh God.
"Please let me…oh God…Alex…"
He moves his hand higher and my legs move apart even further. He begins tracing his finger around the outside, with just enough pressure, making me light-headed. I swallow hard and force back yet another whimper.
"I won't hurt you, baby," he swears to me. "I promise."
Then he is gone from my side and before I can miss the warmth of his body, I feel his hair on my thighs, his head having assumed itself between my legs.
I am no longer physically able to hold my body as still as I have been once I feel his lips on me. He kisses me there, several times, before darting his tongue outward and into me. He runs it all around once inside me and then moves upward. When he reaches the place that aches the most, I shake and moan, unable to control myself.
"Oh God…" I pant. I want this. I've wanted this for a very long time. I've wanted and needed it. And right this moment it doesn't matter that it's Alex Krycek. Right this moment I'm thanking God that it is him.
He moves his lips and tongue in sensuous rhythm, driving me higher and higher, closer to the brink, to the point where I'm without coherence. He latches his lips to me and sucks as hard as anything I've ever felt…
And then I am lost.
*************************
For someone who just had what sounded like a pretty damn amazing orgasm, Dana Scully does not seem like a very happy camper. She's crying again, silent tears trailing down her cheeks, and as soon as I move away from her body she wraps her arms around herself.
I scoot up so that my head is next to hers and try to wrap my arm around her. Post-coital snuggling on a filthy cement floor. Seems wrong somehow but it's the best I can offer her at the moment. She's shaking so badly though that I can barely get a hold of her.
"You okay?" I ask. It's pretty obvious that she's not.
She doesn't answer me but she turns on her side to face me and grabs the front of my shirt, burying her face in my chest. I roll over onto my back, pulling her on top of me. She's naked and I'm completely clothed so it only seems fair that my ass is on the floor and not hers. I wrap my arm tightly around her back, feeling a strange need to shield her. From what, I don't know.
God, I can't believe it's over already. I tried. Really, I did. I wanted it to last. I wanted it to last a very long time. But she was too damn good. Better than I ever would have imagined in my wildest fucking wet dream. So good that the shock of it all took something away from my ability to fully appreciate it. I'd like to do it again.
Somehow I don't see it happening though. She seems pretty much done for the night and we're sure as hell not gonna be here in the morning. Well, I'm not anyway.
Still, it's nice to be holding her. Fucking Dana Scully is something I never thought I'd do in this or any other lifetime. Holding a post-orgasmic, naked, crying Dana Scully on top of me is something I never thought I'd want to do in this or any other lifetime. But it's nice. It's good.
She's clinging to me, curling up into me like a mattress. I can be a mattress. It's good to be a mattress.
We lie like that for a long time and all I can seem to think about is how small, how fragile she seems. It doesn't feel like there's another person resting all of her weight on my body. She's like a feather. A trembling, sweaty feather. Appearances certainly can be deceiving. Who would have known Special Agent hard-ass could be this vulnerable, this exposed, this soft. And who could ever guess that the tiny angel resting on my chest is capable of turning into a woman of steel at a moment's notice.
I wonder how many people have seen her like this. I wonder if she's like this every time she has sex or if I'm even luckier than I thought.
"Why…why are you still here?"
Her voice sounds raw, like she's been screaming. Ironic considering her concentrated efforts to remain silent.
"What do you mean?"
"Mulder's not coming," she tells me as if it were a terrific revelation.
"Phew."
She looks up at me with a small smile.
"Seriously, you're free. I can barely move. You won Krycek."
"Alex," I interrupt her and kiss her forehead.
"You should go."
"I should have gone a long time ago."
The minute I heard her car probably would have been the best choice and there were a thousand and one other opportunities after that.
"Why didn't you?"
"I'm not sure," I tell her honestly. "I guess this is the best date I've had in a long time."
"Date…"
"The truth is Dana, I was having fun. I like talking to you. You're one of the most interesting people I know."
If she knew the people I know she would probably realize what a compliment that is. As it is she seems to think it's some kind of joke.
"You are. And you're also very beautiful."
She looks up at me again and her brows knit together. So very beautiful.
"What?"
She shakes her head slowly, scared. Or confused.
"You don't believe me?"
"I don't…I don't know."
She doesn't want to. That's the real answer.
"Is it so unusual for someone to think you're interesting and attractive Dana?"
I realize how odd what I'm saying must sound given our situation. It really does sound like something someone would say on an actual date. It's just so strange to me that this woman could be so…overlooked I guess.
"I…I don't…"
Her lower lip starts trembling and she bites it angrily. She looks down quickly, trying to hide the fact that she's started to cry again. I don't mention her tears but I squeeze her a little tighter.
"What am I doing here?" she chokes out quietly.
"I have no idea."
"God, what am I doing?"
"Shh, it's okay. It'll be okay Dana," I whisper even though I'm pretty sure it won't be. Not for her or for me. Or for anyone else.
"What am I doing?"
It's starting to sound like she actually wants an answer.
"Um…having fun," I offer lamely. She actually laughs a little bit through sniffles.
"You won't…um, I mean…um," she sputters.
"Won't what?"
"Um…Mulder…"
I feel my jaw and my stomach clench upon hearing that name again. It's turning into an automatic response. That can't be a good thing.
"I told you Dana. I won't tell him. I'm not that stupid."
"The…the bureau…"
God, next thing she's gonna be begging me not to tell her mom.
"Dana, I won't tell anyone. I told you that. I'm real good at keeping secrets. And besides, who the hell would believe me?"
She nods, relaxing a lot.
"Kay," she murmurs through a yawn.
"Just don't you go bragging to all your girlfriends. I've got a reputation to uphold here."
She laughs softly and tucks her head under my chin. Her breathing is finally steady and I don't feel moisture dripping off her face anymore.
I close my eyes and listen to her breathing and to the rain, trying to let myself go for a minute. I have to make a concentrated effort to relax and enjoy any given moment and this one really deserves the energy.
"Alex…"
"Hmm?"
"That poem…from before…what was that? Was that the whole thing?"
"It's Thomas Campion. And no, it wasn't the whole thing. Would you like to hear the whole thing?"
She hesitates a moment and then nods.
"Look at me," I tell her and she does, lacing her fingers together on my chest and resting her head on her hands. I stroke her cheek with my palm.
"There is a garden in her face
Where roses and white lilies grow"
She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly as I run my fingers over her cheek and down her chin. I guess some people might say that reciting beautiful poetry to a beautiful woman is corny. Or maybe if they knew it was me, manipulative. Well, whatever. She seems to like it.
"A heav'nly paradise is that place
Wherein all pleasant fruits do flow
There cherries grow which none can buy
Till 'cherry-ripe' themselves do cry"
The thing is, I'm not being the slightest bit insincere here. Her face really is a heavenly paradise and her lips really are like cherries. And she should know that.
I kiss her forehead and move my finger over her chin, up to her mouth.
"Those cherries fairly do enclose
Of orient pearl a double row,"
Her lips are parted slightly and I run my index finger over the top one. It's warm and wet and I can feel her breath blowing on my fingertip.
"Which when her lovely laughter shows,
They look like rosebuds filled with snow,"
I move on to her lower lip and the very tip of her tongue touches my finger.
"Yet them no peer nor prince can buy,
Till 'cherry-ripe' themselves do cry,"
I slide my finger between her lips and she takes it into her mouth, sucking gently, tasting the remnants of herself on my skin. It makes me gasp and she chuckles lightly.
I move my hand from her mouth back to her forehead and trace her eyebrows.
"Her eyes like angels watch them still;
Her brows like bended bows do stand,
Threat'ning with piercing frowns to kill
All that attempt, with eye or hand
Those sacred cherries to come nigh
Till 'cherry-ripe' themselves do cry."
I lean down and kiss her full on the lips, softly but with a stronger need than I had just five minutes ago. I think it's time for me to go.
I pull away reluctantly and she looks up at me with sleepy, poetry-softened eyes. She yawns and rests her head under my chin again.
"Literature," she mumbles into my shirt.
I don't answer her because she knows she's right. We lie in silence for several minutes and I concentrate on breathing in her scent.
"How's your head Dana?" I ask quietly after awhile.
She doesn't respond and I notice that her breathing has become deeper and heavier. Like she's sleeping. Sure enough when I look down her eyes are closed and her mouth is open and she's actually fucking sleeping. On top of me.
I can't believe it. She fell asleep. She must be either completely wiped out or more trusting than I thought. Maybe both. She's amazing.
I really do need to go now.
I indulge in a few more moments of watching her in slumber and then reluctantly, as gently as I can, move her body off of me and back onto the floor. She jerks her arm but doesn't wake up. It must be a combination of the killer headache and the emotional and physical drainage she's suffered at my hands causing her to lay here in this near comatose state.
It's almost dawn. When I go out to her car I can hear the birds beginning to chirp incessantly and the sky is a strange greenish, gray color. The rain's stopped and it's about 30 degrees cooler than it was a few hours ago. Soon though, probably by noon, it'll be hot as hell all over again. By that time I should be far away from this god-forsaken state.
I take almost everything out of the car, including a blanket from the trunk, and bring it back to the bar. She's still dozing, completely naked in the middle of the floor. The thought of someone else coming in here and seeing her like this makes me unspeakably and inexplicably angry so I kneel down next to her and cover her with the blanket. I put her belongings next to her in a pile and tuck the blanket around her.
For an endless, deranged moment, I consider throwing her over my shoulder, tossing her in the backseat of the car and taking off to Mexico or Canada. She'd be pissed at first but eventually she'd realize how much better off she'd be. She'd see how much happier she is with someone who appreciates her, who tries to make her feel special and perfect every day of her life. She'd forget about Mulder.
I almost have myself convinced but reality is a difficult thing to escape for very long.
I lean over and brush an errant strand of hair from her forehead and place a final kiss on her cheek. I let my lips linger on her skin for several seconds, trying to memorize her taste and texture, and then I stand up.
"Thank you for letting me see you, krassavitsa," I whisper and then I walk out of Antelope's and into the chilly darkness.
*************************
"Oh my God!"
I gasp and sit up quickly in my bed. I think I'm late for work.
Except that I'm not in my bed. Except that I'm naked and not in my bed. I feel a cool breeze rush through the room and my eyes forced into focus.
Oh, yeah. That's right.
Memories, images come crashing back on me, but for a moment I wonder if any of them are actually real. I had sexual intercourse with Alex Krycek? Why in hell would I do that?
Yet I am naked. Naked and sitting on a damp, dirty floor with a blanket wrapped around me that I know I did not take out of the car.
I hug my legs up against my chest and wipe my eyes on my knees. And then I smell a faint scent on me. I bring my nose to my shoulder and inhale. I smell like him. Not Mulder. Like him. I also smell another familiar odor and it makes me aware of the soreness I feel. The aching of someone who has not engaged in intercourse for quite sometime.
I'm strangely happy for it.
I wrap the blanket around me and get up slowly from the floor. My legs feel shaky and very weak.
"Krycek?" I call out quietly, my voice echoing into emptiness. "Krycek?" I try a little louder.
Dammit. He's gone. And I don't know if I'm upset because he left or if I'm upset because he got away.
I wander slowly over to the door and I'm shocked into the realization that my rental car is gone as well. Fucker! He took advantage of my vulnerability, wowing me with ridiculous poetry recitations and helped himself to my dignity, and all of my things.
I feel tears creep up into my eyes and throat and if it wasn't for the fact that I feel so lethargic, I'd put a hole through the wall with my foot. I can't believe I was so willing, so, so stupid. He seemed so sincere. He said I had cherry lips…
Stupid, stupid, stupid. God, what the hell am I going to tell Mulder?
I turn back to the spot. The place where Alex Krycek made me feel things I haven't felt for a long, long time, things I've never felt in my entire life. The place where he made me feel like the most beautiful, sexiest woman in the world.
This is why it's been so long. Because I'm a goddamn sucker. I can't believe he broke me.
Just as I am about to close my eyes, I notice a familiar pile of things on the floor next to the spot. I go over and for some absurd reason, I fall to my knees, needing to be close to it, however filthy it is.
It's all here. My shirt, my bra, my pants, even my jacket and the stupid pair of nylons I threw away all that time ago. My bag, my gun, my money, it's all here. Everything but my underwear. He left it here for me.
And then my phone rings.
It takes me nearly four rings before I answer. It can only be one person and I don't know if I'm coherent enough to think, let alone speak. Especially to him.
"Hello? Scully?" He prompts me. "Are you there? Are you all right?"
"Uh…yeah. Yes, I'm fine. Where are you Mulder? You sound so far away."
"Where are you?! I've been calling you since last night. I must have left twenty messages on your voice mail."
He sounds genuinely concerned. I almost feel as though I've deceived him. But I don't feel the guilt that I would have expected.
Unconcerned by the filthy floor, I sit down and pull my pants on, trying to figure out the best way to tell him where I'm at.
"I-uh, I followed those directions you gave me, just like you'd wanted, and-"
"Did you find it, Scully? Did you find anything out?"
To say the least, Mulder.
"Uh, no not exactly…uh…"
Mulder starts spewing out all kinds of what I suppose is relevant information and I am unable to comprehend any of it. I feel so disjointed.
I stand to zip my pants and when I stick my hands into the pockets to straighten them, I feel something foreign inside.
"So, Scully, you never said. Did you find anything?"
I pull out a folded piece of paper and what looks like a locker key. The paper says simply, "Washington-Dulles INTL."
"Ye-yes," I say slowly and bring the paper to my nose. It smells like him. "Mulder, I'm going to need you to come get me."
"Uh…okay," he says. "Where…where are you?"
I tell him my approximate location, though I can barely remember how I got here, it seems like weeks ago that I was driving down I-35 in the blistering heat.
I press 'End' before giving Mulder the opportunity to say anything more. I can't bear talking with him right now. I hope he doesn't bombard me with a million questions when he gets here.
I pull on the rest of my clothes and take a final pass by the portrait behind the bar. Bidding her goodbye perhaps, perhaps thanking her. I'm not sure. Her eyes smile at me knowingly, telling me she knows things, things I know I don't want to, even though I should. That she'll always remember what happened here. And that she promises to keep the secret.
I resolve to give to her the memories so that I don't have to take them back with me. So that I can walk out of here as I am doing right now and leave the event within the confines of this building. Until another Oklahoma tornado sweeps the rest of it away.
The sun is rising and I figure the time to be around 7:00 a.m. The temperature is beginning to rise already. I hope Mulder gets here soon. Before I really begin to sober up.
I look down at the items in my hand and realize that there is more writing on the piece of paper. I unfold and read it aloud in a whisper.
"Under the lime tree
on the open field,
where we two had our bed,
you can still see
lovely broken flowers and grass.
On the edge of the woods in a vale,
tandaradei,
sweetly sang the nightingale.
"I came walking
to the meadow,
my love was already there.
And he received me,
Blessed Lady,
the joy of that will last.
Did he kiss me then? A thousand times, at least,
tandaradei,
look now, how my mouth is red
"Then he made
a lordly
place to lie in, all of flowers.
"There's a good laugh there
even now
for anyone coming that way;
he could tell, by the roses,
tandaradei,
just where my head lay
"If anyone found out,
God forbid, he lay by me,
I'd be ashamed.
What he did with me there
may no one ever
know, except for him and me
and one little bird,
tandaradei,
which will not say a word."
And at the end are his own words,
"You win."
A shudder passes through my entire body and suddenly I need to sit down on the wet ground.
And so I sit and I wait.
End
Poems cited:
"Porphyria's Lover" by Robert Browning
"There is a Garden in her Face" by Thomas Campion
"Under the Lime Tree" by Walther von der Vogelweide