Title:  3's A Charm: As the Odium Fades

Authors:  Ocean Summers and Sage O'Neil

Ratings:  NC-17

Keyword:  Scully/Krycek Mulder/other Romance

Summary:  Ben continues to follow out his plan while Scully 
and Krycek relationship takes a new turn.

WARNING:  Contains m/m sex.  Don't go any further if this 
bothers you.

Author's Note:  Have nothing really important to say, 
except for...  Finally <g> Feels like forever before we got 
this part ready but I hope it was worth the wait.  Oh yes, 
and Ethan can be found on our Character's page.  We choose 
Antonio Sabato Jr for his part.  <g>

Thanx to:  The Emu and Elisabeth who as usual made wonders 
with their editing.  Any mistakes written here are my own 
doing.

Disclaimers:  I do not own these characters (Except for 
Ben, Ethan, Oliver, Kyle, Tisha, Paris, Daniel and Rick, 
they're *mine*)  they belong to Chris Carter and FOX 
Network, you know the drill...

Please feel free to send feedback to sageo@hotmail.com

Archivist's Note:  The URL for the MSKRA (Mulder Scully 
Krycek Romance Association) website is defunct.  I have 
deleted it.


As the Odium Fades
By Ocean Summers and Sage O'Neil



As Scully brought in the last stack of dessert bowls, she 
looked over at her mother, who was preparing the coffee 
machine.  "So what do you think?"  she asked.

Maggie turned to her daughter.  "He's very sweet, Dana."  
She smiled.  "I like him."

Scully smiled back, knowing her mother wouldn't say that if 
she didn't mean it.

"How do you feel about him?"  Maggie asked, standing to 
better face her daughter.

This was the first time in ages, if not ever, Dana had 
brought any man she was dating to meet her mother.  She 
never had been into dating that much, especially not the 
last few years.  Her mother had to sense how serious this 
was.

Dana smiled, not knowing how to tell her mother this; it 
was awkward, but still, it was right.  "I love him."

Maggie looked a little surprised.  "Are you sure?"

"Yes."  She couldn't keep from smiling.  "I really do."

Reaching out to embrace her daughter, Maggie stroked her 
hair softly.  "Then I'm happy," she whispered, her voice 
still showing different feelings.

"You don't seem happy."  Dana leaned back to look at her 
mother.

Maggie's eyes had betrayed her thoughts, and Scully had an 
idea of what was going through her mind.

"I was just wondering."  She gestured.  "About Fox."

"What about him?"  Scully tried to sound as she didn't know 
what her mother was getting at.

"No, it was just ...  that time Melissa and I came over to 
see you, when Fox was there, I got the idea -- that there 
was something between you."

Scully swallowed.  She didn't think it had been that 
obvious; they'd been so careful.

"But I see that you're happy with Alex, so I probably got 
the wrong impression."  Maggie forced a smile, even as 
there was a sudden change in Scully's eyes.

Dana offered her mother a weak smile.  "Yeah."

"Mom, Dana."  Melissa walked into the kitchen, much to 
Scully's relief.  "Need any help out here?"

"No, honey, that's okay."  Maggie smiled at her older 
daughter and turned back to the coffeemaker again.

Melissa went up to her sister with a wide grin on her face.  
"Alex is great.  Just let me know if you find any more like 
him, 'cause I wouldn't mind having one of those in my bed."

Maggie lifted her gaze to gawk at her daughter.

"Decoratively speaking, Mom," Missy defined quickly, and 
nudged her sister's side.  "Seriously, though.  I think 
you've hit the jackpot this time."

"What a terrible way to put it, Melissa," Maggie objected 
to her daughter's choice of words.

Melissa rolled her eyes towards her sister and sighed.  
"Mom, did you know that he was raised Catholic?"  She 
looked over Dana's shoulder at her mother.

"*I* didn't know that."  Scully gave her sister an odd eye.  
"What exactly have you been asking him out there?"

"Nothing.  But Bill is giving him the third degree, as we 
speak."

"He's *what*?"  Scully tried to get a glimpse of the living 
room to see what was going on.

"Don't worry, sis, Alex seems to be doing quite well.  
Believe it or not, even Bill seems to like him."

Scully gave her sister a doubtful look.  This family dinner 
was proceeding a little too well to be true.  Not that she 
hadn't expected them to like Krycek; he was everything they 
wanted her to have.  She just wished she could enjoy it 
more.

*******************

Mulder wriggled out of his jacket with the FBI logo on the 
back and started removing the bulletproof vest.  The job 
had gone fairly smoothly, though hospitalizing another 
agent with minor injuries, but the suspect had been brought 
into custody and was now being interrogated.

He reached for his suit jacket and tie inside the locker, 
replacing them with the bulletproof vest and jacket.  Since 
his shift had ended hours ago, he didn't bother putting on 
the jacket and tie.  Tired and hungry, he left the locker 
room.

Ben, who had been exchanging pleasantries with other agents 
outside the locker room, noted Mulder coming out.  Excusing 
himself from the crowd, he hurried after him.

"Hey, Mulder, wait up!"

Mulder stopped, turning to see Ben coming toward him.

"You're going home?"  asked Ben, catching up.

"Yeah, I'm pretty beat."  Mulder made an effort to smile.

"I couldn't interest you in coming home with me, could I?"

Ben's offer was tempting, very tempting.

"Would you say yes if I promised to take care of those 
stiff shoulders for you?"  Ben continued, seeing victory 
ahead.

"You promise?"

"Scout's honor."

"But I have to get some papers first."  Mulder stole a 
glance at his watch

"No problem.  I have to pay a visit to the A.D.  before we 
leave anyway.  Can we meet in 20 minutes by my car?"

"Sounds okay."

*******************

Ben opened the door to his apartment and, the gentleman he 
was, let Mulder enter first.  Slipping out of his coat 
quickly, Ben went into the kitchen to get the phone.

"Will Chinese do?"  he called out.

"Yeah."  Mulder took of his coat as well.  "Do you mind if 
I borrow your shower?"

"No, help yourself."

Finding his way into the bedroom, Mulder started stripping 
his clothes, tossing them on the bed.  Ben's bedroom was 
quite impersonal.  At first, it had surprised him how few 
belongings the man had; hardly any old mementos filled the 
bookshelves, nor any books, for that matter.  Ben had only 
shrugged when Mulder had commented on it, saying he wasn't 
to fond of hanging onto stuff that often had a sob story to 
tell.  Mulder could relate to that just fine.

As Mulder was about to reveal himself.

"Wanna borrow something to wear after the shower?"

Ben had been standing in the doorway, watching Mulder 
undress with a smug grin.

About to rid himself of the final clothing, Mulder jolted 
back at the sound of Ben's voice.  Looking at him, he saw 
the glimmer in his eyes, telling him Ben would have 
preferred him naked.

"Would be nice."

Ben tore himself from his place in the doorway, turning his 
back to Mulder to search in his closet.

"Just put it on the bed where I can find it," Mulder said 
before closing the bathroom door.

"Still a little shy, are we Agent Mulder?"  Ben mumbled, 
looking at the closed door.

Mulder shivered as the icy water cascaded down over his 
tired body.  The slight arousal caused by Ben's intense 
gaze washed down the drain, but not as easily as he'd 
hoped.  The yearning for another man's touch nearly drove 
him to the edge of insanity, and he couldn't begin to 
understand why every time the opportunity came, he pulled 
away.  The reasons were crazy, stupid even; it was obvious 
how much he needed it.  The frustration kept mounting and 
mounting inside him, taking over his mind in a way that was 
new to him.

Ben heard him coming out shortly after the food arrived.  
He thought he'd give Mulder about five minutes to dress 
before announcing.  Strolling calmly down the hallway, he 
reached the bedroom just in time to get a glimpse of 
Mulder's well-shaped ass before it was covered by a pair of 
black boxers.  Ben cleared his throat, making Mulder turn.

"Ben."  He smiled, a little surprised.  "I didn't know you 
were there."

Ben slipped his hands into his pockets.  "Food's ready."

"Great," Mulder replied as he towel-dried his hair.

"You missed a spot."

Mulder stopped what he was doing, allowing Ben to approach 
him.  Slowly, Ben took the towel from his hands.

"Let me help you with that."

He brought the towel to a damp area on Mulder's back, 
stroking gently with the towel.

"Thanks," Mulder managed.

"No problem."  Ben stepped back, throwing the towel onto 
the bed.  "Food's waiting."

*******************

After dinner, Ben took a shower and changed into something 
more comfortable.  He had left Mulder in bed, clinking on 
his laptop, quite unaware of his surroundings.  After a 
while, though, Mulder closed the laptop and put it on the 
nightstand to make room for Ben.  Ben lay down, resting his 
head in the palm of his hand.

"What did Skinner want earlier?"  Mulder asked.

"He wanted my report on his desk before the end of the day 
tomorrow."

"Want some help?"

"You?"  Ben exclaimed with a chuckle.

"What's so funny about that?"

"Nothing, it's just that ...  " He paused to give Mulder an 
amused look.  "You see, Skinner wanted the report tomorrow, 
not next week."

Mulder tried to look insulted, but couldn't keep from 
smiling.  He turned to lie on his back, stretching a 
little.

"You tired?"  he heard Ben ask.

"A little."

Ben moved closer.  "Want me to kill the light so we can go 
to sleep?"

Mulder looked at him, his eyes turning serious.  "You turn 
the lights off if you want to."  His voice slightly unsure.

Smoothly, Ben turned to his left, hitting the switch.  Even 
though darkness had filled the room, he could see Mulder's 
unsure gaze clearly.  Carefully, he allowed his hand to 
roam over the other man's waist and chest, feeling the soft 
material of the T-shirt against the palm of his hand.  
Moving closer, he encouraged a kiss, at first barely 
touching the slightly parted lips, then claiming more, 
savoring the moment.

Mulder allowed the kiss to intensify.  He really didn't 
want to cause Ben more pain by pulling away at the last 
minute, as he had already done several times before.  When 
a soft moan worked its way to his lips, he felt Ben moving 
slowly on top of him, pressing him down against the 
mattress.  He was more demanding now, kissing him with 
greed and a touch of reckless lust.

The pounding in his hard erection grew as Ben's pleasure 
was revealed to him.  It pressed against his thigh, 
demanding his attention.  Clumsily, Mulder's hands tugged 
at Ben's shirt in a desperate attempt to remove it.  Ben 
gave him some help by pulling away shortly.  The shirt came 
off, landing on Mulder's.  Pulling his head down again, 
Mulder felt Ben slowly, with a slight rhythm, rock his hips 
toward his.  The movement felt wonderful against his now 
aching groin.  A moan came across his lips as a result of 
Ben's movement and it mingled with the sound of their 
kisses.

Meanwhile, Ben had untangled his hands from Mulder's hair, 
now running them down his chest, feeling him shiver.  
Accidentally, he brushed over a hard nipple and felt Mulder 
squirmed beneath him.

Arching his chest toward Ben, he wanted more.  Soon, the 
warmth of Ben's mouth had closed around one of his nipples 
and his tongue started to tease it.  There was something 
familiar about the way he did it.

Mulder grabbed a hold of his waist, carefully moving his 
hands to his front where he felt Ben's throbbing erection.

"Harder," Ben moaned against Mulder's chest.

"What?"

"Harder, touch me harder," he encouraged, smiling, pleased, 
when Mulder took him up on the demand.

Rubbing his hand a little harder over the bulge in Ben's 
pants, he was rewarded with another lick to his now 
unbelievably sensitive nipple.  Mulder's pleasure faded as 
the face of his old, but obviously not forgotten, 
boyfriend, took place in his mind with a hurt expression.  
He pushed the image away and tried to concentrate on the 
situation at hand.

Ben had found his way to Mulder's boxers and met him with a 
dangerous grin.  He knew Mulder would burn up inside if he 
didn't get touched in the right way soon.

Mulder bucked up, meeting Ben's hand through the thin 
material of his underwear.  He inhaled sharply, feeling a 
kiss being placed right above the hem of his pants.  It 
burned delightfully every time Ben's hot lips met his skin, 
and as Ben started pulling down the clothing, Mulder closed 
his eyes, fighting a strong regret.

Ben was just about to slip his hand under the hem when he 
felt Mulder stiffen beneath him.

"Ben, stop."  His voice came out a little uneven.

Ben didn't listen at first, hoping he would change his 
mind.

"No, Ben!  Please," he added.  " I can't do this.  Not 
yet."

Ben inhaled, feeling a sudden need to cool off quickly.

"I'm sorry."

He met Mulder's eyes.  "It's okay.  Just lie close to me."

"Sure."

Ben moved away to lie on his side with his arm around 
Mulder.  He was getting impatient.  If this kept up, cold 
showers were not going to help.

*******************

Ben woke up at the phone's insistent ringing.  He mumbled, 
half-asleep, and reached over the empty bed, fetching the 
phone from the nightstand.

"Yeah."  He kept his eyes closed, hoping it was Mulder.

"Did I wake you?"

"No," he lied, recognizing the voice, but he wasn't in a 
state of mind to place it.  "I was just thinking about 
getting up when you called."

"Right."  Ben could hear the man, whoever it was, grin.  
"You wouldn't be awake this early on a Saturday.  Not the 
Ben I used to know."

Ben propped himself up to sit.  "Now, which Ben would that 
be?"  He reached out to look at the alarm clock.

There was a moment of silence on the other side.  Ben 
didn't make any attempt to break it either.

"It's been a while."

Oh, the name finally surfaced.  "Yes, it has," Ben agreed.  
"What have you been up to, Ethan?"

"Not much, really.  Still work in the same dump.  I hear it 
you've come far in the Bureau, though."

"Is that so?"  Ben picked up the phone to get out of bed 
and walk up to the mirror.  "Now, where do you hear such 
bullshit?"

Ethan chuckled.  "You haven't changed a bit, have you?"

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Ben studied his image in the mirror and smiled at the 
sight.  "So what did you want?"

"Well, my birthday's closing in, but I'm sure you remember 
that"

"Of course, Ethan.  How could I forget," Ben coughed, 
actually feeling a little ashamed that he really *had* 
forgotten.

"Anyway, I was thinking of throwing a little party, get the 
guys together and talk about some of the old days."

"That sounds great.  I'd really like to meet the guys 
again."

"Yeah, I thought you would."

Silence again, as Ben kept thinking about Alex, but didn't 
know if he should ask.  He didn't have to.

"Do you still see Alex?"  Ethan asked, a little cautious.

"Well, I see him around the Bureau.  Why?"

" I haven't been able to reach him; I thought if you could 
invite him for me ..."

"Actually, I'd rather not."  Ben let the hint linger on his 
voice.

"Is he still mad at you?"

"Something like that."  He didn't feel the need to let him 
know any more about it.  "Maybe you should try him at his 
girlfriend's place; I hear he spends a lot of time there."

"His girlfriend?"

"Yes, little Alex's gone straight, if you could believe 
it."

"No way!"

"Yeah, it's kind of surprising, to say the least."  Ben 
nodded into the phone, wondering what their mutual friend 
would say if he found out how things really were.  "I'll 
give you her number and you can try and reach him there."

"Yes, that would be great."

"It will be nice meeting him with the guys again," Ben 
mused.

"So you're saying that you're still in love with him?"

"It's not like that," Ben mumbled, looking down on the 
floor.  "I'd just like to meet him on a more neutral 
ground, so to speak."

"Well, whatever you say."

Ben sensed that Ethan didn't believe him.  "Is it okay if I 
bring someone with me?"

"Sure, bring as many as you want."  He could Ethan grin.

"Funny," Ben muttered.  "I was thinking of taking someone 
special."

"Interesting."

"Well, all good things come to those who wait."

Ethan laughed softly.  "Okay, so I can count you in?"

"Absolutely, I'll be looking forward to it."

Ben hung up feeling good.  This couldn't have come in a 
better time.

*******************

Hearing Scully turn on the shower, Alex sat down on the bed 
and stared at the card in his hand.  It had come as quite a 
surprise when Ethan called him and asked him to come over 
for his birthday.  Hearing his voice, he had realized how 
much he'd missed him.  He had always been there for him, no 
matter what.
[
//"Alex, what's wrong?"

Ethan had stepped out from his living room as someone 
entered his apartment; usually, people made themselves 
known when they came.  He seemed surprised to see Alex 
there alone, looking as if the wind had been knocked right 
out of him.

"Where's Ben?"  he asked, but Alex didn't answer.

Starting to cry all over again, Alex walked up to Ethan, 
leaned into his comforting embrace and held on tight.  
Ethan wrapped his arms around the younger man and spoke 
soothingly.  "It's okay, Alex, I'm here."  he said, 
caressing his back.  "It's okay."

They stood like that for a while, Alex holding onto Ethan 
without telling him what was wrong and Ethan trying to calm 
him as much as he could.

"Maybe we should sit down and talk about this," Ethan 
suggested as Alex's grip loosened.  "What did he do?"  He 
placed his hand on Alex's back and leaned in closer on the 
couch.  "Alex?"

"I found him..."  Alex sobbed and buried his face in his 
hands.  "I found him in bed..."  He wiped his eyes with the 
back of his palm.

Ethan shook his head and closed his eyes.  "I'm sorry, 
Alex."  He pulled him closer and leaned in to kiss his 
temple.  "I'm so sorry, I didn't know."

"That's not all, Ethan."  Alex shifted uncomfortably in his 
embrace.  "He was with Rick.  Your Rick."

"Rick?"  Ethan sounded very surprised.

"Yes, Rick."

Both men grew silent.  Alex was well aware of the fact that 
most of the guys didn't really care if they fooled around 
within the group of friends, as long as it was solo about 
sex.  Ethan and Rick were just meeting up when they wanted 
to, and they didn't have a monogamous relationship.  Kyle 
and Tisha were an idyllic couple, but it didn't stop Ethan 
from having sex with both or either of them without anyone 
objecting.  It was just the way it was.

Ben and Alex were different.  They didn't touch anyone 
else, due to Ben's jealousy when it came to his boyfriend; 
he had put up those rules for the both of them and put an 
end to his promiscuous life when he became involved with 
Alex.

"Did you know about this?"  Alex asked.

Ethan's gaze grew sad at the question and Alex was already 
regretting having asked.  He had trusted Ethan.

"No, Alex.  You mustn't think that.  I wouldn't let him 
hurt you."

Alex kept eye contact with him before bursting into tears 
again.  "I thought that he loved me."  Suddenly, he didn't 
care that he was sounding pathetic.

"He does," Ethan assured him.  "Ben loves you, you know 
that."

"Then why did he do that?"

It was almost painfully obvious the way Ethan fought with 
the answer.  He usually had something soothing to say to 
him, something that would make the situation right or at 
least understandable.  But not this time.

"Alex, I don't know.  I don't have the right answers for 
you."  He ran his hand through Alex's hair.  "You'll have 
to ask Ben."

"I don't want to talk to him.  I don't even want to see him 
again."  He spoke with the determination of someone who has 
made up his mind.

"Shouldn't you at least see him, give him a chance to 
explain?"

He shook his head.  "I don't want to.  If he comes here, I 
want you to tell him that."

Ethan sighed and shifted in his seat.  "Alex, we both know 
he won't accept that.  He won't let you go that easy."

Alex looked up at Ethan, his expression surprisingly calm.

"That's a decision I've already made."  //
]


Scully had turned off the water when Krycek walked into the 
bathroom.

"Scully, we don't have to go if you don't want to."  Krycek 
leaned against the sink as she stepped out of the shower.  
"There will be a lot of weird people."

"Weird?"  she smiled and wrapped a towel around her body.  
"What do you mean, 'weird'?"

"Well, maybe 'weird' is the wrong choice of words."

She smiled and leaned in to kiss him.  He was obviously 
worried about this.

"I don't mind," she said softly.  "But it feels like you 
do."

"No, it's just ..."  Trying hard to find the words, he 
played with a strand of wet hair that had fallen in her 
face.  "Old ghosts."

Although she understood and didn't really blame him if he 
didn't want to go, she felt that he needed to face his old 
demons and let go of the past.

"But you said you really wanted to meet Ethan again."  She 
caressed his hand lightly.  "Just ignore Ben, he's not 
worth it."

"And Mulder?"

"You don't think he'll bring Mulder do you?  He knows 
you'll be there, and this guy Rick he fooled around with."

"Oh, Ben will bring Mulder; that's exactly what I expect 
from him."  He looked a little sad.  "I don't know if I'm 
up for that, seeing them together there."

She looked at him, letting him know that it was entirely 
his decision.

"Still, I want to meet Ethan and the others; they've been 
like family to me, especially Ethan."

"Then I think we should go," she prompted, "if it means 
that much to you."

Leaning down to kiss her lightly, he ran a hand through her 
wet hair.  She flashed him a smile and took his hand.

As he felt her hand in his, he lifted it to his lips, 
kissing it softly with a devilish smile.  She watched him 
kiss her palm for a while with an amused look on her face.  
He stopped kissing her hand to study it, focusing on the 
ring on her finger.

"Do you want me to take it off for tonight?"  she asked, a 
little cautious.  "If you don't want them to know that--"

"That I love you?"  he smiled at her.  "I want..."  Pulling 
her closer.  "I want the world to know that I can't live 
without you and I don't ever want you to take that ring of 
your finger."

"Are you sure?"

She didn't want him to do this just so that she would be 
pleased.  They'd only been engaged for a day now, and this 
would be their first time going out in public with it.  She 
would understand if he wanted to take it slow.

"Dana."  He took her hands between his and held her gaze 
steady.  "I hadn't asked you to marry me if I didn't really 
want to."

He kissed her a last time and reached out to grab a towel.

*******************

Ben looked at the watch again and sighed out loud.  Mulder 
was late.

"Why am I even surprised?"  he asked himself out loud and 
glanced out the window.

Standing there, ready to face his old friends, his old 
life, he came to think of a night so long ago, that night 
he'd lost the only thing that had only mattered to him.


[
//Knocking louder on the door that led to Ethan's 
apartment, he was growing desperate when no one answered.  
It wasn't hard to figure out where Alex had gone; he ran to 
Ethan whenever he had a problem that he couldn't discuss 
with Ben.

"Ethan, open the door, I know he's in there!"

The last thing Ethan needed right now was someone making a 
scene outside his apartment.  Ben couldn't believe he 
wasn't opening the door; he was supposed to be his best 
friend.

"Ethan!"

Shortly, he heard the door being unlocked.  Ethan slid 
outside in the hallway, only to close the door behind him.  
Ben looked at his friend, seeing the grave look in his 
eyes.

"Why the hell aren't you letting me in?  I know he's in 
there?"  Ben's eyes were raging.

"Ben, calm down."  Ethan prevented Ben from moving past 
him.  "Let's just calm down."

"Where's Alex?"

Ethan's words had been totally lost on his friend, who 
still tried to move past him in order to get into the 
apartment.

"Ben, you're only making this worse."  His voice was 
surprisingly calm.

"Making it worse?"  He didn't know what to do with his 
hands, the powerless situation not suiting him.  "I just 
need to talk to him.  Now will you let me in?"

"I don't think Alex is ready to talk to you right now."

Ben's expression was uncharacteristically uncertain, the 
tears not far from breaking out and he couldn't stand 
still.

"Ethan, just let me in, I need to talk to him, I need to 
make it all right again."  He didn't hear his own voice 
break.  "Alex!"  he continued, trying to get past Ethan 
once more.

Placing a steady hand on Ben's chest, Ethan shook his head, 
his gaze calm and stable.

"Why the hell aren't you letting me in?"  With his voice 
raised, he was fighting back the tears so hard it made his 
face twitch.  "I need to talk...  I need to make it all 
good again, I need ..."

"Ben," Ethan whispered as he grabbed his shoulders.  "Ben, 
listen to me."  He tried to gain some kind of eye contact.  
"Listen to me, Ben."

"Let me talk to him, Ethan."  The tears were falling free 
now.  "Just one minute, I want to see him."

"Ben, he doesn't want to talk to you," Ethan explained 
softly.  "He doesn't want you to come in."

"But I need to --"

"Ben.  No."

"What do you mean 'no'?"  Ben raised his voice even more, 
shaking off Ethan's hands and forcefully trying to move 
past him.  "Let me in, Goddamn it!"

Ethan grabbed Ben harder and shoved him up against the wall 
to calm him down.

"Let go of me!"  Ben roared, fighting hard against his 
grip.

"Ben, calm down."  Ethan shook him hard.  "You're not 
improving your situation by doing this."

Ben grew still in his arms, the enraged look in his face 
softening.

"I love him," he whispered and felt a new set of tears 
closing in.  "I didn't want to hurt him, you know that, 
don't you?"

"I know, Ben."

"Then let me talk to him," he said, almost in a whisper.

"Ben, I think it's too late..."  //
]


Suddenly, the key was turned in the lock and a very 
innocent-looking Mulder entered the apartment.  He smiled 
at the man already dressed in informal evening wear, 
looking sexy in black tight pants.

"We're going to be late," Ben complained before Mulder had 
the chance to say anything.  "Where have you been?"

"I followed a lead.  It took a little longer than I 
expected, but I'm ready to go now."

Ben eyed him strangely.

"Where are your clothes?"

Mulder looked down at his suit and smiled in an attempt to 
have Ben go along with it.

Ben sighed and rubbed his forehead.  "Mulder, you can't go 
like that," he said, irritated.  "You can't go to Ethan's 
place wearing a suit.  I thought I explained it to you.  
They're not that kind of people."

"I can't go back to Washington just to get a different set 
of clothes.  Why can't I just go like this?"

"Come on, Mulder."  Ben grabbed his hand.  "We'll 
improvise."

Mulder let Ben drag him with him toward his bedroom.

"What are we doing?"  Suspicion rose in his voice.

"Finding something more suitable."

"Where?"

Ben smiled at him and walked up to his closet, searching 
the piles of clothes.  He found a pair of leather pants and 
threw them on the bed.

"Put those on," he ordered and dug in to find a tight 
short-sleeved sweater.  "And that."

Mulder took a quick glance at the clothes on the bed and 
shook his head.

"No way I'm wearing that."

"Yes, you are."  Ben picked up the clothes and walked over 
to give it to him.  "Take a quick shower and get dressed, 
we'll figure out what to do with your ...  hair."

"But --"

"And do hurry, honey."

Mulder sighed and accepted the clothes, muttering under his 
breath.

*******************

A note had been pinned to the door with "Come in" scrawled 
on it, and knowing Ethan's style, they just stepped right 
in, to be greeted with a loud bang of music mixed with a 
few male voices.

"Alex!"  A very handsome man walked toward them, grinning 
wide.

"Ethan, hi."  Krycek leaned in to give him a hug.

Ethan leaned back to look at his old friend.  "Where 
happened to my sweet little Alex?"

"I grew up," Alex said, smiling, and noted how Ethan didn't 
let go of his hand.

Observant of the cocky sound in his voice, Ethan laughed 
and grabbed hold of Krycek's cheeks, giving him a quick 
kiss.  "Well, you still got your chubby cheeks and you're 
still my kiddo," he decided, giving the younger man another 
hug.

"Thank you for embarrassing me, Ethan," Krycek said with a 
cough.  He looked at Scully.

Ethan's attention turned to the small red-haired woman at 
Krycek's side.  He looked pleasantly surprised at the sight 
before him as he reached out to take her hand, placing a 
soft kiss on the top of her hand, his eyes seductive.

"You must be ...  Alex's little lady."  He arched his brows 
and looked at Krycek.  "I can see why you turned straight."

Krycek chuckled and slid his arm around his fiancée's 
waist.  "This is Dana; Dana, Ethan."

"Stud," he joked, blinked at Krycek, and reached out his 
hand to grab Scully's hand from him.  "Come on, Dana, I'll 
introduce you to the rest of the guys."

Krycek followed them in to the larger room, meeting 
Scully's bemused eyes as she looked back at him, obviously 
not used to this kind of treatment.  He grinned, letting 
her know that this was pretty much what he had been 
expecting.

They walked up to the men, who were gathered in a circle, 
small-talking.  Krycek followed behind, a little insecure, 
eyeing the group from a distance.  He recognized most of 
the guys standing there, and he was growing a little 
nervous about meeting them again.

"Guys, can I have your attention for just a minute?"  Ethan 
shouted to the group, who were having a wild conversation 
about absolutely nothing.

"Oh, you're back already?"  one of them commented.

Krycek smiled to himself, recognizing Kyle.  Next to him 
was Tisha, his truthful husband, and Krycek were glad to 
see that they still seemed to be happily married.  Scanning 
the group, he saw Daniel leaning against another guy.  
Daniel's old boyfriend, Paris, was standing a couple of 
feet away from him, and Rick, the guy Ben had fooled around 
with, was eyeing Krycek, clearly uncomfortable.  They never 
had gone along very well together, thanks to the constant 
competition for Ethan's attention.

"This is Dana, the woman who managed to turn Alex 
straight," Ethan presented Scully and led her through the 
group, introducing her to each of Krycek's old friends and 
their new boyfriends.

"Where is Alex?"  Paris wondered, looking behind Ethan to 
find him standing not far from them.  "There you are."  The 
man walked up to give him a hug.  "What the hell happened 
to that skinny kid I used to know?"

Krycek offered him an ironic smile.  "Hi, Paris, nice to 
see you again."

"Come on."  He put his arm around Krycek.  "You've got to 
say hi to everybody."

They stood and small-talked for a while, everyone happy to 
reunite.  It felt a little strange to see the people who he 
had been so close to during a time in his life when friends 
had been all he had to hang onto.

"Here's someone I want you to meet, Alex."  Ethan brought 
Krycek with him to a man who was standing a little off to 
the side.  "Alex, this is my boyfriend, Oliver.  Oliver, 
this is Alex I've been telling you so much about."

Krycek smiled at Ethan and then looked at Oliver.  He was 
very handsome, definitely Ethan's type.

"Nice to finally meet you," Oliver said with a smile, and 
offered Krycek his hand.

"Nice to meet you, too."  Krycek couldn't keep that grin of 
his face; Ethan had never been the kind to call his lovers 
boyfriends; this had to be quite serious and very unlike 
Ethan.

"Where the hell is Ben?"  Tisha suddenly asked.

Everybody turned to Krycek for the answer.

"Why would I know that?"  He couldn't keep the feelings 
from mirroring in his voice.

A silence spread among them, as the tension grew thick.

"Hey guys!  Do you call this a party?  It looks like 
someone died in here."  Someone had just stepped into the 
room, facing the deadly silence.

Alex recognized that voice well enough not to turn to see 
who it was.

"Ben."  Ethan noticed Krycek's reaction.

"Ethan!"  Ben walked up to hug his host, smiling wickedly 
at his very similar outfit.  "Great minds think alike," he 
commented.

"Watch it."  Ethan grinned.  "I'm your superior."

"Yeah, my ass you are," Ben muffled and smiled at his 
friend.

They looked at each other for a while, both studying each 
other's appearance; not much seemed to have changed.

"I've missed you, you idiot," Ethan said, smiling, and gave 
him another brotherly hug.

"Yeah, likewise, moron."  Ben grinned and lifted his hand 
to mess up Ethan's hair.

"Are you gonna flirt with him all night or say hi to the 
rest of us?"  Daniel interrupted.

Ben took his time going through the crowd, well-aware of 
the fact that Krycek was standing there.  He also knew that 
their old friends were very anxious for them to meet again 
and that Krycek was not.

"You look the same, you old prick."  Paris thumped Ben's 
back in the friendly hug they shared.  "Unbelievable."

"Yeah, you do too, still look like hell," Ben joked back, 
thumping back a little harder.

"And still full of shit," Daniel commented, pulling Ben in 
for a hug.

Ben grinned and leaned back to study his friend, shaking 
his head.

"You disappoint me, Daniel."  He studied his clothing 
closely.  "Latex?"

Daniel faked a blow to Ben's head, giving him enough space 
to move away.

"God, it's great seeing everybody again."  Ben looked 
around the crowd with  that typical smile that was Ben.

He could see as he eyed the group of men that they were 
still carrying that adoration for him; it seemed that he 
had made quite an impression.  Well, of course he had; he 
and Alex had been the couple everybody talked about, the 
inseparable lovers.  Speaking of which ...  his gaze landed 
on the face of his old boyfriend, noting the uncomfortable 
look.

"Alex," he nodded, the silence around them almost obvious.

"Ben."  Krycek tried to hide his emotions.

Ben took a few steps up to him, eyeing him closely.  "How 
are you?"

"Fine, thanks."  There were no mistaken of the feelings in 
his voice.

Ethan felt the tension in the air and stepped in to prevent 
any further discussion.

"Ben, have you met Dana?"  He motioned to the woman at 
Krycek's side.

"Yes, we've met before."  He smiled at the little redhead 
by Krycek's side.  "You look great, Dana."

Scully nodded, not really knowing how to act toward him, 
not here.  "Nice to meet you again, Ben."  She let him lean 
in to kiss her cheek.

When he moved back, he met Krycek's eyes, cold as ice.  He 
smiled back at him.

"Weren't you supposed to bring someone with you?"  Ethan 
cut in again, looking at Ben.

Ben nodded and stepped away from the men, finding Mulder 
standing at the same place he'd left him, looking a little 
out of place but sexy.

Krycek gasped for air as he caught sight of him.  Following 
the tight leather pants up Mulder's slim waist, he noted 
how tightly they fit him around his ass and groin, letting 
everybody know just what he had to offer.  The shirt was 
just as tight-fitting as the pants, and you could see every 
muscle move underneath.  His hair was styled with something 
that gave him that wet look that Krycek remembered so well 
from those mornings together in the shower.  He could feel 
the arousal rush through him like running fire.

"Close your mouth, honey," Scully whispered to him, noting 
his reaction, equal to her own.

"Ethan, this is Mulder."  Ben had placed his hand at the 
small of Mulder's back to guide him up to the group.  
"Mulder, Ethan."

Ethan glanced at Ben, a little impressed before he offered 
Mulder his hand.

Krycek watched from his distance how the attention rose 
around Ben and his new catch, wishing that the ground would 
open and swallow him whole.

*******************

"You've been awfully quiet, Alex."  Ethan had come to stand 
next to his old friend, noticing how he had been watching 
Ben with his new boyfriend since they got there.  "How are 
you feeling?"

"I'm fine."  He forced a smile but avoided Ethan's eyes.  
"I'm just ...  tired, that's all."

Ethan studied him for a while, knowing that wasn't the real 
problem.  Krycek's eyes were like an open book; he 
recognized the pain.  He also knew when to question it and 
when to leave it be.  This was not the time or the place.

"Dana's great," he said instead, taking a sip from his 
drink.  "I like her."

"Yeah, she's great."  He let his gaze drift over to where 
she was standing, talking to Kyle.

"She seems to know this Mulder guy; I heard them talking 
some before."

"They work together," he answered shortly, making Ethan 
understand he didn't want to talk about it.

Looking closer at Krycek, Ethan realized just how painful 
this was for him.  He hadn't meant to stir up the wounds 
and realized that him talking about it just added to that 
pain.

"I really appreciate that you could make it, despite of ...  
you know."  He tilted his head discreetly toward Ben and 
Mulder.  "It feels good to see you again."

Krycek looked up at him and smiled warmly.  "It's really 
good to see you, too, Ethan."

Ethan grinned, put his arm around Krycek's shoulder and 
gave him a long wet kiss on his cheek.  "I love you, kiddo, 
you know that, don't you?"

"Yeah, I kind of love you too, Ethan," Krycek smiled back, 
suddenly remembering just how much he really did.

"Come here you little..."  Ethan pulled him into a hug.

"What's with Alex and this Ethan guy?"  Mulder wanted to 
know, glancing over at their host and Krycek looking 
awfully close.

Ben cast a glance over at the direction Mulder was looking 
and smiled to himself as he saw Ethan kissing the younger 
man on his cheek.

"Oh, they're just fooling around."  He arched a brow.  
"They have a special relationship, I don't try to 
understand it."

"They've been lovers?"

"No, no."  Ben couldn't help but laugh.  "They're just 
friends."

Mulder watched Ethan cuddle Krycek's neck, saying something 
that made the younger man laugh out loud, and he started 
feeling uncomfortable.

Later that evening, after dinner and lots of alcohol, the 
party participants seemed to loosen up, and a couple of 
guys had ended up sitting by the table discussing old 
memories.

"Alex was always such a whiny ass," Tisha remembered, 
looking at Scully across the table.

"I was not," Krycek objected, noticing how Scully was 
enjoying this.

"Of course you were, Alex," Kyle disagreed, seeing how 
embarrassed this was making him.  "And you always got you 
what you wanted."

"C'mon, guys, I never ...  whined."

The men around the table shared a smile.

"I didn't."  He turned to Scully.  "Really, Dana, I 
didn't."

"Yes, you did," Kyle argued.  "It was always Ben this and 
Ben that..."

"Or Ethan this and Ethan that..."  Tisha added.

Scully couldn't keep from laughing.

"That's not true," Krycek kept protesting.  "Ethan, please 
explain to Dana that it wasn't so at all."

Ethan looked up from his drink, giving the others a quick 
glance.  "Alex, it's time you face it.  You were a whiny 
pain in the ass," he chuckled.  "A very cute whiny pain in 
the ass, though."

"You're making this up.  I don't remember this."

Ethan looked around the room for Ben who was standing a few 
feet away, discussing something with his drop-dead 
boyfriend.

"Hey, Ben!"

Ben turned around and looked at him.  He had stayed away 
from Alex most of the night, only made a few remarks to 
keep the others satisfied and the mood on an equal ground.

"Ben, come over here and help us out."  Ethan waved his 
hand, prompting for Ben to join them.

A little resistant, he walked up to stand behind Ethan, 
Mulder following behind, and put his hands on Ethan's 
shoulders.  "What seems to be the problem?"

"Alex."  Ethan pointed across the table at the younger man.  
"Our Alex claims  to have
no memory -- whatsoever -- of having been a whiner."

Meeting Krycek's gaze over the table, he came to realize 
what power they held over him and why he was doing what he 
was doing.  It was hard to stay focused when he felt his 
arousal grow from only a look of the other man.

"Of course he was."  He said it softly, still holding his 
gaze.

"See," Ethan said proudly and turned to Scully.  "And Ben 
should know.  He lived with the guy."

Not knowing why, Krycek didn't let go of Ben's intense 
stare.  He could see something beneath the tough exterior, 
the one Ben so desperately tried to keep up, and he 
wondered if he should go so far to call it love.  If anyone 
knew Ben's soft sides, it was him.

"You see," Ethan kept going on the subject, leaning closer 
to Scully.  "Every time Ben didn't go along with Alex's 
wishes or ideas, he turned to me."

"And whined," Ben filled in with a smile.

Krycek sighed and wished himself somewhere else.  These 
guys knew too much about his past life.  He noticed how 
Mulder was listening in the background, pretending that he 
was busy looking at pictures.

"He knew you had a soft spot for him; that's why he so 
easily manipulated you," Ben said with a grin, letting his 
gaze pass over Krycek once more.

"Like you're one to talk."  Kyle muffled a laugh.  "He had 
you wrapped around his little finger."

Ethan laughed, sarcastic, and looked up at his friend with 
clear remembrance.

"Well."  Ben ruffled Ethan's hair.  "I had my tools to use 
against him."  His smile grew wicked.

"Guys, really," Krycek cut in as he realized where this was 
heading.  "Haven't you embarrassed me enough in front of my 
girlfriend?"

"Embarrass you?"  Ethan chuckled.  "If you want me to 
embarrass you, I'll show her the tape of you doing the YMCA 
choreography.  In your underwear and covered with lube."

"You have that on tape?"  Kyle burst out laughing.  "Man, 
you got to send me a copy."

"You guys don't want to know what I have on tape."  Ethan 
grinned and glanced up at Ben.  "Some of those things 
aren't even legal."

"Hey, Ethan!"  Tisha objected.  "Need I remind you, we have 
four Feds in the building, one traitor standing right 
behind you."

Ethan gave Ben his most innocent smile.  "What was it you 
said again about tools, sweetie?"  He patted Ben's hand, 
which was still on his shoulder.

"Tools?"  Ben had lost the thread.  "Yeah, tools."  He 
smiled as he remembered.  "Boy, did I have the best kind of 
tool."

"Ben, really," Krycek laughed, a little nervous.  "This 
doesn't really interest anyone."  He shook his head and 
looked at Scully.

She flashed him a smile and then turned expectantly toward 
Ben to hear what was so horrible about this tool.

"Sesame Street," Ben said shortly, the amusement on his 
face too great to hide.

Ethan started to chuckle, remembering what Ben was getting 
at.

"Sesame Street?"  Scully arched a brow.

"Yes, Sesame Street."  Ben nodded, trying hard to hide that 
grin.  "Alex was ...  obsessed with Sesame Street."

"I was 16 years old," he tried to defend himself.

"And then 17, 18, 19, 20 --"

"It didn't last for that long, Ben, and you know it."

"Oh, but it did," he grinned and crouched down to get level 
with Ethan.  "You remember this, don't you, darling?"

"Very much so."  Ethan nodded and once again turned to 
Scully.  "He had T-shirts with Sesame Street, mugs with 
Sesame Street, soaps, posters, you name it."

"He even made me buy him toothbrushes with characters from 
Sesame Street," Ben remembered dreamily.

"He wanted to be Ernie," Ethan joked.

"Anyway," Ben continued.  "That was always a useful threat.  
I just held over on his collection and he freaked."

"I can't believe you did that."  Krycek rested his face in 
his palms.  "Bringing that up again."

"I still have nightmares about Sesame Street, Alex, you're 
very much responsible for that."  Ben sent laughter through 
the group of men sitting by the table, and even Scully 
found herself smiling widely at his comment.

*******************

"You seem to be getting along well with Ben."  Ethan had 
taken the opportunity to talk when Krycek and he were left 
alone.

"Yeah, well, just because I'm not at his throat doesn't 
mean I've forgiven him," Krycek answered bitterly.

Ethan rose with a loud sigh and walked around the table to 
sit next to Krycek.  He leaned in closer, keeping his voice 
low.  "Alex, you need to let that go now."  He placed his 
hand over Krycek's on the table.  "We all make mistakes and 
that was a long time ago."

Krycek shifted in his seat.

"It breaks my heart to see you two acting this way with 
each other.  Like you don't care."  Ethan drew a hand 
through his hair, wondering if he was getting through at 
all.  "Just because Ben slept with Rick, you can't erase 
what you two shared once."

"It's not just about that," Krycek tried, not wanting to 
tell Ethan what was going on.  "People change.  I ...  I 
can't remember why Ben and I ...  I mean, I wouldn't today.  
I've changed too much."

The older man let his head drop forward, scratching his 
neck a little, distracted, before lifting his gaze with a 
half-cracked smile as he met Krycek's eyes.  "C'mon, Alex," 
he whispered "I've seen how you've been watching him all 
evening."

Sighing, Krycek realized that Ethan must have taken it that 
way.

"It's not what you think, Ethan," was all he could think of 
to say.

Ethan placed his arm around Krycek's shoulders and gave him 
a little squeeze.  "It's okay for you to admit that you're 
still in love with him, Alex.  You just have to stop 
fighting it so hard."

"I'm not in love with him, Ethan," Krycek sighed.  "I'm 
really not."

"Alex --"

"No, Ethan, I'm not."  He shook his head.  "You might not 
believe me, but I am not in love with him."

"You're absolutely right, I don't believe you."

Krycek met his gaze, feeling how Ethan was closing in even 
more.

"I know you, Alex.  I know you well enough to see that you 
are not feeling well, that you miss him."

/Not Ben.  Mulder.  I miss Mulder./

"Look, Ethan."  He couldn't look at him while talking.  "I 
really appreciate your concern, but right now I would 
prefer if you didn't.  I'm not in love with him."

"God, I'd forgotten how stubborn you are."  Ethan rubbed 
his forehead against Krycek's.  "I'll make you see it.  I 
will, kiddo."

Knowing just how persistent Ethan could be when he had his 
heart set on something, Krycek feared that this could 
really get out of hand if he didn't do something about it.  
Spotting Scully talking to Tisha a couple of feet behind 
them, he called for her to come over and join them.

Ethan moved away from Krycek so that his lady could take a 
seat in his lap, giving Krycek a worried look.

"Dana and I are getting married," Krycek said calmly.  
"We're engaged."

Scully gave him an odd eye, wondering why he was bringing 
it up like this and why Ethan looked as if he were waiting 
for a bad joke to be finished.

"Married?"  he managed to say.

"Yes, married."  Krycek took Scully's hand and let Ethan 
look at her ring.  "See."

"Oh, Lord."  Ethan tried to focus on the ring.

"You see, I'm not in love with Ben," Krycek explained once 
more.  "I'm very much in love with Dana and I want to spend 
the rest of my life with her."

Ethan kept staring at his friend with a sad look.

Scully didn't want to butt in but just sat quietly, letting 
Krycek deal with this part by himself.  He knew he had her 
support in all this; she didn't need to back him up.

Something changed in Ethan's eyes.  "My Alex is getting 
married ..."  he grinned.  "For real?"

Krycek nodded and smiled.

"And that makes you happy?"  Ethan required.

"Yes, very."

Ethan nodded slowly.  "Then I couldn't be happier for you."  
He reached out to squeeze Krycek's hand, feeling a little 
overwhelmed.  He had thought that this relationship with a 
woman  was only temporary or Krycek trying to piss Ben off.

"Are you okay, Ethan?"  Krycek joked as he saw the puzzled 
expression on Ethan's face.

"Yeah," he nodded, still looking confused.  "Yeah, I'm 
okay.  Just a little surprised, that's all."  He tried to 
collect his feelings.  "Congratulations, guys."

"Thanks, Ethan."  Krycek smiled.  "It means a lot that 
you're happy for me."

"Of course I am, kiddo."  Ethan leaned in and kissed his 
cheek.  "Whatever makes you happy."

"Good."  Krycek nodded and glanced at Scully.  "Because I 
wanted to ask you if you would be my best man."

Ethan broke out grinning.

"I'd be honored."  He felt the tears close at hand, and 
turned quickly around to wipe his eyes.  "Hey guys, come 
over here, Alex has an announcement to make!"  he shouted 
out to the group.

The couple behind him looked worriedly at each other.  They 
hadn't planned on letting the cat out of the bag yet, and 
even if he'd been acting like a jerk, Mulder deserved to 
find out in private.

"Guys, listen to this," Ethan carried on as the crowd had 
gathered around him, watching him with expectations.  "Alex 
and Dana are getting married."  He motioned to the couple 
sitting behind him.

The others, for some reason, didn't seem half as 
enthusiastic about it as Ethan was.

"Yeah, right," Kyle said with a grin, and wrapped his arms 
around Tisha.  "That's a good one, Ethan."

"I'm not joking," Ethan said and moved to stand behind the 
couple.  "You're just looking at soon to be Mr.  and Mrs.  
Alex Krycek."  He placed his hand on Krycek's shoulder.  
"Isn't that sweet?"

Mulder tried to act unaffected.  He stood behind the 
others, listening to Ethan announcing his "good news" and 
hoped that no one had seen the look on his face.

Ben was less obvious as he stared down Krycek with his dark 
eyes.  What the hell did he think he was doing?

*******************

A couple of minutes later, Mulder went out to the balcony.  
Krycek decided to join him and maybe get a chance to 
explain himself.  He knew Mulder wasn't going to make it 
easy for him, but regardless of what he said or would try 
to make him believe, Krycek had seen his reaction when 
Ethan made their announcement.

He had expected it, apparently.  "What do you want, Alex?"  
Mulder hadn't even turned around to see who it was.

"I just thought we could talk."

Mulder sighed deeply.

"I'm sorry you had to find out like that," Krycek started, 
glad that Mulder wasn't at least running away.  "We never 
meant to hurt you."

"Hurt me?"  Mulder turned around to face the younger man, 
his expression changing from amused to angry.  "Yeah, it 
hurts me to see Scully walking into this after all your 
lies."

/How the hell could you get engaged without me?/  Screamed 
inside of him.

"Because she must know she's marrying a liar," he carried 
on.  "I mean, she's here, isn't she, she knows the truth 
about how you met Ben."

"I'm sorry I lied to you, Mulder, I didn't want to, I ..."  
Alex swallowed, wondering if they were getting anywhere.  
"It doesn't even matter anymore, does it?"

Mulder studied him for a while and asked himself why he was 
still standing out there with him.  This was dangerous.  He 
was still lusting after him, he still wanted to touch him 
every time he saw him and it took all the strength he had 
in him not to take those few steps forward and feel that 
familiar set of lips against his.  What he would give to 
feel his body come to life under his touch, those deep 
green eyes watching him with the same need that he gave 
back.  He didn't want to feel that way, he didn't want to 
want him -- but he did.

"No, it doesn't," Mulder answered despite his feelings.  
"It doesn't matter at all."

"Mulder, I love you," Krycek whispered, barely finding the 
courage to look into his eyes.  "I know you don't believe 
me, but I do."

Mulder let out a short laugh, more from the lack of 
credibility than anything else.  "If you had loved me as 
much as you say," he stepped a little bit closer, his teeth 
clenched, "you wouldn't have lied to me."

/And you wouldn't have asked her to marry you all by 
yourself./

He moved past him and swung the balcony door wide open to 
get out of there, almost bumping into Ethan on his way out.  
Ethan eyed him strangely, noting the pain in his eyes and 
then saw Krycek out on the balcony, looking as if the wind 
had been knocked out of him.

"Is everything okay?"  Ethan asked Mulder, failing once 
more to see the whole picture.

"Yeah, everything's fine," Mulder answered, his tone of 
voice telling Ethan that it was far from it.

Ethan watched him walk over to Ben, saw them standing there 
talking rather intensely for a while, and then Mulder left.  
Ben didn't look too happy.

"Ben, what's going on?"  Ethan stepped into Ben's path as 
he was heading for the balcony.

"Nothing."  Ben sounded a little irritated.  "Alex is 
trying to ruin things for me, that's all."

Ethan looked from Ben to Alex, who was still standing out 
on the balcony.

"What do you mean?  With this Mulder character?"

"Yeah."  Ben sighed and looked down at the floor.  "Look, 
Ethan, I'm just going to talk to him, ask him to stop doing 
this."

Ethan shook his head.  "I don't believe that Alex wants to 
ruin it for you.  He's getting married, why would he want 
that?"

Ben couldn't meet his eyes.

"I think that's what's bothering you.  That he is getting 
married."

"That's ridiculous.  To think that I care about that," Ben 
snorted and looked at Krycek over Ethan's shoulder.

Even if it hadn't come as the best kind of surprise to him 
that Krycek was indeed getting married, it didn't bother 
Ben as much as people might have thought.  He knew Krycek 
well enough to know that it wouldn't work out.  A woman was 
no threat to him at all; he didn't even take their 
relationship seriously, even if they were engaged.  What 
bothered him was that despite all the things he'd put them 
through, Krycek was still trying to get Mulder back and if 
anyone was a threat to them, Mulder was.

"So, you want to tell me that you have absolutely no 
feelings at all for him anymore?"  Ethan confronted.

Before he had a chance to answer, Krycek came out from the 
balcony, meeting Ben's eyes as he looked up at the two men.  
He decided to ignore him and was about to walk on by when 
Ben grabbed his arm.

"Alex, we're going to have a little talk," he said, 
disregarding Ethan's disapproval.

Krycek wriggled out of his grip and eyed him with disgust.  
"I have nothing to say to you."

Ben stepped closer.

"Ben," Ethan warned and stepped in between.  "Don't."

"Ethan, get out of the way."  Ben was growing irritated.  
"This is between Alex and me."

"Ben, let it go."  Ethan didn't move.  "You know you have 
to let him go."

Looking up at his friend, he felt an emotional storm wash 
over him, realizing that it was too dangerous to stay 
there.  He couldn't fool Ethan, no matter how much he tried 
to.

With a last glance at Krycek, Ben turned around and walked 
out of there.

*******************

"Scully, " said Mulder when he saw her entering the office.  
"I'm glad you could come so fast."

She took her time placing her briefcase on top of his desk.  
He had called her just as she was about to meet Alex for 
lunch.  Hungry and irritated, she had had to cancel, and 
she hoped for Mulder's sake that this was important.

"What was so important that it couldn't wait?"

She watched him pick up the thick file next to her 
briefcase.

/I don't believe this./

Unwillingly, she took the file and started flipping through 
the pages, not really stopping to look at its content.

"Mulder, don't you think this could have waited until after 
lunch?"

"No, the sooner, the better."

"I don't think an hour would have made much difference."

"Well, since we're going to be on a six o'clock flight for 
Oregon, it does."

"Six o'clock?  In the evening?"

He nodded.

"You're joking."  Waiting for the slightest sign of a 
confirmation.  "You're not?"

/This is just great./

She sighed out loud.  "Don't you think you could have at 
least told me about this sooner?"

"There's plenty of time for you to pack and get acquainted 
with the case."

Meeting his eyes, she saw how much he actually believed 
that himself.  "Oregon, huh?"

"Yeah."

*******************

She opened the case file for the second time on the plane 
to Oregon, this time putting in some more effort in reading 
it.

"David Koan," she said out loud, turning to Mulder.  "I saw 
him on the news last week."

Mulder removed his headphones.  "What?"

"I said, I saw this man on the news last week."

"I'm not surprised.  He escaped from the Bellview 
sanitarium up in Oregon where he's spent the last eight 
years.  One of the attending male nurses went missing only 
a day after Koan's escape."

"Could he have been an accomplice in Koan's escape?"  
Scully suggested.

"I don't think so, " Mulder mused.  "The nurse, Jason 
Wolker, only moved to Oregon from Quebec two days before 
Koan's disappearance.  He had no contact whatsoever with 
Koan.  He didn't even work on the same floor."

Scully had only been half-listening to her partner, finding 
something interesting in the file.  "Mulder, this man was 
never convicted for anything."

"I know."

"Why has he spent the last eight years of his life locked 
up?"

"One day Koan walked into the local police station and 
claimed to have abducted five people.  He told the police 
in detail the description of the missing victims so 
accurate that he could describe one of the women down to 
the tiniest scar on the inside of her thigh, something only 
her husband had knowledge of."

"Did they rule out the possibilities that they were having 
an affair?"  She arched an eyebrow, wondering if Mulder 
wasn't going around it a little too much.

"With thirty women?"  He smiled and eyed her dangerously.  
"However, no bodies where found, not even a single piece of 
evidence that could pin Koan to the crime.  During several 
interrogations, the interrogating officers saw what they 
would describe as clear signs of schizophrenia, which later 
was proven to be the case.  That also had its effects on 
his credibility."

"But you believe him?"  Scully prompted.

"Well, let's just say he's a strong suspect."

*******************

Scully placed the overnight bag on the bed and surveyed the 
motel room.  She had to admit she hadn't been ecstatic 
about this last-minute trip to Oregon, especially when 
there weren't any strong facts or hard evidence to back up 
her partner's theory or even make "his" suspect a suspect.

Glancing at her watch, Scully wondered what kept Mulder for 
so long.  He had stayed behind at the local police station 
to talk to the sheriff, and had asked her to get two motel 
rooms nearby.

"I might as well give Alex a call," she told herself and 
started searching her bed for her cellphone.

Not able to find it, she took a moment to try to recall 
where she could have placed it, only to remember that she 
had left it next to the note she had written to Alex in 
which she had promised to call later on.

Drat.

A knock on the door brought her back to focus.

"C'mon in!"

As the door opened she saw Mulder step inside.  "I see you 
got the rooms," he said with an appreciative smile.

Scully nodded.  "How did it go with the sheriff?"

"Fairly smooth."  Mulder grimaced.

"That good, huh?"

"Let's just say that the two of you share the same theory 
on this case."  He leaned against the wall.  "Plus, he's 
interrupted the deliveries of those information packs I 
requested yesterday, making it impossible for us to start 
an investigation until the day after tomorrow."

"What the hell are we supposed to do until Wednesday?"

"Well, I saw this restaurant on my way back here.  And I 
don't know about you, but I'm starving."

She sighed and glared at him, asking herself once more why 
she had agreed to come with him.

It was a cozy restaurant, what you could call a typical 
small-town joint, with homey decorations and nice relaxing 
love songs filling the room.

They discussed the case throughout dinner, and by the time 
dessert was served together with a bottle of wine, Scully 
had forgiven him -- mostly for all the inconvenience this 
case had taken them through.

"So the killer leaves a wax candle by every victim he 
takes, usually a couple of feet away from the actual spot 
of the crime," Scully mused and took a sip of her wine.  
"Do you have any thoughts about that?"

"I'd go with the profile."  Mulder leaned in closer, 
pouring some more wine into her glass.  "He thinks he's 
taking these people because he has to, but still knows that 
it isn't right.  So he lights a candle for the life he's 
about to take."

"A killer with a conscience?"  Arching a brow in disbelief.  
"Either way, that isn't much help to the investigation."

They drank the bottle and ordered a new one, for the first 
time in months feeling absolutely relaxed around each 
other.  After having argued over all the possible ideas on 
the case, their conversation took a more friendly turn and 
they slipped further and further away from work.

*******************

They stumbled inside still lost in a fierce kiss, tearing 
at each other's coats.  Mulder swiftly closed the door with 
his foot, following her as she walked backward further into 
the room.

Her coat came off along with her suit jacket and he let his 
hands travel up her chest, cupping her breast.  As he 
gently teased her nipples through the cotton material of 
her blouse, he could hear a moan escape her.  Rubbing 
herself against him, she tried to still the aching desire 
that burned between her legs.

When they suddenly hit the wall in their passionate 
embrace, she could feel her blouse suddenly ripped apart.  
The cold air hardened her nipples even more, and soon, 
Mulder's mouth replaced his hands.  With her fingers raking 
through his hair, he pressed against her thigh, his arousal 
evident.

Abandoning her nipple, he moved up to claim her swollen 
lips again, running his tongue along her lower lip.

Her hands coursed their way down to the hard bulge in his 
pants and with her fingers lingering on the zipper, he 
whimpered quietly, moving his hips in slow rhythm.  Undoing 
the zipper as slowly as she possibly could, she felt him 
stop moving.  As he leaned back she saw his face mirroring 
her own, swollen lips, flushed cheeks and expecting eyes.

He had to brace himself against the wall to avoid falling 
into a heap on the floor.

Just as her fingers were about to slip under the hem of his 
boxers, the sharp sound of a cell phone cut through the 
silence.  Mulder's head fell forward in disappointment, as 
did hers.

Pulling away, Mulder staggered over to where the coats had 
been thrown.  She saw his hands tremble when he grabbed his 
coat and pulled out the cellphone.  Answering, he zipped up 
and she followed his example, straightening her clothes.

"Scully?"  She heard him say and looked up from underneath 
a string of hair.  "It's for you, it's Al ...  It's 
Krycek."

Clearing her throat, she briskly walked over to take the 
phone.

"Alex?"  she said, seeing how Mulder's face had lost that 
softness it had had only minutes ago.

She found it hard to concentrate on what Krycek was saying 
on the other end.  Especially when her partner slipped into 
his coat as if to leave.

Excusing herself to Krycek.  "Mulder?"

He turned.  "You can return the phone in the morning 
Scully."  Ignoring the obvious question.  "Your fiance is 
waiting."  He nodded at the phone in her hand, then left 
her standing there.

*******************

She hadn't told Krycek.  What could she tell him?  Nothing 
had happened, because nothing had changed.  Maybe some 
extra tension had been added, but that was all.  Mulder 
didn't say a word to her about it the next morning when she 
returned the phone, painfully noticing that he was not able 
to look her in the eyes.

He did his best to concentrate on the case and spend less 
time alone with her.  It upset her to see how their 
relationship, both professional and private, had changed.  
She wished that he at least could be honest about the way 
he felt.  If he could look her straight in the eyes and say 
that everything that had happened between them had been a 
mistake and that he no longer felt the same way for her, 
she would accept it.  As long as he couldn't, she refused 
to believe it.

They flew back a couple of days later with enough evidence 
to keep the case open for further investigation.

*******************

Ben wasn't at all pleased at being dragged out of bed in 
the middle of the night for a meeting.  The fact that it 
was raining didn't help to improve his mood any further, 
and he glanced at his watch impatiently for the tenth time, 
realizing he'd been waiting in his car outside the 
abandoned warehouse for over half an hour.  Except for the 
pack of Marlboros that he'd nearly gone through, the only 
company he had was the irritating noise from the vent 
system.

Just when he was about to give up on his informer, the door 
to the passenger seat opened.  The man entering the car 
didn't bother to shake the raindrops of his coat before 
stepping inside.

"You're late," Ben pointed out and lit another cigarette.

"Those are bad for your health," the Hispanic man said with 
a slight grin.

"Since when did you start to care?"

"You're right, Ben," Cardinal agreed and pulled a brown 
envelope from his inner pocket.

Ben took the envelope and browsed though its contents.

"It contains everything you need.  They want it done 
smoothly, make sure no one suspects anything."

Ben nodded.

"See you at the office tomorrow."  He opened the car to 
step out.

*******************

Mulder was going through the many shelves of books at the 
Bureau's library labeled "History of Crimes."  He had been 
at it for over twenty minutes without any luck finding the 
book he wanted that contained old crime methods.  He 
remembered having thumbed through it at one point, but 
hadn't read it, and he suspected that there was something 
in there that would help him in his current investigation.  
He had even made the librarian go through the old archives 
two stores below.  Since she hadn't returned, he figured 
she was still down there looking.  As he was about to give 
up, a conversation between two agents on the other side of 
the shelf caught his attention.

"Did you hear that Agent Julien is getting another bump up 
the ladder?"  one of the agents spoke, unaware that someone 
was listening.

"You're kidding," the other agent replied.

"No, it's true.  I wonder what he had to do this time.  
It's amazing how he pulls it off with a clear conscience."

"What do you mean?"

"Listen, the guy misplaced an important piece of evidence 
...  take the Rivera case, for an example.  I worked at the 
New York field office then --"

"I heard about that case, the event of the year," the other 
agent interjected.

"Something like that.  Anyway, Julien misplaced an 
important piece of evidence; I think it was a part of a 
protocol pinning Rivera to at least two of the murders.  
Julien was brought up in front of a board, who found no 
substantial evidence that could hold him personally 
responsible for the sudden change in the case and the 
release of Rivera.  Rumor has it that Julien knows people 
in high -- and maybe low -- places."

"Who knows, maybe it pays off."

"Yeah, who knows?"

Mulder leaned against the shelf, trying to sort out his 
thoughts.  Even if he wasn't much for rumors, he couldn't 
help to think that maybe there could be some veracity to 
the story.  Maybe he should ...  his thought was 
interrupted by the voice of the librarian.

"Agent Mulder."

Mulder turned to her.

"The book, Agent Mulder, I found it."

"Oh, great, thanks."

He accepted the book more or less absent-mindedly.  For a 
few seconds, he remained standing, trying to figure out 
what to believe, and when he left the library, he knew he 
needed to read the Rivera file himself.

Before going home that day, he called in a favor to get 
hold of the file.  It took him most of the night to go 
through it.  The file confirmed everything the two agents 
had been discussing, except for the part of Ben being on a 
payroll other than the Bureau's.  Not that he'd expected it 
to be in there.

The file didn't provide enough strong evidence for Mulder 
to not give Ben the benefit of a doubt.  Everyone was 
entitled to make a mistake, so before he jumped to any 
hasty conclusions, he needed more proof that could confirm 
the two agents' accusations.

*******************

Stepping out of the shower, Krycek grabbed a towel from the 
rack on the wall and wrapped it around his waist.  Warm 
steams covered the bathroom mirror above the sink, and with 
a swift motion, he wiped it clean with his hand, seeing his 
nervous reflection.

There was less than an hour before Ethan and Oliver showed 
up.  He hadn't seen his friend since the party, but had 
exchanged pleasantries over the phone a few times.  Even if 
Ethan hadn't said anything about his behavior with Mulder 
at his party, Krycek knew the question was bound to come 
sooner or later, and tonight was too great an opportunity 
for Ethan to let it pass.

Since they were running a little late, Krycek and Scully 
took turns getting dressed so one of them could keep an eye 
on dinner, which was still cooking.  When the doorbell 
rang, Krycek had just managed to squeeze himself into a 
pair of tight-fitting jeans and a black body-shaped shirt.

As he passed Scully on his way out to open the door, he 
asked, "Is everything all right in the kitchen?"

"Five more minutes," she answered, distracted, while trying 
to wipe some flour from her black vest.  "Great," she 
mumbled not getting it off.  "Now I have to change again."

"What was that, sweetie?"  he called from the hallway.

"Nothing!"  she exclaimed, hurrying into the bedroom to 
change.

In the meantime, Krycek was about to open the door when the 
bell rang again.

"Patience is a virtue, Ethan," he said to himself, swinging 
the door open.

"Alex!"  Ethan exclaimed joyful pulling his old friend into 
a warm, friendly embrace.

"I'm glad you could make it."  Krycek held him tight.

"How could I not?"

"You look great, Ethan," Krycek pointed out, brushing his 
hand over his friend's arm.

"I know," Ethan grinned, receiving an appreciative gaze 
from his lover.

Turning to Oliver, Krycek accepted the outstretched hand.  
"Nice to see you again, Oliver."

Meeting Oliver's sexy gaze, he had no problem understanding 
what it was that had gotten Ethan interested.  His eyes had 
that special bedroom look, much like Ben's.

"Come on, let me show you the rest of the apartment."

On their way through the combined kitchen and living area, 
they ran into Scully.

"Hey, beautiful," Ethan said, giving her what could easily 
have been misinterpreted as a little too friendly embrace.  
"For the hostess," he said with a smile as he held out an 
expensive bottle of wine.

"Oh, you shouldn't have," Scully protested.

"Nonsense, consider it a delayed engagement present."

Through dinner, it occurred to Scully that she had probably 
never met anyone quite like Ethan before.  The fact that 
she was a woman seemed to bother him, even if he left it 
unsaid.  After what she had learned at the party, the fact 
that Krycek was straight had shocked them a lot, so she 
didn't blame Ethan for "quietly" commenting about her being 
a woman.  Born with a curious mind, she took every 
opportunity she could to ask about "the old Krycek" and 
Ethan was very helpful, providing her with information even 
though Krycek was squirming in his seat.

"For Christ's sake, Alex, you need to change hairdressers!"  
Ethan proclaimed after minutes of studying his hair.

"Why?"  Krycek wanted to know, carefully touching his 
recently cut hair.

"Because there is nothing left.  Nothing for me to ruffle."

"Think about that for a while."  Krycek grinned.

"I think it's sexy," Oliver said, looking over at his lover 
with a touch of danger in his eyes.

"Don't get any ideas, Oliver, I'm not cutting my hair more 
than necessary."

The memory of the time when Ethan had allowed Ben to cut 
his hair, for some weird reason Alex never quite figured 
out, brought a smile to his lips.  The poor guy hadn't left 
the house for a month.

When Scully insisted on doing the dishes, Oliver and Ethan 
offered to help, and Krycek went out to get some fresh air 
on the balcony.  While lighting a cigarette, his thoughts 
wandered to Mulder.  He couldn't help but wonder whether he 
was at Ben's or at home.  Even if the thought of Mulder at 
Ben's place hurt, it hurt him even more knowing he was 
alone in that depressing apartment of his.  That place 
wasn't good for anyone's mental health.

"What are you doing out here?"  Ethan's friendly voice 
startled him at first.

"I needed some fresh air."

Ethan walked up to stand next to him.

"You came out here to get some fresh air, and you're 
smoking," he said.  "Gee, that is so you, Alex."

Krycek looked at the cigarette in his hand.

"I forgot about that," he said making Ethan smile.

"Forget that part where I told you that something had 
changed."

Krycek laughed shortly.  Taking a final blow on the 
cigarette, put it out in the ash trey and turned to stand 
with his back against it.

Ethan tried, carefully.  "Have you talked to Ben lately?"

"No."  His answer was short and it was obvious that he 
didn't want to talk about it.

"Alex, how serious are you and Dana?"

He knew where Ethan was heading.  "We're engaged."

"That wasn't really the question."

Krycek sighed.  "I love her."

"I don't doubt that you do and it's not my place to give 
any moral lectures, but I lived with you for a long time, 
and I, of all people, should know that you cannot stay 
'straight' forever.  No matter how much you love her."  
Ethan paused, and Krycek's expression gave away the effect 
his words had on him.  "I saw how you came on to that 
Mulder or whatever his name is, and if you did it to piss 
Ben off, you succeeded.  He is still in love with you."

"Don't go there," Alex mumbled.  "There's a lot you don't 
know.  Things I should have told you earlier that might 
explain why I did what I did."

Raising his gaze he met Ethan's friendly eyes and told him 
every single detail, starting from the very beginning.  He 
had to say that Ethan took it rather well, and it felt 
great telling someone about it other then Scully.  Even 
though they where both in the same boat, so to speak, he 
had never once heard her say -- if he hadn't brought it up 
first -- that she missed him too.  So he had started to 
follow her example and dealt with it the silent way that 
had slowly started to eat him up from the inside.

Ethan crossed his arms over his chest and took his time to 
reply to what Alex had told him.

"I'm speechless, Alex; this is ...  uhm ..."  he said, 
trying to find the right words.

"Unusual, maybe," Krycek filled in, letting a faint smile 
curve his lips.

"This certainly puts Dana in a whole new perspective."  
Ethan chuckled.  "I had a feeling she had more to offer 
behind that innocent smile of hers."

"Just do me a favor, don't tell her that I told you."

"Sure, if you don't want me to."

Krycek nodded relieved, lighting another cigarette.  
"Enough with my problems, tell me all about Oliver."

*******************

Ben was reading through his files, finishing a bottle of 
vodka as he was trying to get it all together.  Things 
weren't working according to plan -- at least not his.

The doorbell rang and he looked up from the piles of papers 
in his hands.  He emptied his glass, then hid the papers 
and rose to open the door.

"Ethan."  He closed his eyes and tried to feel less drunk.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure.  Come on in."  He stepped aside to let him 
enter.

Ethan looked at his friend, realizing he was not sober; the 
breath alone was a given sign.  He looked like hell, 
unshaven and tired.

"Hey, what's this?"  Ben complained and closed the door 
with his back.  "I don't get a hug?"

With a smile, Ethan went up and wrapped his arms around his 
friend.  Ben nuzzled his neck and held on tight as if he 
was afraid he'd go again.

"Are you okay, Ben?"

"Yeah."  He nodded and buried his face in the curve of his 
neck.  "I'm fine."

Ethan kissed his cheek and pulled away.

"Ben, we need to talk."

Sighing, Ben winced and gave Ethan a look of disagreement.  
"Talk."  He shook his head.  "That is so overrated."

"Come on."  Ethan put his arm around him.  "Let's sit 
down."

Having made sure Ben was sitting up straight in the couch, 
Ethan spotted the bottle of vodka.  This wasn't exactly the 
best condition to be talking to Ben, but he had to confront 
him sooner or later.  He picked up the bottle and pulled on 
the cork.

"Pour me a glass, Ethan," Ben nodded at the bottle.  "You 
know what, take the glass, I can drink from the bottle."

"Ben."  He pulled away the bottle as Ben reached for it.  
"I think you've had enough."  Patting Ben's lap, Ethan got 
up.  "I'm making you some coffee."

"No," Ben objected, grabbing a hold of Ethan's arm.  "Screw 
the coffee, just sit down ...  sit down."

Obeying, Ethan placed the bottle as far away from Ben as he 
could, realizing that he'd lost interest in it.

"Ethan, you're good."  Ben patted his thigh.  "You're 
good."

Ethan smiled and raised his hand to caress Ben's hair.  
Even if he had acted like a pig toward Krycek lately, he 
was still Ben.

"What's going on, Ben?"  he asked softly, cupping his face 
with one hand.  "Why all this?"

"Why do you think?"  Ben looked as if someone had placed a 
blow in his gut.  "Why don't you just take a wild guess."

It wasn't exactly a hard quiz.

"Ben," Ethan sighed and looked at him with pleading eyes.  
"Don't do this to yourself."

Removing Ethan's hand from his face, Ben moved his own hand 
to his forehead, rubbing frustratedly.

"You'll only end up hurt, Ben," Ethan tried, his voice calm 
and friendly.

"Hurt?"  Ben looked up at him.  "What the hell do you think 
I'm feeling right now?  Huh?  Don't you think that it 
hurts?"  He raised his voice without being aware of it.  
"This hurts!"

"Ben --"

"No, Ethan.  No!  I'm not letting it go.  I'm not giving up 
on him!"

Ethan nodded at his friend.  There was no use in arguing 
about it, not when he was like this.

"Ben, I've talked to Alex," he said.  "I know that he and 
Mulder were seeing each other before you came along."

Ben looked down in his lap, drew a hand through his hair 
and sighed.  "Yeah, well, shit happens."

"No, Ben."  Ethan dropped his friendly act, seeing how it 
made Ben squirm.  "I don't think that shit just happened.  
I think it had a little help.  As a matter a fact, I think 
it had more help than it should have had."

"Oh, c'mon, Ethan," Ben objected, loudly.  "You don't even 
know what happened.  Aside from what Alex might have told 
you, you don't have any idea, do you?"

"Jesus, Ben, could you give me some credit?"  Ethan was 
getting really upset.  "Don't you think I know you well 
enough to see what you're up to?"

Finding himself pushed up against the wall, Ben found no 
way of defending himself against Ethan's accusations.  
After all, he was right.  Instead of objecting to him, Ben 
reached for the bottle of vodka.

"Ben, come on," Ethan tried to take it from him but was 
pushed away by Ben's strong arm.  "Ben ..."

Ignoring Ethan's request, Ben removed the cork and took a 
swig, swallowing hard.

"I can't believe you're doing this, Ethan," He shook his 
head and looked down the bottle.  "I thought you would 
understand."

Ethan watched him take another mouthful without even trying 
to stop him.

"I don't understand why, that's all," he said, studying his 
hands.  "Where do you want to go with this?"

"I know what I'm doing."  He took another sip.

"I don't think you do."  Ethan shook his head.  "What makes 
you think that Alex wants you back after stealing Mulder 
from him?  It only adds to his hatred toward you.  Listen 
to yourself.  You've taken the man he loves and you expect 
--"

"No!  He doesn't love Mulder.  He just thinks that he does.  
When he realizes what he's been doing, when he's been away 
from him some more, he'll forget what he ever saw in him."

"And he'll come back to you?  Is that the plan?  Is that 
what you think will happen?"

Ben sighed, frustrated, and had another go at the bottle.

"You might not want to hear this, Ben, but you'd better.  
Alex is in love with Mulder ...  and even if he weren't, he 
still wouldn't come back to you after all that happened.  
He did that once; he's not doing it again."  Speaking a 
little softer now, he leaned in and took the bottle away.  
"No matter how much you want him to, that's not going to 
happen."

Aware of the truth in Ethan's words, Ben leaned against his 
friend and closed his eyes.  Ethan placed the bottle on the 
table and put his arm around his friend.

"Please help me, Ethan," he whispered.  "Please help me get 
him back."

"I can't do that, Ben."  Ethan kissed his temple.  "It's 
not fair to Alex.  That has to be his own choice."

"Then at least promise me that you'll make sure I'll get a 
moment to explain to him, explain how much I love him, make 
him understand that."

Ethan held him tighter, smoothing his hand over Ben's arm.  
He doubted it would do much good but couldn't deny Ben the 
chance to make it all right; he'd already deprived him of 
that once.

"I promise, Ben, I'll try."

He could feel the relieved sigh from the man in his arms, 
feeling guilty as he thought it wouldn't help.

"So, are you going to let me make you some coffee already?"  
he nuzzled Ben's neck.  "Or are you just going to sit here 
and feel sorry for yourself?"

Ben laughed softly and pulled away.

"Could you spend the night?"  he pleaded.  "I really don't 
feel like being alone."

"Of course," Ethan leaned in and gave him a friendly kiss.  
"I'll stay with you."

Getting up from the couch, Ethan squeezed Ben's hand 
lightly before going out to the kitchen.

*******************

Scully brought out her pack of cigarettes as she walked 
down the street, the frustration building inside her.  She 
placed a cigarette between her lips and stopped to light 
it, and then continued to walk, not knowing where she was 
going, really.

They'd gotten into a fight, and she hadn't been able to 
deal with it.  As much as she still loved Mulder and wanted 
nothing anything more than to get him back, she had started 
to realize that it wasn't going to happen and she'd 
adjusted herself to that.  Krycek's endless whining about 
how much he missed him was driving her out of her mind.  
She didn't like being reminded of how things were.

So she'd decided to go for a walk, clear her mind.  She 
already regretted the things she'd said to him when her 
mind had snapped and her patience had run out.  It was just 
wearing her down and she had been suppressing her own 
feelings for too long, something had to cave.

^//Alex when will you realize that you only have yourself 
to blame for this?  If you hadn't lied to Mulder, if you 
just had told him the truth from the beginning, he wouldn't 
have left us!//


Remembering the look on his face, she cursed herself for 
hurting him.  It wasn't fair to lay the blame solely on 
him; she hadn't done much to stop it.

After a couple of minutes' walk, she realized that she had 
returned to the apartment building, but she didn't feel 
like facing him yet.  She decided to drive over to Mulder's 
first and give him those files she had left in the car 
after work.  Maybe that would calm her down some, and then 
when she returned, they could sit down and be rational 
about what was happening with their lives.

She pulled up at the parking lot outside Mulder's apartment 
and parked her car close to the front door.  Making sure 
she looked all right, she stepped out of the car and leaned 
in to grab the files.  She hadn't even noticed someone 
walking up from behind her, and when she turned around, she 
didn't have time to react before the man standing in front 
of her lifted his baseball bat and then darkness surrounded 
her.

*******************

It was the only place he could think of that she would go 
to after the argument they'd had.  After five hours, he 
couldn't find the patience to just sit down and wait for 
her to come back, and he really felt that they should work 
things through.

Her car was parked outside the building, and his relief was 
mixed with worry as he made his way in.  They hadn't been 
together on neutral ground, just the three of them, since 
the breakup, and he didn't know how he would feel or how 
Mulder would act toward him.  They hadn't spoken at all 
since Ethan's party, and if his memory served, that hadn't 
gone well at all.

"Who is it?"

/Good old paranoid Mulder./  Krycek thought and sighed.

"It's me."

Silence.

"Could I just talk to Dana?  I promise not to bother you, 
just let me talk to her."

"Scully's not here."

Krycek could hear him walk away from the door and felt 
utterly confused.  Why would he lie about that?  He'd seen 
her car outside.  Mulder wouldn't lie about something like 
that; he would have no reason to.  Unless she'd told him 
to.

"Mulder!"  He knocked on the door again.  "Open the damn 
door, I want to speak to her."

"I told you, she's not here."  Mulder sounded really 
irritated.  "Now would you please leave before you disturb 
my neighbors?"

Not giving in, Krycek knocked again, this time with force.  
"Dana!"

He wasn't prepared for the door to open and almost fell 
inside as Mulder swung it open.

"I need to talk to her."  He tried to peek in to the dark 
apartment, swiftly looking at the man before him.

"What's wrong?"  Mulder met his eyes.  "Did you lie to 
her?"

The words hit home and Krycek swallowed hard to keep 
control over his emotions.  He didn't want to go there.

"Well, I assume she's told you already.  Stop pretending 
you don't know."

Mulder sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"You know Alex, I don't know what is going on, but if 
you're having trouble working on your relationship, I would 
appreciate it if you kept me out of it.  It doesn't 
interest me."

"Fine."  Alex tried to pretend that hadn't hurt.  "I just 
want to talk to her."

"Then I'd suggest you go and do that."  Mulder said flatly 
and prepared to close the door.

"Wait."  He prevented him from closing the door.  "How the 
hell am I going to be able to talk to her if you close the 
door again?"

"Alex, she's not here."  Mulder sighed once more.  "Go 
home."

"But her car is parked ..."  Krycek trailed off as horrible 
ideas flooded through her mind.  "I saw her car right 
outside."

Suddenly, he had Mulder's attention and as their eyes met, 
the same idea went through their minds.  In less than two 
seconds, Mulder was out in the hall with him, heading for 
the elevator.  Krycek followed close behind him.

They went down to the parking lot and spotted the car 
immediately.  Mulder was the first to reach it, finding 
blood on the ground and the car door unlocked.  He looked 
around the place for a while, the darkness preventing him 
from seeing much.

Krycek leaned beside him, terrified as he saw the stains of 
blood on the ground and car.  "Oh, God, no," he breathed 
and felt his emotions flooding him.  "This is all my 
fault."

Mulder looked at him and saw the guilt.  He knew it 
couldn't be his fault; he didn't think it would be right 
for him to feel that way.  He stroked his arm.

"It's not your fault, Alex," he whispered.  "We don't know 
what happened yet."

Mulder stood up, scanning the area, but it wasn't until he 
turned that he noticed it.  A couple of feet from the car, 
under a tree, stood a single wax candle, burning bright.  
He felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach.

"Oh my God, it's Koan."

*******************

Skinner had told them both to stay away from the case when 
they woke him up in the middle of the night, but as usual, 
Mulder didn't listen.  He had studied Koan's case too 
closely not to have some kind of idea where he would take 
her.

He argued with Krycek about cooperating, but soon learned 
that the younger man wouldn't give in, and unwillingly 
accepted him.  He could understand that Alex wanted to 
help, but he wasn't really up for dealing with Krycek in 
the middle of this mess.  It was bad enough as it was.

They took the flight up to Quebec, rented a car at the 
airport and headed for the location Mulder suspected Koan 
had taken her.  He didn't even stop driving as the 
snowstorm hit them.  Krycek didn't object, just as eager to 
get there to her rescue as Mulder was.

In the middle of nowhere, the car shuddered to a halt, and 
they were stuck in the car, seeing only snow in both 
directions.  Mulder tried to call out with his cell phone 
but the connection would not hold.  He didn't know how much 
they'd heard, hoping for both their sakes that they'd been 
able to get their location.

"What did they say?"  Krycek wanted to know as Mulder hung 
up the phone from the rescue team.

Mulder sighed and rubbed his forehead.  "I gave them the 
location ...  then the connection broke."  Looking out the 
window.  "Hopefully they heard me and will be coming out 
here as soon as they can."

"Hopefully?"  Krycek realized that was raising his voice.  
"And what if they didn't hear you?  We could freeze to 
death out here."

With another deep sigh, Mulder leaned back in his seat and 
covered his face with his hands.  This wasn't happening, 
was it?  He was trapped in a car with Krycek in the middle 
of a snow-covered nowhere.

"We'll have to stay in the car, otherwise they won't find 
us at all," he informed the younger man.  "I'd suggest we 
move back to the back seat where the space is more 
confined.  We'll be able to keep warm more easily there."

Krycek looked at him, a little surprised.  "You first," he 
offered after a while and motioned to the back seat.

Mulder pressed himself into the back of the car, sitting on 
the right.  When he had made himself as comfortable as one 
could get under the circumstances, he couldn't help but to 
catch a glimpse, almost in closeup, of Krycek's well-shaped 
ass as he made his way back to sit next to him.

/Oh God, just help me through this and I might start 
believing in You./

They sat silently for a while.  A thought went through 
their minds on how they  easily could keep warm, but 
neither one of them took it into action of words.

"Mulder."

Raising his gaze, he met those beautiful green eyes and 
felt his heart ache at the look of pain in them.  "Yeah?"

"Do you think we will die?"

He saw the sincere worry in his old lover's eyes and wished 
that he would be able to tell him that they would be all 
right, that nothing could possibly happen to have it go 
that far.  But he couldn't sit there and lie to him.  "I 
don't know, Alex," he said softly.  "Let's hope not."

Krycek turned to look out the window.  Even in all this 
misery, it was soothing to hear him talk like that to him, 
like he didn't hate him, and as if everything were back to 
normal.

After a couple of hours, Krycek was so cold that his body 
was shaking.  Mulder had noticed how he tried to hide it, 
understanding that he didn't want to seem weak.

"Alex."  Mulder sounded a little worried.

"Mhm."

"How's it going?  Are you cold?"

"I ...  I ...  I'm fine."

It worried Mulder that Krycek was shaking as much as he 
did, and although his feelings would be strongly affected 
by the choice he had to make, he couldn't watch him any 
longer.

"Alex."  He looked at him again.

Krycek met his eyes.

"Maybe we should get a little closer," Mulder suggested, 
turning his eyes away from Krycek's.  "We need to stay 
warm."

"Yeah," Krycek answered a little too quickly, the thought 
of getting close to Mulder very appealing.

They moved closer to each other, both feeling their hearts 
starting to beat faster.  Mulder reached out his arms and 
pulled Krycek into his embrace.  He felt the other man's 
cold face brush pass his neck, frozen lips brushing by so 
lightly it made him lightheaded.

Making themselves comfortable, they ended up gently pressed 
against each other.  Krycek buried his face in Mulder's 
neck.  He was breathing rather rapidly because of the cold.  
Mulder moved his hands over his body, trying to build up 
some warmth between them.

"I'm tired."  Krycek spoke into Mulder's neck, causing the 
small hairs to rise in pleasure.

"You need to stay awake, Alex."  Mulder rubbed his body 
more rapidly.  "Don't fall asleep on me now."

Krycek's head dropped to lie on Mulder's shoulder and 
Mulder shook his body a little to keep him awake.

"C'mon, Alex, talk to me.  Tell me about those statistics 
again," he tried to joke.

Krycek chuckled.  "I thought you hated my statistics."

"I did, I mean, I still do," Mulder confessed.  "But there 
must be something more interesting you can tell me."

"Like what?"

"I don't know."

He was glad to keep the conversation in motion, knowing how 
important it was that they stayed awake.

"Tell me about Russia."

Krycek chuckled again, thinking that Mulder must be losing 
it.

"You don't want to know about Russia, Mulder, trust me.  
Besides, I only lived there as a kid; I don't know if there 
would be much I could tell you."

Okay, so that had been a little lame, he had to agree.  He 
thought about something they could talk about, something 
safe.  Automatically, he came to think of the one person in 
both their lives that they couldn't get uncomfortable 
about, the one person they could both agree that they 
loved.

"You know that thing Scully does when she wakes up in the 
morning."  Mulder smiled at the memory.  "You know, that 
routine she had going on."

"Yeah," Krycek joined in, smiling.  "She still does it.  I 
don't think that she is aware of it."

Mulder laughed.  "Still denying it, is she?"

Krycek grinned.  "I've stopped commenting on it; she's got 
quite a morning temper, you know."

Mulder smiled.  "She's so beautiful," he said quietly, not 
knowing why he had brought that up.

Krycek's arms tightened around Mulder and he brought his 
face closer to his neck, feeling the fragile thread that 
held his feelings together snap.  The tears that he had 
withheld for so long started to seep out like a stream.  
His body started to shake for a completely different reason 
and he tried to hold the other man closer to his body, in 
need of comfort.

Mulder had no idea how to react.

"I miss you so much," Krycek whispered into his neck.  "And 
I don't want to lose her too."

Those words found their place in Mulder's heart and it hurt 
like hell.  It was hard for him to react in any sane way 
when he didn't know what to think of their relationship; he 
didn't have all the pieces yet.  He felt as if he was 
standing at some kind of a crossroad, not knowing which way 
to choose, the lies crumbling him from inside.  There was 
no chance he could make that choice, and even if he found 
out that it was Alex who had been true after all, he didn't 
feel worthy.  He couldn't go back to them after all that 
had happened.

"We'll find her" was all he could say, trying to sound 
emotionless.

/He still hates me,/ Krycek thought.

It had always been hard for him to forget about people who 
had been important to him, people who had slipped away from 
him.  Usually, though, he had learned to live with the idea 
of it, the absence.

With Mulder it was different.

He pressed his face closer to Mulder's neck, wishing the 
tears would dry off, but finding no end to their source.

"Alex," Mulder tried, running his hands soothingly against 
his back.

Krycek heard the softness in his voice and felt the 
familiar sensation of his hands touching his back.  
Probably without even being aware of it, Mulder moved his 
hands all the way down to Krycek's spine, sending small 
electric jolts up to his midsection.  He felt his arousal 
grow.

It had never been Mulder's intentions to arouse such 
feelings when he tried to comfort Krycek.  Suddenly, out of 
nowhere, he could feel Krycek's lips, now a little warmer, 
against his neck, trailing a row of featherlike kisses up 
his jaw.

"Alex," he whispered, and swallowed hard.

This was not good.  He had to stop.

Their scents mixed and the air around them got warmer as 
Mulder too felt his body come alive under the lips of his 
former lover.

/God, this feels so great./

Krycek let his tongue swirl into Mulder's ear, then sucked 
gently on the lobe as he heard him groan.  It drove him 
further.

Slowly, almost not notably, Krycek started to rock against 
Mulder, making him feel the hard bulge in his pants.  He 
became aware of the same condition with the other man, 
meeting his own hardness against Mulder's.

The air was growing more and more heavy between them and 
the cold seemed to be miles away.

"Alex."  That came out as a moan.

He had to make this stop before it got out of hand.

With the boldness of a man who had nothing to lose, Krycek 
moved his lips on top of Mulder's and started nudging 
gently.  The warm breath hit his face and when the taste 
reached his senses, he felt a new set of tears behind his 
eyelashes.

Mulder couldn't move.

Tasting the sweet taste that was Mulder, he deepened the 
kiss and probed his tongue into the warmth that made his 
head spin.  Sucking gently on the lower lip, he felt the 
slightest response from the other man.  He dared to press 
his lips fully against the other's and take in all he 
could.

Mulder's tongue darted into Krycek's mouth and met its 
match.  Without thinking of his actions, the moment totally 
lost on him, Mulder thrust his erection against Krycek's 
body.  Krycek rewarded the action by slipping his hand down 
between them and undoing the first button in Mulder's 
jeans.  He didn't dare to speak as he undid the others, 
feeling how the man in his arms only answered by kissing 
him more deeply.

Their bodies became warm again, the passion of their action 
heating the air between them.  It was wonderful, warm, and 
the excitement started to rise inside Krycek.

"I've missed you, Fox," he breathed into his mouth, 
caressing the hard bulge in his pants.  "God, I've missed 
feeling you like this."

Mulder moaned and pressed himself against the hand that was 
now working its way inside his boxers, taking his hardness 
in its grip.  It felt wonderful, the touch, the taste he 
knew so well, and couldn't deny that he loved.

I want you," Krycek managed and rolled his thumb over the 
sensitive tip, feeling the pre-cum wetting his finger.

Unable to speak, Mulder thrust into the fist that held him 
and heard Krycek working his own pants with his one free 
hand.

/I shouldn't be doing this./

Krycek leaned forward to taste the head of his cock, 
lapping at the fluid leaking from the slit.

/But he feels so good./

"Alex," he panted, trying to grab his hair to pull him up.  
"Alex, we shouldn't ..."

Moving up to face the man he loved, Krycek smiled sadly and 
placed his hand on the side of his face.  "I don't care if 
you're just taking advantage of me, if you just need the 
sex.  I just want to feel you."

He couldn't respond to that as he heard the sad tone in 
Alex's voice.  What if he told him how much he still loved 
him, that it wasn't just sex to him either?  What if he let 
him know all that he tried so hard to keep from him?

"Alex, I --"

The sound of a car getting closer, lights shining up the 
back seat and hearing an engine being shut off, made them 
jerk away from each other.  They rapidly buttoned up their 
pants.  Mulder studied Krycek's flustered face as he looked 
at him, seeing how disappointed he was.

"I guess the rescue team heard me," Mulder commented, 
trying to loosen up his mood.

"Mulder --"

"Alex, don't."  Shaking his head.  "Forget about this.  It 
never happened."

"But --"

"Are you okay in there?"  a man shouted into the car.

"Yeah, we're okay," Mulder answered and opened the door.  
"We're okay."

*******************

To their surprise, A.D.  Skinner met them at the Quebec 
hospital they were taken to.  He didn't look too happy as 
he approached them, and Mulder could hear the lecture 
coming on.

"Agents, you've gone against my direct orders," he began, 
seeing Mulder squirm.  "I hope there's a good explanation."

"I had a idea where Koan might be taking her," Mulder 
replied, trying to keep calm.  "I was just doing my best to 
find her."

"And Agent Krycek?"  He turned to the younger man.

Krycek turned momentarily paralyzed, not used to being put 
on the spot for disobedience.

"Agent Krycek was just helping me," Mulder answered for 
him.

Skinner eyed them oddly.  He couldn't quite figure out 
where they stood in each other's lives, and this last event 
had only confused him further.

"Have you heard anything else about Agent Scully's 
whereabouts?"  Mulder dared, not feeling the need to stand 
around and waste time.

"Agent Scully got away from Koan a couple of hours ago," 
Skinner said flatly.  "She knew his profile well enough to 
know what he was planning and was able to get away from him 
with some minor injuries but nothing really serious.  She 
seems to be fine"

"Where is she?"  Krycek inquired, relieved she was safe.

"She's on her way here," Skinner answered, letting them 
know that it wasn't appreciated.  "She insisted as soon as 
she heard you two were lost."

Mulder and Krycek shared a glance.

"I want a report from the two of you on my desk Monday 
morning, is that clear?"

"Yes sir."  Krycek nodded.

After watching Skinner leave, they both looked at each 
other, thinking of the one thing they wouldn't put into the 
report.

*******************

Krycek and Scully had been invited to New York for a night 
out with Krycek's old friends and were walking up to the 
nightclub when Scully spotted the name across the top of 
the building.

"Studio Alexander?"  she grinned.  "Ethan named his 
nightclub after you?"

"Yeah," Krycek smiled proudly.  "But it's mostly known as 
'Studio A' since the 'lexander' is so tiny."

Scully leaned over and kissed his cheek, squeezing his 
hand, hoping that a night out with the guys would do some 
good for both of them.

"Alex, baby, you're looking fine."  Ethan met them in the 
doorway, pulling Alex into a hug.  "And it's about time you 
dropped by the club, I might add."

Krycek smiled shyly and reached for Scully's hand.  "Yeah, 
I'll try and make an appearance a little more often."

"Yeah, right."  Ethan smiled doubtfully and turned to 
Scully.  "Dana."  He leaned forward to kiss her cheek.  
"Thank you for getting him here."

"Didn't take much convincing."  She smiled and glanced at 
her fiance.

Ethan led them into a table in the back of the bar, where 
the other guys had already arrived.  They both noticed that 
Ben was among them, eyeing them as they approached.

"Alex," Tisha said with a smile and pulled him into his 
arms.  "Two times in so short a time; I hope you keep it 
up."  He gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek.

"Pretty good for a little brat like you," Paris commented 
and ruffled his hair.

Krycek smiled, embarrassed, and continued to go through the 
group, deliberately ignoring Ben.  To be honest, he was a 
little upset with Ethan for inviting him there.

"Do you want anything to drink?"  Ethan asked and took a 
seat beside Ben, putting his arm around him.  "Just call on 
a waiter and order anything you want; it's on the house."  
He looked around for a nearby waiter.  "Hey, Mickey!"

He took their order and hurried away, leaving silence among 
the group of men.  The fact that Ben was sitting there left 
the tension thick.

"Where's Oliver?"  Krycek wondered, not pleased about the 
fact that he had to look in Ben's direction while speaking 
to Ethan.

"He had to work," Ethan said.  "So lucky for me, Ben was 
kind enough to step in and pose as my boyfriend, didn't 
you, baby?"  He leaned in for a quick kiss.

"You wish," Ben grinned but didn't object to the kiss he 
was given.

Krycek shifted in his seat.  The way they acted made him 
think too much of how it was back then and about the 
feelings he'd had.

The hours went by and after a couple of drinks, Krycek 
thought less of Ben's presence and more of having a good 
time with the rest of the guys.  Scully was getting along 
really well with the group of men and it felt as if they 
were accepting her more as his girlfriend this time.  Even 
if Krycek wouldn't say it, it was obvious that it was 
important to him that they approved of their relationship.

"So, have you set a date yet?"  Kyle wanted to know, 
casting a glance on the engagement rings.  "I'm assuming 
we're invited."

"Of course."  Scully smiled.  "I thought Alex had told you 
that already."

Ben squirmed in his seat.  It was obvious he wasn't 
included.

"Yeah, he did."  Tisha blinked at Krycek.  "We just wanted 
to hear it from the bride as well."

"That's a relief to hear."  Scully turned to Krycek.  
"Because if it was up to Alex, we'd elope and let everyone 
know it once it was over."

Laughter spread through the group.

Daniel arched a brow and looked at Scully.  "Don't worry, 
Dana, we'll make sure he won't get away that easy."

Krycek noticed how quiet Ethan had been next to Ben.  His 
arm was still wrapped around Ben's shoulder and Krycek 
could read Ethan's lips as he leaned in to ask Ben how he 
was feeling.  Ben nodded and forced a smile and Ethan 
smiled weakly back, pressing his lips briefly against Ben's 
temple.

"I'll be right back, Dana, I'm just going to the men's 
room."  Krycek leaned over to kiss his fiancée before 
heading for the bathrooms, uncomfortable by the small 
action he'd just witnessed.

When he was done, he was just about to get back to the 
party when he caught sight of a mark on the wall.  He took 
a few steps toward the wall and the memories once again 
washed over him as he saw the scratched-in symbol of love 
still clear on the repainted wall.  He smiled and let 
himself go back in time for a short moment as he touched 
the names.

"Do you remember that day?"

He closed his eyes at the sound of that voice.

"You were so scared we would get caught, I thought you were 
about to pass out," Ben remembered as he walked up to him.

"Well, the former owner wasn't as nice as Ethan," Krycek 
commented.  "I'm a  little surprised it's still there; the 
rest of the place seems to be repaired."

"I asked Ethan to keep it there."

Krycek nodded and remembered that Ben was half-owner of the 
club.  He'd helped Ethan buy the place but it was written 
on Ethan solo, since Ben had no actual interest in owning 
it; he had just been helping out his best friend.

"I figured that way we'd be even with the club and all," 
Ben continued.  "Not that Ethan would accept that.  You 
know how he is."

Krycek nodded.  "Yeah.  Ethan's good."

"So are you, Alex," Ben mumbled.  "I guess that makes me 
the bad guy."

Krycek turned to face him, noting the sad look in his eyes.  
"Ben --"

"No, Alex, don't say that I'm not, 'cause I know that you 
think that I am.  I can't really blame you, can I?"

Dropping his gaze to the ground, Krycek didn't know how to 
respond.  Deep down, he knew that Ben's soul wasn't evil or 
bad, he just did what he thought was right and it had 
consequences.

"I'd better go back out," he said, afraid to face Ben like 
this.

"Wait."  Ben took hold of his arm.  "I want to talk to 
you."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"I'm not going to do anything, I just want to talk to you," 
Ben pleaded.  "I need to talk to you."

Krycek took a deep sigh and recognized the desperate tone 
in Ben's voice.

"Please."

Meeting those eyes, he didn't know what took over him.  
"Okay."  Leaning against the sink.  "Talk."

A man walked in to the room and went into a cubicle.  Ben 
looked from the man to Krycek, having hoped for a little 
more privacy than this.

"Can we go up to Ethan's office?"  he suggested, seeing 
Krycek grow suspicious.  "Just for a while."

Sighing heavily, Krycek nodded and kept a stiff posture as 
they made their way to the room in the back.  Ben closed 
the door behind them and Krycek kept his distance as Ben 
turned around to face him.

"You look uncomfortable," Ben said, wanting to loosen up 
the atmosphere.

Krycek kept his distance.  "Can't say that I'm not."

Taking his time, Ben walked closer to Krycek, feeling the 
tension thicken at every step he took.

"What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"  Krycek 
confronted, moving away from Ben's closeness.  "I'm not 
really up for playing games."

"God, do you have to be so tense around me?  What are you 
afraid I'll do?"

"I don't trust you."

Ben's gaze dropped to his hands and he could hear his own 
heart breaking within.

"What did you expect?"  Krycek wondered when he noted Ben's 
reaction.  "You come back into my life and started screwing 
things up.  You steal my boyfriend, the man I love ...  and 
you're surprised that I don't trust you?"

"Alex, I --"

"Why?  Why do you do these things to me?  Why do you mess 
up my life and then keep hanging around to pour salt in the 
wounds?  Do you get some kind of kick out of it?  Is that 
it?"

Watching Krycek speak, Ben couldn't find the words to 
defend himself as the pain built up inside him.  What the 
hell had he been expecting?  A warm welcome back?

"Answer my question, damnit, you're the one who wanted to 
talk!  Now I'm asking you a question!  Why do you do this 
to me?"

"Because I love you!"  Ben snapped.  "Because every day I 
wake up and think of you, wish that you were lying next to 
me, holding me.  And the thought that you aren't ...  the 
thought of you doing that with someone else ..."  He 
couldn't finish the sentence.

Surprised over the little outburst, Krycek didn't know what 
to say.  He could see the tears threatening to break free 
behind those beautiful brown eyes as the thread of Ben's 
temper was about to snap.

"I made a mistake sleeping with Rick, but it meant 
nothing."  He breathed heavily to keep the tears from 
falling.  "I would undo it if I could, but I can't."  He 
leaned against the desk, rubbing his hands in his face.  "I 
can't."

Krycek took a few steps up to him.

"I can't," Ben repeated and hid his face in his hands as he 
started crying.

"Ben," Krycek whispered and reached out to him.

"I'm sorry," Ben managed, clinging to Krycek with his face 
buried in his neck.  "I'm so sorry Alex."

"I know."  Krycek nodded and stroked Ben's hair.  "I know 
you are."

"I love you," Ben whispered as the tears settled.  "Can't 
we just go back to how it was before?  Before I started 
screwing things up?"

"No."  Krycek shook his head.  "We can't do that."

Ben buried his face closer to Krycek's neck.  "But just for 
a while, assume you'll say yes.  We could sneak out and go 
back to my apartment, the way we used to.  I'd make love to 
you, just like before, anywhere you'd want me to.  Then 
when you woke up the next morning, I'd love you all over 
again."

There was a moment of silence.

"But you won't say yes, will you?"

"No," Krycek spoke softly.  "I won't."  He loosened his 
grip, ready to let Ben go.

"Don't," Ben managed and held on tighter.  "Don't let go 
yet."  He took in the breath of the man he so loved.  "I 
just want to feel you for a while longer.  "

"Ben --"

"Shh ...  Don't talk."  He placed a kiss on the base of his 
neck.  "Just stay here."

"I have to go, Ben ..."

Ben felt the panic rise within.  He wasn't ready to give 
him up this easily and desperation was starting to show its 
ugly face.

"Wait, Alex," he pleaded as Krycek tried to break free from 
his embrace once more.  "Just hear me out here."

"Ben, I don't think this is such a good idea."  Despite all 
that had happened these last couple of months, he didn't 
like hurting Ben.

"I can't."  Ben took a deep breath, collecting his 
feelings.  "I can't give you up without knowing that I've 
tried every possible way."

"Ben ...  we --"

"No, Alex, I need to give this a try, even if you think 
you've made up your mind."  He took Krycek's hands between 
his own.  "Please just listen to what I have to say."

It was hard to tell what would hurt Ben the most, denying 
him this or turning him down once more.

"Thank you," Ben nodded, as Krycek didn't object.  "I just 
need to know," he swallowed hard making sure he had his 
attention.  "I need to know if there is anything I could 
do, anything at all ...  that would make you want me again 
--"

"Ben --"

"Don't say anything."  His voice trembled.  "I don't want 
you to answer that without thinking about it, it's too 
important to me."

Krycek lowered his gaze, sighing aloud.

"Don't you think that if you search deep within yourself, 
that there is some love left for me, some part that I 
didn't manage to kill?"  Ben tried.  "I mean, there's got 
to be."

"Of course there is."  Krycek met his eyes again.  "I can't 
deny that, but --"

"No, no buts."  Ben smiled and shook his head.  "If there 
is something there, we could work from that, we could --"

"Ben, you will always be a part of me," Krycek interrupted.  
"You were my first love, I know what we had was very 
special and that I loved you more than anything back then -
-"

"And I still love you like that."  Ben broke in, the tears 
fresh in his voice.  "I still want you as much as I did 
back then."

"Then give me what I want," Krycek tried, seeing his 
chance.  "Tell Mulder how it really is because if you 
really love me as much as you say, you would want for me to 
be happy."

"I can't do that, Alex," Ben was growing frustrated.  "I'm 
sorry, but I'm too damned egoistical to do that."

Feeling Ben's hands on each side of his head, Krycek didn't 
dare to break away, afraid of how Ben would react.  He 
lifted his gaze, seeing the tears wallowing in Ben's eyes.

"How can you expect me to give you away like that?"  he 
spoke softly.

"Because."  Krycek lingered on the word.  "Because I'm in 
love with Mulder, Ben."

Ben looked at him and then closed his eyes.  He didn't know 
what to do next.  The power was completely in his hands but 
he couldn't use it to get what he wanted, and conscience 
had never been one of his better qualities.  It wasn't in 
him to do the right thing, and he didn't think that he 
would be able to when it hurt this much.

"I need some time to think about this, Alex," he said, 
still not sure of his plans.  "If you promise you will, 
too."

That was the best deal he could make.

*******************

There was another harsh knock on the door, but Mulder sat 
on the couch, concentrating his gaze on the flickering 
lights coming from the TV.  He had been sitting like that 
for several hours now and had no intentions of turning it 
off.  It made him feel less alone.

When the banging on the door suddenly stopped, Mulder 
turned his head, mostly out of curiosity, to see if whoever 
it was was still out there.  The shadow underneath the door 
confirmed his suspicion.  Sighing heavily, he rose to open 
it, though he didn't put much effort into rushing.  The 
fact that it was the middle of the night hadn't occurred to 
him.  His "friends" always chose to visit him at peculiar 
hours.

About to place his hand on the handle, an unexpected knock 
made him wince.  Irritated by the involuntary move, he 
swung the door open, adding a touch of anger.  The hostile 
words that had formed on his lips died at the sight of the 
uninvited guest and Mulder froze with a dumbstruck 
expression.

"Are you letting me in, or are you going to wait until your 
neighbors start complaining?"

The calm but harsh voice belonged to Alex Krycek.

Mulder didn't budge, still surprised to see Krycek standing 
there.

Krycek spoke again, this time less patient.  "Are you 
letting me in or do you want me to make a scene?  I'm sure 
your neighbors would love that."

Mulder stepped aside, not wanting to add another demerit to 
the eviction list his landlord probably kept on him.

Krycek walked past him.  "You've been busy, I see."  He 
looked around the dark apartment, not surprised to find 
himself standing in a mess.

I doubt you came here to give me cleaning advice," Mulder 
snorted, making Krycek turn toward him.

/Big mistake./

The sight of Mulder's nonchalant posture against the still-
open door turned his knees into Jell-O and he had to brace 
himself against the nearest wall to keep from falling.

Gathering himself, he managed to speak.  "I thought you 
wanted to spare your neighbors a scene?"  He nodded toward 
the door.

Mulder gave the door a light push and it closed.  "What do 
you want?"  Walking past Alex, he went back into the 
apartment.

"We need to talk."  Krycek followed him.

"About?"

"Us," Krycek answered, not seeing any point in beating 
around the bush.

"That should make this conversation very short, then."

Even if Mulder's reply was harsh, there was something in 
his voice, an uncertainty that made it pretty clear he 
didn't believe that.

"You selfish bastard!"  Krycek burst, taking a step closer.  
"Don't tell me what happened between us in the car didn't 
mean anything to you!"

Krycek searched for eye contact but failed as Mulder 
persisted in staring at the floor.  Instead, he waited for 
him to reply.  At first, Mulder didn't  move, and for a 
while, Krycek started to believe the man had fallen asleep 
standing.

Mulder rubbed his tired face, feeling the two-days'-old 
stubble tickle his palms.  He couldn't believe how Krycek 
could even insinuate that what happened between them in the 
car didn't matter to him, because it did.  More than he 
wanted to admit.  He had been the one tossing all these 
accusations around and lecturing Krycek about trust, how 
everything came down to honesty while he was the biggest 
hypocrite of them all.  It wasn't easy swallowing your 
pride, not after all this time.

/Damn you, Mulder why can't you say anything?/  Krycek's 
mind screamed, agonized by his silence.  /Throw me out, say 
it's over, just don't make me feel this unimportant ...  
just say you love me.../

Krycek closed his eyes, not wanting to give up hope but he 
was afraid hope had given up on him.  He had lost Ben and 
then he had lost Mulder too, just because of one stupid 
little lie, and he was afraid that if Mulder asked him to 
leave, he would lose Scully as well.

Mulder raised his head to meet Krycek's eyes but found them 
closed.  He stared intensely at the face of the man he had 
loved and adored and still did.  Gradually, Mulder came 
closer, frightened of what would happen if Krycek opened 
his eyes.  Would he have to see his eyes mirroring the pain 
and hurt he felt and had caused?

As the space between them narrowed, Mulder felt his heart 
beat faster by the minute and the blood in his veins rush 
through him with such acceleration it made him light-
headed.  Close enough to cup his face in his hands, he 
kissed him.

Krycek could only squeeze his eyes more shut when he 
suddenly felt Mulder's lips enclose his own so carefully, 
it almost went unnoticed.  If Mulder hadn't put more 
strength into it, the kiss could have easily been taken for 
a "Good-bye, we're still friends, I never want to see you 
again" kiss.  For a moment Krycek stood, completely and 
utterly incapable of returning the motion.  It felt as 
though Mulder was sucking the life straight out of him, and 
all he could do was stand there and let it happen.

Mulder's tongue was making its way around his mouth, 
brushing over his teeth and tongue, devouring every inch of 
him.  God, he had wanted to do this since they had parted 
at the rescue station in Quebec.

Swallowing Krycek's small whimpers he deepened the kiss, 
sucking mercilessly on his lips, enjoying the taste.  Their 
kiss became an act of desperation, the taste of each other 
a need and a reminder of what had been and could be once 
again.

Pulling back, Mulder let his hands wander past Krycek 
shoulders and down his spine, feeling his muscles flex 
beneath his touch.  He stopped right above his ass and 
dared Krycek to move.

With a defiant look in his eyes, Krycek did what was 
expected of him, working his hips toward Mulder, hearing 
him swallow a moan.  As he did it again, Mulder's hands 
grabbed his ass in one swift motion, keeping him right in 
the place he wanted him.

Krycek inhaled sharply at the jolt going through his body 
when their groins met.  Slowly and rhythmically, he started 
to move against him again, teasing him, enjoying 
shamelessly the sound of Mulder's quickening breath and the 
feel of his desire.  Then, with his hands stroking Mulder's 
sternum, he managed to wriggle himself out of his grasp and 
sink down to his knees.

Full of expectation, Mulder watched, and felt, how with 
feathery light touches Krycek fumbled with the buttons to 
his jeans, unbuttoning one at a time, and in between, he 
stroked Mulder's painfully hard cock through the fabric of 
his pants.  Mulder emitted one trembling groan after 
another and tossed his head back, feeling the frustration 
he had been storing inside threaten an early release.

The final button gave way and Krycek was just about to 
squeeze his hand under the hem of the boxers when he felt a 
pair of strong arms grab him by the shoulders and pull him 
up, only to toss him down on the couch.  Krycek was 
surprised and aroused by the sudden move.  He was glad to 
know that Mulder hadn't stopped wanting him.  Before he had 
a chance to collect himself, Mulder was on top of him, 
pushing him further down the couch, trying desperately to 
get his pants out of the way while he sucked and nibbled 
Krycek's throat and neck.  He gave Mulder a helping hand 
and it didn't take long before his pants and boxers were 
down at his knees.

"Lube," Krycek whispered, his voice barely carrying his 
thought.  "In my coat pocket."

Mulder dug into Krycek's coat pocket and found the tube and 
opened it so that he could smear the content over his 
fingers.

With one hand around Krycek's straining cock, Mulder let 
his other hand concentrate on his tight ass.  Krycek sank 
his teeth into his lip, trying to prevent a groan from 
escaping him as he felt two of Mulder's fingers penetrate 
and prepare him.

"Do it!"  he said through clenched teeth, his voice barely 
audible from arousal.

The grip around his cock eased and he felt Mulder's fingers 
leave him, only to return with a rich amount of new lube.  
Shortly after, Mulder pushed inside, burrowing his entire 
length inside him.  Mulder paused to give Krycek a minute 
to adjust, but Krycek wanted things differently.  He pushed 
back, ignoring his own arousal to give Mulder what he 
wanted and what he needed himself.  Mulder more or less 
slammed his body into him, hoping the impending orgasm 
would exorcise all his demons that had anything to do with 
Krycek's past.

Meeting Krycek halfway, one thrust was enough to bring him 
over the edge and he came, screaming his name.  As his 
orgasm started to abate, he sank his head, leaning it on 
Krycek's shoulder, sobbing quietly into his T-shirt.

*******************

Sweaty and sticky, they hadn't moved from their place on 
the floor next to the couch, except for a change of 
position.  Krycek sat with his back against the couch and 
Mulder's back leaned against his chest.  Not a word had 
been spoken, only some friendly cuddling had taken place.  
When Krycek hadn't felt Mulder move in a long time, he 
spoke with a slight worry.

"Hey, you're not falling asleep on me, are you?"

Mulder smiled, knowing that as long as he sat with his back 
against him, there was no way he could tell whether he was 
asleep or not, so he kept quiet.

"Hey, come on!"  Krycek urged, shaking him with care, 
unprepared to see Mulder turn with one of his typical 
grins.  "That wasn't funny.  You are a heavy man, Mulder, 
and I wouldn't want to carry you down to the car."

"I'd like to see you try!"  Mulder challenged, hurting 
Krycek's pride in the process.  "By the way, are we going 
somewhere?  I can't recall making any plans except for a 
few hours of sleep before I have to go to work."

"We're going home ...  you are coming home with me, aren't 
you?"  Krycek's voice had turned insecure and his eyes 
followed the same path when Mulder  stayed serious, until 
he couldn't keep a straight face anymore.

Krycek didn't look amused.

"Relax, Alex," Mulder assured, stroking his cheek.

"We should probably hurry, then," he stammered.  "Dana is 
most likely wondering where I went, since I didn't bring my 
cell phone and yours is probably turned off."

"You didn't tell her where you were going?"

"If you haven't noticed, Mulder, it's in the middle of the 
night and normal people are asleep."

"You didn't consider that I might have been asleep?"

"I said 'normal' people, Mulder."

Mulder turned to him with a smile and leaned in for a kiss 
that sent chills down Krycek's spine.  "C'mon, let's get 
going."  He rose from the floor, giving Krycek a helping 
hand.

*******************

I watch them sit over by the couch.  Mulder is resting 
comfortably against Krycek's chest, his head cuddled into 
his neck.  I smile.  They look adorable.

Krycek takes his hand just to hold it and takes him closer.  
Mulder nuzzles his neck, placing a row of kisses along his 
jawline.  They end up in an innocent kiss.  It makes me 
feel so good to see them like this, happy.  Together.

They whisper something to each other and smile.  Krycek 
smoothes a lock of hair out of Mulder's face, telling him 
something serious.  Mulder gives him another kiss, 
lingering on his lower lip.

I walk up to them, still smiling.  When they see me, they 
move apart to make room for me between them.  Mulder takes 
my body against his and moves closer to Krycek again so he 
can put his arm around him.  I lean in to kiss Krycek, 
smiling at him.  He places a hand under my jaw and deepens 
the kiss.

"Happy?"  I ask him.

He looks at Mulder, then back at me, his smile shining from 
every part of his face.

"Extremely," he says.

I lean back against Mulder, feeling him nuzzle my hair.  My 
entire body shivers from delight and I move to look up at 
him.  In his eyes, I see what he's thinking.  I always do.

"Welcome back."  I smile and lean in for a kiss.

*******************

Alex and Scully are making themselves ready for bed and I 
can hear their small talk in the bathroom.  It's soothing 
to hear, comforting to know that they're close.

"Are you done in the bathroom, Mulder?"  Alex asks me as he 
and Scully come to the bedroom.

"Yeah."  I nod and put the file on the nightstand.

He closes the door and starts unbuttoning his shirt.  
Scully crawls up next to me in bed and makes her way under 
the sheets.  I can feel her naked leg brushing against my 
own and it feels wonderful.

"God, I'm tired," she says with a smile, and cuddles closer 
to me.

Folding my arm around her, I nuzzle her hair and take her 
closer.  She lets out a sigh and I can see her smile, 
content.

Having stripped to his boxer shorts, Alex makes his way to 
the bed, too, and I can't help but watch him close up to 
me.  He's still just a little bit nervous around me, even 
though I've told him I won't leave him again.

"Come, Alex."  I smile and reach out a hand toward him.  
"Lie next to me."

He smiles shyly and crawls up beside me.  His body feels 
good against mine, and I fold my free arm around him to 
take him closer.

I am living again

*******************

It's not until that he moves that I realize that my eyes 
are open.  I'm watching him, afraid that when I wake up it 
will all have been a dream.  The middle of the bed is 
usually Dana's place, but tonight it's Mulder's.

I have been listening to the softness of his breathing and 
I can't begin to describe how it makes me feel, the special 
way it rocks me to sleep.  He moves again, this time 
stealing a part of my pillow and as he doesn't get all of 
it, he grunts from disappointment in his sleep.  But I'm 
not giving it up.  To get my pillow, he has to put up a 
fight.

I feel the heat his body is emitting.  The soft tunes of a 
lullaby in his  breathing have almost managed to get me 
halfway to dreamland by now.  I cling to him, making sure 
my arm is locked safely around him, so I can assure myself 
of his presence in the morning.  This time, I'm not letting 
go; he stays.  The satisfied expression of our sleeping 
Dana next to him tells me she is dreaming the same.

Before I let the tiredness take over, I lean my head closer 
to his, kissing the mass of hair, mumbling into it the 
words that for so long have been drifting.  "I love you, 
Fox..."

Now my eyelids feel like lead, and I slowly fall asleep, 
letting go of what has seemed to be an era of despair.

The End